This past weekend has been a return to the new normal. A settling into this age with the kids, the transition of our home into this preteen era, increasing homework needs - supporting mindset and schedule accommodations - to back this shift up, getting to the other side of this surgery, while in the midst of a roof leak and contractor navigation for our upstairs, and adult relationship upheaval.
Lot of family update. House project shifts. Me bemoaning being an adult below xx
The coming to culmination of the rearrangement of living space is getting near. The front room we made into a ‘end the workday from home’ u shape of desks for C and the kids -
The kids each have desk space, and ultimately L’s gets to still play with learning, J is more into sentence, paragraph, essay building in language and advancement in math and science - one of the reasons we moved them. They are adapting so well, the teachers conferences were so positive. The kids have gotten into a groove, now we have to catch up and make it beneficial for all of us.
It’s caused a strain on Chris not having afterschool care with his job/career. Then there’s also been an increase in homework. I have this surgery for which the month of November I can off load the kids, and I discussed with my boss, the transition of me being back to split campuses, when I come back, which would decrease my commute to 2 days a week, and then in town commute my other 2 days (my schedule is 4 10s), it will save an entire half a day a week for me in the car. I can help with the kids, be home more, have a routine during week nights that includes us as a family. It balances more work/life for sure and off loads the imbalance we had with kid sharing.
We know it ebbs and wanes, it’s been an act getting up on the new school, the new schedule, work/life structure change, living structure change, then house, new car, professional life, and also I was teaching 1-3 days a week yoga classes for our non profit studio.
I love teaching, it placed me in a position though, where I never got to take a class as my student self, and also was taking away from home and life balance to a degree that it was stressing us out, not feeding the us now. I ultimately decided to drop one teaching class 100%, and will only teach 1 class/week in January, if things continue stable with the changes we have made and we feel we can support that, and will be able to take a class a week for sure, then weekend hikes and off-roading.
That will allow recuperation physically from surgery, as well as puts our focus on harth and home - which is the priority and it’s been askew. Coupled with a lot of changes.
So the living room flip is done aside from the aesthetics of drywall patch, repaint, get things back on the walls - art, family pics, the good stuff if you will. The couch has been great and we love the pull out feature. The kids love having cousin sleepovers, just ‘campouts’ in the living room on the weekends, and also, they stayed there the whole rest of the first week I was home from surgery, had the whole post op experience - that I have to disassociate from because it wasn’t great, it’s passed and I’ll share later, it just has to live in the past for a while longer -
We had Lilith’s birthday the weekend before surgery, and the actual day was the Monday before surgery (Wednesday) - we wanted to not skimp her birthday experience and overshadow with me being out of commission and make it a sad time, so we did a huge party (we do family parties every year, 20-40 people depending) and then a friend ice cream date on the day -
Leading up to the birthday party and the weekend before and getting fall underway has been a bit strained. I had shared that my family, immediate, think brother/dad, were just not present. My dad planning our time to come up and close his pool and then getting upset when I told him the weekend he had picked was Lilith’s birthday party and the weekend after was my surgery. So that was spicy a little bit on the back burner. My brother, just not even knowing when/where my surgery was after us discussing it several times. Just family familying.
We get to my dad’s, to help him close his pool - he is immediately telling me I need to go cook some food for him, the closing of the pool was a shit show, and when we were leaving, my dad was showing me yet another youngish lady online, telling me how she wants to come visit him - I vaguely mentioned this in passing, on a post somewhere - because it’s a whole separate post I swear.
I have been telling my dad he is getting catfished online and he is so socially awkward in person, but he’s lonely. It’s been tough. Rough. Uncomfortable. You name it. He does not believe these ‘women’ are not real and I’ve asked him to stop showing me all these ‘conversations’ - so after being told to go cook for him, balling to close his pool and him pushing another young women into my face I snapped at him. I told him to please stop showing me all these women, I don’t believe they are real and really interested and that I also think he would be inappropriate dating, even befriending and financially support way, someone as young as his grandkids, potentially was being taken advantage of, and to stop showing me it. I walked out of the house.
I left the kitchen, my husband, after my dad made some ‘oooh la la younger women’ snide comments also told him he was being gross and I was very close to being really angry and he needed to listen to me and stop.
