#mens issues

[themadbutcher]

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Issues that affect men that might not affect them on the same level it does to women are still issues worth caring about

[pisceanpharies]

The myth that socialization is the cause of male violence is one of the most dangerous politics perpetrated against girls and women. It denies reality. It denies what most girls and women know in their hearts and from their own experience. It denies that male violence exists across many animal species, and particularly in our mammal relatives. This myth is why women who are invested in boys and men keep devoting the majority of their lives to males, hoping to somehow make a better world, when in reality their very devotion to males prioritizes them before girls and women, feeds them psychically, emotionally, physically, and literally keeps patriarchy going. If women stopped supporting men, patriarchy would end. Besides refusing to reproduce, this is the most important thing that women can do for the earth. Rather than continuing to hope and fantasize that males will change, we actually have the power to stop men from raping, killing, making other species extinct and destroying the earth. Because we are trained from our earliest memories to worship males and to believe lies instead of our own perceptions, the truth can be shocking and upsetting. But we can easily see the truth all around us, and it ultimately frees us. Men know very well how innate their capacity for violence is, and how deeply, biologically different they are from females. If in doubt, just ask them. Listen to them and read them, and then, as many of us have done, stop voluntarily interacting with them on every level. A man in India wrote: “I have heard the socialization excuse too. It’s nonsense. Biological men are naturally born rapists. What feminists say about men — that they rape because of their upbringing and social conditioning – is ridiculous. I am a man, and I hate men and rapists because I was raped as a kid and I know how painful it is. Even after that, I feel like raping women when I see them. It’s a natural feeling because of testosterone. I try hard to control it because I know how painful it can be to be raped. But I don’t trust myself. I am a man and a potential rapist and I don’t trust myself because I can’t help with the testosterone. I can say that 100% it is not my upbringing – it’s nature. The only way to stop rape is to just not give birth to males. Girls and women can only be safe when there are no boys or men on this planet.” […] In response, some female animals have built female-only societies, while others choose to live in groups where all the adults are female and males are ejected once they are adolescent and from then on live alone, since they can’t get along with other males. Some female species, like ants and bees (so much for “the birds and the bees” propaganda) have almost completely eliminated the males and control the existence of the few they choose to create.

Source

[abearinthewoods]

(This post is a repost of a message of mine in the Leftist MRAs discord related to a poll on the loneliness epidemic)

The loneliness epidemic seems to be to be a symptom of a larger problem and thats increasing levels of social anxiety and depression.

Of course men are lonely when they live under a base level of suspicion and allowed expressions of (even platonic) affection or closeness.

Men spend their life being expected to measure up to an ideal of manhood to prove their worth and safety while every healthy coping mechanism or expression of that anxiety is locked away to women or misinterpreted from men to be manipulation or weakness leaving it to fester under the surface.

Whats worse, there is generally more empathy for women then men which means people are more likely to be understanding and compassionate when those anxieties lead her to act in unhealthy ways. offering comfort and redirecting her towards a more healthy direction where as with men we are more likely to shame and punish them for not already knowing to do that.

This means that anxiety can become a trigger for more anxiety, The act of feeling anxious creating a vicious loop of shame embarrassment and anxiety.

Really I say it boils down most cleanly to the gap in insecurity empathy.

When boys and young men express insecurity, we respond with mocking derision and when girls and young women express insecurity we respond compassionately and understandingly.

Dove will spend 6 million dollars on a 30 second super bowl ad to affirm to insecure young women that they matter and are beautiful just for being born a women meanwhile we call insecure young men virgin neckbearded losers.

[chondrichthyes-x-mantodea]

I think one of the biggest infringements on a humans non-physical rights is the desecration of identity. Therefore, women are suffering tremendously. But you never hear about that. Even statistics will be skewed in order to prioritize males because God forbid one of those matted, stinking animals experiences anything negative. Of course, our job as women is to make sure NOTHING touches them. Wahhhhhhh, male suicide.... women attempt more. Men love stats until stats prove them wrong. One statistic says males commit more and it needs no further inspection, but stats show males commit more than half of violent crime, and it's not plausible. It's not my fault males own more firearms. Im tired of the male victim mindset.

