panic attack comfort: Nanami x Reader
“Go back to sleep, it’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. Tell me what’s wrong.” Nanami’s voice is sleep-rough and groggy, but he can tell something’s going on and you know he won't let it go that easily.
“It’s just some panic. I’m handling it.” You flash him a strained smile in the darkness but he sits up, frowning.
“You’re having a panic attack?”
You nod your head, fisting the blanket in your hands. You breathe in slow and try to hold it before exhaling raggedly. There are techniques to help ease the attacks, but they never seem to work quickly enough. The room feels too small and enormous at the same time. Adrenaline prickles along your arms and legs with a nauseating heat.
Nanami reaches out to you but pauses just before his fingertips brush your skin. "Do you want to be touched?"
As soon as you nod he gathers you into his strong arms. "You're safe. I've got you. This will pass." You cling to the familiar affirmations and concentrate on the steadiness of his heartbeat against your cheek. Your stomach churns with a bone-deep nausea, and you feel Nanami's firm hand on your back.
"Are you feeling ill?"
"Sick to my stomach," you grit out. Your limbs are beginning to shake, and you feel helplessly angry. No matter how many times you experience this, it always feels like the first time. Like maybe, just this once, you'll die right there in bed.
Without disentangling from you, Nanami slides open the drawer of your nightstand and comes up with a plastic-wrapped sour candy. You hate the things, but the vicious flavor sometimes helps snap you out of it. He unwraps it and holds it up with an apologetic look. "Desperate times, desperate measures, love."
You close your eyes and open your mouth, cringing as the taste hits your tongue. The lemon short-circuits your brain for a moment, briefly distracting from the pounding of your heart and the shortness of your breath. You use the respite to curl tighter against Nanami, and he shushes you gently.
Frustrated tears burn behind your eyes. "Why is this happening to me? What if it never stops?" These are the fears you always have in the midst of it. Nanami takes them seriously no matter how many times he's heard the same questions.
"This will pass. I promise. It's awful, and it's frightening, but it will end. And I won't leave you alone."
You wrap your arms protectively around yourself and recite reassurances in a whisper. "My body is doing it's best. It thinks I'm in danger, and it's protecting me." Nanami picked up where you left off, his deep voice rumbling against your chest.
"Your body is so powerful. It's trying to keep you safe. And we're safe here, my love." As he talks, Nanami taps his hands against your shoulders, a grounding technique your therapist had taught you. He'd seen you doing it to yourself before and did his best to recreate the soothing motion, alternating gentle pressure on each side.
You still feel breathless and dizzy, but your mind is beginning to clear. The ruthless urgency of the initial panic is fading to a dull ache in your chest. "Can you keep talking to me, Kento?"
"Of course." He hums, thinking. "Have I ever told you how brave you are?"
"Sure, this is really brave," you huff.
"I'm serious. But it seems I haven't told you enough, so allow me." Nanami places his palm over your heart. "You genuinely feel like you're having a heart attack, don't you?" His voice is low. "As painful as it is for me to watch you suffer like this, I can't imagine how difficult it is to live through." He cups your face in his other hand and strokes his thumb over your cheek. "But you do live through it. Every time, you make it through and keep going. You find the strength to keep working, keep helping others, keep being kind to yourself, even with this weight hanging over your head."
It's true, though you don't feel particularly proud of it. It's just what you have to do. But Nanami looks at you so earnestly, with so much admiration, that you almost believe him. Hearing someone acknowledge how difficult it is, that your panic disorder is a genuine burden- it loosens the knots in your chest.
"Thank you," you murmur. He kisses you on the forehead and smooths your hair.
"I'll keep reminding you forever. How are you feeling now?"
"The worst of it is over." You slowly stretch your limbs, still shaky and weak as the adrenaline fades. Nanami slips out of bed and returns with a cold glass of water. He passes it to you and tucks the blanket in tighter as you drink.
"I've still got you, love. I'll be right beside you all night." He pulled you against his chest and you snuggled in gratefully. "And all day tomorrow." His words trailed off as he began falling back asleep. "And the next day, and the next, and the next..."
"I love you, Kento."
Even in his dreams, he would say it back. A tired smile crosses your lips as you feel more than hear his answer against your neck. "I love you too."
an: I have panic disorder and it's fucking awful! So this is a very self-indulgent little snippet of Nanami helping Reader through it- maybe not the most realistic depiction but one that gave me some comfort.
