#mambo.speaks

[byemambo]

Because I just started my day and I'm letting this go before I continue going on about my business: these are my thoughts about the BAD promotions I left under the most recent ATEEZ promo on Instagram (which I didn't think it would come a day that I'd actually objectively feel this way about anything KQ and ATEEZ related but here we are).

As my followers know, I love ATEEZ from the bottom of my heart as I've been a fan of theirs since pre debut. Knowing the history of what we all went through to getting to where we are today, I find it absolutely unfathomable and disgusted by the blatant disrespect to us as supporters of this group. We are in an era of kpop music releases and conceptualization where companies are finding ways to cut corners, maximize profit, and continue pushing out dog shit content at the expense of the integrity of the artists and their fellow fans.

I'm sure for many of my followers and mutuals, this is something that I've been more or less vocal about on this blog, and a lot of my analyses and other longer thought pieces on this blog have been a personal favorite for many, so this post is no different from me expressing my stance and PRAYING that other ATINYs will stop deluding themselves and playing dumb by letting KQ get away with no longer delivering the quality and integrity that we all know and love from this group.

This is not about unsupporting ATEEZ, this is not about "well what about their feelings, wouldn't they be disappointed?" What about our disappointment? This is the first in awhile that I've been enraged, flabbergasted, and angered knowing that this is a litmus test for every group and company that'll use this as a signal to believe that they can cut corners, no longer feel the need to fairly compensate creators and artists that are READY and able to work (myself included), and pushes this narrative that in the end, the fans will support it regardless of the drastic drop in quality.

I no longer had interest in purchasing this physical album release, and this is a signal post for any ATINY or follower of mine who does not find this post favorable to unfollow me, because this is not what myself and reaching almost 900 people on just one comment alone as of 10:58AM on a Tuesday want.

I leave you with a simple analogy and existing examples of this dog shit genAI content: You're a regular customer who's expressed loyalty, support, and contributed to the spread and news about this small local restaurant you stumbled upon on a random outing on a Thursday afternoon on your day off. You're thoroughly impressed by the vibe, the service, and most importantly, that the food and drinks served to you is of utmost quality each and every time you've visited this place. Hell, the quality seems to get better and better each time you come back for more. You support the services offered, the employers have integrity and a backbone, and most importantly, the chefs love their craft to the point of being able to taste their love through their meals.

Then all of a sudden, you find yourself returning to the establishment and it had a completely different rebrand. Different color scheme, different brand identity, you even asked the staff what happened.

"They changed management a few months ago, lots of people have been asking": well I'd be damned.

The free water tastes like tap, they bumped their prices up, the meal arrives cold and you can immediately tell the quality of the ingredients changed despite them doing their best to emulate the same order you place every time and most importantly, the chefs no longer have a pep in their step like they used to. The energy of this space is dead, including yourself.

But a few months later on that same stroll you take each Thursday afternoon, you glance through the window of the very establishment that became unknown to you: some of those same patrons continue giving their business to that place, knowing damn well they keep leaving unsatisfied.

Nostalgia, blind support, loyalty, and opting out of having morals and integrity: that is not the same establishment and people operating that business that I know and love. It's all the same, and if I were you, because I'm no beggar or pleader to people, if they are fully intent on letting it happen to groups like KATSEYE, LE SSERAFIM, BTS, so on and so forth, playing in your fucking face and fanning themselves with your own hard earned money and support: I request of you to look inward and realize that you have a choice in everything that you say or do.

I advise everyone to be mindful of how they express their love and support for an industry that'll happily under deliver a shitty and faulty product knowing that in the end, you'll gladly hand over your disposable income, PTO, and most importantly, your own pride supporting companies and groups that are sending a message clear as day: you're nothing but a means to an end, and it starts with us. You hit them where it fucking hurts: their pockets. Instead of investing in fairly compensating in artists and designers who not only deliver, but put their efforts and soul into their craft, KQ is risking the returnability of their most prominent and loyal supporters, newcomers who finally wanted to give ATEEZ a chance, and you should be angry and enraged about it. From enjoying Michelin Star excellence to a "hear, damn!" fast food meal thrown together into the pack of wolves, this is not what myself and other ATINYs stand for. Do as you will with this information.

Take care.

[byemambo]

QL Essentials: Tag Game

Tagged by Eboni @negrowhat and Steph @nonglukest lovelies <3 I'm finally getting to my tag games (this is my sign of life for y'all hahaha), I appreciate y'all for your patience!

Post 6 (and only 6) gifs/pics of the QLs you personally consider essential viewing for fans of the genre—emphasis on “personally.” These are your feels, so no need to pick series you don’t like just because they seem "important". Feel free to explain your choices or not. Then tag 6 friends for their 6.

Love in the Big City

As I'm typing, Lily of the Valley by DANIEL just so happened to be playing in the background, which its lyrics really do relate to what LITBC is about.

My love is a flower in your hands Our time I'll give you something Unforgettable My feelings forever

What I love about Go Myung as a character and the different relationships he navigated, he must confront various circumstances and experiences not from himself, but from those he exclusively dated or pursued. How each one of us comes from our own walks of life, how each moment reinforces and informs the essence of who we are, and eventually coming to terms with the truth of choosing who we want to be, not who we're expected to be. Each relationship was treated preciously, how each relationship required different needs to fill each other's voids, and how each relationship allowed Go Myung to evolve and answer to life's troubles with a calmer mind, recognizing that although he's all he has, HE is all he has, and that's a beautiful thing.

