#maybe pms?

[namesnotlain]

J came over yesterday and I was so bitchy and annoyed and not in a good mood.

I don’t know if it’s me or him really. But it felt bad.

He didn’t do anything wrong but maybe I’m just not so into him anymore possibly. Which would suck.

I’ll give it some time to figure it out before jumping to conclusions.

[sparrowposting]

i put my jason todd playlist on shuffle while i was working out and then in the shower and it’s a mix of pump up music (up the wolves, young and menace, n2n’s im alive) and sad heartaches (used to haunt, timshel, oblivion) and honestly i started crying and almost sat down and bawled half way through i bet my life

[wholefoodsorganickale]

Every girl in the world is adorable and yet I, a potato,

[halosydne]

I can't seem to calm down? I'm not sure what triggered me. Ive just been sitting here watching True Blood and Disney movies. Meh. Brain chemistry.

[crystal-leopards]

I have so much apathy right now it is killing me. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm dying to be productive and creative and I've been incapable for like 3 straight days of being enthused about anything. It's been so long since I drew or successfully made anything. This has to change. I need to get a new job and do something that matters.

[chancemaycrown]

Sometimes I have bad days. And sometimes these days are today.

[boomvagynamite]

I've got a case of the glums.

[xallthoseprettylights]

Dear You

I may be writing this under the state of denial. If I ever am, and let it be known that I never wish to move on from this stage. 

I cried. I cried my balls and hearts out that I'm pretty sure somebody-- at least one person-- heard me. I cried till I cannot stop myself and I cried until the feelings went out. I found out that by crying you somehow release all the pain anxiety stress and everything. And because I've always associated crying with weakness, I never thought I'd be able to feel so much liberation as I finally decided to stop and go home.

And to be honest, in my 20 years of conscious memory, I've never cried as much as I did. Indeed, there's beauty in the breakdown.

And I guess only when the mind and heart is cleared up does one begin to understand. 

and I try, although I admit I haven't fully. And although I admit I still have that big chunk of risk-- that in the end, I will probably lose; I still try to understand, still try to cope. 

And that is okay, because right now, all I've been thinking about was myself, and you trying to understand me, and you comforting me, and you supporting me. And I have indeed been selfish. Because as much as I try to justify myself with my actions and words, I still fall short with what I should be. 

And I guess all I want to say is: Now I understand that it's my turn. That I can't control things anymore. That maybe my name now won't be enough to make you stay, and I know I'll have to learn to accept that it will happen. But in case you're reading, please also know that I will be waiting. 

Though I know you're probably going to like girls prettier, cuter and better than me, I will wait. I know I'm nothing but ordinary, and I have long accepted that fact. I know that I'm no head-turner, nor am I the kind of girl guys will stop and make an effort for. But these girls, they're probably going to like you back, and that is fine. I may not be able to accept everything in right now, but I just want you to thank you.

Thank you for teaching me how to do this, how to give way kahit masakit, how to give people space kahit nakakapraning, how to wait kahit nakakabaliw. and above all, I guess thank you for teaching me how to love kahit mahirap.

You're still the best thing that ever happened to me. 

And if you do decide otherwise, please also know that I will welcome you back with a hug :) 

Nica