#noonwhistle

[craftbastards]

Swanky Smack (Noon Whistle)

Brewery : Noon Whistle Beer : Swanky Smack Style : Flanders Red / Flanders Red Ale / Sour / Sour Red Variance : None

8.5 / 10

Man, Hilary Swank has basically fallen off these past few years but just because she won two Oscars, she deserves her own beer? I don’t know about that Noon Whistle. I mean, I still can’t tell if she's hot or not and Boys Don’t Cry (don’t judge me) and Million Dollar Baby were just OK movies but I guess those little golden men pull some serious weight even in the craft beer world. As usually, I’m being told that I am way off base with this whole Hilary thing which sucks because I just saw those pictures of her with short hair and I was this close to being fucking sold on her and possibly even getting off… but that’s besides the point. This beer has an almost tart cherry start to it with a nice mix of sweet and sour before that sour and funk really ramps up bringing a nice jaw tightening pucker that’s still sessionable enough to take human sips of before ending with some more of that borderline fruity flavor with a little more sweetness. This beer is definitely one of those sours that you want to take your time with for the simple fact that it’s delicious and smooth and you don’t want to rush through it. You want to savor it like those pictures of Hilary Swank with short hair… uhhh…..uhhh…..uhhh…..ok I’m finished now. If this is your first time venturing into the sour category you are a lucky fellow or lass because this is a super solid jump off point for you first timers out there. As for you pros and masters of the craft universe, raise the can in the air and scream “I Have The Power!” because this beer will have you feeling like you could defend Eternia in no time with it’s great flavors. Also, I made a He-Man reference so 10 points go to me. Cheers!

Written by: Steve B.

[craftbastards]

Face Smack (Noon Whistle)

Brewery : Noon Whistle Beer : Face Smack Style : Berliner Weiss / Weissbier / Berliner Weissbier / Sour Variance : None

8 / 10

Hooooo Weeeee that’s sour. I feel like the Big Show just walked up to me and smacked me across the face with his flapjack hands then choke slammed me through the ring because this has punished my tastebuds in the best way I can imagine. Noon Whistle definitely knows their way around a sour beer and this beer is just another great example of their finesse and prowess with the style. All these hoppy beers lately have been really been doing it for me but this sour has dragged me right back into the style like I was starring in Drag Me To Hell. A nice malt forward bready flavor starts things off with some pucker and sour tightening up your face and smacking the shit out of you quickly after before closing up with a slight white wine flavor and funky wheat flavor. I seriously love these guys and I’m pretty depressed that I only have one beer left so maybe I’ll have to ration it and drink it over the course of the year a sip at a time to make it last. Fuck that, Noon Whistle’s lineup is too good to even wait more than a half hour to drink because the flavor and drinkability is present in every one of their offerings. Whether this is your first sour or you lost your pucker virginity long ago, this is a great beer to pick up because it is both delicious and sessionable so snag a can ASAP. Cheers!

Written by: Steve B.

[craftbastards]

M-Punk Mosaic-Hopped Red Ale (Noon Whistle)

Brewery : Noon Whistle Beer : M-Punk Mosaic-Hopped Red Ale Style : American Amber Ale / Amber Ale / Red Ale Variance : None

8 / 10

I fucking love punk music. NOFX was one of the first bands that really got me into the genre and even though Linoleum is the most popular song they have, I still love it to this day because of how damn awesome it is. This beer isn’t exactly as amazing as that song but I’d still consider it a fitting tribute to the style of music. I’d say this beer is right up there with Bad Religion, ALL, Pennywise, Anti-Flag, and many others so put on your studded vest and gel up that mohawk and let’s get down to business. These guys took a style that I normally tend to avoid and made it their own which I love because it’s nice to see a brewery trying new things to take traditional and overplayed styles to the next level. A nice oniony hop floral bitterness starts this off with even more hop flavor ramping up in the middle bringing some light grapefruit and citrus with it before ending with more of that oniony goodness mixed with some mild caramel malt flavors distinct to the style to close. Besides punkrock, M-Punk is probably the only other punk I’m fine with because realistically, who the fuck likes steam punk anyways? I mean, is it supposed to be like Mad Max or ghetto futuristic? I just don’t get that shit and if I see any of you readers wearing goofy welders goggles I’m probably going to have to give you a swift kick to the dick or puss or both. If this is your first red ale you are in luck because this packs way more flavor and has a lot more going on that most on the market so just keep in mind that it’ll probably only get worse from here. As for the bastard drinking crew, it should be obvious by now that you should pick this up but if not let me spell it out for you. G-O  F-U-C-K-I-N-G  B-U-Y  T-H-I-S  B-E-E-R. There, now we’re all on the same page. Cheers!