It's also a nice portrayal of how love matures as we age and grow older, or how life's demands ultimately humbles us, recognizing that what matters most is our pursuit of happiness. When Go Myung was younger, his challenges involved his pessimism towards his own romance, believing that there might not be a love story for people like him. As he grew older, his challenges involved the perception of others towards his queerness, particularly the one who wishes to explore him behind closed doors but ridiculed him and those like him in public, and for denouncement. When he entered his first long term relationship well into his adulthood, his stagnation and bittersweetness for life pushed the person that mattered most to him. In the end, despite going through almost every experience of grief life has to offer, he continues to rise, and he continues to embrace the world with open arms. We have a choice: be consumed by our circumstances, or be transformed by them.

Moonlight Chicken

Being able to see how queer characters navigate their queerness at various ages and coming to terms was so interesting to me, especially because most of us are not fortunate enough to be surrounded by queer folks to share their different perspectives. I was attending a Dharma talk recently on Zoom and asked the venerable sharing about what we as young Buddhists can do to help generate good karma/merit not for just ourselves, but for others, specifically our elders, which he responded: allow your elders to share their knowledge and wisdom, give them opportunities to share their experience, therefore, allowing them to practice mindfulness, compassion, and understanding.

We see how each main character, Jimmy, Wen, and Li Ming confront their own queer identities, by avoidance, by acceptance, or by curiosity. However, each one of them through their own interaction and dynamics with one another, they're able to serve as mirrors for one another, gentle reminders of "This is where I'm at, and I don't want you to experience unnecessary harm." "I see where you're struggling to come to an understanding about yourself, because I too, was in that same spot." "I may be young, but I don't want to live in the shadows and let my love pass me by due to my own fears." Each one plays a huge role in how each person comes into their own, becoming braver, stronger, and courageous. At the end of the day, we can allow our fears to consume ourselves beyond ruin, or we allow our fears to inform us that none of this lasts forever, so make every moment count.

Love is Better the Second Time Around

I love a romance that showcases "right person, wrong place," and how although we may know someone for however long we do, it's not fair to treat them as though they're still the version of themselves we left behind in our past. Communication is what makes or breaks many people and the dynamics they share, as well as assumption and stubbornness. Out of all the series I enjoy, I feel like the writing of Miyata and Iwanaga captured two people that could exist in reality, their strengths and weaknesses, their motivations and fears, their trust issues and detachment.

I wish we could have another season with these two, especially because such storylines use their coming together again as a couple as the main climax, therefore leaving very little room for us as the viewers to enjoy them together. However, their connection and build up to the climax of their story was incredibly deep and heartfelt, sometimes making me fantasize what my own romantic life could be like if someone of my past loved me during my absence (doubt it but it's interesting to think about for sure).

Khemjira

One of my absolute favorite series of all time, and one of my favorite series I've written analyses for from a Buddhist perspective. This series was so rich and drew me in as a Buddhist (although I'm Vietnamese and practice Mahayana Buddhism, whereas Thailand is predominantly Theravada Buddhist), and I really appreciated just how much research so many of us fellow Khemjira lovers (such as my lovely mutual @hinmotion and her #khemjira info tag!) in providing context and further explanation of what's portrayed in the storyline, especially for those whose first introduction to Buddhist practices and teachings is through Khemjira.

There is so much depth and representations of love has no bounds, whether a parent and their child, a lover to their lover, a friend to their friend, a teacher and their disciple, in the human realm, the spiritual realm, and even the celestial realms, what happens to us is ultimately determined by our own merit/karma. What good we do for ourselves and others will return to us tenfold, what wicked we do for ourselves and others will return to us tenfold. In the end, we all get what we ultimately need to repay back for our past lives, however, all is not lost if you choose compassion, you choose love, and you choose forgiveness.

School Trip: Joined a Group I'm Not Close To

I didn't think I was going to enjoy this series as much as I did, and funny enough, one of my other best friends was also watching this as it was airing separately from me, so it became our little series we'd share news and other things back and forth with one another. I've always been a fan of school settings in dramas, especially ones that mainly focus on coming of age and youth through shared memories and experiences between the characters. What I found so endearing was how Hioki's character was not just your typical loner who lacked relationships before the introduction of the other protagonists, but that he had established relationships prior to meeting Watarai.

This to me, is one of the most relatable and one of the most realistic portrayals of school times and having to meet new friends as you move along in the grade levels. Eventually, you move to new classes or schools and have to start from square one if your friends aren't in the same shared spaces, especially if you're someone that has a hard time sticking out or making friends on your own. The traits and qualities Watarai found commendable and attractive in Hioki, I understood completely on why someone like Watarai would fall for someone like Hioki. Hioki naturally has a pull to him that gravitates the comfort of all potential friends, he has a relaxed attitude when his anxiety settles, and his ability to just say yes to things without needing to dwell too much on how certain portrayals of himself could be perceived by others, it's very admirable to exist in your own right without arrogance or shame. Just a happy in between.

A Man Who Defies the World of BL

One of the silliest JBLs that I always seem to go back to for all the laughs and giggles possible. What I love about JBLs so much is that there's just a little bit of everything that I would ever ask for: melodrama, slice of life, fantastical, comedy, etc. The characterization of Mobe always makes me smile, especially when I'm watching the seasons with first time watchers. Similarly to Hioki, Mobe is one of those characters whose quirkiness and wit, as well as him staying true to his own antics and outlandish reactions to the world of BL, you can't help but become attached to him. I need to rewatch the seasons again, I've been needing more feel good series after watching a lot of recently aired horror and psychological thrillers.

Tagging (no pressure ofc): @lazzarella @moonverus @gotmehookedonthekpop @natachais @itsallaboutbl

[byemambo]

Happily Ever After?

List the couples I feel would have the most longevity.

Tagged by @negrowhat This was going to be a yap post I had other couples but I got super super lazy so y'all get four today!

