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april 13, 2024

always taking the time to relish in the stillness of it all, despite being stuck in the middle of the fast-paced world of medicine

Transcribed Notes + Book = 🤯

#medschoolph #med school #epiphanymd #medstudent #medstudentph #studyblr #student #studentph #cardiovascularsystem #studyblrph

MD no more?

I just learned last week that both CHED and DOH wont be offering scholarships for medicine anymore to “make way” for the Doktor Para sa Bayan Act.

Guess I just blew my only chance to pursue med?

I wish I just followed my initial plan and didn’t get too emotional? I was so determined to pursue med this 2021, I enrolled in a review center and was so ready to take the March exam but I backed out and changed my plans. As if it wasn’t enough, I even had the audacity to take 5 units of Molecular Biology and Diagnostics.

A little backstory and another episode of “me making everything about me”, my father got into an accident last December which made him disabled (and impossible to go back abroad to support my studies.) It was Sunday and I was having my review class back then when it happened. I was usually locked up in my room to avoid distractions when I overheard noises outside and learned that there was someone who got into an accident few blocks away from our home and they said it was probably my father. Everything happened so fast! My mother told me and my sister to check if it was Papa. My sister got there first and when I saw her come back crying, I immediately ran back to our house, changed clothes and went to the hospital.

I was so busy with my review, I didn’t notice my phone was being blown with calls and messages from my boss and workmates. They knew my father got in an accident before me! Luckily, he was able to tell everyone in the ER I’m an employee that’s why he was given prompt attention.

I have never told anyone about this enough but it was a bit traumatizing for me. To be honest, literally few days before that day, when I was crossmatching and heard an ambulance, I had this random thought na “what if a relative of mine is in need of blood? ako talaga magc-crossmatch kahit na off duty ako” — it didn’t happen. I didn’t know what to do. I almost passed out when I saw the oozing blood out of my father’s leg. I had to get out of the ER to breathe but I had to compose myself because I’m the one who knows the process in our hospital and had to get things done as soon as possible. My father had a “direct OR”. We were lucky because I am working in the Blood Bank and extra lucky because we have stocks at the time! We were able to release five units in a jiffy and it was tagged under his name until we were discharged. The nurses kept telling me we were lucky because there were blood units back then because my father lost lots of blood and probs wont make it if there’s none. If I remember correctly, three units were transfused while he’s in the OR.

From then, I wasn’t able to absorb whatever is being taught in the lectures. I just finished the review class for the sake of finishing it. Even now, just the thought of reviewing again takes me back to that day. The accident made what I was only fearing for before happen and instilled a whole new level of fear to me.

“What if the same thing or worse happens if I’m away?” We were fine because I am working in a hospital but it would be different if I am no longer working. This and my previous thoughts made me decide not to push through studying this 2021. I also thought diverting my attention to other career path is better. I took up Molecular Biology to satisfy my long overdue desire for it ever since college. But it didn’t last. I really want to be a doctor!

What if I didn’t let my emotions get through me and still pushed through my plan? What if instead of letting the fears and doubts consume me, I should’ve used it as my inspiration to get in to medschool?

What if I knew of these scholarships earlier and didn’t have to waste years waiting for validation of “my calling”? I should’ve been either in second or third year now had I not been this indecisive. Few years left and I was supposed to be done yet I’m still stuck in my what ifs and doubts.

On a lighter note, I wish I was born with another dream. I wish I was good at other things that didn’t have to be stuck here, frustrated because I may no longer fulfill my childhood dream.

Most importantly, I wish medical education is affordable or at least just as worth the salary we are getting after.

Medicine is for those with money and those with brains. There’s no place for people like me who’s in the middle and can barely maintain the average.

#medicine #medschoolph #thoughts

It was my second year in medical school when I got diagnosed with cancer.

We were just reading and studying the symptoms and diseases in the textbooks and then suddenly I was the one experiencing it.

It started December 2018 as an enlarged lymph node on my neck which continuously grow and multiplied over weeks. After several workups and medications that did not work, the doctor recommended to do a biopsy. By that time, second semester at school just started. I consulted my professor in surgery and he suggested to do the biopsy himself as soon as possible. Before the procedure, they did an x-ray and they found a large tumor in my anterior mediastinum just above my heart which was surprising because my x-ray was normal just a month ago. There were also multiple nodules found on my lungs which are causing some fluid build up. I was alone that time and after talking to my doctor it was the only time I cried really really hard, knowing how serious my condition may be and that I might need to stop in medicine school.

A week after, just few days after my 24th birthday, the result of the biopsy came out. It was Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma B cell type, probably stage 3 or 4. This is a type of cancer that starts from the white blood cells affecting the lymphatic system which is an important part of our immune system..The good thing is that this is very responsive to chemotherapy and have a good prognosis.

It was unusual, I wasn’t that surprised when my doctor told me that I have cancer. Maybe because I had expected the worse possible outcome, or maybe because I already poured it all out when I cried before.

When I came back to my doctor for follow up I already had difficulty breathing for days but I still tried to go to school for our quiz. But when he saw me, he immediately insisted to admit me at the hospital. Apparently, I have a massive pleural effusion on my left lung (2/3 of my left lung is filled with fluid). I was scheduled for chest tube thoracostomy (CTT) insertion the next day to drain the fluid. It was a simple and quick procedure but I had complications after the operation. I was half awake in the recovery room and I could only remember that I kept on coughing and there were a lot people around me and they were in commotion. The enlarging lymph nodes on my neck started compressing my airway that I could no longer breathe. They couldn’t intubate me and they had to do an emergency tracheostomy.

I woke up in the ICU with tubes on my side and a hole on my neck. My doctor said that I went into critical state and they nearly lost me there. They started the chemotherapy immediately. Thank God, I did not experience much the side effects of chemo except for the hair loss. Doctors said it was amazing how I responded dramatically from the chemo because almost all of the enlarged lymph nodes compressing my neck are already gone just days after and I was doing good compared to other patients who have the same case. I stayed at the hospital for 22 days. I already had 2 cycles of chemo out of 8 and I’m doing well now except I already lost my hair which is difficult for me.

I had to withdraw from medicine school for the treatment. When I started in med school, I always prayed that nothing bad will happen that will make me stop from finishing it, like maybe not having enough money for my tuition but I never thought I would be sick like this because I rarely get sick before. I did asked God at one point why now? why now when I finally found something I don’t want to loose... something worth holding on to no matter how difficult it was. But none if these mattered now. God showed me that there are more things to be thankful for. I’m just thankful that I’m still alive right now. During my time at the hospital, I felt all the love and support of my family, friends, classmates, doctors who are mostly my professors also, and even the whole school of medicine. When my classmates visited, the halls of the hospital outside the ICU were filled with med students. All their support and encouragement were overwhelming and heartwarming. That’s why even if there were times that it was hard and pain is sometimes unbearable, it was not hard to see more of what I could be grateful for. I know that God have a great plan for me because I could have just died during that time in the operating room and I’m excited on what God will do in my life.

I’m back home now just resting, recovering, and trying to gain again some weight so I decided to write again and here’s my journey on fighting lymphoma, living, surviving, and embracing whatever comes ahead.

#cancer #lymphoma #Med School #medical school #medical student #fightingcancer #med student #medschoolph