pairing: yeonjun x reader (not romantically)
genre: angst, bad boy!yeonjun
warnings: sh (not extremely graphic), injuries mention, lack of comfort or recovery arc
(all parts of this story is fiction and doesn't depict yeonjuns personal life in any way.)
authors note: i havent written in so long!! i feel bad so heres more angst, because you know i love writing it. i will also add, its not a lot of romance. i will try to be more active in the upcoming months, and a masterlist is in the making. reminder that my ask box is open for any requests. thank you! ♡
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everyone at your school could agree on one thing: choi yeonjun is a problem.
not the kind that gets himself thrown in the principals office everyday, hes worse than that. hes the kind that leans against lockers like he owns the hallway. the kind that acts like rules are optional and consequences are negotiable.
youve seen teachers sigh at his name being mentioned, girls laughing way too hard at his stupid jokes that arent even funny. and the one thing that annoys you the most, is seeing people mistake his confidence for character.
you dont buy it. you refuse to.
to you, hes arrogant. untouchable. the type of person who knows how much space he takes up, and takes more anyway. shows up late and no one calls him out. he mouths off, and people call it "charming." he always walks like life has forgiven him for things he hasnt done yet.
maybe thats why you dont like him. because for him, its so damn easy. a cocky comment and a smug smirk, and he gets by. for you? nothing has ever been easy.
the first time he talked to you, he was a flirt. you could tell he did that to everyone. he charmed his way through everything, and always got away with it. you decided then on that you hated the sound of his voice. and from that point on, you collected even more reasons to not like him.
the way he laughs when he gets caught cheating, yet still walks away clean. the way he looks bored when people talk about things that matter. the way he acts like nothing ever gets under his skin. bad boys arent mysterious, theyre predictable. and yeonjun fit that type quite too well.
so when you were paired with yeonjun for a project thats a huge percent of your grade, which you werent sure of if it was by chance, or by punishment, you dont expect anything but irritation.
you dont expect silence either, at least not the comfortable kind. the kind when he isnt being an ass that feels like something is being held back on purpose.
you tell yourself firmly, whatever is going on with yeonjun is not your responsibility. you dont like him. you never have.
you just dont know yet that dislike is about to get complicated.
the project felt way longer than it was in actuality. at first, yeonjun did exactly what you thought he would. he showed up late, making comments under his breath whenever you would correct him.
in the mornings, he was quite sharp. not even cocky like he usually was, just short. words clipped, his jaw tightened. if you ever asked him a question before he was ready, he would snap, then immediately look away like he didn't mean to. you assume its his personality. you tell yourself this is exactly why you didnt like him.
you also noticed how carefully he moved when he thought no one was paying attention. you never really cared about what he did before. in all honesty, you didnt even care now. you were only watching since you had to work with him anyway. he kept his distance without making it obvious. any comment that edges too close to him would make him shut down or lash out.
that wasnt confidence. you knew confidence. it was control.
as time passed, you learned how to work with him. just avoid even communicating and everything would be fine. but you had come to notice how sensitive he was over certain things. like how when you reached over to grab a pen, when your arm accidentally brushed against his, he flinched, pulling back.
you hadnt thought too much about it. he didnt like you. you didnt like him. maybe he just didnt want to be touched by you.
while you guys were working together, the ac system had gone out. it was burning hot in the room. you were fanning yourself off with a folder, wiping sweat from your brow. but yeonjun kept his jacket on.
"you know you can take your jacket off, right? its boiling. you dont have to keep it on to seem cool and fashionable or whatever. i dont really care-" you tried to joke, poking fun at him. but suddenly he snapped.
"do you always talk this much, or is it only when you think you know what you're talking about?" his words were defensive, too fast.
you felt heat crawl up your neck. it wasnt from embarrassment, but irritation. "i was just saying-" he cut you off once again.