Peem and Khem - Khemjira

THIS FEELS LIKE CHEATING, but that's ok cause no one can disprove. Not only did we get happily ever after, but we also got marriage AND adoption of a beautiful queer family. With how strenuous and hard both of their lives were prior to being in each other's lives, which I've brushed on in my Buddhist analyses posts of Khemjira, there is literally no way these two can part again, not without them putting up a fight. They've already endured being apart from one another for many lifetimes, they will do anything to prevent that from happening until death does them part however the vows go LOL.

Both characters experienced one of the most heartbreaking moments of grief in life: death of a parental figure, along with other hardships such as encountering spirits and not having a primary caretaker in life by their side. When you learn to adapt to your circumstances through hyper independent means, naturally, milestones revolving around partnership and family become secondary. Khem's ultimate acceptance of life halting at the age of 21 and Peem's ultimate acceptance that love is not meant for him in this lifetime after experience severe pain over the loss of his mother, both people crave belonging and love. Being able to find strength in one another, fueling another area of life that serves them a purpose, they become each other's rock in this lifetime, sharing equal responsibility and duty to one another as well as to their two young children. That despite being dealt a miserable hand of cards at the beginning of their lives, they're able to make peace with their humble beginnings, turning a new leaf and resting assured that if they have anyone, they have one another.

God and Diew - Monster Next Door

I briefly talked about their dynamic in a different tag game NOT TALKING ABOUT THEIR PILOT KISS SCENE OR ANYTHIN HHHHH but their love is so patient and so kind. I've written analyses on Monster Next Door when it was still airing because I related to Diew's characterization from an objective stand point: loss of a parent at a young age, neurodivergent, social challenges, poor love/romantic experience, etc. So many factors that had disrupted Diew's comfort in finding love, which God had taken into account and found ways to work with and accommodate Diew's tendencies and habits. Rather than expecting him to change or to suppress key qualities of his essence as a person, God found beauty in those qualities, accepting Diew for who he is even though misunderstandings arose. We're all human after all, and communication heals all.

Sand and Ray - Only Friends S1

Sand and Ray still end up being one of my most comforting pairings because of how impactful their roles are in each other's lives. Ray being a train wreck of a person who had forced his loved ones' hand in intervening with his destructive behaviors, many believing that he'd end up dead on the side of the road or overdosing in his own home. However, Sand saw deep down that his destruction derived from a place of grief, disgust in who he became, and hopelessness that this is all there is in life, and nothing more or nothing less. Even though Sand had his own flaws, he allowed his straightforwardness and sense of justice to protect Ray's behaviors from harming others, also protecting Ray in the process. Through those countless interactions, recognizing Ray for the person he is behind all the pain, behind all the complicated backstories, and behind all the trauma, lies an incredibly hurt and vulnerable boy who didn't give himself ample time to grieve the death of his mother. What everyone else failed to show Ray was a future of different decisions and his ability to change for the betterment of his mental health, and Sand introduced that option of a second chance at life. That to me, is incredibly hopeful and something many of us need to hold close to our hearts: we owe it to ourselves to try again and do things differently, even when we feel like we've hit rock bottom. It starts with us.

Togawa and Nozue - Old Fashion Cupcake

I feel like we've gotten a lot of age gap series from Japan, and I enjoy how they approach these relationships. I was recently talking with a friend about how as the younger adults navigating life, it's kind of a surreal feeling to be told by an older adult that you've impacted them, that you've inspired them, that you've instilled them with hope. Sometimes as the younger person, we tend to limit and corner ourselves into this box that deems us as "inexperienced" or unknowing of life's trials and tribulations in comparison to those older than us. However, that's so far from the truth. When we get older (I'm personally not that old, I'm just turned 25 in August haha), there's this shift that happens when life begins to enter a period of monotony, when your main obligations in life are to go to work, tend to your home, occasionally attend to other family activities or vacations, but if you have no hobbies or interests, what then? That's why I found Togawa's mission to help Nozue find grounding in his youth again, enjoying the small things life has to offer to all of us, regardless of age or gender. We're never too old for experiencing the small joys and wins in life, and the secret to staying youthful is allowing yourself to enjoy and be present with every passing moment that comes your way. Even if those small joys take place in a dessert café <3

Tagging (no pressure ofc): @lazzarella @nonglukest @gotmehookedonthekpop @almayver

[byemambo]

Tagged by @negrowhat and @nonglukest lovelies there are a few but hopefully I can bring justice to this post hehe

Top Scenes from QL Pilot Trailers I Wanted But Never Got

The way I'm approaching this is either the scene was never included or I liked the prototype and approach of the scene in favor (or on par with) of what we got in the final cut! I have realized that these are all kissing scenes...I think that's on brand for me, I love some great on screen kisses!

SandRay "Some kinds of friendship can start from having sex." Kiss - Only Friends S1

Something that I loved between the two approaches to this first kiss: the pure hunger and lust between Sand and Ray despite barely knowing one another. However, there's something extremely sexy about the "risk" of being out in a public place (it looks like the same bar that Top and Mew are introduced by Boston from the pilot trailer). Considering this is a bigger friend group with new faces coming in and out of the circle, it would have been so saucy knowing that one of them could have caught these two at any given moment, or if the bartender caught onto their meetups and witnessing their dynamic unfold and hashing it out with their fellow patrons who are all associated with one another. That to me is a whole other level of scheming, keeping their status under wraps, and overall branding SandRay's origins as friends with benefits in a different image. Rather than keeping their meetings private in the comfort of Ray's home, not giving into the likelihood of them being caught up by the other characters and questioned, that would have been so fun. Alas, the smoke kiss is just chef's kiss fr.

GodDiew Mask Kiss - Monster Next Door

The scene was literal crack, and I also had to put it in here along with the OPs that tagged me in their posts. I feel like we were all witnessing something so special about BigPark considering this was their first series as leads (I know they had cameos in Knock Knock Boys hehe). I'm a fan of NC scenes like the next girl, but there's something so sensual and intimate witnessing two people sharing a really good kiss, and I'm talking in terms of technicality and skill.

