Like, what if because of Venti giving out anemo visions to all their kids, they are at war with one another to prove who has the most people in their respective element?
Crack fic, cursing, this is for shits and giggles so it isn't gonna be very accurate. Again, not at all Canon to the original story. Gn reader. (Also, I may have taken a few lines from Matt_the_curtain on tik tok, his shorts are unhinged and I love them.)
Imagine one day you finally have saved up enough money to quit your boring and soulless office corporate job and open a bakery or something fluffy like that.
The sense of freedom, pride, and accomplishment are overwhelming, but not in a bad way. You've worked and strived for this future and now it's finally come true. It's the start of a new day and a new chapter in life, it's time to enjoy this accomplishment!
And it looks like you already have customers!
You go to the door and unlock it just as a short man in a strange costume pushes past you and slams it shut once again. His teal hat nearly falls off his head as he slumps to the floor.
"Holy shit, that old...old fart is WAAAAAYYYY too fast for his age." He gasps, leaning his head against the cool glass.
"Are you okay, sir?" You ask carefully, readjusting his hat.
The man looks up at you in shock, "Shit, nearly forgot-" the man scrambles to his feet, rummaging about his pockets, "Ah, yes. I am. And do I have a surprise for you!" The man reaches behind him and pulls out a small teal gemstone adorned in gold, an anemo vision.
That could help draw attention to your bakery, the smell of pastries wafting through the air just as people set out for their lunch breaks, an enticing invitation to sweets and treats.
"This is for working so hard to finally achieve the freedom you've searched so desperately for-hey, are those donuts?"
"Yeah, want a box?"
"Maybe, what's free?"
"BARBATOS, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS-"
Suddenly the man grabbed you by your shoulders and pinned the vision to your apron, "No time to explain, just put this on and forget I was here-"
Suddenly a very tall, very angry lady pulls up in her motorcycle and kicks open the door, knocking 'Barbatos' to his feet. She scoffs at the man lying beneath her and turns to face you, far sweeter than she was a second ago.
"HI, sweetie, I'm Mavukia and-oh, let take care of this real quick" she pulled the vision off your apron and tossed it at Barbatos's head with a hard THUNK!
"Ouch..."
"Anyway, a bakery! This is incredible, I love sweets I'll take a box on my way out. BAKERS choice," she laughed at her own joke heartily, "So, this will be of far more use to you than those windy powers," she pulls out a pyro vision and attempts to fasten it onto your apron, "two chefs in the family, I'm so proud!"
A pyro vision would save on heating, but might be hard to control. It's rare someone would want to buy burnt donuts or cookies, unless they're on sale but fire shows could help drum up buisness, and it might be nice to hear from this apparent pyro chef, whoever they are, for some ideas.
"Madam Crabolata! ATTACK THAT FIEND!"
Suddenly a giant crab made of water punched the vision off your uniform, sending it careening into the nearby wall as another woman, much smaller and very much out of breath, leans against the door.
"You...you got that little cutie dragon...it's my turn!" The short woman pointed an accusatory finger at the tall woman. A tall man in blue nodding approvingly behind her.
The taller woman, Mavuika, crossed her arms and scoffed, "And you got Mualani and Aino, it's my turn, Furina."
The smaller woman pushed past the taller one, clearly not wanting to deal with this situation very long.
She cleared her throat, "Ahem, greetings, it is lovely to meet you! You can call me Furina, and it is my great honor as the hydro archon to bestoy upon you, such a devoted and diligent person, the gift of hydro-"
You don't even have a moment to process the benefits of such a gift before a loud explosion rings from outside the bakery.
"I will have order!" A man's voice booms from the street, hidden amongst the dust settling in the air.
"Not on this street you won't, but the rock down!" A woman calls out at the man, what the actual fuck is happening today?
"Looks like judgment day has come early..." the tall blue man muttered under his breath, "we'll start with Morax."
Another tall man calmly walks into the building, dusting off rubble from his impeccable clothes, "Good evening, may I be the first to congratulate you on becoming the newest member of the geo family!" The man looked over his shoulder and whispered to someone behind him, "..hutao do I really need to phrase it like this?"
