One of the things I loved about acotar is that the mating bond is so literal, physical, and plays an actual role in the story, I felt it was done in a fairly unique way and it made so much sense for Feysand, both as a couple and as individuals. However I was disappointed/confused as to how nessian’s was revealed to be, like they both just sort of “knew” they had it but I didn’t think it was as literal as a thing as feysand’s… so my question is, how do mating bonds actually work in acotar, are they so broad that they can be either extremely literal or more on the vague gut feeling side? Is there an explanation in the books that I’m forgetting, or is it a gap in the world building?
Oh, SJM and her bonds....
I dont even think she can make sense of them now!
This is MY understanding of the ACOTAR (only) bonds:
They are very ancient, from the primordial times (during the times of the Daglan?) when the Fae were more animal like in form and behavior.
The offering of food comes from back then. A female accepts the bond by offering the male food. Some people make a party out of it, but that's not required.
The origin of the bond is unknown--could be from the Cauldron, from the Mother, or the Cauldron's swirling eddies. (Is the Cauldron's bond more of mimicking of the 'real' bond that comes from the Mother? That's to be determined)
The ultimate reason for a bond is the production of strong/powerful children.
The bonds are primarily sexual in nature, to solidify sexual attraction and therefore, lead to creation of super babies.
Once the bond is accepted and consummated, the 2 parties go into a sexual frenzy for a week.
Once the frenzy subsides, they still maintain an unusually strong sexual pull towards each other.
Males are more attuned to the bond and feel it strongly. They seemingly feel it first, even before it's accepted by the female. They also suffer the pangs of sexual desire more powerfully than the females.
Couples are not necessarily aware of the bond at the same time. Sometimes it 'snaps' for both of them at once, and sometimes, the male knows and the female doesn't.
Sometimes they both feel the pull of the bond, but it hasn't snapped for them (Nessian) for a period of time.
What 'snapping' feels like is unclear.
Some bonds are more sexual in nature and lack emotional attachment (Rhys's parents), others are sexual and emotional and love-based (Feysand).
All mates display what is called 'mate behavior' (regardless of whether the bond has been accepted, or even if they aren't aware of it)--extreme protectiveness of the other party, willingness to die for them, willingness to kill for them, abundant care, etc.
It seems that bound males are not sexually interested in anyone else but their mates. The same does not apply to females (Nesta, Feyre and Elain are both able to have sex and like other males, despite their bonds), until they accept the bond.
Males suffer with an unaccepted bond more than females. It can drive them insane or make them violent (according to Rhys)
A bond can be rejected (unclear what the process is and whether it's a social rejection only, or rejection that actually severs the bond on some kind of molecular/spiritual level).
According to Amren, a mate bond cannot be broken. (Unclear though if all mate bonds cannot be broken, or only very powerful ones like Feysand's)
Even if rejected, both parties will feel the bond forever.
A bond is accepted by the female. It seems like a male has no choice in the matter.
It is consummated with food and sex. (Often, golden strands and music of the souls is involved).
Same sex bonds are possible (Unclear if they are different from other bonds, since they technically cannot produce children)
Bonded couples are considered 'equals' in some manner. (Unclear what that means--because there have been many very unevenly matched couples, namely Rhys's parents).
Good luck figuring it out!
PS I tried to be factual, without adding personal feelings/or theories.
TOG has similar bonds, but we know that in TOG a bond was 'faked' and felt like the real deal, without it being one.
TOG also has carranam bonds, which are bonds of power.
