This month has been a bear and I've had zero time for writing, which sucks, because I had a whole plan for Novempreg. But with less than two days to go, I know I'm not gonna get to any of it. I'm sorry, @unfuckablebogtroll! I let you down.
BUT here's what would've happened (I'm stealing the five facts au meme format that's going around because I dig it):
1. Sometime after 9a, Buck runs into Tommy at another bar and oops! They fuck nasty in a bathroom stall. It's messy and desperate and Buck clings to Tommy like he's dangling over a ravine. Tommy fucks him like the world's falling down around them, blisteringly hot and bare inside Buck's body, and he swears he can feel every pulse of the vein in Tommy's dick rubbing up against the bruises blooming inside him. They never stop kissing, not even for a second, not even to take a full breath, and Buck's dizzy and thrilled and out of his mind with sheer relief. After everything—losing Bobby, the fracturing of the 118, the pain of loneliness—things are going to be different. Everything's going to change. They're going to make it.
But someone starts pounding on the door outside and they hastily clean up, trading kisses that barely connect because they're giggling too hard, positively giddy like they're dumb kids who just put thumbtacks on their teacher's chair, and Buck's heart feels like it's going to break his chest because Tommy looks so light and just genuinely happy. He throws his arms around Tommy's neck and kisses him deeply, then whispers "I'll leave first. Wait a couple of minutes and then meet me by the door." Tommy steals another kiss and Buck flashes him a smile as he slips out the door.
2. The person who'd been knocking on the door is a handsome guy in a sort of nerdy way—he's wearing a button down shirt and thick but stylish glasses—and before Buck can apologize for hogging the bathroom the guy's like, "Jesus, finally, is Tommy in there? I thought I saw him go in." Buck pauses and squints a little at him, because he swears he's seen this guy before, maybe on a call, and then his brain catches up to the guy's words and something in his belly tightens. He asks how he knows Tommy and the guy's like "oh, I'm Nick, I'm here with Tommy, we're celebrating something special" and Buck's head fills with static because this guy is obviously Tommy's date. Buck's mouth is full of Tommy's spit and he's been clenching down to prevent Tommy's come from leaking out of his ass before he can put a towel down in his truck, and the whole time Tommy had been fucking Buck's brains out, his date had been sitting out here none the wiser.
The euphoria from a minute ago drops as quickly as a winter sunset and, sick to his stomach, Buck mumbles an apology and stumbles out of the bar. About two minutes later, his phone buzzes with an incoming call from Tommy, but Buck sends it to voicemail. He sends all the ones that follow to voicemail, and every text that Tommy sends him goes unread. Buck sobs the entire way back to his place. He's such an idiot. This was never going to end any other way, because nothing ever changes. It was always too good to be true.
3. About five and a half weeks later, Tommy's in his garage and deep in the guts of the undercarriage of a Mercedes Classic 450 SL when a sneaker taps the sole of his foot. He looks and sees familiar orange Nikes and waits for the song that's playing on his phone to finish before he slides out from under the car—he's listening to Twilight Zone by Golden Earring. Some might say he's a petty bitch for making Evan stand there for almost eight minutes, which is exactly what he's going for, so he's obviously nailing it. He'd spent twenty minutes searching the premises for Evan that night, and the realization that Evan had fucked him and then bailed had been a hard truth to swallow.
When he does slide out and stand up, he's concentrates on wiping his hands of dirt and oil on a rag while he says, polite and venomous, "Use me once, shame on you. Use me twice, shame on me. I'm not stupid enough to let you do it a third time."
Evan says nothing, but he does place something on Tommy's work bench, and Tommy squints at what looks like the world's most useless thermometer; he has no idea what the two lines are supposed to signify, but—then it hits him. He stares at it for a long second, then looks at Evan, who's leaning against the car with his arms tightly crossed, like they might double as armor.
Tommy bites out, "You know, when you said we didn't need a condom, I figured that meant we didn't need a condom!" and Evan snarls back, "I didn't know we needed one! My parents never tested me! I-I just assumed..."
They stand there in awkward silence for a long moment—the only sound is Robert Plant announcing to the room from Tommy's phone that he was in the mood for a melody—and Tommy stares at Evan's belly, which apparently is incubating a thing that will someday be a human being. A human being that's half Tommy. He sits down on his work bench with a hard thud.
4. "I-I thought you should know. I'm... I'm keeping it," Evan says, tilting his chin up, defiant, like he thinks Tommy's going to start accusing him of keeping secrets. Which is generous, because Tommy's brain is working overtime just to keep his autonomic nervous system from shutting down. "And I hope this doesn't throw a wrench into things with... with your... with Nick," Evan grits out.