I feel like as actors, NC scenes and other intimate scenes are probably so nerve racking and unfortunately, are the main reason why some people even tune into some series. I'm all for chemistry between two actors and the delicate attention needed to convince us as the viewers that these two people/characters are slowly falling for one another, the kissing and/or sex being the ultimate display of love and affection for one another. However, I think it's safe to say that there have been plenty of instances in witnessing certain actors and their lackluster kissing scenes, whether purely due to not having enough experience kissing in general, having nonverbal distance between themselves and their on-screen partner, etc, it can really sever the immersive experience trying to believe that these two people love and are attracted to one another.

However with Big and Park, all I said when this pilot came out was "wow." And between those two characters and how they view intimacy and social dynamics, it all just makes sense and really captured the chemistry and relationship that God and Diew were going to have moving forward. Diew being hesitant finding faith in love again after his last relationship, God being extremely patient and moving how Diew moves to not pressure or dissuade Diew from opening himself up to love again, it was handled very well and allowing Diew to make that first move was crucial in the progression of their relationship moving forward. 10/10!

PengWut Kiss Under the Pier - That Summer

This is my first taste with MondRyu and ohhhh my goodness, Ryu is so cute. I love how he talks, he's so endearing to me. I've watched Mond from Only Friends S1 as Boeing which, my my my. ANYWAYS, I really hope we'll get more kisses from them and overall, I just always love the introduction of an already established couple in series, esp the older characters. Yes, it's fun watching two characters discover the existence of one another and fall in love, but there is something incredibly special and precious about witnessing two people in an established pairing navigating life's next steps: marriage, bridging two families together as a unit, and ultimately if it's in the cards for them, raising children as well.

I feel like we have so much media and content regarding first loves, second time around love, etc, but witnessing the establishment of queer love and building a future together as witness through marriage, through serious devotion and dedicating their lives side by side, I feel more courage in loving as a queer person in society. That there is love beyond just the two of us, there is a future worth spending together, and there is more for us in store with open arms and with an open heart. Ugh, I just love love!

Tagging (no pressure ofc): @lazzarella @jupitersdirection @almayver @kengnamping @gotmehookedonthekpop

[byemambo]

A Note to the K-Pop Community: From a THE B

I wrote this for a few hours to blow off some steam for my Twitter account that I rarely post anything on besides my gifs in this blog, however, I really wanted to dedicate this particular post to myself because everything I said was pretty straightforward in my own rite. I do think some people need to hear what I have to say, but I'm not the fandom police so, take it as you will. Enjoy.

Genuinely, I'm not in the best headspace to think or do anything, but I hope my words still resonate with anyone who chooses to read them. I've been a fan of kpop since 2012, but I've been a THE B since predebut shortly after the ending of Produce 101 Season 2. Reminiscing over that time, I was running around introducing trainees to my classmates and friends, knowing damn well they couldn't care less but chose to entertain the idea of someone being so passionate about a topic they knew nothing about. After all, we were just kids. That was during my high school days, moments filled with friendship, drama, self discoveries, betrayals, first loves, but what really pushed me through those times was my love for music. Being someone that enthused about kpop before the global market set eyes on it, for some people, it was a secret hideaway. For me, it was my home away from home.

I first found out about THE BOYZ from Haknyeon's appearance on Produce 101 Season 2, representing a company that I would have never heard of otherwise. If it weren't for him, I would have never stumbled upon THE BOYZ, at the right time, at the right place. Following their progress towards debut from Flower Snack, it filled me with anticipation and excitement, distracting me from all sorts of chaos and confusion from school, friendships, romance, and life. Even 8 years later, I still feel the same energy and joy THE BOYZ has brought in my life as if I were still that young girl slowly finding my footing and path in this world. Admittedly, we all grew up alongside one another, gaining strength and passion through each other's efforts and creations.

I'm very critical about the current landscape of kpop culture and discourse, and it doesn't seem like it'll stop any time soon. Engagement farming, "hit" posts, recycled fan interactions, rage baiting, blind anti followings, appraisal of numbers over quality, overconsumption, capitalistic tactics, dismissal of human nature, invalidation of authenticity, making everything out of context, I could go on but the point is: we have lost connection with what makes us human.

From one screen to another, from one username to the next, from one nameless profile to another, from one hate tweet to the next, over and over and over and over again, don't forget the impact we all have on this Earth that we share and are mutually responsible for. You throw trash out on the street, pick it up. You see someone down, help them up. You feast your eyes on a wonderful performance, cheer them on. There are so many moments online that deserve more attention and praise that always get shoved under the rug because negativity and disdain always block out the sunlight with all the darkness. Don't forget that we all have lives offline, including these idols.

My whole point of writing this to begin with is my disdain for what our definitions of "idols" are. Are they singers? Dancer? Rappers? Songwriters? Producers? Actors? MCs? Choreographers? Or have they become something beyond the title?

What about puppets? Products? Tools? Shields? Placeholders? Accolades? Streaming numbers? Chart rankers? Seemed like we forgot to mention: sons or daughters? Uncles or aunts? Brothers or sisters? As far as we're concerned, significant others, possibly even spouses?