Flash forward. Haven’t talked to my dad. He comes to my daughter’s birthday party. He expects to be waited on - which, guys, I do not mind. It’s the way I was raised - not just my dad, but if you were up in years, you didn’t have to help with the party anymore. You had a seat, people would bring you a plate/drink, it wasn’t a thing.
My dad makes it a thing. He knows I will do it, I’ve never not, but the way he acts like it’s my place, the way he was going to leave me out of the will completely, just is not respectful. It’s not that I would ever not help my dad in any way, but he feels it’s his due, talks down to me while I am doing it, and isn’t very nice. So at my daughter’s birthday, bossing me around, then he puts his phone in my face on a social media app and all I see is another woman, my age. I looked him dead in the eyes, told him I thought he was gross and for the last time to stop showing me that shit. That we are at a party for my kid. Hubs is again left in a room I’ve vacated after being offended with my dad showing me this content. Looks at my dad (apparently), tells him to watch it. I’ve asked nicely multiple times and he needs to be respectful.
We are trying to open presents, for my DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY, in the living room and my dad, talking to my uncle is standing there, to the side of me, talking about how he’s not doing good and his kids are the reason, (I don’t recall but something to the effect my kids are too busy for me and are rude to me[him]) and I had it. I turned to him, in the middle of the party and said, out loud but not loud, ‘no dad, it’s you who aren’t respectful. I’ve asked you to stop showing me young women online and to know your audience’ and he SCREAMS at me, ‘I’m not trying to date her’ - and Chris stood up. Told dad he would not speak to me in that manner and maybe it would be best if he left. My dad digs in, ‘I’m not ready to leave’ complete sneer and Chris was walking him to the door, and I separated them, told Chris thank you but that it’s my dad, and I told dad that it would be best if he did leave.
So the drama we ended up creating, would have been better I guess to rest up for my surgery. But it did feel good to stand up for myself. I hated the performance. The timing. Lil’s was so upset and burst into tears while opening her presents. It was such a white-trash moment and it was in my newly changed space. Before surgery. My dad. It was awful.
So that happened. I’m still processing that. Had the surgery. Mending up. That still happened though.
The contractor has now for the 3rd time, had to go back to the drawing board - we had a crossing of wires about when to start. C thought after Christmas and I thought this fall because we need to fix the leaking roof before winter, but he didn’t want me recuperating with that happening. We sorted that, then I swear the guy only had 4 total windows on the rendering and I and Chris both have met with him in person 3 times and shown him the space and moved everything for a start and shared that we wanted as many windows as possible for the back wall overlooking the river. He was surprised we wanted more windows for a 20 foot wall guys and they were 2x4 windows, not even big ones.
Whatever. The space will be what we want. I’m getting a peaceful home during my recuperation. They patched the leak so it’s not a dire sitch.
The upstairs roof is leaking. Insurance is covering that portion, however we have 2 rooms upstairs that are from an awkward makeover the previous owners did and it’s several ‘storage rooms’ - so attic space maybe? - that do not have windows. We’ve used as offices, dark space for photo development, storage, you name it. Now we are putting in several skylights along the front facing the street -
The sloped wall will have skylight windows, 2 in my office (turquoise), it’s a galley closet room perfect for a stand up desk, and 2 in the gray ‘storage attic.’ The rooms are at the end of a hall upstairs -
This will utilize the room at the end of the hall (gray room). We are taking out a corner closet and adding a back wall of windows and changing the pitch of the end room ceiling to allow for 7 ft head clearance and will be cozy family space - reading nook, work on models (J), sew (L), crossword puzzles, our record player….
The last pic is the closet being taken out, and the ceiling/roof that will be pitched for extension and that whole wall there is fake. There is 4 more foot of floor space, that extends to the eaves that we can add to the room and have windows - so excited! - that overlook the river, a beautiful reason we lucked out with this house, it overlooks a river on a bluff side and is such a show stopper of a view.
So our upstairs is in disarray getting ready for this project and the project manager has a lot going on. The timing will work better. We have plenty of time to coordinate all the parts. Won’t have it for Thanksgiving, but maybe Christmas, new years and all the years to come that we keep this space.
How are y’all? What have I missed? Ask me all the things about all these plans and projects and what not xx
