#melissa blake

[girl4music]

I have to second everything Melissa Blake says here about Rob Tapert. Every time I have heard that man speak he is always proving himself to be the true feminist he is well known for in being the main showrunner of Xena. He is just constantly “You know what bugs me? There’s never any women-led…” and will just complain about the severe lack of women in everything in the TV art/entertainment industry. Or in any medium of public entertainment whatsoever. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him speak in an interview where he didn't say something about the lack of female representation in everything.

He is always championing and cheering for women and their hard work all over the world and it never ever comes off performative or like he is trying to appeal to a specific demographic. He genuinely supports women’s rights. He has spoken out so many times about how much he wishes there had been more female creators in Xena but that he just couldn’t convince all that many to give it a try and said that apart from Renée O’Connor, Liz Friedman, Chris Manheim and Nora Kay Foster, no female was really a regular on the set as a writer/director/producer and as much as he loved his entire team, it always bothered him that his show was male-dominant as far as the creative field went instead of female-dominant because, as far as he was concerned, that was how it was meant to be. A women-led show in every sense of the phrase. But that they just weren't interested in doing action/fantasy and preferred rom-coms. Donald Duncan - director of cinemaphotography on Xena - attested to that in the commentary he did for the episode ‘King Con’. He spoke about how there were very few female directors that directed for Xena and that it was a shame because that was really what the show was made for. To give women the opportunity they often do not get in the industry.

I’m not saying it’s got everything to do with her love for him but it’s no wonder why Lucy Lawless married Rob Tapert. It’s also no wonder why the Xenaverse fandom (Xenites) - which are predominantly gay or queer women - respect Rob so much as an executive producer. I mean as Melissa Blake said… you hear horror stories about the way women are treated by male showrunners (coughWhedoncough) and it’s something that I really think gets overlooked about the on-set experience of Xena. That it was a family environment even though it was male-dominated. Women had more opportunity and authority on the set of Xena than probably any other set because that’s how Rob wanted it to be. He didn’t just cater to the Xenaverse fandom - he catered to every woman on his team and never ever made any excuses for why anything couldn't be done for them at any point. It just genuinely ended up being that not many female creators wanted to stick around on the Xena set because the scope of it often meant leaving their families behind for a long time. But Rob and all the other showrunners or the leads of all the different departments working on Xena always made sure to make their environments as comforting as possible on the off-chance a woman wanted to join their team and stick it out for the long haul like them. That's what 'Xena: Warrior Princess' was about. It wasn't just an "in-show" representation thing with having two lead female characters in a romantically-heavy type of character dynamic. It was for female creators to get a foot in the door in TV art/entertainment amongst a plethora of male creators that were constantly catered to just because their sex chromosomes were XY. Rob and all of the male creators on Xena did not want that but they ultimately had no choice because few female creators were willing to take the risk on doing something that's outside their field.

Something that - at the time - was only ever expected for men to do.

I think we - as a fandom - take for granted what Xena was in this way. It was a very unique and groundbreaking experience on-set as well and if there were any horror stories, it never had anything to do with poor treatment from an abusive and oppressive male showrunner because that showrunner was the first person to offer his support.

Sure, Xena was his baby but he would have happily shared his baby with women if they were inclined to accept the offer of opportunity. I think Liz Friedman was probably the closest we had to a female showrunner on Xena. Especially since Babs left so god damn early. I do often wonder what Xena would have been if Babs stayed but then catch myself on that because that would've meant no Steven L. Sears since he is who joined the Xena team in replacement of Babs leaving.

Xena took the representation of women incredibly seriously and it's not given its due for that in my opinion. Not on the creative side at least. Rob Tapert isn't credited even half as much as he should be on this either. People remember Whedon, Moffat, Roddenberry, Murphy... the list goes on. But when you mention Tapert... it's just cricket sounds. I don't know. Maybe he prefers it that way because - like I said - he was never performative about it or seeking glory.

