sometimes i just really wanna write. i want to have creative output. i want to draw or write or wax poetic but i do not know how to if i am not consumed by emotion, not this late at night at least. i do not think i am cut out to be a writer, a poet maybe, but i am much better at reading the stories than creating them. maybe that’s why, at times like this i so desperately need to have some sort of creative flow, if i can not consume it i must put it out, and scenarios and thinking run too wild and i can not control them like i can control letters. for here, whatever sideways thought or whatever which way my brain waves go, i can just write it down. and if there is something more i hold on to it if possible and write it a little farther down. but what even is this, just babble and random thoughts. i crave the writing that i type through tears. i crave the writing that i look back upon and feel my chest tighten and throat constrict. my hunger is consuming but it is not enough to drive forward my poetry, to rip the eloquence out of me. starvation, no matter how desperate or all consuming, will never be powerful enough to make the food appear. i crave the words that make my own breath catch, that sound like dappled moonlight and night skies that stretch forever, i crave ideas and thoughts that satisfy the hunger of my soul. i don’t suppose these count