This is not a fanfic, but a personal reflection, which I hope will help some people who might need it. And even if it does not serve anyone, it makes me feel good and maybe I will sometimes post things like that... But promised, I also continue to write fics !
I only look at myself in a mirror twice a day : in the morning and in the evening, in my bathroom, when I get ready to face the day and when I get ready to go to sleep. And every time, something strange happens. In the morning, when I meet my eyes in the mirror, I smile, I'm happy to see me, and I prepare myself lovingly. But in the evening, when my reflection is facing me and I remember my day, I am ashamed. Yet I am exactly the same, I have not changed in a few hours, but I am not happy at all and I wonder how the people I met could support this vision, how they did not laughed or felt pity for me. I absolutely see everything that is wrong and I hurry out of the bathroom to see me no more and take refuge in my bed, where no one else will see me.
Despite this, I dream of finding myself a new mirror. It's a very special mirror, called a lover. They look at you as if you were the most beautiful person they have ever seen, they tell you that and, above all, they really think that you are beautiful, morning and evening. I would like to have a mirror like that, which would reassure me and tell me that I say nonsense when I criticize myself. The only problem : this mirror is deceptive. It does not do it on purpose but it is distorted by love and passion. And anyway, it does not solve the problem, because in the evening, when I'm alone in front of the mirror, I always see the same thing, because the first mirror, the real one, never lies. He is totally objective. And this is where I realize that no, because this mirror works in concert with another mirror : me. My eyes are mirrors, and like the lover I dream of, I return their reflections to others, and I find them all beautiful. Why do I not find myself beautiful too ? Because it's me judging me ? It's stupid.
So my loving deforming mirror will only cover the real problem : I do not love myself. And the goal is not that I distort my vision by finding myself more beautiful than others, but that I accept myself as I am, no more, no less, remembering that the body is a body, and that there is also my spirit. I know my spirit, I know it better than anyone, and without boasting, I love it very much, I am extremely proud of it. My family loves me for that, my friends too. So why, when I am in front of a mirror, I do not love myself anymore ? Because society puts the body first ? Because I do not correspond to beauty standards ? Because that's the first thing people will see and they will stop there ? Maybe, but would I be happier if I looked like everyone ? Will I have the mind I have today ? Not only do I not need someone to reassure me, because it will not work if I do not change my attitude, but above all it would not be right for the other, who is not there to serve as a remedy.
So this morning I smiled at myself in the mirror, and I promised myself that tonight, I will smile too. And I hope everyone will smile, because we are all beautiful. And when, if, I find a lover, we will not use the other as a mirror or a bandage, but we will be like two microscopes and two telescopes, which look beyond appearances and advance together towards the future.
