Bliss
Today I woke up and fully expected to have a good study day. Well things didn’t go in my favor and I needed to have some time to myself. I decided going to sit a coffee shop and reviewing was better than the other options I had.
I was feeling angry and stressed and I just wanted to run away. I tried to remind myself that I am more than just my emotions and thoughts, and that I needed to do an opposite action of what I was feeling (thank you DBT skills).
I packed up my stuff and drove to downtown and tried a new coffee place. I looked them up online before I came and I saw that they had the vibe I was looking for. When I walked in to order, I could feel the peace flood over me.
The barista was sooo nice. I told him about my upcoming test and how I was nervous and trying to stay calm. When I got my latte, he had wrote encouraging messages all over the cup. It was so nice to have support from a complete stranger, and honestly it really changed my emotions and day. I felt so much better and was happy that I had took the time to myself and found a place that I can at least review information at.
The barista eventually came outside to talk and I can only say it was a message from God that it is going to be ok. I told the barista how nervous I was and he just encouraged me with such blind faith. It reminded me that I need to give myself the same blind faith in my abilities as well as in God.
Normally I would never go and study at a busy coffee shop, let alone when I have to sit outside and have a lot of distractions (thank you lofi beats on Spotify for tuning out the world). But I know I need to keep myself mentally and emotionally calm, and this was my only option.
I need to work on my boundaries and not letting people walk all over me. Now more than ever I am longing for my own apartment. For my own mental sake and healing, I need my own space. At the same time, I can hear God telling me to release my need for control and to just let Him take care of everything like He always does.
I know it’s going to be ok, but my dependent personality disorder tells me otherwise because of my chronic low self esteem. I need to keep reminding myself that I can do amazing things and to believe in myself no matter what. I need to put my mental health first. I am worthy of all the good things that are going to come my way. I am loved by many. I am confident in my abilities and critical thinking skills as a nurse.
I am going to pass my NCLEX.