In the end as a fan, I literally couldn't give two fucks because my duty as a fan is not overstepping the boundaries between individuals no matter the status. As a fan, these idols don't owe me anything except to continue paving their way for themselves in this life, it is an honor to be a part of the journey. As a fan, these idols don't need to report their private business to me, it is an honor for them to share these matters with us. As a fan, these idols must understand that their responsibilities lie in holding themselves accountable for their own wrongdoings, ignorance, and misguidance, it is an honor to be a supporter of someone who possesses such resilience and compassion along with strides to be a better person than they were yesterday. As a fan, these idols do not need to sacrifice their own autonomy for the sake of my "happiness" and "trust," it is an honor to be a supporter of someone who radiates authenticity in a world full of posers and those who play dress up for a living. As a fan, these idols are entitled to their own pursuit of happiness, memories, and experiences that will only elevate their creation potential, it is an honor to witness and admire such art. When I was reading the messages sent from THE BOYZ themselves, of course there is no reason to discount any legitimacy or sincerity in these statements. However, such language such as "loyal," "better," "work hard," "upset," "lacking," "more trustworthy," "reliable," "failure," "stronger," "more mature," as well as encompassing such a significant decision in not only Haknyeon's life, but the lives of the remaining THE BOYZ members and THE Bs themselves, to simply "gaining back and maintaining the trust of the fans and the public," I can't help but wonder with rage and frustration: WHO exactly are the fans you're specifically trying to gain back the trust of?

The "fans" who you prey upon, hoping their overconsumption, parasocialization, and lack of boundaries and respect towards your artists will continue lining your pockets and keeping your building's lights on? The "fans" who are just as quick to leave as they are quick to stay once they're met with a reality that doesn't fit the delusions they feed to themselves in desperation? The "fans" who shake the ground they roam in hopes of succeeding in gaining attention, even if it means humiliating themselves as well as the artists they claim to love and support? The "fans" who lack accountability for their own outrageous behaviors and calls to actions that disguise themselves as "supporters" in a realm of harmful dynamics that leave the opposition in fear, humiliation, and paranoia. Let me remind you of who the real "fans" are.

The fans who've resonated with the values of a well rounded team of people who come from all walks of life, experiences, wisdom, and humility, sharing a mutual exchange of efforts and creations to be valued and inspired. The fan who participate in the biggest and smallest of ways, from fan community, pleasant exchange of passionate and fiery admiration and love, to creating in their own rite and leading more meritorious lives ahead of themselves. The fans who grew up with love and are unwavering in it, showering the paths they cross every single day only wishing wellness and harmony for anyone who comes face to face with them.

These are the fans who hold such high regards not only for their artists, but most importantly, themselves. In many cases, so many of these fans learned this ultimate form of happiness through the love from their own idols. The idols who wake up before most of us to only sleep after us, working effortlessly and applying themselves day and night, day and night, day and night. Your efforts don't go unnoticed and has amounted to the content of your character.

The idols who are away from their families for extended periods of time, becoming family towards one another through their own dealings with isolation, homesickness, and anxieties that are only seen behind closed doors. Your loved ones will support you through even the longest of winters, the warmest of summers, the stillness of autumns, but most importantly, the festivities of springs, no matter how far away you are from them. Their love and adoration exceeds bounds.

The idols who are painstakingly forced to take up responsibility of the company's mismanagement, the public's scrutiny, and even the "fans'" inability to satiate their own demands. There are limitations that no one is free from experiencing at the fullest extent. You are human, after all. The idols who pour their blood, sweat, tears, and hearts into everything they do, with hopes, dreams, and goals fueling their capabilities. Your hard work will pay itself off with not only enough time, but with the right frame of mind, consciousness, and integrity at the center of it all. If my words strike up a bigger conversation that needs to be had, that's the goal. If it doesn't, my participation and insight neither gains nor loses anything in this particular moment in time. Allowing myself to bask in my own courage, disgust for injustices, as well as instilling hope in not just my fellow fans, but extending such hope and comfort towards my idols, that's the goal I have in mind.

In a world that will do literally anything to make us cave into submission, beat us down to a point of no longer getting up, and infiltrating our lives with insecurity, instability, and ignorance: don't become a pawn when people continue to feed this lie that is "life is a game." Life isn't a game nor will ever be once you start taking this shit seriously.

This is to THE BOYZ: as a THE B, I take full responsibility for not communicating my love and adoration for you enough when I have moments and chances to. But as you all have mentioned through your messages reassuring us and wanting to strive for better times, I hope that you all actually lean on us this time. It feels like these days have been dreary and gloom, feeling like every single time we've all been able to get up, we're just thrown back down. However, throughout all these years of being a THE B, it's safe to assume that we are the strongest that we've ever been, and that is never going to change. Just as you all have brought me out of the darkest of times, the loneliest of times, but most importantly, the most pivotal of times, I have grown and changed so much for the better, and I of course, have to thank you all for that.

When I get a chance to talk about THE BOYZ, especially to people who are not familiar with kpop, even if it's out of politeness, they can feel the energy and pride I have when talking about you guys. Because the selling point for me isn't about how handsome you are, how talented you are, how successful you are, how many awards you've won, I actually don't talk about those things often because what I am more concerned about is spreading the admiration and love I have for THE BOYZ as the people they are. How hardworking they are, how humble they are, how kind they are, how admirable they are, how full of light and joy they are, how sincere they are, how considerate they are, how special they are, how loving they are. That is what's most important to highlight as that is the duty I enforce for myself as a fan.

For everyone, please get good rest and take all the time we all need to recuperate. This moment has sparked a lot of discourse and conversation, but what's most important is the productivity of these conversations. Many strive for their "a-ha" moments, many prey upon the vulnerabilities of the situation for a "hit tweet," many only wish to continue spewing more hatred and confusion for their own satisfaction because nothing to them is more satisfying than contributing to the suffering and unstable mental wellness of a person who they deem us less than human. Don't forget why we're all here for. Don't forget that in the end, there is no difference in the impacts of one's anxiety, depression, paranoia, and inability to continue progressing in life. Don't forget that what goes around, comes around. Thanks.