"i didnt ask." he said, before adding, "okay? worry about your own problems.." he got quieter. like he was afraid you had seen a weakness in him. he wiped the sweat off his forehead.
silence fell between the two of you. now you were confused. he was sweating buckets. if it was really about comfort, he wouldve just taken the jacket off.
a few days before finishing the project, you were both working together. there was mostly silence between the two of you, yeonjun less snappy than usual. that had you eyeing him. he didnt seem to notice.
you thought about him and his jacket. your eyes followed his hand writing on the paper, you weren't thinking of anything in particular, until you saw his sleeve ride up just slightly. it wasnt much, but enough to see it. enough to see them. his scars.
then it all clicked. you didnt say anything, partially because you were scared of the way he would react to being confronted like that, but also because despite being concerned, you didnt feel sad for him. maybe pity, but not care. so you waited.
it was the last day of working together. you watched him, despite hating him so much, for some reason you chose your words carefully around him. you were waiting for him to slip up. you collected little moments of evidence, staring at him as he worked next to you. you had been lost in thought. how could someone like him have such a huge weakspot? then just like before, it clicked in your head why he would do something so horrible to himself. maybe that was his way of staying how he was. his way of keeping in control. suddenly your thoughts were cut off by his voice.
"you're staring." he said, his tone already sounding like hes ready for you to start an argument.
"i wasnt." you said, your tone quickly turning defensive.
"yes you were." his jaw tightened. "why have you been acting so weird lately? what is your problem?" there it was. not fear, control. youve seen this version of him before. the one who lashes out when he feels like the mask isnt doing its job. when someone notices something he didnt give them permission to see. you didnt look away. you didnt even apologize for staring.
"you're really bad at hiding it." you said flatly.
"hiding what?" he laughed, quick, sharp. "if youve got something to say, then say it." so you do.
"you hurt yourself." you say. no softness, it wasnt an accusation, it was a statement.
the room went silent. for a moment, you think hes going to explode. yell, laugh it off, or turn it into some stupid joke. he didnt. his face went still.
"dont.." he said, and you could swear thats the quietest youve ever heard him speak.
you dont take it back. you only add onto your statement. "you can keep pretending youre untouchable. but youre not subtle. youre only loud enough that people dont look too closely."
for once, his expression wasnt smug. he wasnt trying to charm anyone. it was angry. ashamed. cornered. "you dont know anything." he said.
"i know enough." you dont offer help. you dont ask questions. you dont soften. you grabbed his wrist. not because you cared, but because you knew you were right. and for once, he didnt resist.
you rolled up his sleeves, staring at his arms. you always believed choi yeonjun was just a problem. you hated him so much you hadnt even bothered to think that maybe he was suffering just as much as everyone else.
easy smiles, loud confidence, cocky comments and smug expressions was all a mask he maintained by punishing himself everytime he felt himself slipping. and you hated that knowing all this about him didnt change your emotions towards him. but it definitely changed your understanding of him.
you looked away. not because you were uncomfortable, but because you were done looking. your face didnt change, and thats what made him finally react.
he suddenly spoke, his voice low, and his tone almost cruel. "you think knowing this makes you better than me?"
when you didnt reply, he leaned back in his chair. he had a faint smirk, but you could tell he was holding back many words that were on his mind. but instead, he added to the silence with a sharp tone, roughly pulling his sleeves back down. "then good. i like that you dont care."
you didnt reply. because he was right. you dont care. you cant bring yourself to try. he grabbed the paper, then his stuff, and he made his way out. you didnt try to stop him. you just watched the door close behind him.
even knowing how terribly he was hurting, it didnt change the way he had always been. the scars and deeper layers to him doesnt change the way you see him. it only shows the bad boy mask is even louder than before.
knowing his pain didnt obligate you to save him. you couldn't care, but you hate that hating him is just a bit more difficult. you know you didnt ask for this responsibility. yeonjun didnt ask to be seen, and you could tell he hated that someone knew the truth and didnt turn it into a weapon.
you cant undo knowing. and the scariest part isnt what he did to himself, but its that nothing changed from knowing about it.
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