- happier than ever (3.8k)
warnings: none! (pt.1)
crisp autumn air fills your lungs with a lightness that can only come from the changing of seasons, a content smile on your lips as you bask in the sunlight.
the early afternoon rays caress your chilled flesh as you sit on the oddly comfortable park bench, small box of fresh pastries tempting your nose with their buttery scent while a large apple cider nestled between your gloved hands, iced of course.
the park was lively as ever, joggers passing you by frequently while screaming children ran through the grass.
your gaze softened as you peered at smiling parents watching on with fond eyes as the future of tomorrow crunched the vibrant leaves underneath their feet, giggling in delight.
the future. you smiled to yourself as your gaze shifted from the endearing sight of prospering families in front of you to the humbling beauty of the blue skies above, not a single cloud in sight. the future, huh?
the concept of the future has always been a sensitive subject for you.
the future in your eyes was never certain, and the thought of it used to leave you squirming in uncomfortable silence, strained smile silently begging whoever had asked to change topics.
the future was uncertain because in all honesty, you weren’t able to think far enough into it to see what could potentially unfold; in all honesty, you feared it.
no matter how many times you’ve tried to put it into words, the rough but comforting hand of your therapist silently encouraging you to continue, you have never been able to fully explain the grand scheme of your fear.
to be fair, even now, the thought of putting every little reason as to why you dreaded waking up in the morning, why every time an attractive stranger offers you a kind smile sends you into an anxious mess.
why every time you saw yourself in the mirror the only emotion you could garner was disappoint and disgust, makes you tired before even opening your mouth.
a soft breeze picks up from the east, blowing the chilled air across your face and making you smile softly as your lips pull up from the frown you had unconsciously put on while thinking too deep.
with a soft sigh, you snuggle a little deeper into the soft cashmere scarf, the beige fabric smelling like your home, but with the faint undertones of grapefruit, jasmine, and musk.
at the hidden notes of a scent that didn’t belong to you permeated your senses, you couldn’t help but smile wider, a warmth unlike any other filling your chest.
yes, the future terrified you. it shook you to the core whenever the cursed question of ‘what do you plan on doing for the rest of your life?’ is asked, but that was before. back then, you had every reason to be afraid.
but now? now you had no reason to be afraid of the glittering promise of a happily ever after, especially when the cause of it is now no more than the remnants of a memory— the slightest taste of something once sweet now bitter on your tongue.
a ghost of the past— no more, no less.
time seemed to freeze the moment those words left soft lips, hanging in the summer air as strangers continued to walk past you, unaware of the energy churning like waves between you and the man in front of you.
“who are you?”
aizawa’s mouth was parted in shock, onyx eyes wide in disbelief. you watched as he searched your face for any sign that you were joking, that this was all just a petty attempt to get back at him.
if you were joking, that means there was still a chance for him— that there was still a chance to make you his again.
but to his horror, he couldn’t find a single trace of it in your clear (e/c) eyes.
“what?”
emi tore her eyes from your glowing figure, snapping her mouth shut as she whipped her head back to look at aizawa. there was no way that he was seriously planning on dragging this out—
she might as well have left her mouth open because it dropped right back down when she saw the sheer look of heartbreak dancing across his face.
the slight sheen that had been swimming in his eyes from the moment he laid his gaze on you again for the first time in years erupted into a fountain, distraught clear as day on his features.
“w-what do you mean… y-you don’t- what?!” he blubbered, hands coming up by his face as if he were about to begin pulling at his hair.
emi watched as (y/n) took a cautious step back, seeing the wariness on her face as she watched this strange man show the early signs of hyperventilating in the middle of the sidewalk.
as much as emi wanted to record this because she felt that this justice was long overdue, the whisperings of the crowd beginning to form decided for her that it was time to go.
you startled slightly when a familiar cold hand enveloped your palm, cheeks lightly flushing when she intertwined your fingers to begin pulling you forward again. “c’mon (n/n), we gotta get going before things get ugly.” emi whispered urgently as she continued to pull you down the street.
“who was that?” you questioned, brows furrowed in confusion as you tried to recall why that man seemed so familiar, but all that came up was an empty white canvas.
emi didn’t answer you, her whole body turned forward as she continued to try and tug you down the street before aizawa could cause an even bigger scene.
but due to their many years apart, she underestimated the lengths this man would go to try and salvage what was no longer his.