[byemambo]

For Novice Fourth

FYI: I'm also Buddhist (I'm Vietnamese born and raised in Southern USA aka within the Bible Belt) so I have plenty of conversations regarding my spiritual and religious beliefs for those who have grown up with differing experiences. My father passed away when I was eight years old due to chronic illness, so this year in December marks the 17th year of his passing but it truly feels like yesterday. My mother also ordained herself as a Buddhist nun almost two years ago, so I have so many thoughts from my conversation with my bsf about Fourth's father and the customs regarding Thai Buddhist beliefs, and it made me realize just how wonderful Fourth is not only as a son, but as a person.

When I first heard the news about Fourth's father along with the photos and videos taken from the funerary services, I was deeply moved by Fourth's highest degree of filial piety after the announcement of his ordination, but by many of those who participated alongside him such as Phuwin and Satang. Although I'm only familiar with Fourth when he acted as Li Ming in Moonlight Chicken, I could tell from stories regarding him and his family, such as him being a rainbow baby, there is lots of love embodied in this beautiful family.

Many people around me have been experiencing grief, whether directly or indirectly, and grief has found its way into my life from an early age so I became acquainted with it. In the Buddhist view, many of the Buddha's teachings revolve around the concept of impermanence, that our time is precious and limited, as well as our experiences. When I learned about saṅkhāra, aka "formations" when attending a Vipassana meditation retreat a few years ago, these formations can be experienced as the following:

A) line drawn in water that comes and goes (immediate arrival and departure)

B) line drawn on the beach in the sand, seen in the morning and gone in the evening (steady presence into absence)

C) line drawn in rock with a chisel and hammer (continual presence and eventual eradication)

One of our most important relationships in life is between parent and child, as we believe that our collective karma affects our affinity. When a child has a strong relationship with their parents, we grow up with a sense of duty in caring for our parents, leading to filial piety and familial pride. I know how it feels to witness the declining health of your parents, especially in a world where you're so young and have no clue what can or can't be done. With how busy Fourth has become with establishing himself as a public figure in Thailand, I can only imagine trying to spend that time with your family preciously as it comes far and wide.

Being a part of my Buddhist community and getting to learn so much about the Dharma from a young age, it's only natural for many non Buddhists to assume that this period of grieving should be private and that some of these customs come across inappropriately (I've seen people make rash critiques about many of those visiting Fourth at his father's funerary service for smiling in the photos). However, in the Buddhist view, death is only a natural part of the cycle of samsara where the deceased simply embarks on their newfound journey beyond this lifetime.

In a life where one suffers from physical illness as the body undergoes extended periods of pain and anguish, for many Buddhists, although wishing for there to be another way, knows that the deceased will be able to relinquish such pains once the body perishes. Although the physical body may be no more, the soul continues onto its next life, concluding this cycle and hopefully reincarnating into a more desirable realm. When we truly practice and value detachment, that also applies to our relationships with others as we all are born to eventually pass.

I know for many, such a thing sounds preposterous and outrageous, how dare you detach yourself from those you love so deeply? My personal answer is this: nothing lasts forever, but the love and adoration the deceased displayed in their lifetime never wanes, even when the physical body ultimately does. Even though it's nearing two decades since the passing of my own father, the weight in such an irreversible experience doesn't hold me back, but has pressed me forward in my life thus far. You learn to love deeply, you learn to cherish deeply, you learn to understand deeply, you learn to care deeply, you learn to value deeply, you learn to express deeply, you learn so many things about how fragile life is, but how wonderful it is to breathe and experience it for what it actually is.

In a time and society who still deals with challenges regarding mental health awareness, emotional regulation, and compassion/empathy, such moments as experiencing the loss of a loved one, it recontextualizes the world around you, it forces you to confront reality and disregard delusion/ignorance. It forces you to truly understand the presence of others, and one day, lack thereof.

When I was asked recently from my older cousin on what's appropriate to ask or do when someone is currently in a state of grieving, I expressed to her: everyone handles grief differently, and unfortunately, many people who haven't experienced their own period of grief may not have the right words to console the affected. From my perspective: when someone is in the real thick of it, ask them if there's anything you could do to make things easier for them to cope, even for just a brief moment.

Whether that's sitting with them, holding them, listening to them, distracting them, anything that can aid in lessening the strain on their heart, their mind, or their physical well being. But if it's someone who's moved on and no longer in such a dark place (although that doesn't mean they don't experience the pain that ultimately lasts for a lifetime): I tend to ask them what that person was like if it's appropriate.

Some people light up at the thought of remembering the deceased, especially if it's someone that deeply impacted their life. It gives them a moment to reminisce such an amazing person that was once present in their life, and gives them a chance to relish in those fond memories. My favorite memories of my own father have always been about how he taught me how to ride my bike without training wheels when I was little, and that ended up being one of my only memories I vividly remember in detail, and I know for sure that Fourth and his family have their own individual memories they'll cherish for the rest of their lives.

I know from the news as this mourning period is ongoing for the family, I know so many people are sadden, worried, and have all sorts of questions about what will happen next. I think as fans and supporters: keep him and his loved ones in your thoughts and prayers, that they're being properly accompanied by their own community and support systems, that they're given their respect as they grieve in their own right, in their own discernment. I know his fanclub and other supporters have expressed to refrain from posting content of him for the time being as he is ordained (it's been said that the typical period of ordination for novice monks ranges from 7 to 15 days but the exact period is up to the discretion of the novice).

