that ace recognition post really got to me. and i just want to say in addition to ace inclusion, we really need nb inclusion.
i always feel so weird about being a non binary asexual in a "heteronormative" relationship because i feel like people just assume that im straight and a girl and it drives me nuts. and i see where they can gather assumptions, but to deny it once corrected is absolutely sickening to me.
i dont mind being called a girl, i mean i kinda do, but i stopped caring. my appearance really plays the most into that. ive got long thick hair (havent had a haircut in 7 years) and a fem face, and i do like "girly" aesthetics such as pink/iridescent/pastels, but i cant help what i find visually appealing. just how i cant help that i just dont really care about sex or have a drive for it. and being told that im a "cis girl" because i like "cis girl" aesthetics is SUPER disorienting from people who want to break "gender norms". it feels like if anything, they should be on the side of someone who conforms to no gender and just LIKES THINGS. NBS SHOULD BE THE DANG POSTER CHILDREN FOR DESTROYING GENDER NORMS! we literally just EXIST and LIKE WHAT WE LIKE REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER GENDER SOMETHINGS MARKETED TOWARD!!!!
growing up, when i was a kid, i saw a lot of graphic things i shouldnt have. including a lot of sexual imagery/nudity/sex scenes in movies. it always made me feel uncomfortable and gross. still does to this day!! but the pressures of growing up in a society that normalizes the sexuality of children, i felt like i had to replicate the same things i saw that made me so uncomfortable. i got into terrible situations where i was just goaded into having sexual relations just because the guys i was with didnt believe me and oh my god that "ill make ya change yr sexuality ;)" quote hit me so fucking hard i almost puked, recognizing the exact thing that was quoted to me right down to the fuckin winky face. it churns my stomach knowing i caved into their pressures, simply due to the implications that might happen to me if i didnt. they were usually my ride home, i didnt have a car and would stupidly agree to hang out with someone at their house. how STUPID of me to think that i was coming over for some platonic friend time, why didnt i even consider the fact that all they wanted to do was fucking "touch the untouchable"
when i was 18, i went out with a frat boy. i look back on this relationship with such disgust for so many reasons, but the absolutely sickening thing was when i found out after we broke up, he only dated me on a "dare" from one of his frat bros. the dare? "have sex with the girl who says she's asexual". fucking disgusting.
and to be told by other nb/trans folk that "im just a girl playing pretend" really gets on my nerves. i get it enough from straight people, and its extra disappointing to hear from lgbt+ people who should understand the struggles of having strangers invasively doubt and question your sexual behavior as if its their business. another thing thats no one's business? im a never nude. im uncomfortable with the human form. especially mine. ive always wished that i were just a plastic doll with no genetalia. that plays a BIG part in my asexuality and my non binary identity because, well, DUH, i wish i had no sexual/reproductive organs so i would have a "legitimate reason" to NOT HAVE TO HAVE SEX.
ive had people doubt my asexuality simply based on the fact that ive got a "cis" (but also non male conformative) boyfriend, that somehow invalidates my asexuality. it drives me insane. just because im in a happy relationship doesnt mean we gotta fuck?????? i mean it happens but definitely not as much as a "normal" couple does (god that sickens me just to have to imply our relationship is "abnormal).
im a sex-repulsed ace, but as much as my parter respects MY sexuality (not forcing me into sex even though i dont want it) i also respect HIS sexuality and we'll have sex on occasion. and as sex-repulsed as i am, it's tolerable because he's RESPECTFUL because he KNOWS and RESPECTS it.
i cant even count on both hands and feet how many times ive said that im asexual and have heard "oh so u reproduce by yrself?" "oh so youre like a plant" "oh well you'll NEVER find a partner like that" and after being established in this relationship with my fiance, hearing people say "ah so yr not asexual anymore i see!" is sickening. its not like a switch. im asexual. i have 0 interest in sex.
my fiance is a cis male. hes heterosexual but also recognizes that i dont identity as a female. and hes OK WITH THAT!!!!
its just astounding how he is able to understand and respect it, yet so many people try to trash on both aces and nbs, especially from the lgbt+ community themselves, the people that should understand and respect that already.
idk man. rant over that post just really got to me and legit made me cry.
