Final post of the year is the beautiful deconstructed sushi bowls my partner and I made.

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Final post of the year is the beautiful deconstructed sushi bowls my partner and I made.
Thoughts on 2023
To be honest I cannot conclude 2023 in just one word. I cannot say that it was a happy year because happiness was not the only thing that was there. I cannot say that it was a sad year because sadness was also not the only thing that I felt. If I were to put a ratio between the times I felt happy and the times I felt sad, I can firmly say that it was a 50:50 year.
Two major things happened to me in 2023. I lost my dear grandmother in May, and I got married in July. It has been almost eight months but I still miss her like crazy, I miss her so much - I had hoped she'd stay around until I got married but she did not. And I am still deeply disappointed by that fact. I hope that she is enjoying her time on the other side... and that she'd still be able to see how we are doing and that she'd be at peace and ease knowing that we're trying to get by just fine. And I hope that we get to meet each other in the afterlife. I miss her.
And I also got married. I am happy and definitely grateful that I got to find someone I love and loves me back enough to want to spend his whole life with me. And we got to spend time together for 1+ month before resuming our lives that will still be geographically separate until at least this August. LDR sucks ass - it feels like a postponement to married life. I hope we get to live under the same roof all the time after August this year.
At times, my grief overshadows my joy - for whenever I feel happy, I am instantly reminded that I can no longer share my happiness with my grandmother. My heart still hurts just as bad, my tears still fall down just as quickly. It feels as if joy and sorrow, happiness and grief, are two waves canceling each other in destructive interference - leaving me with this flat line. Sometimes I don't know which to feel.
Moreover, my grief does not only come from inside, but also from the constant destruction and genocide happening in Palestine and the endless videos of Palestinians being killed in cold blood - easily accessible on all platforms. It is devastating, it makes me feel helpless. There was a time when my after office routine was to lay on the bed, scrolling through Instagram consuming the deaths of Palestinians while bawling.
I thought a lot about death - how I am terribly scared to face it and also how sad I am knowing that almost 30,000 people has died miserable deaths. I know that death is inevitable and I just cannot bear myself to think about situations where I will be losing my loved ones or if I am going to be the one leaving people behind. I am scared.
*
In 2024 I wish to get better at overcoming my grief, to be able to miss my grandmother without crying, and to live that typical married life of living together and doing mundane stuff.
• january ✨ • _________________ #newyearpost #roadtrip #iamrajthomas #wintercollection #intense #longhairmen #menbun #longhairstyles #casual https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm4Qmh2yAWD/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
It's 2023~
It’s 2023~
Happy New Year and New Day! Cannot believe it’s 2023, and I hope that you all start out today by saying a prayer, a thanks and do a little self reflection. This year, I would like to start my year with a little meditation and set some professional goals for myself. I think it can help me visual my year and better plan for what’s coming so that my year is intentional and meaningful for me. One…
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2023 notes
Di tahun 2023 w mau lebih fokus ke leading indicators aja instead of the lagging indicators (or simply, the outcomes) - I want to work more on my consistency.
Ini sih hal-hal yang ingin kulakukan di tahun 2023:
Meneruskan Duolingo streak-ku, harus full sampai akhir tahun (sekarang udah day 257 dan streak terpanjangku sebelum ini adalah 456)
Konsisten nge-track pengeluaran pake app dan bikin analisis pengeluaran di tiap akhir bulan. Pas 2022 kemarin sempet nge-track tapi 2 bulan doang terus skip
Tidur maks jam 10 malem (I really need to get rid of my eyebags :<)
Rutin puasa Senin Kamis (I need to shed some weight, better get some pahala with them)
Coba intermittent fasting di antara Senin-Kamis, dan coba untuk mulai makan sekali sehari aja (ini hasil dengerin orang presentasi sih, jadi ya intinya gapapa makan cuma sekali yang penting nutrisi terpenuhi dan juga minum tetep banyak)
Olahraga :”) (tahun ini lumayan lah paling nggak ada 2x Chloe Ting 14 days challenge yang terselesaikan - tapi 2023 pengen bisa lebih konsisten aja gitu setiap hari olahraga min 30 menit)
Nyicil belajar CFA 1 jam sehari (bisa ngga ya..... takut deh. Tapi w sehari bisa nonton drakor 2-4 jam kalau lagi kejar tayang. I really need to be serious)
Baca paling nggak 1 buku per bulan (ini w masukin IDP :) sebenernya lebih ke ingin mengembalikan kemampuan untuk duduk, membaca dengan fokus dan mindful, dan bisa menyelesaikannya dengan baik sih)
Segini dulu deh yang aku tulis, nanti kalau ada lagi yang kepikiran akan aku tambah lagi.
