#interview with the vampire#iwtv#the vampire armand#assad zaman
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r o b b e d
we were so robbed. imagine magda calling sam with fear in her voice because she’s scared she’s losing control and sam dropping everything to go help her. imagine sam connecting with his own powers accidentally while trying to teach her how to control hers. imagine what kind of storyline we could have had!!!
it baffles me that people don’t understand whyyy sam kept persisting down the demon blood road. i heard a take on a podcast that he liked the power. no, no, no, power felt good yeah but it’s not because he wanted power. it’s because he didn’t want to feel like a freak, it’s because he wanted to use the evil to do something good. he’s not listening to everyone else’s opinion because if he doesn’t do this and save the world, then he still has to live with having demon blood!! it’s hating himself and trying to prove himself worthy of his own love and of his brother’s love. sam was never purely attracted to power, power was never his fatal flaw. righteousness or pride would be more correct, but those aren’t the motivators here either, although righteousness does push him to think that he’s right about this and everyone else is wrong. but ultimately: he thinks he can do good with the darkness in him, and that’s why he keeps chasing it.
dean growing up isolated from other people, only having john and sammy. sam going to stanford, and dean being left alone. john sends him on hunts alone and even when dean comes back, it’s just him and john. the impact that must have had on dean, like he doesn’t know how to talk to people. he doesn’t have friends, he doesn’t have acquaintances. the “normal” world of interaction must be something strange for him. like yes he knows how to order food, how to chat someone up at the bar, but he doesn’t know how to behave with people he has to interact with again and again. i feel like early seasons dean is a reserved and awkward bean and that’s often forgotten behind his charismatic front
he has an insecure attachment style, and usually with that attachment style the child doesn’t have a secure base, and so they don’t feel safe enough to explore their surroundings. just interesting to think about because his comfort zone in the start of the show is only sam and john
"I'm proud of you, Sammy"
this scene is so dear to me. dean probably has never heard that growing up, heck even sam didn't hear it. dean models after john so fervently in the first seasons, and the entire way he has been socialized to emotions is through john's tough love approach. and yet here dean is - after his younger brother disobeyed their father and left him, dean tells sam that he's proud of him, that he sees him
Thank you. Really, thank you. I won't let you down.
their relationship is so uneven at this moment. there is unequal footing between them now because sam went down the dark path and 'betrayed' dean (choosing a demon over dean: ruby). even though sam had been fighting for more equal footing, dean is now even higher up in their relationship because sam needs to prove himself. sam's incredibly thankful that dean is giving him a second chance, but when do they get on equal footing again? when sam goes to hell? but then he comes back without a soul and does some terrible things, and dean saves his soul. still unequal footing. (dean does kill amy in s7 which kind of is his first betrayal against sam - that sam actually counts and stands up for. dean feels incredibly guilty for that but there's no apology and sam ends up agreeing with him). anyways, in s8 sam has let dean down by not looking for him when he was in purgatory, and dean keeps beating him up over it. sam doesn't feel he's enough or worth his brother's admiration or love ("you think i screw up everything i try"). so they're still not on equal footing, sam is the one who 'is lesser'
Do you know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was?
maybe the change starts from s9 - s10 when dean betrays him by letting an angel in. and then dean is on a dark path of his own with the MoC, and this time sam has to pull him away from it. now dean has 'betrayed' him (choosing a demon over sam: crowley) and has done horrible stuff as well. now they've both messed up and let the other one down. (but sam doesn't blame dean for the mark of cain, nor does he blame him for everything he did while he was a demon, like trying to kill him).
dean knows how far off he went (asking if sam wants a divorce and acknowledging that he tried to kill his own brother). but he also points out later that sam did cross some lines in trying to save him ("go dark"). either way, for dean this might be the turning point where he sees himself also as someone who is in the wrong, and not just sam. but sam still keeps dean to a high standard.
maybe it's just younger brother devotion. to sam, dean is nothing but good while sam himself is flawed - more flawed than he believes dean could ever be
"You will never ever hear me say, that you - the real you - is anything but good"
the way sam looks at dean reliving his memory with mary, both taking in the softness of a mother's touch, but also how dean has been cleaning up after john since he was a child
sam didn't see family the way dean did because he had no reason to. here, he gets a little glimpse why dean sees family the way he does
"I never got the crusts cut off on my PB and J”
“I just don't look at family they way you do”
- John Winchester’s Journal
- Supernatural: Mythmaker by Tim Waggoner
god, the way Sam believes that Dean was John’s favourite. that Dean was perfect and so John loved him more, and Dean has tried everything so that he would be John’s perfect child but he knows he isn’t and he knows dad’s favourite baby will always be Sammy. it will always be Sammy first and then Dean second. but Sam felt so outcasted in his own family that he thought his father favoured Dean, while Dean knows John favoured Sam.
this made me think of what dean said after charlie’s death
and the fact that sam didn’t even ask him if it was the mark speaking, although that is very much likely. but when dean says he’s going to tear out the Stynes’ hearts, then sam asks if that’s him or the mark.
as if his brother telling him he deserves to die is very much understandable because of course he deserves it. he’s never going to forgive himself, so why would dean?
