AMPHITRITE: The Reluctant Sea Queen and the Subtle Power of Mythic Age
Amphitrite: sea goddess, Nereid queen, and the most done with your nonsense woman in Greek myth.
You think she’s just “Poseidon’s wife”? Try again. She ran away when he tried to marry her. The gods had to send a dolphin to negotiate. That dolphin got turned into a constellation. Ancient myth said, “girlboss, but make it maritime.”
She’s the reluctant sea queen, divine mom to Triton, and ruler of the ocean’s quiet power — the kind that doesn’t shout but still wrecks ships. We don’t talk about her enough. So I did. At length.
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edit: oh yeah also, in some tellings, Zeus later gave Arke's wings as a gift at a wedding, and they ended up being sown onto Achille's feet, which is why he's so fast, and "swift-footed" is a REALLY literal epithet.
an rating of every piece of arthurian media i have consumed
Hi. So I really like Arthurian mythology. To an deeply concerning and obsessive point. This has led me to consume a lot of Arthurian media, and thus I figured I would give you this. Ratings of all the Arthurian media (up until now) that I’ve consumed.
This is going to be a doozy.
Books!
The Mabinogion. 9/10. It’s less Arthurian mythology and more proto-arthurian. But it’s welsh as shit and goes hard.
Historia Regum Britanniae. 6/10. 10/10 for iconicness. 2/10 because it’s geoffrey of fucking monmouth. This mother fucker cannot write and basically is responsible for the englishfication of arthurian mythology and eventually the frenchification of arthurian mythology. So I rightfully hate his ass.
Knight of the Cart. 6.5/10. 10/10 for iconicness. 3/10 because if I could accuse a man of cultural appropriation who’s dead and didn’t really commit cultural appropriation, I would pick Chretien de Troyes. You’re too french and too annoying and can’t even do chivalric romance well because the french are actually terrible at it. Like go read avicenna you illiterate french peasant.
The Vulgate Cycle. 5/10. It’s good. It’s iconic. It’s french.
Bulfinch’s Mythology. 4/10. It gets what the basics of arthurian mythology is, but fails to understand the actual point of Arthurian mythology and what it’s trying to do and it’s function.
The High King. 8/10. Such a good reference book on Arthurian mythology and the history behind the name and the title and how he came to be.
The Mists of Avalon. 5/10 it’s a solid retelling, and I like the arguably feminist stance it takes. I’m knocking 3 points because of quality, and 2 points because it isn’t gay, and I think the author got a little confused about what Celtic is. Like they clearly know it’s wales, but they seem to have gone for the bad folk etymology that Morgan le Fay/Morgana is somehow related to the Morrigain historically. Which she’s not. Also because the author should’ve gone full ass in on the anti-colonialist messaging. And neither of them did.
Grailquest. 3/10. It’s just… not good enough. Also for some odd reason it’s in Ancient Greece because a spell went wrong? So I think the author was just trying to make it enjoyable for youn boys.
Avalon High (the book). 4/10. It’s just not good enough.
Merlin’s Blade. 1/10. Literally the worst. Merlin is Christain and weird as shit in this. I would give it a 0/10, but I’ll give it kudos for having a blind MC. Even though he keeps talking to God about it and it sucks.
Le Morte d’Arthur. 8/10. One of the og’s. Honestly of the better cycles in the Arthurian canon. You can, and will, read worse than this one.
Legendborn Cycle. 10/10. Perfect. Should literally be added to the actual Arthurian canon. I don’t care if this is an unfinished YA book series that started coming out in 2019. Y’all are fools if you haven’t read this and I fucking laugh at for calling yourself an Arthurian Mythology fan if you haven’t. Literally laugh.
The Once and Future King. 8/10. So I love this book. That being said, this was written in the 40s by a british white man. Like… it fails me. And that’s where those two points have gone. A fun fact is that this book wasn’t published during WW2 because the author really hated war.
Magic Tree House. 6/10. Good. Could be better. I deeply appreciate that the entire series is Morgana and Merlin fighting for a fucking tardis treehouse. That alone makes this worth reading.
Idylls of the King. 0/10. Literal colonial propaganda. Fuck you Tennyson.
The Fall of Arthur. Like a 5/10. Unfinished. Not Tolkien’s better work.
The Green Knight (Tolkien Translation). 5/10. LISTEN I LOVE TOLKIEN BUT THSI ISN’T A GOOD TRANSLATION. He uses such estoric language sometimes that it shouldn’t be counted! As a fucking! Translation!
Camelot Rising. 4/10. Idc what you say and if it’s feminist. It’s not good enough for a higher rating. It also should’ve been gay and thus has been docked points
Once and Future. 4/10. I really really really wanted to love this book. It’s a queer arthurian retelling where arthur is sapphic and arabic. But it so deeply reeks of white queer people who make being queer a central part of their identity to avoid talking about queerness. On top of which, for some odd reason, the like… five thousand year old sorcerer seems to struggle with the concept of genderfluid people to me. Which makes no sense. It’s not good. It’s really bad. I’m giving it 4 stars for at least being gay and not outright offensive. It’s also a decent adaptation
Sword Stone Table. 10/10. IT’S AN DIVERSE ARTHURIAN SHORT STORY ANTHOLOGY. IF YOU DON’T LIKE ONE YOU CAN READ THE NEXT ONE. EXCEPT THEY’RE ALL EXCELLENT.