As a closer, I'd like to highlight very important points from Fourth Squad, whose post is absolutely beautiful to read in full if you are unfamiliar with Buddhist practices and beliefs:

The ordination at the moment of หน้าไฟ (naa fai) carries a profound spiritual significance. In Thai Buddhist belief, the accumulation of บุญ (bun), or merit, is essential for one's journey beyond this life. Through the act of ทำบุญ (tham bun) by entering the monastic order, the son generates vast merit, which he then dedicates to his father through การให้บุญ (kaan hai bun). This sacred transfer is believed to illuminate the path of the departed soul (จิต, chit), easing its passage through the intermediate state and helping it find a more favorable rebirth. In this way, the son's ordination becomes not only an offering of gratitude but a true spiritual gift, one that transcends even death. At the threshold of life and death, in the solemn atmosphere of ordaining in front of the fire, the son stands as a bridge between the worlds of the living and the departed. The new robes he wears — symbolic of purity, renunciation, and the pursuit of awakening — bear witness to the truth of อนิจจัง (anicca), impermanence, a central pillar of the Buddha's teaching. To ordain at such a moment is to acknowledge with clarity and humility the fleeting nature of all things, to meet loss not with despair, but with the profound response of turning toward the Dhamma. There is also a deep symbolic meaning attached to the timing. By ordaining right before the cremation, the son walks the final journey with his father as a monk — embodying purity, discipline, and the Dhamma itself. It is as if the father is being accompanied into the next world under the protection and blessing of the Buddha’s path. In this way, the ordination acts as a spiritual shield and a final, profound offering. In Thai cultural terms, this is seen as the ultimate way to “send off” a parent — with dignity, compassion, and the blessings of the Sangha.

Death is the ultimate reminder that everything we hold dear will eventually change and pass away. By ordaining at the moment of his father's death, the son demonstrates an acceptance of this truth. He responds to loss not with despair, but with a reaffirmation of spiritual practice, temporarily stepping into the renounced life as a way to honor both his father and the reality of existence itself.

Thus, ordain is not merely a ceremony, but a sacred vow of remembrance, gratitude, and transcendence. It is a final offering to the father, a luminous beacon sent forth with love and compassion, guiding him onward, while reminding the living of the noble path that leads beyond sorrow.

My deepest condolences to Fourth and his loved ones. I'm praying for Novice Fourth and I know his father will receive his merit and be well prepared for his next step 🤍

[byemambo]

Cultural Appropriation in Kpop: An Exhausted Conversation

Photo credits to: @KY0RBY on twt

First things first to get everyone up to speed: even though KIOF is the group I'm going to reference in this post, they are not the first nor unfortunately, the last that will be a topic of conversation involving offending the Black community once again. The main purpose of this post is to create dialogue and spread awareness on behalf of the Black community who should never be expected to continuously take the hits and disrespect from the Asian community, and in KIOF's case, Asians who grew up in a western society that's well aware of their nation's history built upon the blood, sweat, and tears of our BIPOC communities (with heavy emphasis on the BI part of of the community). I speak as a fellow Asian born and raised in the US, growing up in the Deep South as a racial minority.

Yes, it's that deep. No, I will not argue with people who only encroach in these online spaces to rage bait or push an agenda that's unrelated to the main topic at hand (racism and cultural appropriation in spaces built off of Black culture as the blueprints). No, I am not interested in appeasing the talking points of those who deal with their own internalized racism, discomfort involving racial discrimination brought up in fandom communities, or other comments again, completely missing the main points of the discussion. Yes, I expect whoever decides to engage with the post to come in with an open mind and heart, reading comprehension, and respect and empathy towards our Black communities who were affected by the blatant appropriation and stereotyping of the people they supported and cared for. If that's not you, keep scrolling, click Not interested in this post, Not interest in this blog, and/or block this account entirely. Free will, utilize it.

I've been a fan of kpop since 2012 and have been a part of this community since, starting out as a young preteen looking for a space that I felt worthy and belonged to during my darkest years of my youth. I'm now entering my late 20s this year still deep in the fandom as ever, but having more confidence in my presence in the space because I truly believe that my favorite artists deserve fans who not only engage with their work with meaning and nuance outside of the accolades and measurable achievements, but who can actually stand their ground in holding their faves and those within the space accountable for their disrespect and ill informed decisions.

A birthday party "theme" is something like a Spiderman themed birthday party, a Sanrio character theme birthday party, a fandom themed birthday party, you get the point: a stereotypical Black "themed" birthday party is absolutely diabolical to say the least. From the visuals, to the names, to the blaccents, it's just quite a sight in the worst way possible. When defenders online want to claim that this decision was in the name of "ignorance," it always makes me wonder how detached people are in their impressions and fundamental understandings of their Black communities: as if they've never met nor interacted with them before in real life.

Black people are simply living their lives in the same ways as everyone else, with a strong desire and passion for the things they love and enjoy. In a space as globally acclaimed as kpop, we all admit that its on its rapid decline, my reasons being: 1) overconsumption and capitalistic practices, 2) streaming culture and decrease minutes in title tracks and b sides, 3) saturated industry with consistent debuts and disbandments, 4) fandom culture rooted in rage baiting, forced hate, and superficial discussions on real issues in the entertainment industry (ie overworking, transparencies between company and fans, minors in entertainment, etc), but the main reason is 5) ignoring global fandom backlash and criticism while continuously engaging in cultural appropriative practices. The list can go on but that's beside the point.

As a person who holds so much pride in being a "fangirl," engaging in fandom used to serve me as a form of escapism, a space where my world can be calm with no interruption even if it lasted for as long as a three minute song. A space where I've met so many friends and built a community from the ground up, a space full of live and adoration for your favorite people that become meaningful and most of the time, those you can also look up to as people themselves outside of the brand and artistry. Imagine a world where the work and culture of your people serves as inspiration for the world stage, from the music production, the dance choreography, the aesthetics, and so much more, only for your culture to be worn and understood as a costume for the culture vultures to put on giddily and eventually take off. That's the experience of our Black counterparts that also engage in the fandom amongst us.

