This is a tough pill to swallow, but if someone is equating just existing as a trans person to an existence of suffering, isolation, or loneliness not only are they a mental health danger to themself and others, but they are a prime candidate to become radicalized into harming and hating both themself and other trans people.
That does not mean we just up and abandon those people. That does not mean we abandon you if you realize your behavior may fall into this category of maladaptive thinking. But it does mean you have to put in work to accept and love your transness and completely reframe the way you internally interact with your gender identity. And that is HARD work. It is hard work that takes a LOT of time. Often years. But you're not alone in it.
Take it directly from somebody who used to be convinced that being trans meant being miserable and alone and constantly suffering beneath the weight of my dysphoria and the social ostracization of being the only openly trans person in all of my IRL social circles — The way that I equated my transness to suffering only served to hurt myself AND other trans people. Especially the closeted trans people in my life.
The way that I talked about myself as a trans person in my late teens and early 20's actively discouraged people I care about from coming out. I directly damaged other people's relationships with their gender identity on and offline and you are doing the same thing if you talk about your transness in a similar way.
You are more than your pain. I promise. The softer you are to yourself the softer other people will be with you. It may take some time. You may have to survive and escape abusive people and environments. But there is more life to be lived outside of just hating yourself because you are trans and have convinced yourself that it is suffering. The thing that got me out of the cycle was building friendships and relationships with trans people who weren't like me. Who had different gender identities, who were older, who were out longer, who were a different race than me, who hadn't come out in restrictive environments, who had come out in restrictive environments and reacted differently than I had, the list goes on.
Beginning to build diverse community is the antithesis to depression and everyone has to start somewhere. You can start now. It can be a scary road to start on, and it doesn't immediately get better, but things around you will eventually change if you allow yourself change with them.