Im tired of males taking feminist rhetoric and, in such male fashion, spinning our work to say its really MALES who are hurting. Im tired of walking on eggshells in front of males and their liberal feminist dick riders when it comes to this. People act like I'm Satan for not loving the same people who are taking our right to health, even my mental health, through refusal of medication. But no one cares to ask how this is impacting women's mental health.

It has always been a fact that in a heterosexual relationship, the dynamic has the woman serving the males' needs. Be it excusing a man lashing out at his wife who is battling cancer or a man telling his wife, of whom he is expecting a child with, that he won't "look down there" while shes in excruciating pain. A man who then refuses to touch his wife after their child is born. "He's probably stressed." "Men dont handle that stuff well." It has to have them at the center for it to be considered true emotion, and that is the irony.

I experience this with my father. He can't remember the simplest things about me, but he's "just not doing well mentally... Okay??? Me neither? That's why all of these studies surround shit like their inability to communicate and being lonely.

Their emotional well-being is not womens issue. They'll do studies on how men lose their emotional support... but what about women. How many women felt supported emotionally by husbands? Because last time I checked, men were asking wives for sex a day after enduring childbirth. Men were leaving wives bleeding after their fetus naturally aborted because they "were afraid of the blood." Men were still sitting watching football while their wife, who was 8 months pregnant, was cooking and cleaning dishes. Men have always made their happiness about their personal well-being. Women derived happiness from the people around them thriving

Men can't cry? Oh, poor babies. They can't cry or their manhood, their most precious manhood, will be threatened. Unfortunately, I can not cry either, or else I'm hysterical, but I understand how that's not as pressing as your ego. A mans pride is threatened by vulnerability in some rare cases, compared to a woman's sanity.

When a male cries in grief he is confronted with belief. Its made human and genuine. When a woman cries in grief, it's her animal maternal instincts pushing through, and people rush to infantilize her for 3 seconds before forgetting what she was even sad over. Losing my Peryite recently has made me really recognize this pattern

If you're a man and get offended over this, stop and think for one second. Did I invalidate your emotions, or did I call out the fact that you attach every sentient thought you have to being a male? Men can have issues, but not because they're males. I hope yall soon learn that something doesn't have to be designated "boys only" in order for it to be genuine, I know that's what you've been taught.

I know I said I'd do a deep dive into emotions, and I kinda did now. I was going to combine how media proves the male emotion craze bullshit wrong, but I kind of separated them into two posts.

[nooblysblog]

Men will do anything but go to therapy jokes are funny and all; but alot of men don't feel comfortable going to therapy because of socal stigma and toxic gender roles. not to mention how inaccessible therapy can be for the lower class.

[uncle-fruity]

It's concerning how much I've seen feminists only focus on male privilege as if that's a universal phenomen that automatically means all men are treated well and have no issues. Like I learned that feminism was about how the patriarchy is a system that effects everyone. You just have to look at how many men are imprisoned and how men are believed to be inherently violent and how that results in marginalized men facing extreme forms of violence as a result.

Yeah, I think it's interesting that male privilege seems to be the beginning & end of these discussions of oppression for many people. I think it shows a lack of understanding for the purpose of the terminology and a general failure to apply intersectionality -- perhaps because these terms have strayed a bit from their original functions within feminist theory. It's not about proving who is *more* oppressed, but rather about analyzing how the systems of oppression will affect people differently depending on the intersections of their identity, to gain a fuller picture of the problems we need to tackle. Often, when people try to use male privilege as a reason we don't need to care about men's issues, it is painfully clear to me that they are envisioning one very specific sort of man. For most marginalized men, male privilege is highly conditional. Black men, disabled men, queer men, poor men -- all examples (but certainly not an exhaustive list) of men whose male privilege is conditional on their ability to perform masculinity the "right" way (in line with the white supremacist & patriarchal ideal of a man). Which is to say that no type of privilege is going to look exactly the same, because privilege is highly dependent on where you start in life and how other people see you and treat you. If you are marginalized in several ways, that will impact your ability to access male privilege.