“i’m your boyfriend!”
your body froze in place as your eyes widened, stopping emi in her process of escape as your body rooted to the ground where you stood.
a heavy sigh left her lips as she brought a free hand up to roughly scrub at her face in exasperation, not caring if she was destroying her makeup in the process.
things are never easy when it comes to you, huh shouta?
aizawa stared at your frozen figure on the sidewalk, feeling lightyears away from you when you were only ten feet in front of him.
with a heart that was pounding in his chest so heavily it grew painful, he watched as you turned around in wonder, eyes searching his for something he couldn’t decipher.
“w-well, i was your boyfriend, but…” he trailed off as you continued to gaze deeply into his eyes.
hope blossomed in his chest so violently it was a little embarrassing, but his lips turned up into a wobbly smile as you began to slowly make your way back to him, hand still clasped tightly in emi’s hand.
aizawa blanched when he saw the murderous glare that emi was giving him, but his attention was immediately back on you when you finally stood before him again. he gazed lovingly at you, soaking up the wide eyes that he used to spend hours staring into in the comforts of the night when the days were long and hard.
“we used to be together?” you asked carefully, still trying to dredge up even the tiniest amount of familiarity in his eyes.
aizawa shuttered when you brought up your left hand to gently trace his face, fingertips gliding down a path they’ve painted onto his skin multiple times before.
“yeah, we were…” he left off softly, relishing in your touch as emi was practically ready to combust as she saw you gaze over this man in wonder.
emi wasn’t stupid— she had been with the company for too long to know that you truly didn’t recognize to sole reason of your decades long torment.
but a small voice whispered her worst fears in the back of her mind; just because you didn’t recognize didn’t mean you couldn’t fall back in love with him.
she didn’t want to admit that her fear had cause of concern, but the amount of times she’s had returning men and women come into her office with tear stricken faces as they beg her to wipe them again after falling into the same trap again.
a wave of nausea rolled over her in a heavy wave, and a fire was lit in her mind.
she won’t let you be taken advantage of, not again. emi can recall every moment over the course of two decades that she has been by your side, every time she helped you back on your feet when the world decided to test how much your kind heart could take before it shattered for the final time.
angry tears began to burn behind her eyes as she recalled the worst fear she ever felt in her life, voice caught in her throat when she found you in the bathroom the summer that they graduated.
the amount of tears that dripped onto your face as she held you in her arms, clothes destroyed from your blood as she waited for the ambulance to reach you in time.
the sudden realization that she could’ve lost you back then has never left her mind since, and she’ll be damned if she just sits back and watches you walk right back into the fox den without intervening.
next to her, you continue to trace aizawa’s face in awe as you took in his features. deep black eyes stared at you in wonder, chapped full pink lips slightly gaped as another shiver lightly racked through his body.
long, thick onyx hair swayed elegantly behind him, pulled into a high ponytail save for a couple of strands that swung tastefully in his face.
strong, lithe arms raised a shaking hand to cover your own against his cheek, cradling it against his cheek as he gazed at you with silent hope in his eyes, pleading you to remember him.
aizawa wasn’t stupid. he knew that he should’ve reached out sooner. he knew that falling under the temptations that nemuri had casted over his mind the moment you had left to attend classes in the summer was stupid and wrong.
but he was a young boy, and his mind was weak.
seeing your figure in the hallways was like watching a shadow dancing along the walls. your fire had been dimmed, an empty look in your eyes as you lied to everyone around you, saying that you were okay and that you’d get over it. but he knew you better than anyone, even emi.
at least, he used to.
he knew that the larger clothes were to hide your once full frame becoming a shell of its former self, the concealer under your eyes never enough to hide the bags from his observant gaze.
but fear kept him from reaching out, fear of you rejecting him, fear of the repercussions from your family and friends that truly knew what had happened.
so he stayed away, heart kept locked by nemuri when he knew you were the one. but when he heard the news of what you had done to yourself after graduation, all he remembers is speeding well beyond the speed limit to the hospital you were admitted to, thanking his lucky stars that he wasn’t pulled over.
with tears streaming down his pale face, he raced through the halls toward your room, the fear of god pounding in his chest as his heart was trying to climb up his throat.
your room was only ten feet ahead of him when he was stooped in his tracks by a dark eyed emi, her clothes still stained with your blood as the fire in her gaze reached a fever pitch.