[rafaelsilvasource]

RAFAEL SILVA via Twitter - January 16, 2021

[laurastudarus]

January is the month for resolutions, when we promise ourselves that, this year, we will finally be fitter, happier, and more productive. (Or you know — just survive the next twelve months in one piece.) But 80 percent of the promises we mutter to ourselves as the ball drops end up failing. In fact, January 19 is known as “quitters day” so there’s a high likelihood that by time you read this some of you will have already set your lofty goals aside.

(via Five Women Changing the Way We Think About Wellness)

[girl4music]

Some clips from the 30 Years Of Xena: Warrior Princess fan appreciation panel at San Diego Comic Con 2025.

If I find the full panel, I’ll post it too.

It honestly floors me that these people still do these conventions for TV shows that ended DECADES AGO.

[intergalactic-anarchists]

From the book Beautiful People by Melissa Blake.

[ " The majority of horrible comments about my appearance are from men, and their comments go right for digs how I look. They get at big mad that I have the audacity to even show my face. In my mind, I'm thinking: "What? I'm sorry-I didn't know Ineeded your permission!" I can't help but feel that this is because they've been taught what women are "supposed to look like," so when I don't conform to their preconceived expectations, they feel emboldened and entitled to unleash and spew their toxic and misogynistic views. Maybe they feel threatened or just don't know how to respond to someone who doesn't follow their script."]

[severelymagicalthings]

In the group that I co-facilitate, the topic of being different or more accurately being considered different and our definition of different came up for discussion.

The conversation that resulted was intense, insightful, and troubling all at the same time. I was left with a lot to consider but, most of all, a strong realization that we really need to fix our definition of different.

Think about these examples for a minute.

Melissa Blake had to endure people telling her that she was too ugly to show her face online because she looks different! Here’s her response;

During the last round of trollgate, people said that I should be banned from posting photos of myself because I’m too ugly. So I’d just like to commemorate the occasion with these 3 selfies… 📸😉👋🏻

— Melissa Blake (@melissablake on Twitter) September 7, 2019

#gallery-0-4 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-4 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-4 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-4 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

You can meet Melissa either on her, Blog or via Melissa’s CNN article.

Or what about the plea that was written by the mother of Elizabeth, a little girl who faces daily prejudice because of society’s definition of different;

Open Letter To Everyone Who Makes Our Daughter’s Life More Difficult Than It Should Be

Monday 15th July 2019

To all those who make our daughter’s life more difficult than it should be.

To the parent who tried to remove my daughter from their child’s swimming lessons. To the mum who told me that children who look like my daughter would be locked away in her country. To the parents who watched their children refuse to hold my daughter’s hand and failed to intervene. To all adults who stare, double take, gawp day in, day out at our precious girl.

I understand children staring. I understand children being curious because my daughter looks so different to them. I understand that they want to know why she has no fingers, why she has no hair, why she only has one ear, why her body is a patchwork of skin grafts. I understand this is normal for a child to want to question the world around them and find out the reason for things.

What I do not understand is adults acting the way that they do around her.

Why would an adult say “at least she won’t have to wear a Halloween mask” or refuse to serve us at a supermarket till because she looked ‘scary’? Why would any adult think this is an acceptable way to behave?

The worst part is that my daughter will have to deal with this her whole life, every single day, in every room that she walks into. Perhaps when she is older the blatant and rude comments will cease, but the stares, double takes, pointing and whispers never will. I fool myself into thinking that she doesn’t notice, that she is too young to realise that she is different and because she is only five it doesn’t matter to her. But this pretence will not last long. She will notice, she will be affected by it and I am sure that the sheer weight of it will wear her down.

One day our daughter will go out in the world by herself and I will not be able to shield her from the realities of the world and from the people who think that her feelings don’t matter.

I learned early on that she will learn her reaction from me. If I challenge every person who points or whispers or grimaces, then she will. If I get angry or upset or aggressive, then so will she. And that is not the person I want her to be.

I wish I could explain this to the adults who treat her differently – that their children learn their responses from them. That if they judge people by how they look then so will their children. These parents don’t attempt to show their children that our daughter is a little girl just like them. They don’t say, “why don’t you ask her what her name is?” or “she looks about the same age as you, I wonder if she enjoys swimming as much as you do?”. Instead, their reaction is to remove this troubling difference from their children’s lives so that they do not risk them being upset or asking awkward questions.