The same people who use male privilege as a way to shut down conversations about men's issues tend to react defensively if you point out any of their own privileges. White privilege and class privilege are major players in the system of oppression, but it would be wild for me to say that rich white women didn't suffer from any oppression just because the system tends to value them over poor black men. It would be wild to say that cis women don't suffer under the patriarchy despite their cis privilege over trans people. It would be wild to say that mentally and physically abled women don't suffer from the patriarchy because they are given more systemic freedoms than disabled people. It is wild to me that people would use privilege as a reason to discard & shut down someone's experiences with oppression & patriarchy, considering most of us experience some kind of privilege over others. Discussions of privilege need to be less about how privilege looks on paper (because it is a lot messier & more complex in practice), but rather about how the privileges you have tend to obscure your understanding of what it's like to not have those privileges. Essentially, when people say, "Check your privilege," in good faith, what they're doing is reminding people that they might not experience the same hardships because of how they move through life. Acknowledging and analyzing your own privileges *is* good practice, but it will look different for everyone. Like, my white privilege as a poor white trans person is going to look a LOT different than the white privilege that's afforded to rich white cis people. It's not that I don't have the privilege at all, but you can't one-size-fits-all privilege.

And, frankly, men's issues ARE vital to feminism for multiple reasons. So many of the problems men face need to be addressed because the feminist movement as a whole would benefit from it. Noted feminist Bell Hooks said, "We cannot have loving men if we don't love men," and she was right. I think there is a tendency among all genders to minimize the pain of men, to shut down men's emotions, to isolate men, to see men as sex machines, to see men as dangerous objects or wild animals, to body shame men, to ridicule men when they cry, to force men into violent societal roles, to insist that men must cut themselves off from their emotions to be seen as worthy men, who then turn around and blame men for being distant and closed up and unable to healthily cope with their emotions. And if you point this out, the immediate response is that you're accusing women of pushing men into radical antifeminism, but that misses the point. The point isn't that women who are victims of gendered violence are pushing men to become abusers by talking about their bad experiences with men -- the point is that men are experiencing sexism & gender essentialism and feeling pressure from *everyone* to be a certain way, and they get backed into a corner and dehumanized along the way. Self-proclaimed feminists, who *should be* their allies, are leaving them to the dogs. There are so precious few spaces where men are allowed to be soft or vulnerable or to seek help or find community and solidarity, and even fewer that are made up of more than just other men. People want them to do the work on their own, and treat men more like potential threats of violence rather than potential community members who will work on themselves and stand up for people they love if given a fair chance. No one can get to that point alone, and yes. When people are in pain and isolated and no one cares about it because "other people have it worse," that is a prime opportunity for radicalizing hate groups to take advantage of them and brainwash them into hating other people, even though, in the case of men, it is not in men's best interest to hate women. It's really not in any of our best interests to hate entire groups of people, especially if we're speaking in terms of systemic reform. But little boys will see the hypocrisy of people who complain about how bad gendered violence can be and yet how those same people still perpetuate it when it comes to men. So selling them the narrative that feminism is bullshit and women don't actually want equality & safety, but rather actually want to have power over men is easy. It's not a true narrative, but it is an easy thing to convince someone blinded by pain and rage who have no other outlet for it, particularly for young boys who have faced abuse & gendered violence from women. When we deny boys & men the opportunity to define their gendered violence from a feminist perspective, when we keep them out of our communities and treat them like the gender roles & expectations used against THEM is so much different and less important than the gender roles & expectations used against US, what message are we sending them? Gender essentialism is bad EXCEPT when we can use it as a tool for our own gain. That's the message that they are getting from people who are claiming to be feminist. And if someone isn't well versed in inclusive feminist theory and the complexity & historical context of the systems of oppression, it's honestly logical that someone might take away the message that they aren't welcome and that there's no place for them in The Good Fight, so they better protect what they have. And everyone suffers from that isolation and perpetuation of sexism.

