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Mrs. Dash Kicked to the Curb
Today I learned that the seasoning mixture formerly known as "Mrs. Dash's" is now just branded as "Dash." I guess she just wasn't hip enough for the go-go spice industry. I'm hopeful that Mrs. Dash will find meaningful employment with her masters at B & G Foods.
Mrs. Dash is my bitch
9/15/16 approximately 5pm
She sat down at the table behind us at the new beer tasting place we stumbled upon while looking for a drink and wifi.
I noticed her alone, laughing to herself. I also noticed that she didn’t have a phone attached to her face like most of the persons laughing to themselves in public this day in age. I thought it odd enough to ask Alison if she was with anyone hoping not to be obvious enough to awkwardly look over my shoulder to check myself that would require a full body turn.
Alison shook her head no, and added “But she is talking to herself,” with raised eyebrows.
I shrugged it off as I do with most sitcom-style- interactions I have in my real life while tossing my attention back to my submission guidelines, which I was working on. (One day hoping to star in a real life version of the TV show, Friends, from my formative years, which I was rewatching in its entirety on netflix) I did however look around for the cameras that were not at the moment visible.
The deadline to submit is today!
I need to focus.
I heard her laugh again. I made an awkward glance to Alison who looked up. Now with my eyebrows raised and my eyes bugged out.
“Just let her enjoy the joy she has made for herself alright”
Now aware of my judgment of her I glanced back down again saying “But she doesn't have a phone, I just think it's weird.”
Whatever… Let it go.
She had now cleaned her plate, now noticing that she has moved to another table over.
It was probably hot in the sun. I thought still unsettled by this strange woman.
Time had passed, the conversation kept my attention on our table, as it should.
I need to learn to mind my own business and not fixate on stupid shit.
The waitress had brought her bill but just before paying she got up to use the bathroom.
Minutes later, not thinking anything of her now, I followed into the back hallway myself to use the bathroom.
We made eye contact via the mirror as I stepped past her at the sink as I made my way to the open stall. I closed the door and sat.
She muttered something softly. Hoping it was just another patron joining us in the bathroom, my ears perked up… just incase.
“Oh but then she had made her way to leave out of the back door,” I heard still hoping I was eavesdropping on TWO people. Then I heard her leave.
After returning, I sat down and noticed the confused look on her waitresses face when she went to collect the bill from her table.
“I saw her go to the bathroom,” she said quizzically and herself unsettled. “I’ll go nonchalantly check,” she said to the bartender and obvious manager on duty.
She promptly returned moments later. “She’s gone.” Again confused looks were being served to us all now.
Then a wave of admiration swept over me when I realized she had set up her own story and the last act with, “Oh, but she had made her way to leave out of the back door.”
Oh that sly Mrs. Dash, how sly she had been this whole time.
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Holy hell! Mrs. Dash seasonings are AMAZING!!
I just switched around some stuff and I gotta keep my daily sodium levels below 1500, so I bought this stuff. I had never tried it - I'm Hispanic and was raised under the assumption that 'if it didn't have adobo, it wasn't shit'. Granted, adobo is delicious, it's got something like 300 mg per 1/4 tsp!! 1/4 tea-mothereffing-spoon!!! Which is absurd! That's a whole different level, not even Sriracha (only on the sodium level, of course, sriracha is essentially miracle seasoning - for any/everything) has shit on.
So I did all my weekly cooking with it and just had my first lunch. WOW! Flipping incredible!
Ps. my sodium will only come from Sriracha and Worcestershire. No more salt, kaputt.
Just stopped myself from posting a horrible Kim Karsdashian/Mrs. Dash pun everywhere. Sometimes you just have to say no.