But they are the ones missing out.

My daughter is an amazing, strong, funny, determined, happy, intelligent child. I have seen her have the most profound positive impact on people just by meeting them and sharing a few brief moments. People like Pete, her wig maker, who was immediately taken with her and offered to make wigs for her whole life, to Sophie Countess of Wessex who met her at the opening of the burns research centre at Queen Elizabeth Hospital. These are the people I want my children to grow up around. People who embrace our differences. People who see through them and realise that in fact we are all the same.

Yours Faithfully,

Liam & Sinead Soffe, parents of Elizabeth, aged 5 years old.

  Elizabeth was six months old when she was burnt in a house fire and was left with extensive scarring covering much of her body. You can read more on the site, Changing Faces.

As you read this post, you may be thinking that I’m going to suggest how we, as a society, need to be more accepting of people who don’t fall into “the norm” or median. And that we need to stop excluding and making stuff so difficult for everyone who we define as different.

But, although those are excellent points, I think it’s time we go much farther on this topic. Those points were just a necessary beginning to what really needs to be done.

It’s time to walk some real talk!

First, to fix our definition of different, we need to own and clarify precisely what we mean by different.

Then we need to ask why the heck those things are even considered different and, most importantly, why different matters. Like, seriously, why does it matter?

And we need to stop kidding ourselves that we’re showing concern by calling out people’s differences. It’s just mean and rude.

Right?

For example, why is someone who has considerably longer legs than the ‘average’ person considered more striking or beautiful, whereas someone with shorter legs may be defined as different or disabled?

Why is someone who has a visible scar considered different when scaring is a healthy natural bodily reaction to healing? Everyone scars!

Can you imagine for a minute what it would be like to be afraid every time you went outside, because people always starred at you, talked to you differently, or said something horrible to you, just because of how you looked?

Most people wouldn’t argue that even in our so-called accepting culture, we have a long way to go in ensuring that everyone is afforded fundamental rights, like getting around, being fairly employed, and enjoying legal committed relationships.

So, what if every disability, scar, mark, sexual preference, gender identity, intelligence level, and even illness was just automatically accepted as part of being human?

Period.

No definition of difference or label necessary.

And we, as members of our society, expect and demand that everyone in our community is accepted the same and afforded the same equal rights.

Maybe I’m dreaming, but I hope not.

  We really need to fix our definition of different!

In the group that I co-facilitate, the topic of being different or more accurately being considered different and our definition of different came up for discussion.

We really need to fix our definition of different! In the group that I co-facilitate, the topic of being different or more accurately being considered different and our definition of different came up for discussion.

[surprisinglives]

In the group that I co-facilitate, the topic of being different or more accurately being considered different and our definition of different came up for discussion.

The conversation that resulted was intense, insightful, and troubling all at the same time. I was left with a lot to consider but, most of all, a strong realization that we really need to fix our definition of different.

Think about these examples for a minute.

Melissa Blake had to endure people telling her that she was too ugly to show her face online because she looks different! Here’s her response;

During the last round of trollgate, people said that I should be banned from posting photos of myself because I’m too ugly. So I’d just like to commemorate the occasion with these 3 selfies… 📸😉👋🏻

— Melissa Blake (@melissablake on Twitter) September 7, 2019

#gallery-0-4 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-4 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-4 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-4 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

You can meet Melissa either on her, Blog or via Melissa’s CNN article.

Or what about the plea that was written by the mother of Elizabeth, a little girl who faces daily prejudice because of society’s definition of different;

Open Letter To Everyone Who Makes Our Daughter’s Life More Difficult Than It Should Be

Monday 15th July 2019

To all those who make our daughter’s life more difficult than it should be.

To the parent who tried to remove my daughter from their child’s swimming lessons. To the mum who told me that children who look like my daughter would be locked away in her country. To the parents who watched their children refuse to hold my daughter’s hand and failed to intervene. To all adults who stare, double take, gawp day in, day out at our precious girl.

I understand children staring. I understand children being curious because my daughter looks so different to them. I understand that they want to know why she has no fingers, why she has no hair, why she only has one ear, why her body is a patchwork of skin grafts. I understand this is normal for a child to want to question the world around them and find out the reason for things.