Once and Future (2019 comic). 7/10. YEAHHHH FUCK BREXIT. It’s just a good comic by my favourite comic book writer. Mr kieron gillen (not to be mistaken with karen gillan).
Gails: Quests of the Dawn. 5/10. I love Neil Gaiman but this short story collection reads like a roster of the white men of SFF. Which makes it mediocre compared to Sword Stone Table. Also OSC.
Plays + Operas + Music
Spamalot. 7/10. Not as good as the movie. Two extra points were given for Tim Curry as King Arthur. Yes. Local queer icon Tim Curry gets two points by his lonesome.
Camelot (Philippa Soo Broadway). 5/10. I love Philippa Soo. She does a really good job in this role. But she looses all the camp of the original versions.
Tristain und Isolde (Wagner). 3/10. I’m not a fan of wagner.
High Noon Over Camelot. 1/10. This is a bad retelling and I dislike the Mechanisms music. It’s also obnoxiously white.
Movies + TV Shows
Camelot (the movie). 7/10. It’s camp as fuck and there’s a song called the lusty month of may. Which is just about fucking. And i think that’s actually perfect.
Avalon High (the movie). 7/10. When I tell you that this movie rewired my brain and truly ignited my passion for Arthurian mythology? I mean it. This set me down a hole for years. Sure, is it gay? No. Is Arthur a girl in this though? Yes. And that makes it better than the book
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. 2/10. I fucking hate this movie so fucking much oh my god. I DON’T CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY IT’S NOT GOOD. THIS IS A BAD ADAPTATION.
The Green Knight. 9/10. I loved this movie! Weird as shit. But I did really love this movie. And Dev Patel is hot.
The Last Legion. 3/10. It’s a fine movie. But it’s a 3/10 as an arthurian adaptation because while I appreciate the attempt at historicity. It’s actually just bad at that.
The Sword in the Stone. 8/10. It’s less racist than the book which gets it points. It’s also not as *good* as the book.
Shrek 3. Both a 9/10 and a 2/10. Terrible Arthurian adaptation. But Shrek movies are so fun anyways.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail. 9/10. Unironically one of the best Arthurian adaptations ever. It’s so funny and ads and discuss the canon in a fantastic way.
Knightriders. 8/10. It’s a Romero film, who lowkey *invented* the zombie film. But it’s also… anti-capitalist? And gay? Also trying to not be racist? (Trying. It’s the 80s. But p successful). They are also REN FAIRE ACTORS ON MOTORCYCLES.
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010). 4/10. I like this movie, but it’s, say it with me, a terrible Arthurian adaptation.
Transformers: the Last Knight. 2/10. I will not speak further on this.
The Kid Who Would Be King. 6/10. Bad movie. Decent adaptation with fun characters who understand their point in this story.
Merlin. 9/10. Honestly a really good Arthurian adaptation that understands it doesn’t need to be source accurate. Also while it doesn’t commit to the gay. It’s still gay-tinged.
Camelot. 3/10. I hate the lighting and everyone in this is weirdly angsty and incestual.
Cursed. 5/10. It’s not good enough to be more. It’s just not good enough. But I do appreciate the diversity and Nimue as the MC.
Stargate SG-1. 0/10. Racism. I hate stargate because it’s just so obnoxiously racist.
The Librarians. 3/10. It’s not a great arthurian adaptation and it drops all the arthurian bits after a while. But it is a 9/10 tv show.
Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia. 6/10. Solid Arthurian adaptation. I just think it was a bit weak and put them in there to give credence to it’s magic things and system without having to justify them further to the watchers. Which makes this not really arthurian.
Fate/stay night. 8/10. I haven’t watched any of this. But Arthur is a woman who was called a man in this version because of sexism. And she’s kinda fruity. So that gives this an 8/10 in my book.
Hellboy. 4/10. I like Hellboy a lot. It’s just their Arthurian deal is just a single lone sad merlin.
Quest for Camelot. 2/10. It’s really just not worth watching.
A Kid in King Arthur’s Court. 1/10. I don’t even hate this one. It’s just so painfully mediocre it’s amazing.
Legends of Tomorrow. 7/10. It’s a really really good show and I like that it’s implied that King Arthur is Sara Lance who is just here to fuck.
TTRPGs + Video Games
Pendragon. 3/10. I appreciate it’s structure having read this entire game. It’s just… not got a great structure.
Runescape. 5/10. It’s fine. It’s just fine. It’s iconic. And it’s fine.
Sonic and the Black Knight. 1/10. Because I do actually have something against this. I hate the fact that Sonic is King Arthur and thus will be cuckooed. It causes me physical pain to think of this.
And that is literally every Arthurian adaptation I have consumed to date. I plan on reading Spear after I read this indigenous anti-colonial dragon fantasy book. I’m wary of Spear because although it’s gay, the author set it in ireland. And arthurian mythology isn’t fucking irish. Have respect and do what the rest of us do and set your arthurian adaptation on a different fucking continent.
In ancient Roman religion and myth, Mars (Latin: Mārs, pronounced [maːrs]) was the god of war and also an agricultural guardian, a combination characteristic of early Rome. He was the son of Jupiter and Juno, and he was the most prominent of the military gods in the religion of the Roman army.
Most of his festivals were held in March, the month named for him (Latin Martius), and in October, which began the season for military campaigning and ended the season for farming.
