[crawls into your inbox and stares with big begging for theory eyes]
Ok, it’s more like a headcanon I’ve yet to really explore in anything yet, which is just touchstarved!chico… a state he finds himself in despite and even made more severe by how many people he surrounds himself with, because a clap on the shoulder here and there is nothing, and besides, there are Rules to the duration of casual touches that leave a bigger hole than it could hope to fill!!
By contrast, Miguel pinning Chico up against the bunk in season 3 — the way Chico’s able to hold him and hold him and hold him (and be held, be clung to) after stabbing Miguel? Rewires his brain a little. Because of course Chico is not aware of what this unsettled feeling in him is. So like… he starts figuring he’s into the violence because surely that explains why the prolonged touch scorches—he’s averse to the danger, instincts screaming against it even if afterward, he misses the contact.
Basically, I think it would be interesting & there is potentially room to explore a Chico who misinterprets being touch-starved as variously: being into violence, being into executing violence, being into knives, whichever…
With additional confusion when he feels vague echoes of it during the brief hug in a McManus’s office, after trying to chase that thrill fighting Torres (unable to fully achieve more than the simple adrenaline because the exchange of blows happens too fast—always the issue with fisticuffs. Also he nearly gets his throat cut and it wasn’t even as scary-sexy as he was hoping. Mostly it was just scary. Wasn’t that worth it.)…
(Also holding Shupe down and cutting his arm off wasn’t that exciting either?) (Chico can’t quite figure out the right mix of things to feel that terrifying gratification again)
Also something something, Chico casually referencing his misinterpretation to Miguel once they’re friends again in terms of, like, “doesn’t it kind of turn you on when you’re in a fight? That’s normal, right?” and Miguel is like 🤨 “Ummm what? No?” Meanwhile Chico’s trying to argue some theory about endorphins and it all being the same. 🤔