May 28, 2025
Once again lying in bed on my phone waiting while my ibuprofen and muscle relaxer kicks in to possibly get rid of some of my pain and muscle spasms so I can attempt to sleep.
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Once again lying in bed on my phone waiting while my ibuprofen and muscle relaxer kicks in to possibly get rid of some of my pain and muscle spasms so I can attempt to sleep.
I really need to stop looking up things that would explain my joint and muscle problems. Because all I want to do is cry.
Confession #5,380
I wish I had a diagnosable problem instead of “something inflammatory involved” and “slightly hyper mobile spine” or “bad joints and tight muscles.” I have a wonky constellation of problems, but nothing quite diagnosable.
So in the midst of ordering all my legend of Zelda botw stuff I also bought a wrist brace. I've probably needed one for a while my wrist is always bothering me if it isn't straight so it should be here tomorrow and I'll have to get used to it for when I need to wear it.
Confession #5,379
I feel like a loser because I know a number of people with back pain or with joint issues or tight muscles who just go on with their day. I guess so do I, but I feel like pain controls me more than it should.
Confession #5,426
This is a long one, and kind of a rant/vent, but also if anyone has any answers or responses or anything, I’m open to them
I’m worried that I might have dysautonomia, but idk if my gd will believe me because every time I’ve been in my blood pressure has always been good or prehypertensive??
But also, I drink a LOT of caffeine every day, because without it I get a lot more spacey, dizzy, and so many headrushes. I thought they were just part of withdrawal, but when I was put on Ritalin for my ADHD, I was told to stop the caffeine consumption. I managed to get down to abt 50-100 mg/day, but any time I go below that I get dizzy and weak and it feels like my body is so heavy. The longest I lasted without caffeine was a week and a half, but couldn’t stand it.
I also have SUPER tense muscles all the time, issues with breathing and air hunger, and I’m not sure if it’s related, but sometimes it feels like my body switches automatic functions to manual??
Like I’ll be sitting and want to grab a cup, but then my arm feels like I need to consciously move every single muscle to do it. You know when you mime something being heavy, and tense your muscles weirdly and then it’s hard to move them? It’s like that, but switching on without my consent. And also, I get so little feedback from the affected area when it happens. Often if it’s my legs, they’ll just straight up fold under me before I can switch them back ‘on’. It feels so much like I’m faking it, because I can sort of trigger it consciously if I concentrate, but then it’ll happen suddenly when I’m standing or typing and I’ll remember than not every episode is will full, and sometimes they’ll last for minutes or slowly go away over an hour or two. Sometimes I’ll just wake up weak and shakey too, and itll take a few days to resolve itself.
The scariest part is sometimes during an episode, I just. Can’t process speech. It sounds incomprehensible, like I’ll hear the sounds and try to match them to some language, any language, but I can’t. Then, I’ll be fine and realize oh, that’s English they’re talking about the shopping carts. It’s rare, but scary. Maybe once a month or two at most.
I’m still not sure if it counts as sleep paralysis, when it happens as I’m falling asleep,too. I never hallucinate coherent pictures or sounds or anything, and I can usually move my jaw and eyes (I’ll keep them closed/close them so ppl think I’m asleep).
I just don’t know and I’m frustrated and want to scream (which I also can’t do but that’s psychological babey love that PTSD) because these are all symptoms NOT covered by my other physical health issues, autoimmune arthritis and sleep apnea. I’ve never had imaging of my body done other than lumbar xrays, never had brain scans or anything. A nerve conduction study turned up nothing but slightly slower transmission i one nerve in one leg. I feel like I’m faking and trying to get attention but I’m also so scared becuase it feels like my body is failing me and I’ve never been to the ER for anything bc I’m scared of the bills so is it really that bad?????? Am I just being a baby and dealing badly with life????
I just want to know if this is real. If I’m not making these issues up. I want to be able to explain why I sit so much and why I drink so much caffeine and why I’m so sensative to smoke and why I fall into a crouch so much and why I’m so dizzy and just. Be able to TELL people that I’m feeling weak in a specific way, and not worry that I’m faking it for attention.
Confession #5,107
My right shoulder has been extra bad lately. I think it's a muscle problem because using voltaren helps. But the pain gets so bad at times I can't move my arm at all. I know I've been overdoing it lately with moving houses but come on...I can usually deal with most of the pain but the searing pain I get at times brings me to tears..
Caught it early this time
Caught it early this time
Morning Color Dance Original oil pastel painting SOLD Wall Art Prints and prints on other items available with link https://kendall-kessler.pixels.com/featured/morning-color-dance-kendall-kessler.html I work my right arm pretty hard with computer work and painting. Sometimes a muscle in the right side of my back tells me to knock it off. When it is not that bad I ignore that voice and end up…
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