Bismillah :< I’ll try to update my progress over here.
Ending 2022
Kurang afdol kalau mengakhiri sebuah tahun tanpa sebuah tulisan reflektif untuk merekap apa yang sudah terjadi sepanjang tahun ini. Setelah aku tilik-tilik lagi, mungkin tema besar dari 2022 adalah berpindah dan bertumbuh. Sambil mereka-reka bagaimana cara untuk perlahan-lahan menemukan bentuk dan tempatku. Awal tahun akhirnya aku pindah ke posisi sekarang di kantor -100% lebih sesuai dengan aspirasi dan bikin aku semangat untuk kerja (bumi langit dengan motivasi saat di marketing dulu, maafkan aku kantor n brand).
Di tahun ini juga mulai relokasi ke Jakarta karena udah dapet jatah mess kantor dan WFO 2-3 kali seminggu. Karena ongkos ojol naik terus, ditambah diskon makin minim, dan kepengen aja gitu pergi-pergi naik public transport - jadi aku beli kartu Jaklingko dan mulai naik kombinasi TJ + angkot. Pas pertama kali naik culun banget asli hehe, gatau kan harus nge tap nya gimana, n kapan, dan kalau naik/turun itu apakah harus di bus stop atau gimana. Setelah beberapa kali naik, akhirnya dikonfirm sama penumpang kalau naik itu harus di bus stop tapi kalau turun boleh ‘kiri’ dimana aja.
Mengalami jadi rakyat jelata yang harus berdesak-desakan di dalam bis/angkot, terjebak kemacetan yang tak masuk di akal, bikin aku merasa bahwa Jakarta memang bukan kota yang tepat untuk berkehidupan. Kerasa banget menua di jalan. Kayak... ada terlalu banyak waktu yang habis untuk berpindah lokasi, padahal mungkin waktu itu bisa dialokasikan untuk aktivitas lain - entah untuk beristirahat, berolahraga, bersosialisasi, belajar, dan juga bermacam opsi lainnya. Mau punya mobil pun menurutku nggak akan menjadi solusi yang baik - gak kebayang deh gimana senewennya nyetir berjam-jam setiap hari, kaki pegel dan entah habis berapa juta untuk beli bensin, bayar parkir, bayar pajak, dan juga semua pengeluaran lainnya.
Pokoknya Bandung ftw.
Akhir Agustus kemarin Gio cabs ke Belanda untuk S2, jadi ya ini juga proses adaptasi ber-LDR ya sekalian nyicil nyiapin ini-itu buat nikah tahun depan. Untungnya kami sama-sama sibuk sih jadi ya nggak ada konflik yang gimana juga, komunikasi juga alhamdulillah masih aman.
Tahun ini merasa bersyukur karena masih bisa sering ketemu sama teman-teman - baik teman-teman S1 ataupun S2 (meskipun harus menerjang kemacetan dan kepadatan Jakarta yang nauzubillah). Seneng aja karena masih tahu kabar orang-orang secara real time. Semoga masih bisa kujaga dengan baik sampai kapanpun juga.
Di akhir tahun dapat kabar kurang baik mengenai nenekku, yang belakangan ini memang batuk-batuk terus. Setelah cek ini-itu, kami dikabari bahwa ternyata kankernya balik lagi dan sekarang sudah metastase ke berbagai organ (setelah 7 tahun cancer-free). Waktu itu hari Senin pagi, Mama ngasih tau aku via WA, dan asli sedih banget. Nggak bisa kerja. Akhirnya aku pergi lagi pesen travel untuk kembali lagi ke Bandung jam 2 siang. Di momen-momen buruk seperti ini aku merasa paling bersyukur bahwa aku cuma 3 jam perjalanan darat jauhnya dari orang-orang yang paling berharga untukku. I promise that I will drop everything on my hands to come to them, immediately. Udah gitu kemarin Aki sempet diopname di rumah sakit (kata mama kayanya karena minum Coca Cola :( ), terus Akung juga sama diopname karena sakit kepala dan ternyata tekanan darahnya tinggi sekali. Sekarang sih Aki sama Akung udah keluar rumah sakit, kondisi udah kembali seperti semula, dan Nini juga lagi mulai pengobatan.