"Yes, you do. Now say the line!" A young girl chuckled from behind the tall man, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she sent the man to verbal war.
The man rolls his eyes and gently places a smooth and rather cold geo vision in your palm. "I believe it is only appropriate that from now on you call me da-"
"Ha! And you all claim I am easy to trick." A purple woman walks past the small fire girl and Morax, picking up the geo vision. "This is arguably useless, what will they use it for? A half decent sheild that picks up little rocks when customers grow angry and throw stones? I see no value from this vision other than a paperweight."
"You seem to be learning a lot from your little fox friend, Raiden." The man grumbled.
"Keep yae out of your mouth, please." The tall purple woman turned to face you, her face calm and polite as she delivered her cheerful- and disturbing news -"Now, let me give you something truly useful, with this you may smite your competitors with lightning and secure your place as the greatest 'baker' in all of Teyvat."
"Ei, we discussed this, do not offer violence as the first option. Remember what happened with Kuni?" A woman peered into the bakery, an electro vision dangling from her ear. It seemed almost all of your guests brought a friend along with them.
"I didnt teach him violence was the answer to everything, that was Tsaritsas boy, doctor mini man was it?"
"Yeah, Yae, how could The Shogun teach him anything if she was never there?" Barbatos grinned up at Ei.
"I will smite you, little man."
Honestly as violent as that sounded, it was rather tempting, it would make for some fun tricks and on the off chance sales weren't going too well....
"That's illegal, Shogun." Mauvika shot Ei a look from her seat in one of the plush booths.
"Only if you are caught."
"Morax, I've been writing to you for some time. Have you forgotten how to read in your many years alone or have you been ignoring me purposefully?" The blue man said, following Morax across the bakery.
Morax sped up his walk towards the door, "I can't seem to hear you, Neuvilette, can you speak up?"
"Certainly I have all the time in the world, Morax."
Furina pinched the bridge of her nose, "Is that seriously all you have to offer? A violent mode of business, a poorly disguise plot by hutao to mess with Zhongli, and...I don't know what did you offer, Barbatos?"
"Meh, I dunno. The anemo men are hot i guess?"
"Barbatos, no offense, but all your men are sad and need therapy."
"They're sexy BECAUSE they're sad-"
"I would like to add that my element historically has the most attractive men and wemon out of the other elements."
"That's a fucking lie!"
"What? That is what the internet seems to think."
"Excuse me-" a small voice chirped from somewhere, but amongst the chaos you could not see where it came from.
"If we're talking attractive men-"
"Shut up Tsaritsa!"
"You got Ineffa and Flins, calm it down a bit, Shogun."
"Not my fault electro has so many reaction capabilities."
"Hutao, I require assistance!"
"Pardon me, please-"
"I would like to address your handling of the Osail incident, MORAX."
"Who's the last cryo we had recently? Oh yeah, CITLALI!"
"Wait for Snezhnaya, you can have the crazy doctor."
"We have Xilonen and Navia, so who really wins this one?" Hutao argued, ignoring Moraxs please for assistance outside.
"May I have a word aswell?" The voice tried again.
"Buer, they aren't listening." A young man answered.
"Yeah, we got all the strong wemon!"
"You aren't even his element, why are you not on my side?"
"He worked for half his salary this year because of budget cuts, he can say whatever the fuck he wants and I'll still back his ass up."
"PARDON ME-"
"No, Foclaors 2.0 can keep him."
"IM GONNA RIP THAT CHEAP BOARS SKIN YOU CALL HAIR OFF YOUR HEAD!"
Before you know it, six gods are arguing in your store while three magical fish creatures battle a geoshape and who appears to be Elsa in the road. This was most certainly not how you imagined opening day going, not in the slightest.
Just as you contemplate closing the store and trying again tomorrow, a small hand reaches up and tugs on your sleeve gently.
"Excuse me. I'm down here."
You look down and see a child, accompanied by a nervous young man and a very agitated man.