Written by: Steve B.

[craftbastards]

Bernie (Noon Whistle)

Brewery : Noon Whistle Beer : Bernie Style : Milk Stout / Sweet Stout / Stout Variance : None

8 / 10

Oh Bernie. Bernie, Bernie, Bernie. Think of what could have been if the DNC didn’t have their heads so far up Hillary’s ass that they could see the maker tag on her pant suits. Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that Bernie would have crushed Trump in the election because there’s nothing 100% solid to back that up but let’s just say… he would have fucking crushed that whiney little bitch in the election like the cockroach that he is. The only reason Bernie didn’t get the support of the DNC is because as a politician you aren’t allowed to have any of the same thoughts or want any of the same things as Millenials because they are just soft snowflakes that want everything for free, right? Wrong. Bernie had some truly revolutionary ideas that would have ACTUALLY changed politics for the better unlike how Russia is currently changing them for the worse but no use crying over spilled milk unless it’s Bernie Milk Stout in which case, cry away readers. Half of you right now are saying to yourself “You tell em’ Steve. Bernie is the shit!” and the other half of you are saying “Fuck you Steve. Trump will make America great again.” in which I say to both of you, shut up and drink! A great roast-y and smokey flavor starts things off with some of that dark chocolate coming through in the middle with a pretty steady bitterness before ending with a silky malty bite with more of those campfire flavors tying everything together. I feel like if every politician just came together and drank this instead of trying to fuck over the other party there would be so many more bipartisan laws and regulations that would actually help the whole country instead of hurting half of it at a time. If this is your first milk stout it’s probably not the best place to start because there isn’t a whole lot of sweetness going on here and those toasty flavors really don’t hold back so it might be a bit much for you. As for the bastards, grab a can and make a difference because this is definitely worth the pick-up. Oh, and happy Easter.

Written by: Steve B.

[craftbastards]

Cozmo Pale Ale (Noon Whistle)

Brewery : Noon Whistle Beer : Cozmo Pale Ale Style : American Pale Ale / Pale Ale / APA Variance : None

8.5 / 10

It’s about damn time Cozmo! I always knew that pink haired bitch Wanda was holding you back from true greatness and don’t even get me started on that buck-toothed freak Timmy with his yamaka hat. I’m just glad that you finally broke free of that shit show and decided to lend your name to this fantastic brew from Noon Whistle. This is my first beer by these guys and this is one damn fine way to jump into their lineup while simultaneously being a great example of the style. A super balanced citrus orange flavor starts things up with a mix of bitter and sweet before the sweetness ramps up along with that orange marmalade flavor before ending with a slightly floral and malty finish perfectly rounding things out. They nailed it with this beers description of “crushable” because I could see this being the next big hit at your party so make sure you pick some up ASAP. Honestly, I feel like if I was to crack this can during a “mannequin challenge” everyone would start moving and ruin it because that’s how good this APA is. Also, what the fuck is up with this dumb ass challenge? Are we that bored as a society that the best we can come up with is to not fucking move for a few minutes? Back in the day we used to call that “sit still asshole” but I guess we have to make an internet craze with everything we do these days. Anyways, let this beer be the next internet craze and start filming videos of people drinking this while having fun instead. Thanks.

Written by: Steve B.

[davidjandrew]

Bernie milk stout by Noon Whistle. Toasty start and a smooth milky finish. Quite delicious and Sheepdog Approved! #noonwhistlebrewing #noonwhistle #dogsofinstagram #dogstragram #dogsandbeer #oldenglishsheepdog #oes #oesofinstagram #sheepie (at The Andrew Manor) https://www.instagram.com/p/CHD2_ocHILd/?igshid=fr35tk7ake5n

[britvr]

#noonwhistle 10% #ipa......fluffy gummy hazy imperial..... (at Chicago, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/CB_v-NRg875/?igshid=ee40ypxx4nbs