“YOU DON’T GET THE RIGHT TO BE NEAR HER!” she had screamed at him, grabbing him by the loose collar of his shirt as she shook him.
there were no words that could’ve left him as he let her tear into him, his own tears continuously falling as hers began to stream down her grief stricken face.
“THIS WAS ALL OF YOUR FAULT, AND NOW THAT SHE’S IN PIECES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO WALTZ BACK INTO HER LIFE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?” security guards and nurses rushed to pull her off of him, but their frantic words were like static in his ears as he couldn’t look away from the fire in her eyes.
“YOU’VE ALREADY LOST HER, YOU DON’T GET HER BACK!”
you don’t get her back.
after that day, you had basically disappeared from his life. your phone number was changed, your social medias disappeared.
when he stopped by your house a couple of months after you had been discharged, a confused young couple answered the door and said that your family had moved a little over a month ago. where? they didn’t know.
but now you’re here, in front of his eyes for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. but something deep down tells him that even though he can see your chest rising with each steady breath, can feel your heartbeat under your skin, proof you were alive;
this will be the closest he’ll ever get again.
venom was on the tip of emi’s tongue, ready to unleash everything she’s wanted to say to aizawa since the last time she saw him in that hospital, but a gentle squeeze to her hand stopped her.
she hadn’t even realize she had tightened her grip on you in her anger until she relaxed her fingers, growing soft in your hold.
wondering eyes shifted sideways at you, taking in the gentle smile on your lips as an apologetic emotion swam in your gaze, never leaving your hold on aizawa in front of you.
when emi switched her gaze to the man in question, she realized she never had a thing to worry about.
you had always known how to take care of yourself, no matter how much you got hurt in the end.
fat tears were streaming down fair cheeks as aizawa smiled painfully back to you, his grip on your hand tightening a fraction as he leaned into your touch as much as possible, resignation clear as day in his gaze.
she watched as he closed his eyes, the tears still falling as he reveled in your caress, taking in your scent for the last time. as much as she wanted to deny it, a twinge of sympathy shot through her for the man in front of her as he realized that he really had been late, years too late.
“you’re really handsome, you know that?” you murmured, thumb gently caressing his cheek as you smiled kindly at him, paying no mind to the choked sob that escaped his lips before he could muffle it.
“you’re absolutely ethereal.” he managed to choke out softly, eyes still closed as he gave you another watery smile. a soft laugh left through your nose.
when aizawa opened his eyes, he vowed to forever engrain the shape of your face when you smiled into his memory until the day he died.
“thank you.” you replied, smile still kind. “and i believe you that somewhere in the past, we were once together because something about you just feels… right.”
another sob wracked through his body, only quelling slightly when you cooed at him in comfort.
“don’t cry sweetheart,” you murmured softly, watching as he opened his eyes to stare at you like you hung the moon and stars just for him. “maybe in another lifetime we’ll find each other again.” you patted his cheek affectionately.
“but not this one.” you gently squeezed emi’s hand, and another warm feeling flooded in your chest when she squeezed you back tighter, fingers never letting you go.
aizawa nodded his head, slowly releasing your hand as you gently pulled away from him, smile still on your lips. “i’m glad i got to meet you again…” you trailed off, still not knowing the name of the beautiful man crying in front of you.
“shouta.” he supplied weakly, hand that was cradling yours now wiping the tears off his face as they finally began to slow down, but never stopped.
“shouta.” you repeated, his name ringing like chimes in the air as you tested it out. “i like that name.”
aizawa clenched his eyes shut again in an attempt to stave off the tears threatening to come back, and when he opened them again, you were already walking away.
you turned a final time to him, to the man who unknowingly used to hold your heart in the palms of his hands, and smiled.
“i hope we’ll meet again.”
that was three years ago. and to everyone’s genuine surprise, you did meet with shouta again. not as lovers, not as enemies, but as friends. you learned what he was to you in the past and what he had done, but even to his surprise, you choose to forgive him.
“why be angry over something that is no longer chained to me?” you had replied to emi one early morning a couple of months after your encounter.
you were in the kitchen making breakfast and she sat by the table, still clad in her pajamas.
she stared at you in disbelief, strawberry jam sitting on the corner of her mouth as she held her coffee cup in mid sip, english muffin forgotten on her plate.
