if you go, i’ll go - azriel x reader
part 7
💌: 2.2k
author’s note: HOLD YOUR HORSES 🗣️🗣️ they’re starting somewhere!!!! OMG I was so fucking excited to write this part, finally FINALLY some action from this massive batboy 👀 but I have to say this; we’re almost over this series:(((( I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it!! Thank you for every single feedback, you make me so so so so happy 🥹🩷🩷 enjoy!!
You noticed the shadows the moment you stepped a foot onto the street. You haven’t felt them for a week, ever since Azriel appeared at your doorstep. Now, looking at the excited swirls around your ankles, as if they refused to obey their master and selfishly took matters into their own little world, you waited.
Because you knew he’s here.
You spent a week locked away in your sorrowful mess. Your heart got tangled in a confused mess, no doubt your mate felt the same. You had a feeling he had never said those things before, fearing it would become a reality. Admitting such things takes a whole lot more inner strength than anything else.
I confused love with greed and jealousy.
You wept for days. Never had more than a couple of hours of sleep each night. However, you expected to be torn apart and bled your heart out. It was just a matter of time to recover and remind yourself why you came back.
I want to teach this beautiful boy how to love.
Because love is never easy. You can be born into love, you can grow to be in love, you can earn to love. But each takes time, patience and commitment. With him, you knew you had to be strong and patient, and you were stubborn.
So, you stood up, because that’s what you always did. Even felt a faint tug on your rib, a push to stand up and get dressed.
You wanted to talk. You didn’t test the bond between you two enough, still new and fragile.
One little swirl of shadow came up to your hands, threading through your fingers. You played with it.
“Where are you?” you whispered to the shadow, searching for its owner. As if summoning, you did not hear, but felt him coming closer. You turned your head, meeting with his handsome face, dark circles fading away from his eyes.
“Hi,” you greeted shyly, a small smile spreading across your face. In your soul, you felt a sigh of relief.
Azriel's hazel eyes surveys you, just like second nature to notice every single detail of you.
The frozen world of winter in Velaris began to weep, its edges softening into a thousand tiny trickles and plinking drips, creating a delicate, constant symphony of surrender as the snow and ice melted into the sun-warmed gutters and soil.
You wore a light green dress under your coat, your hair in half up half down style, pointy ears on full display. You abandoned your usual scarf, nothing to keep your words from freezing.
“Would you like to join me on a walk?” you asked, biting on your lower lip, swaying lightly on your heels.
He nodded softly, stepping in line with you, his broad shoulders brushing against your arms. It never stops to amaze you how tall he is.
You walked in silence, the bond humming in delighted consistency.
People passing you, you notice their sometimes lingering, sometimes fast overlooking gazes on Azriel, children gaping at his massive, mighty and beautiful wings. Never once they changed their routes, neither parent ushered their children to get past him, to surrender. They respected him, even though he didn’t seem to realise it.
You smiled faintly at him. “You never flare them, when you’re with me.”
“Because I don’t have the intention to fly,” he said, voice carrying honesty.
“Why?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows, confused.
“Because I never want to fly away from you.”
Oh.
Your heart did that stupid thing, to beat so fast and furious, almost like a bell against your ribs, ringing so feisty.
Azriel’s faint smirk betrayed you. He felt it.
You stopped for a moment at the bridge, overlooking the Sidra. Azriel stood so close to you, his body heat radiating off of him, hearts synchronising, beating extremely fast.
Your eyes never once left the water, a thin layer of melting ice waving into the coastline in the distance.
“I don't remember anything from what the King of Hybern said to me,” you said, your voice light like a feather. “The only thing remains is when I saw you behind him and knew we won…,” you turned, eyes searching for him, as you continued, “…then I let it go.”
You could not read anything off of his face.
“I was ready to go with you,” he confesses.
Your heart jumped.
“Why?” It seemed nowadays this was your go to question for everything.
Azriel took a deep breath, nostrils flaring slightly.
“Because I grew up not knowing what love is. I thought I wasn’t worthy of such a feeling. I know how to protect, but I was never once protected,” he met your sorrowful gaze, “I wanted to give up.”
You felt the weight of centuries of suffering in your very bones, the heaviness radiating from his heart. You never once pressed him about his childhood, or the scars on his hands, or the things he had done and left undone. For you knew instinctively he was not yet ready. Your journey together had only just begun; you had an eternity for that conversation. Never wishing to push him toward a breaking point, you finally cleared your throat and asked;
"Will you take me flying?"
His massive frame, usually held with such rigid control, seemed to falter slightly. Azriel's eyes, the color of melted gold in the dim light, flickered with genuine surprise. The heavy cloak of shadows he always wore seemed to pull tighter around him, but for a moment, the defenses in his gaze dropped.
He didn't move toward you or away, simply standing there, processing the shift.
"You want to?" he asked, his voice a low, rough murmur, edged with disbelief. It was as if you had offered him a simple, easy pleasure—something he hadn't allowed himself too much.
You shrugged, smiling, taking his reaction as a small victory. “I’ve never seen Velaris from up there, and today is a very nice day for a fly.”
When you went to the House of Wind, you were winnowed, the small distance of flight only made of clouds.
Azriel nodded, shadows swirling frantic circles around his shoulders. He stepped unbelievably close, craning your neck to look up at him.
“Hold on tight,” he whispered, and swallowed when he felt your hands coming around his neck, burying your face in his chest. He wrapped a strong arm around your waist, the other coming to your hair, collecting so it won’t get in your eyes and won’t tangle.