Even from a fully selfish point of view, taking care of men and helping them understand and work against gender essentialism that they face will ultimately give them a better understanding of gendered violence & oppressive systems as a whole and help them become better allies. It gives them an opportunity to connect with feminism on their own terms and (hopefully) expand beyond their own struggle to learn and fight against the struggles other people face. It ensures safer feminist spaces for so many different trans people who are affected by the hatred & alienation of men or people who are viewed as men. It works against racist narratives in the media, which utilize the fear of (especially non-white) men and the assumption of male violence to push their, again, racist agendas. This is stuff that affects every part of the system of oppression. It affects different people differently. But if we leave our biases unchecked and unscrutinized, we are leaving ourselves open to manipulation. Oppressors WANT men to be separated from & villanized within the gender conversation, because they NEED men to want to protect their status as "patriarch" and uphold the status quo even when they have no power to actually be a patriarch. Oppressors WANT white people to see their struggles as separate from non-white folks because they NEED white people to dehumanize non-white folks so they can keep getting away with subjugating those people. Oppressors WANT rich folks to view themselves as better than everyone & to see their wealth as a sign that God wants them to be rich because they NEED rich people to hoard their wealth, lest that wealth be redistributed and their systems of oppression undercut.

Gendered violence, the Patriarchy, the roles they need us all to uphold and self-police... none of it is separate from the Bigger Picture. Systemic oppression hurts most people, very much including men, and one of the reasons a small few can maintain power & status is because they use all the power & status they already have to spread lies and keep us fighting. If they make people believe that they would have power & status if not for [x] demographic, they keep those people working within the system & maintaining the status quo for a promise that will never be fulfilled. That's why it's so short sighted to reject men and to devalue men as a whole within feminism.

At least... that's my opinion based on my education & experiences. I really think we need to listen and learn from each other more than we currently do. I think working together is the only way out of this, and I think our diversity and difference in experiences make us stronger. I'm here to fight these systems, to change these systems and do my best not fall victim to them along the way.

Thanks for the message! I know I sort of went off there, but what am I if not long winded? But yeah. I think this part of the conversation is sorely needed. I see man hate and dismissal as just another conservative tool of oppression, whether it's intentionally being used that way or not, and we need to be better than that.

[itsbansheebitch]

Since this is becoming a relevant conversation again...

People are wondering why the ratio between mlm and wlw is so dramatic. This is reasonable question to ask, however, people's first explanation is misogyny. This is (mostly) incorrect.

if you watch Contrapoint's latest video (Twilight) she actually gets into the psychology of women reading mlm.

However, i think that she says it better than i do and you can watch her video to see her analysis. I'm hear to share my own experience.

I'm afab and I read more mlm than wlw. In fact, i barely read any wlw at all. That, to someone who's ready to scream "misogyny" wouldn't make sense to to ME liking women.

Here's the truth on why I read mlm more: I relate to male characters more. Now, you might suggest that this is because the male characters i read are better written, however, I disagree. I relate to male characters more because I was RAISED as a "boy." My father WAS misogynistic and was expecting a son. He got two daughters. Instead of changing his parenting style, I got raised with "men's issues."

Men's issues meaning, an expectation to not just be good, but be The Best(TM). An expectation to never share or show emotion. An expectation to treat ever hobby like it will be a job, contraetc

HOWEVER! I was also raised as a "girl" because of his misogyny. This made me have "women's issues."

Women's issues meaning, an expectation to settle for the bare minimum, an expectation to stay quiet & not speak up & not advocate for myself, an expectation to be a housewife and to focus on my looks above my self worth. etc

This means that when female characters complain about how "men don't know how to communicate, yadda yadda UUGGGHH MEN" I always cringe because I AM that person. I can't communicate like other girls (literally). I wasn't taught to communicate. I was taught to hide my feelings and bottle my emotions up. All I hear is characters berating each other for not communicating when the writers don't realize that it is NOT THAT EASY. Any communication skills I've learned is from reading & writing essays for school.

I just can't relate to girls that complain about that sort of thing because I have the issues they complain about. As someone who's afab, raised with the worst of both worlds, take it from me:

The Amount of Emotional Repression that Men Experience on a Daily Basis is Cruel and Inhumane.

If you won't listen to them tell you that, then you will listen to me.

Because of this, I find myself relating more to male characters. So yes, I will continue to read mlm more than wlw. Until people actually talk about men's issues in a kinder manner and write character accordingly, I will continue to read mlm. That's not misogyny. That's me looking for characters with similar life experience to me. I'm sure SOMEONE reads more mlm because of misogyny, but they are the MINORITY.

Put away your pitchforks and Mind. Your. Business.