#nailincoffin

[bluetypes]

I resent past selves for letting this happen

Yet they fought so hard. All day, every day

Just to say

"I'm still here."

-

Some of them can't even speak

They were taught their voices brought immediate fear.

They were taught do as your told and don't ask questions.

-

They were taught by the women who gave birth to them that love was earned, not unconditional.

They were taught fear could force you to do unspeakable things, just to escape.

-

Back then my mind was so terrified, I let my body pay the price.

Now what of me is left?

[bluetypes]

Petrified

The mere presence of my mother in this city,

Scares me more than death and torture.

[bluetypes]

4:57am.

Stuck in rewind

You replay every moment

Again and again

Broken camera negatives

Flicker through your mind

Everytime.

-

Stuck in a timeline

You no longer recognise

Reality disappears

You can't play pretend

You can't even sleep at night.

[bluetypes]

Riptide.

I can't even do the right thing anymore.

I've become heartless

Gone to the dark side.

-

They swore back to front

That I was stronger,

Than the riptide in my life.

But they missed the craziest magic trick of all,

-

When the riptide pulled in..

The old me died, -

And a new me survived

Careless of others and their lives.

Over defensive, over protective and out of my control

Completely unable to survive a new timeline created by old mistakes..

-

[bluetypes]

Lies.

life ends

meaning subsides

waves calling me in again

and

i walk to the beat of fear not love

i hear the world end in pieces

they keep smiling

all the while believing even for a split second

that i'm still the girl from yesterdays

but yesterday was a lie.

-

[bluetypes]

BLACKED OUT.

they’ve figured me out this time no more begging and swearing the act is over they are calling me off stage

they’re reaching into my soul everytime with the “are you okay” can’t they see I am okay because I have to be Because it’s a neccessity not a choice

they’ve thrown every viable solution at me I’m not having any of it. my experiences are my own and I’ll respond how I want even if it means self-sabotage there’s no way for me to be ok with this

I can’t get rid of these chains that pull me to my internal shame I can’t run fast enough from my past that it will ever truly disappear

how much further should I force myself to go before I can take no more? and the empires I built will laugh at me as they usher me to my impending doom.

.

[bluetypes]

Lost Dreams and Burnt Lives.

I’m ripping my soul away. It’s broken me. I can’t anymore Even if I didn’t know what it was

It has it taken all of me Or was I always like this Was this me before I lost light. Oh it’s hitting me again

I can’t take the hit of anxiety That flows in me following unrealities The dreams of success Have eventuated in tragedy

Before I knew it I was floating in air And someone burnt me to the ground And I couldnt see myself Through the glass anymore My life, my soul was gone

And noone knew what I meant And noone knew why I was down But I was And I couldn’t go back to yesterdays And they were disappointed Cause I wasn’t the same And they didn’t know why..

[bluetypes]

Spacecadet.

Running on empty . I'm starting to lose heart They can see my scars And they rip them apart With their eyes I jump out of my body, Autopilot takes the wheel I have no control It could take me anywhere this time.