What I do not understand is adults acting the way that they do around her.

Why would an adult say “at least she won’t have to wear a Halloween mask” or refuse to serve us at a supermarket till because she looked ‘scary’? Why would any adult think this is an acceptable way to behave?

The worst part is that my daughter will have to deal with this her whole life, every single day, in every room that she walks into. Perhaps when she is older the blatant and rude comments will cease, but the stares, double takes, pointing and whispers never will. I fool myself into thinking that she doesn’t notice, that she is too young to realise that she is different and because she is only five it doesn’t matter to her. But this pretence will not last long. She will notice, she will be affected by it and I am sure that the sheer weight of it will wear her down.

One day our daughter will go out in the world by herself and I will not be able to shield her from the realities of the world and from the people who think that her feelings don’t matter.

I learned early on that she will learn her reaction from me. If I challenge every person who points or whispers or grimaces, then she will. If I get angry or upset or aggressive, then so will she. And that is not the person I want her to be.

I wish I could explain this to the adults who treat her differently – that their children learn their responses from them. That if they judge people by how they look then so will their children. These parents don’t attempt to show their children that our daughter is a little girl just like them. They don’t say, “why don’t you ask her what her name is?” or “she looks about the same age as you, I wonder if she enjoys swimming as much as you do?”. Instead, their reaction is to remove this troubling difference from their children’s lives so that they do not risk them being upset or asking awkward questions.

But they are the ones missing out.

My daughter is an amazing, strong, funny, determined, happy, intelligent child. I have seen her have the most profound positive impact on people just by meeting them and sharing a few brief moments. People like Pete, her wig maker, who was immediately taken with her and offered to make wigs for her whole life, to Sophie Countess of Wessex who met her at the opening of the burns research centre at Queen Elizabeth Hospital. These are the people I want my children to grow up around. People who embrace our differences. People who see through them and realise that in fact we are all the same.

Yours Faithfully,

Liam & Sinead Soffe, parents of Elizabeth, aged 5 years old.

  Elizabeth was six months old when she was burnt in a house fire and was left with extensive scarring covering much of her body. You can read more on the site, Changing Faces.

As you read this post, you may be thinking that I’m going to suggest how we, as a society, need to be more accepting of people who don’t fall into “the norm” or median. And that we need to stop excluding and making stuff so difficult for everyone who we define as different.

But, although those are excellent points, I think it’s time we go much farther on this topic. Those points were just a necessary beginning to what really needs to be done.

It’s time to walk some real talk!

First, to fix our definition of different, we need to own and clarify precisely what we mean by different.

Then we need to ask why the heck those things are even considered different and, most importantly, why different matters. Like, seriously, why does it matter?

And we need to stop kidding ourselves that we’re showing concern by calling out people’s differences. It’s just mean and rude.

Right?

For example, why is someone who has considerably longer legs than the ‘average’ person considered more striking or beautiful, whereas someone with shorter legs may be defined as different or disabled?

Why is someone who has a visible scar considered different when scaring is a healthy natural bodily reaction to healing? Everyone scars!

Can you imagine for a minute what it would be like to be afraid every time you went outside, because people always starred at you, talked to you differently, or said something horrible to you, just because of how you looked?

Most people wouldn’t argue that even in our so-called accepting culture, we have a long way to go in ensuring that everyone is afforded fundamental rights, like getting around, being fairly employed, and enjoying legal committed relationships.

So, what if every disability, scar, mark, sexual preference, gender identity, intelligence level, and even illness was just automatically accepted as part of being human?

Period.

No definition of difference or label necessary.

And we, as members of our society, expect and demand that everyone in our community is accepted the same and afforded the same equal rights.

Maybe I’m dreaming, but I hope not.

  We really need to fix our definition of different! In the group that I co-facilitate, the topic of being different or more accurately being considered different and our definition of different came up for discussion.

[upajiwa]

Melissa Blake, ’05, is a blogger and freelance writer who has contributed for CNN.com, The New York Times, and The Washington Post, among other publications.