It's hard to explain, to other systems. Especially traumagenic systems. But I always...knew?
I knew something was wrong. I knew something wasn't adding up. I'd have periods of not "being myself", I'd switch seemingly on a dime. My name, my pronouns, my identity, none of it felt...concrete. And I never let myself think it was plurality because, hey, that's a trauma thing, right? That's the thing with the broken pieces and the memory loss and the scary tropes.
But I always wanted to be it. I couldn't shake the feeling, no matter how hard I tried. I have always envied the systems I'd see here and there, watching them, obsessing over them, never saying a word. Seeing their reality and thinking "I'm supposed to be there. Why am I not there?" And everytime I'd bring that feeling up, I'd be shut down.
So, it's hard to explain the sheer fucking euphoria I experience when I acknowledge them. When they make me acknowledge them. When, like stepping into a room, I can feel them beside me, or looking over my shoulder, or even just in the same eyes I'm looking through. And more than that, it's hard to explain why it isn't enough. Why I still wanna work towards memory barriers, why I want to be able to abandon the Front and let them explore, let them live, let them exist.
Because it was never about being "not alone". It was about being "not just me", and I don't think I'll ever really achieve that until we're all sharing this body equally. Not everyone will want to front, I'm sure - but I know Xay enjoys it, and I know Ruina enjoys having things to do. I'm sure Vy would enjoy a little one-on-one time, inside, with nothing to distract me.
Whatever your plurality looks like, whatever your goals are, whatever your experiences may be - never let anyone take them from you. Hold them close. Cherish them. And don't be offended if someone else expresses a desire for the pieces you dislike.