“but so you’re just gonna completely bypass everything he did to you? he’s the reason you had to get the procedure in the first place!” she exclaimed in exasperation, brows furrowed as she aggressively sipped her coffee.
you hummed in agreement as you looked at her from the stove, clear (e/c) eyes swimming in amusement and affection. “that’s true,” you admitted, turning your gaze back to the food before you could see the heat that had erupted onto her pale flesh from your gaze.
“but you saw him, and the pain in his eyes. he’s suffering for the rest of his life now for the actions he caused, actions that no longer hurt me like you said they did.”
you turned the stove off as you piled fluffy eggs and seared salted salmon onto two plates before making your way to the dining table.
the heat in her cheeks came back with a vengeance as you sat her breakfast in front of her, a cheeky smile on your full lips as you swiped the jam from her skin.
emi swore you would be the death of her as you booped her nose with your index finger, a laugh escaping with your next words.
“besides, i can finally have my happy end, right?”
you were knocked from your deep thoughts by another body sitting down next to you, thighs pressed right up to yours as an arm was slung around your shoulders to bring you in close with a side hug.
the small smile on your lips bloomed into a full grin as the familiar scent of grapefruit, jasmine, and musk invaded your senses completely now, no longer a lingering scent in the fabric wrapped snuggled around your neck.
“took you long enough.” you teased lightly, eyes warm and soft as they settled onto the familiar sight of emi, bundled up in a jacket and scarf a bit thicker than yours. she had always been more sensitive to cold weather than you.
a light laugh escaped her as she turned sideways to fully take you in, watching with fond eyes as you mirrored her stance at the same time. “you know as much as i do that i can’t control how long an appointment takes. if i could rush them, i would.”
you took a sip of your apple cider, pulling your scarf down to reach the straw at the same time you reached the box of pastries to your left.
bringing it up without breaking contact with your straw, you saw her eyes widen in surprise then delight as she excitedly took the box from your gloved hands.
“you made pastries again?! for me??” she gasped, eyes sparkling. you finally broke away from your drink, a smug smile on your lips as you nodded.
“of course i did, since i know that you damn well didn’t eat breakfast this morning, unless you’re still counting two cups of coffee enough to get you through the day?”
she gave you a sheepish smile before directing her guilty gaze back to the box in her lap, not wanting to see the stern look in your eyes.
you sighed in defeat, deciding to not push it any further. you know she didn’t mean to forget, but it still won’t stop you from worrying.
as you watched her open the box of baked goods, you noticed her pale hands reach into the box, not a single glove in sight on her. that, you won’t let slide.
so before she had a chance to pick up the strawberry cinnamon roll that she’d been eyeing since she opened it, you snatched her hands in yours.
quickly putting on the gloves you had just been wearing, the leather was still warm from your body heat and she shivered as she realized how cold her hands were before.
before she had a chance to question what you were doing, you grasped her now gloved hands in your bare ones, looking her dead in her eyes with that stern look she adores and fears at the same time.
“i’m not gonna have you losing your fingers to frostbite just because you forgot your gloves at home, again.” she shrunk under your gaze as you said again, sheepish smile on her lips returning. “damn, i just can’t win, huh?”
you scoffed at her joking tone before shaking your head, eyes softening. “nope, that’s why you’re lucky i’m here, or else you would be dead in a ditch by now.”
emi gasped offendedly, opening her mouth to retaliate. just as she was ready to argue back, you shoved the strawberry cinnamon roll from earlier into her mouth, efficiently silencing her. a muffled squawk left her in her surprise and you threw your head back with a laugh.
she bit into the still warm pastry and pulled it from her mouth, intent on really letting you get it once she could speak again.
but when she finished chewing and took another deep breath, she gazed at your perfect side profile as you had switched your gaze back onto the scene of the park goers in front of you, left hand coming up to brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear.
her heart melted as the sun's rays bounced off of the gold band that laid on your ring finger, and she felt whatever fight she had left in her dissipate into the air.
instead she chose to rest her head against your shoulder, soaking up your warmth as she held onto your hand tightly. a small smile graced her lips as she brought back the pastry back up to her lips.
even though the scent of strawberries was strong, with her nose turned to press into the fabric of your scarf, she could easily pick out the unique notes of sandalwood, vanilla, and home.
“yeah, really lucky.”
☾ writing belongs to edens-melodies please do not repost without permission ☾
