apology central for @msusoohwa
if there's a prize for terrible judgment, hyunki is pretty sure that he's on his way to winning it. not only was trying to go down on soohwa behind that game booth the dumbest thing he could have ever done but then yelling at him to top it all off? letting himself get that vulnerable and open?
and how the other looked at him. it makes his skin crawl in embarrassment, shame. he didn't even say anything, just made an excuse to leave. he left, just like all the other times. but he's not bitter. he's not going to be bitter about it because he knows, unfortunately, he knows that they are both in the wrong and the only way this is getting fixed-- because he does want to fix it, is if he musters up the courage and pushes down his pride and apologize.
"hey." another thing he should really be ashamed of is how he so easily preys on the underclassmen. not in any concerning way-- or perhaps it is a bit concerning how he so easily slides in next to some poor startled freshman and wraps an arm around the kid's shoulders. "that paper right there... that's for mr. park, isn't it? dada?" he really should feel a little bad at how the kid nervously nods at him, but he doesn't. he's focused, he has something he needs to do.
hyunki plucks the papers out of the kid's hands, ignoring his words of protests with a bit of shushing. "don't worry." he reassures, probably poorly. "i'm going to meet him anyway." a lie. "i'll just hand these to him. no big deal." except it kind of was.
it was kind of a big deal because he wasn't even sure is soohwa was going to open the door for him and he wasn't sure even if he did, that it wouldn't be slammed right in his face, which he does very much deserve. he was rude and he was uncalled for and more importantly, he said things he shouldn't have.
hyunki said things that he's never said to another person and he knows, that if soohwa does open the door and if he doesn't slam it right back in hyunki's face, that he'll have questions. he'll know what to ask and how to ask it because he knows hyunki's past, more intimately than he would like most people to know. he's just not sure he's ready to answer those sort of questions if he'll ever be ready to answer.
but this is something he has to do. he has to or else he was going to sit and dwell on it until who knows when because it isn't like he can just avoid soohwa forever. it didn't work like that, not anymore.
he's been to the toseong dorm a few times before and it isn't hard to get the other's room number out of the freshman, he just thinks he might have walked too fast because he's standing in front of room 115 much too soon. he even lifts a hand to knock but hesitates. it was quiet. it didn't sound like anyone was inside so maybe the head boy wasn't even there. maybe he was out somewhere, with someone.
hyunki would come back another day.
"no." he mumbles to himself, heaving a sigh. "you have to do this." he had to. with a little groan, he leans forward, lightly thumping his head against the door. soohwa wasn't even there. so what did it matter? "stupid. such an idiot, hyunki. you're an idiot."