From using the N word (past or present, I really don't give a damn if the usage is in a song performed by a Black artist: if you aren't Black, don't fucking utter it) despite knowing is a slur, not a form of slang, dressing up head to toe in stereotypical Black attire from pop culture, misusing AAVE and contributing to the phenomenon non Black people have with using phrases and euphemisms that are completely unnatural to them, and after all that, jokingly wishing that your fans do not leave the fandom after the damage has been done? That is not only delusional, but spits in the multiple faces of every single Black person who's supported your platform directly and indirectly along with their allies.

There is such thing as cultural appreciation and taking inspiration from cultures outside of your own, however, people get this completely twisted once they don't view Black people as human or with empathy, only wishing to take from their creations and artistry rooted in resilience, discrimination, prejudice, and systemic oppression from the moment they're born to the day they die, for centuries. As my mom's late Buddhist master's master once said in comfort of her fellow disciple: "if you're sad, just sing." And that's what Black people did, for centuries.

To those who wish to not uplift Black voices in our communities, from microaggressions, internalized racism and other excuses, to blatant racist remarks, to be human is to uplift constructive criticism as strongly as you do your love and support. That there is such a thing as continuing to love and support the people in your life while also continuing to hold them accountable, that there is a world out there that welcomes both, but doesn't discount or invalidate the feelings and experiences of those who do not wish to engage in communities that don't respect and them back.

As for my fellow Asians and other communities of color who have seen others engage in these practice of cultural voyeurism and appropriation knowingly and/or turning a blind eye (because ignorance isn't even the right word), my question and assumption has always been this: is the result of a weakened connection between your cultural pride, whether from past experiences and attempts of belittling your culture, contributing to seeking an outlet of belonging by leeching off of an adjacent culture who's been able to master the art of cultural appreciation in their own ways, primarily through the arts and other creative outlets?

As someone who grew up as a racial minority in a predominantly Black and white community, I was always one of a few Asian kids throughout my entire academic career even into university, and I linked that strengthened connection to my cultural heritage and pride with forming a personality early on in my childhood as not only a form of survival, but because I knew that my representation as an Asian girl in the diaspora would be one of the few, if not the only, moments where a non Asian person can actually engage with an Asian person in real life. I knew the responsibility of upholding as well as dismantling stereotypes non Asians may have about Asian people, and prevented my cultural heritage from waning in order to assimilate or become "whitewashed" with hopes of fitting in.

That's what I adore and love deeply about the Black community: the purity they have in a world that systemically operates to suppress them and their opportunities, the hard work and dedication they have towards their gifts that has comforted millennia, the efforts and strengths of their inner workings of their communities that have changed history, and the utmost respect they pay towards those who walk before them and their ownership of their responsibilities for those who come after them, and yet they continue to get trampled on and left in the dust with nothing but their own two hands.

I personally think non Black people who engage in cultural appropriation and stereotyping of Black culture deal with their own internalized racism, their own depletion and lack of cultural pride due to many factors such as assimilation and/or prejudice, and most importantly, wanting to mimic the phenomenon that is Black joy, a joy so sweet and infectious that derives from simply being who you are without pretense. The world is built on the lies and hopes that other BIPOC believe them while turning their backs on Black people and their oppression, yet wearing the markings of the same culture they claim to love and admire. As Kendrick Lamar stated in his NFL Superbowl Halftime Show: Forty acres and a mule, this is bigger than the music.

"Well, what can I do? What can I do to—": engage with your Black communities. Uplift their voices in the same world they also engage with as a form of escapism. Consume Black media with intentionality and integrity. Ask questions but don't expect Black voices to be your form of Google or main source of education if they do not wish to educate you: there are many resources out there, do not feel entitled to a Black person's explanation on experiences rooted in trauma and fear. If a Black person wants to educate you, express your gratitude and appreciation for allowing you to meet them in a place of vulnerability and strength. Protect your Black counterparts while holding your non Black counterparts accountable. Disengage with spaces that omit and suppress Black voices, contribute to anti Black practices, and let them know you will not be engaging with such spaces through the power of your absence: if they redeem themselves and actually have evidence of transforming their past decisions, do not expect those affected to return to said spaces.

As for these kpop groups: they need to send their groups to LA or other US cities to attend workshops and other classes taught by Black artists and creatives if they truly want to be a Black ally and appreciator of the Black arts. We've seen this with groups such as BTS and ATEEZ, interacting with the source firsthand, not through watered down mashups that cater to everyone's comfort. Discourage cultural appropriative practices such as cosplaying Black hairstyles, wearing Black clothing and accessories such as durags, using the N word no matter the context, playing up blaccents or mocking Black people through pop culture stereotypes, etc. Uplift Black creatives from the production to choreographers to fellow artists playing the same game, handing them their flowers and giving them credit where credit is due. Do not let another company shareholder, higher up, or your own member set your group up for failure by encouraging or remaining silent when cultural appropriation occurs, and do not continue to cater to an environment that keeps Black fans from feeling comfortable to engage with the material and settle into the space. Do not break the trust of Black fans who have been the most patient, the most kind, the most appreciative towards the work of their favorite people, while simultaneously being undermined, dismissed, and disrespected to the point of waiting for the mic to drop no matter the group or person. Be an ally that loves them back.

As for me, this is a safe space for every single Black fan that comes across my posts, kpop related or not. You're seen, you're heard, you're loved, and I will continuously apologize for all the things y'all experience in these fandom spaces, directly or indirectly. I hope that this blog can be a space where I can protect and advocate on your behalf, as well as alongside you. I will do better for y'all, because you are deeply loved and appreciated and I wish for a world where you didn't need to constantly prove your worth to those who fail to love you back and have broken your trust. I love you and I hope these words reflect that. Thank you for your time and see you soon.