Sejak dapet kabar itu, aku jadi sering pulang ke Bandung sih. Nggak cuma Nini aja kan yang harus ditemenin, tapi Mama juga pasti sedih dan khawatir. Sekarang juga om-tante lagi sering nyamperin ke Siliwangi. Yah, aku sih percaya asal tetap optimis dan positif dan menjaga makan dan mengobati diri walaupun tanpa kemo, insyaAllah Nini masih bisa sehat dan masih bisa berumur panjang. Itu aja sih satu hal yang lagi jadi topik utama doaku ke Tuhan.
Hari terakhir 2022 ini isinya gitu aja: bangun jam 9, beres-beres kamar, pergi ke rumah Nini karena mama mau bikin jus dll, terus ke KBP untuk makan Pho dan ke IKEA karena mama mau beli lampu, terus beli jajanan IKEA, abis itu balik lagi ke Siliwangi, terus ke tukang rongsok untuk ngejual 11kg sampah kertas dan kardus packaging yang udah menumpuk di kamarku (dihargain 1500 aja geng per kilo nya), terus balik lagi ke rumah, makan malem bertiga aja sama mama dan bapak. Nge-gofood Hokben dan mesen es merah delima yang legend itu (Dan enak! Padahal w makan 2 kali di Gambir asli gaenak banget tu delimanya rasa tepung).
Segitu aja sih tulisanku tentang 2022 - alhamdulillah bisa menjalani hidup seperti kebanyakan warga ibukota, semakin sadar mengenai apa yang aku mau dan tidak mau (gamau tinggal di Jakarta kecuali jarak rumah-kantor hanya selemparan batu). Banyak pembelajaran: belajar untuk bekerja dan menjadi bagian dari sebuah perusahaan, belajar menjaga hubungan dan komunikasi dengan teman-teman, belajar hidup sendiri, belajar menjaga hubungan jarak jauh, dan juga belajar untuk selalu memprioritaskan keluarga.
Untuk 2023 nggak muluk-muluk sih: aku harap semua rencanaku dilancarkan dan diberikan kemudahan. Dan tentunya semoga selalu bisa menjadi manusia yang lebih baik daripada hari kemarin.
Starting 2022
Another 365 days have passed, and I think the lack of excitement got something to do with the fact that I have gotten older. No special celebratory event whatsoever, just another Friday night spent at home, with special dinner menu cooked by Mom. And a weird Japanese movie I watched together with G through Teleparty (didn’t even finish it as I was already too sleepy).
2021 was a so-so year, it started out strong and kinda ended with a faint thud. My early-2021 self was pretty much fuelled by the anger caused by the breakup - led me wanting to experience all the firsts with the best person I know: myself. I successfully done several rounds of Chloe Ting. Got a job in a company I admire (tbh I have no other company in mind where I want to work for). Weighed a little bit under 54kg (the lightest I’ve ever been, but ended the year heaviest I have ever been!!). Khatam-ed my Quran during Ramadan. Paid all my fasting debt right after Ramadan and fasted Syawalan. Downloaded a l o t of piano sheets and learned many new songs on the piano :-)
Bought laptops for mom and dad, jointly funded by me and my brother. Bought mom a phone to replace her cracked old one. Went out on the weekends with my grandparents to have lunch, Pepper Lunch as the top #1 place. Constant catch up with friends, both my Industrial Engineering friends and my Delft friends. My best friend gotten married and went to live in France, we just Facetimed last week and she gave me a house tour.
Went on dating apps on a swipe-left spree before matching with G. Everything went so fast and here we are, where we are right now. I am grateful.
I am thankful for all the connections I was able to maintain, and also for the ones I’ve lost (tbh all is good, no particular ties were cut this year). Thankful for the things I was able to complete, for the things I was able to achieve, and for proving to myself that I indeed can do things. I’ve written several times that I have a problem with confidence, especially when it’s work-related. 2021 is the time I realized that I can even do the things I don’t want to - although I’m also convinced that things would come out 100 times better when I love it.
The first day of 2022 started quite well. This is the first out of the three days I plan to cut sugar off my diet. Had three boiled eggs and a cup of tea for breakfast, stir-fried tofu with garlic, shallots, and sesame oil paired with boiled broccoli for lunch, and will probably made some shirataki recipe for dinner. Managed to wash all my dirty shoes this morning, finally.
I want to live a better life in 2022. To have a schedule, to live a healthy life. To be free from joint pain #jompolyfe. I want to be able to control myself better, especially in the food and exercise department. I will weave the HIIT sessions back into my life.
Here’s to a better version of ourselves in 2022, may all of our wishes be fulfilled :-)
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