The eye tests didn't go great. They were blowing air into my eye to try and measure something, and it took 10 minutes to do correctly! I cried! I felt tears running from my left eye all the way down my face. It was miserable. Absolutely miserable. It did distract me from my really sore throat, but it didn't exactly make me feel perfectly. It actually kind of gave me a headache, largely because I had to keep adjusting my head. And the machines kept beeping, I kept moving, the air made me cry, I felt miserable. Now I just feel dire. A sore throat and a headache!? Gods, my luck is absolutely terrible.
I'm also still nervous about the rest of my eye exam, in large part because I worry I'm gonna feel judged. I know my optometrist probably won't judge me, but think about it. I've been wearing the same pair of glasses for 10 years or so. I've gotten other glasses with better prescriptions, but I refuse to wear them. I use the old ones with the bad prescription because I've formed an emotional attachment to them, and using anything else simply makes me feel wrong. I feel insane. And I worry people are gonna see me and judge me as a freak for all this. Well…freak is extreme language. Perhaps I wouldn't use that word. But I certainly worry people will judge me, anyways.
But my throat is still really sore. My throat is sore. My eyes are tired. My head hurts. I feel absolutely miserable! Horrible, uncomfortable, tired and drained of energy. I hate all of this so much. Why did I wake up with a sore throat!? Why!? I don't freaking know! But i hate it! I hate it so freaking much! But I'll be okay. I'll be okay. Even if my throat is horribly sore. They'll have to call me in for my appointment soon. And embarassment or not, I'll make it work. I'll have to. sigh…
Okay, that wasn't too bad. The eye doctor didn't seem too judgemental. So I felt kind of put at ease, and that made me feel better. So I'll be okay. The appointment went well. The part with blowing air into my eyes was miserable, but everything else was pretty good. So yeah, I'll be fine. I told my eye doctor I'll promise to work on wearing the new glasses. I promised, even though I'm scared and I really don't want to do it. But I'll live. I'll have to make do. Somehow, I'll make due. I don't know how to make it work for me, but I know I'll have to make it work somehow.
My throat still feels sore, though. I felt like I was going to lose my voice at one point when I was in the appointment. That made me feel pretty rough, but I know I'll be okay. In the long term, I'll be fine. But I struggle with it. I'm full of phlegm. I'm actively choking on phlegm as we speak. I bet that's contributing to my sore throat. But like…my sore throat is still probably a whole seperate thing to deal with. I worry my allergies are what causes my phlegm. But since I'm allergic to dust, dust is everywhere, and allergic reactions are apparently getting worse as climate change does it's thing…well, I'm just constantly scared of getting my phlegm to hound me forever.
But I know the sore throat isn't all caused by my allergies and my phlegm. Because while congestion and severe phlegm is an everyday occurrence at this point, sore throats aren't everyday occurences. I woke up at 6 am or so with a really sore throat today. But I didn't have this really sore throat when I woke up yesterday. So yeah, I don't like this at all.
Wait. Oh, I just had a grim thought. What if I'm getting sick? I feel like that's a possibility, sadly. I could be getting sick. I don't leave the house too often, after all. Yesterday was the first day in a while where I left the house to do a lot of stuff. And it doesn't sound impossible that I got sick because of that. So I don't know. Something could be going on. But maybe I'll be okay. Hopefully I'm not sick, but if I am…well, I'll deal with that then. And if I am sick, I'll also be really glad my dad chose not to work this week. So you know, it's the small things that really make a difference here. My dad having two weeks off from work would make me being sick more tolerable.
I'm still not sure if me and my dad are going to go play mini golf today. I'm thinking about it. I've never played mini golf before, I don't think. And I think it could be interesting to try it. But my throat is also still sore, and I don't yet know what the temperature is like outside. If the temperature is really bad outside, I don't know if I'll be willing to agree to go anywhere or do anything outside. So we'll see what it's like out there, and that'll determine what I'm willing to do today.
Okay, I decided to let my dad take me to the mini golf place. But first he ran off to go pee at a McDonald's, meaning I had to circumnavigate a parking lot and traffic in order to find my dad. My dad suggested we go home then and there. But no. No, I suggested we go to the mini golf course still. And I'm really beginning to hate myself for that one now. I should've taken the out when it was given to me. But no, I guess I just wanted to see what a real life mini golf course looked like, seeing as I've only seen golf on TV, in movies or in video games. So yeah, I can say I've seen a real mini golf course now. I can also say I had a public meltdown at a mini golf course where a bunch of kids younger than me were clearly happier than me.
I feel like an idiot. I got super sweaty, and I had a meltdown in front of a bunch of kids far younger than me. They all seem like nice people, in the sense that they're not bullying me. But I still feel weird for freaking out and melting down in public. But I'm okay. I'm still a bit warm. My shirt is soaked through the skin, but I'll be okay. I'll be fine. But I just…as soon as we got there and I began sweating, I had a complete meltdown and I threatened to make a scene in public unless my dad took me home. I barely know what I'm doing, I'm bad with figuring out how to make things work, so that combined with the sweating makes me miserable. But I'll be okay. At least I tried? Yeah, at least I tried. That's gotta count for something, even in this heat.
Okay. Well, I'm cooling down. My dad's persuaded me to do a few more holes. But here's what keeps happening: I do a hole or two, I get sweaty and uncomfortable, I sit back down and wait 20 minutes, then we repeat. It's not that bad, but I still keep forgetting how I'm supposed to hold the ball. I've had a few attempts where I've been lucky, but nothing too impressive. I'm just…vaguely proud of myself for overcoming my meltdown? I still don't rate this as one of my favourite experiences, especially not when I also have a sore throat making me uncomfortable. But I'll be okay. I'll be fine in the long term. When the wind picks up, I actually kind of enjoy myself. I could sit here and stare into space while the noisy cicadas and noisy children make noise for a while, I think. It's my social workout of the month, I guess. Forcing myself to be around a bunch of people feels like a challenge for me, especially in the heat.
The fact I haven't screamed "shut up!!!" at anyone is a good sign. I had a big meltdown a while ago, but I've been doing better since then. To be fair, screaming would like that would break my throat and make me feel miserable. So we're all lucky I haven't yelled and made things worse. I broke down initially, but I've cooled off since then.
Retract that. I did cool off, but it didn't last. Around 10 minutes before we left, I had another massive public meltdown. And this time I did start yelling at the noisy kids under my breath. Gods, I made myself look like an idiot. But I'll be okay. I feel like I'll be fine. Now that I'm home, I'm taking my shirt off and I'm going to sit down and cool off. My dad seemed to enjoy himself today, except when I yelled at him. I feel bad I yelled at him, but I'll be okay. And I think he'll be okay, too. My dad's getting bifocals or something sometime, though. He needs reading glasses already, and I think they said he'll eventually need them full time.
But yeah, today's been an interesting day. I'd rank it a 4/10 on the scale. It was hot, getting my eyes tested was rough, etc. But there were good moments, so me and my dad had a decent day today. Tomorrow my dad's getting that tattoo of shaggy from scooby doo. I still think he's weird for doing it, because I don't understand how anyone can get a tattoo of a fictional character on them. It seems like a really bold thing to do, and I don't understand how you could do it. But I won't force my dad not to get the tattoo. I'll handle it when he gets the tattoo tomorrow. I don't know how I'll feel about being left all alone for three or four hours when my dad's got the next few weekends off, but I'll manage. I'll manage. sigh…