You opened your eyes, saw his magical wings flaring wide, and he took off.
A small shriek left your throat, Azriel muffling a breath of laugh, his chest vibrating against yours.
You never imagined Velaris could look even more breathtaking, but from above, you truly left speechless.
Gliding through the quiet air, you watched the cityscape unfold beneath you, a mesmerizing tapestry of lights and shadows. The familiar grid of streets, now miniature and glowing, felt like the very veins of your heart. From this height, the collective sound of the city was a distant, gentle hum, the happy murmur of a place truly alive and vibrant.
Azriel took wide turns, blood rushing to your ears, but never from fear. You held onto him tightly, almost as a response, his hand on your waist gripped more, thumb brushing against the winter coat.
You watched as his wings cut through the air, slicing and dipping. His back muscles worked overtime.
They were so beautiful. They were magnificent, strong and the healed scars glowed faintly in the sunlight. You wanted to brush a finger over it, but you resisted the urge, because you knew you couldn’t touch them. Not until you get permission.
Later, when the sky slowly turned into orange hues, Azriel put you down at your doorstep.
“Thank you. This was…,” you couldn’t think of any proper word to describe how you felt after the flight, so, with a shy glance at him, you went to the bond, and showed Azriel how thankful you are.
Azriel sucked in a breath, but immediately his shoulders dropped and shadows shot out to you, dancing in your hair. You let out a surprised laugh, making Azriel’s heart flutter.
“I can’t stay away from you.”
His confession came out almost desperate, like the emotions swimming through his veins made him lose his tongue.
You stood in front of him, hands gliding through the shadows, eyes wide and locked in on him.
“I… I went to see you, when you were out. I sat there and waited for you to wake up, and I got sick of the silence, so I…,” he ran his hand through his hair, down his face, his neck, “…I talked about my days. It was so random, but I felt like you shouldn’t stay in utter silence.”
“I feel every single one of your emotions. Every. Single. One of them,” he put emphasis on each word. “And gods, I feel so… confused, because for so long, I didn’t feel anything,” he let out a broken laugh, “I’ve had nothing, and now I have everything and can’t seem to function.”
His heart beat so quickly as you slipped a hand on his chest, over his heart. Azriel let you in, let you step into his inner circle.
“Let me teach you how to feel,” you whispered, and as his hand came to rest on top of yours, holding you there, you knew he would let you.
—-
Another two weeks have passed, but never once have you felt bored, because each morning, you found a bouquet of flowers on your doorstep. From tulips, lilys, poppies, magnolias, your home smelled like a garden, and when they withered, you pressed a single flower from each bouquet between your books, keeping them as memories.
You found yourself waking up each morning excited as a smile blossomed on your face, until your cheeks hurt. You sent your gratitude down the bond each time, as a thank you.
“Have a nice day!” you bowed to the bakery owner, who made the best bread and cinnamon rolls in town, each of them laying now in your bag successfully secured.
The sun was shining now with a new purpose, as winter finally said its last goodbyes. You no longer feared sliding on the icy roads, the wind no longer biting on your cheeks and your hands, turning them red. Spring was finally coming, and you couldn’t be happier.
“You really can’t stay away,” on the other side of the street, there was Azriel, leaning on the side of an old building with his shoulders, arms and ankles crossed. Like a massive stone wall.
He shrugged, lazily crossing the road to you. “Can’t help it. You’re addicting.”
You blushed. “Flattery won’t get you anywhere,” you bit back.
He smirked. “I think it got me somewhere.”
“Jerk.”
Surprised etched onto his handsome face. But as quickly it came, as quickly it faded. And the smirk deepened.
“Naughty.”
You held his gaze, mischief twinkling in his.
“Shall we?” you indicated, showing a hand towards the empty street down the road, an afternoon walk in the early spring atmosphere. The Shadowsinger stepped next to you.
“Lead the way, trouble.”
—-
You talked about everything and nothing at the same time. You laughed more freely around him, feeling surprise and delight down the bond every time you let out a giggle or chuckle, which encouraged you to not hold back anymore.
However, you couldn’t help but notice Azriel every once in a while drifting away.
“Where did you go in that head of yours?” you asked softly, trying to not startle him.
“I just still don’t know how I can ever deserve you,” his deepest worry faces light.
You took a slow step closer to him, his body almost flush against yours. He didn’t meet your eye, as if he was embarrassed. When you slid a finger under his chin, though, you waited for him to resist, but let you lift his head up instead.
“Do you want to know the main reason why I came back?” you asked, mumbling.
He shook his head.
“Because I want to teach you love,” your other hand came up to his jaw, stroking lightly.
“How?” he rasped.
“Trust me, Azriel. You deserve it.”
He didn’t say anything afterwards. But the way he rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed, you knew he trusts you. You knew he would let you, and no matter how long it would take you, Cauldron save him, you’re stubborn, and will succeed.
“You smell so divinely sweet, like a blossoming flower. So seductive.”
If he hadn’t held you, your knees would buckle a hundred percent. You sucked in a breath, and shakily exhaled. You brushed your hand down his neck from his jaw, down until his hands, and you wished he would let you hold them.
He did.
But felt a slight tug of concern, resistance. Now, his hazel eyes, which always reminded you of a sun-drenched amber, held yours.
You pressed a soft kiss to his scarred knuckles, like a vow of acknowledging his tough times, a pledge of care.
“They’re not scary. They kept me safe.”
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