#naam2017

[sweetlittledaisy7]

Infants are better. They don't remember.

I got a message that made me upset. It basically says infants don't remember anything. Adopted kids adopted as infants only see their adoptive parents as their parents. They don't miss their birth family because they don't know them. So why am I upset? Wow!!!!

I was adopted as an infant. I don't know my birth family. I don't remember anything but my adoptive family. However, I do miss my birth family. Yes my adoptive parents are the only parents I know. But why can't I cry and be sad over my birth family? My birth mom gave me away. That's sad right? I might not remember but I do wonder. I do miss my birth family. I do think about them. So please stop saying just because I was adopted as an infant I shouldn't be sad or speak about my birth family.

[aerialklove]

Holiday Blues: An Adoptee Perspective

It's like throwing a brick at a brick wall. Trying to explain why I get anxious and upset during the holiday is like throwing a brick at a brick wall. So I don't explain really.

I thought this holiday would be better. I'm older. I've accepted and acknowledge a lot of stuff and feelings but at the pit of my stomach there is suppressed feelings, uncertainty and dread. I didn't know my parents would be seperated and that my mom's family may have dinner early so that may give me time to visit biological family.

Ya'll didn't hear me lol!!

If I have dinner early I may get to see biological family on Thanksgiving! This has triggered my anxiety for years and now it may subside because of the possibility of seeing other family. That's exciting.

Another reason I have the blues is because of the expectations and questions that arises over the holidays. Am I in school? Do I have a boyfriend? Have I gained weight? Blah blah blah. I have to come to realize that I don't owe anyone anything. I'm not saying this in a place of hostility but more so of self care and privacy. No I'm not hoping to be rude to my granny but she doesn't need to know everything just because she asked. Right?

I don't know peeps. Therapy has helped a lot. I am so grateful for someone who just hears me.

[aerialklove]

Watching my birth mother through my rear view mirror: An Adoptee's Perspective

I was driving thru town ( Charlottesville) to go to a radio interview. I saw a lady crossing the street and realized that it was my birth mother P. I was running a little late but wanted to say hi. It almost felt like a natural instinct to do so. So I pulled in to the parking lot she was standing in. She was talking to this young looking guy. Her friend ( this old guy) was sitting on a bench across the street watching. I watched her for a moment. She had a light pink jacket on. I had never seen her in pink before. I thought about saying hi but I thought what if she talks my head of which I don't mind....or asks me for money or a ride ....So I prayed that she didn't see me and I drove away.

I felt awful about it. To see the woman who gave birth to me on the sidewalk and not able to say hi...that's real pain. To see her living her life and to know that my life is what it is ( not in a negative...mean way) because of her choices...creates this deep, overwhelming sadness. I think a lot about how things could have been...or should have been. I think about how things are now and all of it feels so weighted.

How does it feel to see your birth mother ten feet in front of you and not be able to talk to her?

It freakin sucks!

[sweetlittledaisy7]

What If

Sometimes I wonder what my life would've been like without adoption.

What if my birth mom kept me

What if she aborted me

What if she never got pregnant with me

What if she never feel in love with my birth dad

What if my birth mom chose different parents for me.

What if my adoptive parents don't love me

What if God had a different plan for me

What if my adoptive family decided to give me away

What if my adoptive family weren't Christian

What if my adoptive parents never told me about my birth family

What if my adoptive parents didn't want to adopt me.

What if I contact my birth mom and she does not want me to

What if I forget

What if I told my adoptive parents I miss my birth mom

[chosenmusicians]

Listening to music at the highest level with my friend @scottwelchmusic of @raphael_saadiq studio in LA. This guy is so humble and truly elevates music to a higher dimension; he even levitates. I appreciate the love fam and look forward to another LA session soon. #scottwelch #producer #engineer #artist #guitarist #singer #raphaelsaadiq #studio #levitate #higher #naam2017 #chosenmusicians