hi so i was wondering if anyone here knows how to remove mental walls? im not sure if thats what those are called but when im around people ill kind of shut them out of certain aspects of myself or people will be asking me questions and ill kind of just shut myself down i guess im sorry im really bad at explaining this but its starting to become really bad for me and its getting harder for me to become closer with people and stuff and id just really like to stop it
I think I know what you’re talking about. I’m the same. I really don’t like having people in my head or having them become aware of my problems no matter how big or small it is. I’m mortified that if I do I’ll get hurt again so I thought this way would be easier. But you’re right; it’s hard to get close to anyone if you can’t let them see the darkest parts of you. I don’t mind learning about people’s secrets and helping them, but when it comes to me I run away and I hide. Learning to trust and open up again is not an easy process. But it’s not impossible. Like everything, we can train ourselves. What I started doing was I wrote down everything I felt. If I’m hungry and it makes me sad, I write it down. Anything that keeps you up at night or anything that makes you want to scream, write it down. Why? This allows you to explore your emotions. It allows you to let your emotions out even though it is private but it’s practice. It’s easier to tell someone that I’m sad, agitated, or angry now because I’ve done it before. I’ve put it on paper. From paper to verbal is not a far leap.
Another thing that really helped me was my counselor. It’s a tough go with my counselor. I don’t really like showing people that I’m vulnerable. I was voted happiest person for a reason! But she never really stopped pressing, you know? And I think that’s what helped me. She made me think and made me talk. So much that I look forward to our session when I get agitated. She becomes my diary. She becomes the person that I tell my emotions to.
I know that there are risks when you open up to someone. I know that you do get hurt. I know that the pain will be great no matter how much you’ve shared with them or how long you know them. But it’s worth it, you know? It’s worth hurting for because I want to be able to love and trust fully again. I want that. So these are the things I started doing, maybe one of them would work for you!
Challenge. It’s a pain in the butt to start somewhere with trust because it’s not every dya that you get into a life or death situation. So every day, I challenge myself to trust someone with something I haven’t told anyone before. This doesn’t have to be something great. It doesn’t have to be a secret. If you’re eating a donut, you can tell them that you love donut or a story about donuts. This typically works best with people you’re fairly well acquainted with already.
Start small. You don’t have to start big. You don’t have to start with a secret. You don’t have to say anything that you’re not comfortable with. Two nights ago I shared with the entire theatre company that I have depression. No one said anything. A friend squeezed my hand but they understood. They didn’t look at me differently. I didn’t say it to gain sympathy or pity, you know? But you don’t have to do that. You can start by letting someone in little bit at a time. Start by letting them know that you’re not feeling so hot. They’re going to ask if you wanna talk about it. Or if you want to rant or something along that line. Allow that to happen and see where it goes.
Learn to let go of negativity and start thinking more positively.
Create a realistic and viable plan.
Do something positive everyday, no matter how small, that will help you get to your end result.
Craft your one-minute elevator “sales pitch” because this will require you to really focus.
Accept that sometimes you are going to fail but not trying is more of a failure.
If things begin to go awry maintain a sense of humor.
Instead of saying “I can’t” start with “I can.” For example, change “I can’t possibly run a marathon” to “I can run six miles” now how do I get to the marathon.
Believe that what you are doing (or want to do) is important and make it a priority.
Exercise (always helps to get the endorphins and creative energy flowing).
Help someone; this is one tip that I am going to begin to pursue more frequently because there is no better way to create positive energy than to help someone who is really in need.
Learn to love yourself. Once you’ve accept yourself for all that you are, you’ll be able to accept that people will accept you for you or stop caring if they don’t. You are you no matter what. Don’t let anyone make you change yourself for any reason at all. They don’t matter in the long run. How you feel about yourself is a lot more important.
Figure out why you built up those walls in the first place. Why? I built up my walls because I was betrayed by the people I loved most. My best friends. Every time I make friends ad trust someone, they leave me. So I shut myself off. I shut myself from the world so I wouldn’t be hurt again. If I don’t trust, if I don’t allow someone in, they can’t hurt me. That was my logic for a long time but I learned that it wasn’t right. I can’t live life like this. I can’t live fully while being on guard. Yes, life is full of hurt but if I risk it? I’ll be exposed to a lot more good things. I think figuring out your why may help you see things clearer too.
I apologise if this isn’t helpful, but I hope this provides you with some insight as where to go and what to do next.<3
