04#20 About guilt tripping
I want to talk about the feeling of guilt. It belongs to the negative feeling state category. It is one of the “sad” emotions, which also include agony, grief and loneliness, according to the framework of Fischer, Shaver & Carnochan.
How exactly is this feeling caused?
We often feel guilt at moments when we are convinced to be the one who cause harm. It is the feeling of responsibility for the misfortune of others. The feeling that you did something wrong or bad to another person. It feels horrible and often we want to get rid of this feeling. Sometimes it pushes you to do something for another person.
Let me tell you a small story. Guilt is a horrible feeling that I would never want anyone to feel. Sadly, I know somebody who made me feel guilty. Call it manipulation, call it whatever you want but I like to use the term guilt tripping. I will tell you about my trip.
It started with an innocent friendship. It was a nice friendship, we laughed, we chatted and sometimes hang out. At some point, I made priorities in life and it made me seeing and talking to this person less. And they made me feel bad about it. Sometimes I texted them but it ends up in a one-way conversation. The person never texts me back. And when I have time, they guilt tripping me to say that it is my fault to be so busy.
“I did not want to bother you, I was waiting for you to contact me. It has been a while since we met, when are we seeing each other again?”
The guilt is building up. I love to spend my time efficiently, so usually when I have an appointment, I would schedule something else after it as well. One day, I end up meeting this person again. I did not miss them, neither I had interest in the life that they have been living till now. I made this appointment pure of guilt. We spend like 5 hours together and I needed to go back for my next appointment. That person did not liked it. I told them a day ago that I needed to head back at a certain hour. For almost the whole day, this person was telling me how sad it was that we hanging out so less in many different ways. I did not identify any gratefulness for a single moment. I tried so hard making this person laugh and look at the positive side of our meeting. In the end I felt an extremely bad feeling inside my stomach when I headed back. It was so bad, I almost got anxiety attack of it. Meditation calmed me down.
I have some advise for you: Whenever you feel guilty, watch closely who is talking you into this feeling. Is the guilt really from you or is it another person? Awareness is great. Stay curious to the mind and remember that emotions will pass. Learn from it. Keep yourself out of unnecessary guilt.
For those who did this to others, ask yourself this question:
“Are you truly enjoy the moment or are you spending your time wandering with thoughts?”
Many people are often bothered by the past, look where you at right now. You can not see the bright side if you are searching in the shadows.
