#mike crippleposts

[cowboystokes]

standing up and going ouch ow owwww ow. then sitting down and going ouch owwww ow ow. then surely lying down will be different . no. ouch owww ow ow owww ouch

[cowboystokes]

get fucking normal about the needs of disabled adults. get fucking normal about different types of disabled care. get fucking normal about disabled adults getting care from their own family.

no, it’s not fucking weird that as an adult my mom has had to help me finish showering or get dressed. no it’s not weird she’s had to help me get to the toilet. because i needed help. she helped me.

would you rather i couldn’t shower? or had to sit naked in the bathroom for hours until my body was well enough to put my clothes on? or if i couldn’t go to the toilet?

me needing care isn’t weird. it’s not creepy or strange. not all of us are in a place to have outside care, or even need it enough to warrant hiring a carer outside of our families. some of us just plain aren’t comfortable with being cared for in such vulnerable ways by strangers.

GET NORMAL ABOUT IT.

[cowboystokes]

being an adult with symptoms that mimic drunk people and trying to have fun at a club with my friends is a specific hell.

getting eyed by the bouncers and bar staff when im staggering from a subluxed joint, or when i go skidding across the dancefloor because my hip popped out the socket and i lost my footing

throwing up in the toilets because sometimes that happens and my friend is trying to get me to stop because they’ll kick us out

having to sit on the floor by the pool table where my friends are playing because i’m going to start fading in and out of consciousness and the only other seats are stools i’ll fall out of. some guy my friend invited starts taking my phone and telling me to get up because im gonna get them all kicked out.

setting up part of my medical ID on my phone to explain that i’m not drunk i’m just disabled and im terrified for the day they don’t listen because i don’t wanna fuck my friends night up

[cowboystokes]

disabled issues are so constantly sanitised that even on my own accounts that either heavily feature crippleposting or literally just have my friends on it, i feel uncomfortable talking about the ‘grosser’ symptoms i suffer with !!

and the thing is! if that was *all* it caused then fine. that’s my issue to deal with, something *i* need to get over. but it’s not. because the over sanitisation of issues affects how doctors talk to me. it affected what symptoms i was warned about. doctors only told me the more ‘acceptable’ issues id suffer with.

no one warned me that my teeth will start to decay. that i’ll taste and smell vomit and sometimes blood. that bending down will make me puke sometimes with no warning. that excessive sweating might start and it might get so bad it’ll stain white bedsheets. it might also change scents. you’ll start sweating uncontrollably from your face even in the freezing cold. that sometimes your back will hurt so bad that you won’t be able to go to the toilet. and because of that you’ll get pain in your bladder from strain because you physically couldn’t pee all night. that sometimes even when you make it to the toilet, you can’t bend enough to clean yourself up or get re-dressed.

sanitisation doesn’t just affect the public’s view of us, of our issues. it doesn’t just affect how some of us see ourselves. it affects our medical care. i shouldn’t have to find all these things out alone. i should’ve been told how to deal with them. i need help, not someone who finds my issues ‘gross’

[cowboystokes]

i’m thinking about sick4sick friendships i’m thinking about keeping spare meds in my bag to share with my buddies. my partner offering me their cane when i can’t smuggle my own out the house.

im thinking about sick4sick with strangers. sharing advice. the grin when you have the same canes. complimenting cool mobility aids.

i’m thinking about hand me down knee braces and joint straps my dad gives to me. passing them on like heirlooms.

im thinking about the solidarity in pain and how beautiful it can be

edit: hello everyone enjoying this post i made a longer version on my blog if u wanna check it out :o)

[cowboystokes]

i was a kid and in pain and they would go “you’re not in pain you’re too young for that pain come back when ur older ” and then i got old and went hey i am in pain and then they go “but that was kid pain you should’ve grown out of ur too old for that “ ok so i think all of u should take a walk off a cliff . or paint th wall with ur head . whichever is easiest thanks

[cowboystokes]

it gets to me sometimes how uncomfortable people are when they find out i’m still sick. it’s always a mix of pity and genuine discomfort and i never quite now how im supposed to react to it.

like the girl i was good friends with in school for years who took notes for me in our shared lesson when i stopped coming to school, who saw me in the pub a few years later with a cane and asked “oh god what’s wrong with you!” and looked uncomfortable when i responded “still the same thing as before”

seeing parents of people i went to school with who know me and know how i was as a child and they cheerfully ask “so you still got that thing going on?” (it’s always thing. never illness or sickness or condition) and then get surprised when i say that yes, the lifelong chronic illness i have is lifelong and chronic!

the thing is, i really don’t think a lot of people grasp what a chronic illness is!!! it’s not something i just grow out of, it’s not something that’s healed by a couple years passing. but people don’t like to think about that. because they remember how i was before, when i was healthier, and look and listen to how i am now and realise that i really am never going to be that person again. and they think of themselves and their loved ones and get nervous and itchy about it because they know me getting sick wasn’t caused by something preventable, it just happened.

and i know they’re probably looking for a surface level “yeah i’m okay.” or for me to just brush it off but i don’t and never will because i need people to get comfortable with the idea that they are never above getting sick. and i don’t mean that in a fearmongering way i don’t say that to upset people i say that because understanding brings compassion and god knows disabled people deserve more compassion !

there’s a world out there that abled people will never even begin to understand unless they sit with that uncomfortable feeling properly! there’s a world out there that they may very well become part of, a world that’s not built for disabled people to thrive, or even survive. it’s not made for us and they are always just one step away and i need people to get compassionate and maybe they need to be selfish about it too! maybe the change they make in looking outwards at the state of accessibility and the lives of disabled people will come from discomfort and a feeling of dread that they could one day be beaten down by the very same system that affects us today! if fear of your own future and the potential future of your loved ones is what gets you to open your eyes and start attempting to change and help those disabled people around you, then maybe you need to get selfish!

i won’t sanitise the life i lead now, i won’t downplay the fact that i am saddled with one hell of a shitty body cause i need people uncomfortable, because only when they’re forced to face something will it bring change !!!

anyway.

[cowboystokes]

havin a disability that affects ur hands when ur an artist is so fucking evil. i wanna draw but my fingers won’t move properly and the cyst n my wrist is making movements painful . cursed i am CURSED