"HI, can my nephew, my grandson, and I order some breakfast please, and then would it be alright to discuss something important with you afterwards once things have settled? This might take awhile, but they will compensate for the damages, we shall ensure it."
She looks around the store, what parts were not damaged in the gods squabbles.
"I must say I am impressed with your decorations, but I think a few flowers by the window would be a nice finishing touch." She reaches out her hand, "where are my manners? I am Nahida, and I am very happy you opened your bakery in Sumeru. I plan to come by frequently with my family. Say his boys."
"I prefer bitter foods if you have it." The agitated man said, dodging a large spear thrown by the purple woman.
"My name is Durin...would you happen to have something spicy on the menu?"
"Y-yeah...let me go check and see." You replied weakly, still in shock from the events unfolding before you.
Yup this was most certainly not how you imagined opening day to go, but Petunias would look nice by the door...
This would make a really funny meetcute, I might expand on this later.
"You look so perfect when you're like this~" Mauvika praised you, watching you with amusement as you ground yourself against her fingers, already dripping and whining for her to just put them in already.
"Just a little longer, I promise baby~"
You moaned in response while she rubbed circles in your underwear, just barely giving you what you wanted. "Mauvika please, please mnnhgahhh, I want you!"
"Awe, you're so adorable. If only you weren't so needy you tried to do things by yourself, maybe then I would have given you what you want. But no, now it's about what I want, and I want to watch you~"
Zhongli:
"You are like a fine wine, where even the littlest taste is enough to drive someone to intoxication~" Zhongli whispered between kisses to your neck, his gentle yet strong hands guiding your movements so you were lined up with the tent in his pants every time you bounced on him.
You needed so much more, but you were already so far gone, soaking through your underwear onto him like you thought about this every night. It didn't help that he seemed to like watching you, taking in every delicious sound you made like he'd remember it for eternity.
"Keep going, finish for me so we can do it all over again~"
Kazuha:
You moan into Kazuhas mouth, your lips swollen from kisses and your center burning with need. You're sitting on top of him, your legs on either side of his thighs while he grinds up against your wetness, chasing the feeling of you with impatience.
You follow his lead, sliding your tongue along his while your hips move to meet his thrusts. He's so hard beneath you and god this friction feels so good. All that's between you are layers of fabric and a sheen of you're own slick, "Kazuha! Mnmh!"
"I, if this, mmmm, if this feels this good. I can't wait to be inside of you~" He groans quietly into your ear, making you shiver and clench around nothing. "Kazuha!"
"Cum with me~"
And you did, more then once...
Wriothesley:
"Oh god!" You clamped your hand to your mouth, trying to quiet yourself down. You felt hot all over, your ears pleasured with the sound of your own moans and Wriothesley animalistic growls. He was biting at your neck, teeth digging into the sensitive flesh like he wanted to mark you for life.
He moved so you were laying on top of his table, legs spread as he continued to thrust himself against you, humping your heat while you begged for him to do even more.
"Someone's impatient, mmmmm, I told you we will go all night and I meant it, I'm going to fuck you every way I know how~"
Mondstat: college students and a church running the govt….Khaner’ah is UNDER Mondstat. The same way the temple of space is above them. I thought Natlan was dangerous, Mondstat is ground Zero. Possible betrayer among the cast.
Liyue: the gang of creatures picked by Zhongli and a functioning govt. a ton of development and characters added.
Inazuma: a Dictator god, a shady stand in, a full out civil war. Chaotic cast insane story.
Sumeru: A college system full of the most insufferable administrators imaginable and neglect to half the country, the god is also a child but is active. “Well actually” ass people.
Fontaine: literal clown court, a device that makes all decisions while human trafficking and murder run rampant with a fake god and her power source co-ruling
Natlan: the power of friendship. Best functioning active God despite being human. Tribes doing thier best to communicate and fight the abyss.
Nod Krai: literally the shadiest seediest sea shanty tavern-place imaginable unfortunately for the people their god abandoned them and they had to fight the wild hunt, Dottore, AND everyone seems broke as hell.
I cannot wait for the next region I’ve looked forward to it since 2021.