Tommy's confused as hell, because, "Wait, what does my cousin have to do with this?" and Evan's mouth drops open and then he's shouting, "W-What do you mean, your cousin?! That guy wasn't your—he was wearing date night clothes! He said you were celebrating something special!" and Tommy throws his hands up and shouts back, "Yeah: the end of tax season!"
Evan looks completely thrown by that and they fall into another uncomfortable silence—this time broken by Rindy Ross's saxophone—and, for lack of a better idea, Tommy tiredly pats the space next to him on the bench. Evan slumps down and they sit with their arms pressed together and say nothing, until Tommy can't stand it anymore and says, because he never fucking learns, "I'm... here for you, Evan. In whatever capacity you want." And Evan looks at him with wide, glossy eyes and opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again, and Tommy hopes that maybe they can salvage something from this, that the thing they made together could bridge the distance they're too afraid to cross themselves.
But then Evan smiles and dashes those hopes against the concrete floor when he says, "I hear amicable co-parenting is all the rage these days." Tommy closes his eyes and Rindy Ross vows to harden her heart and swallow her tears, and he thinks those are pretty good words to live by. Then he dredges up a smile from somewhere and says, crumbling to pieces inside, "Well, you know me: always up on the hottest trends."
5. The next seven months are beautiful and hilarious and a learning experience and absolute fucking torture, because they've never been so close yet so far from each other. Now that Evan's pregnant, suddenly everyone's falling over themselves to be there for him, which is great, and Evan's obviously soaking it in like a sponge, but not a day goes by that Tommy doesn't wish that he—the other father—got to have first dibs once in a while. But Tommy knows where he falls in the pecking order. It goes: Maddie, the 118, Athena's kids, Athena herself, the barista at Evan's favorite coffee shop, and then Tommy. The day he goes over to Evan's to find Eddie there painting the room that will become the nursery is a tough one. Tommy endures Evan profusely thanking Eddie for buying an Infantino! musical pull-down monkey—the same one Tommy had brought over a week ago—for two minutes straight before he drives to one of the highest scenic lookouts he can find and screams himself hoarse.
The second trimester is both a dream and a nightmare, because Evan's hornier than Tommy's ever seen him, and at this point withholding sex because it doesn't mean anything is just cruel, so they fuck and fuck and Tommy gets to feel his kid kicking inside Evan's belly and sleep pressed to Evan's back like it's real, and then the third trimester hits and it's over. Evan doesn't want to be touched. So Tommy goes back to his house and sleeps alone and dutifully takes Evan to every appointment and birthing class and reads every article Evan sends him and the 118 throw Evan a shower that they forget to invite Tommy to and he builds a beautiful crib with his bare hands and he cries sometimes because he's so alone in this and has only himself to blame.
If he hadn't blown everything up a year ago, if he'd stayed and just talked to Evan instead of walking out, he wouldn't be relegated to the periphery. He'd be there for every milestone, every moment. He'd be stuffed full instead of trying to make a feast of crumbs. He'd be a dad, not a father. He's such an idiot. This was never going to end any other way, because nothing ever changes.
6. Bonus! Noelle Wade Buckley-Kinard cries exactly once upon entering the world at 4:29pm on November 4th, then immediately grows bored with existence and falls asleep. Buck cries enough for the both of them, holding her close and prepared to cut anyone who tries to take her from him. He does let Tommy hold her, though, and his heart expands to ten times its size when he sees the tears soaking into Tommy's face mask as he whispers softly to her. The last seven months were a rollercoaster ride and a half but they were all worth it to be able to hold their little girl like this.
Eventually the nurses kick Tommy out so they can sew Buck back up and take him to recovery, and eventually the drugs wear off and he's sore and exhausted and knocks out for a good six hours.
When he wakes up, it's to the sound of a low, gentle voice murmuring by the big bay window. It takes a moment for him to place who it is and what's being said, and he holds his breath, listening to Tommy says quietly, roughly, "... don't love you. Never, ever think that, okay? Because I do. I-I didn't think it was possible to love someone so much. I thought what I feel for your dad would've prepared me for this, but I had... I had no idea. And I wish I could be there with you every minute of every day, but... ah, sweetheart, sometimes things don't work out the way you want 'em to. But I get to be your papa and that's—I'm the luckiest guy in the world. And I may not be there all the time, but I want you to know that I always want to be. Always. So, anytime you need me? I'll be there in a flash. I will drop everything—I'll drop out of the sky for you, day or night, because I love you more than I can possibly say. Y'know, they teach us in the EMT course that the heart can't live outside the body, but you and your dad are proof that's wrong, because here you are and there he is: outside of me. It's not his fault that he doesn't... it's fine. It changes nothing. We'll make it work, my girl. We will make this work."
And Buck is lying there, sore as hell and just as upset, hand over his mouth to prevent his sobs from being heard, because seven fucking months and he had no idea that Tommy felt like this. He had no idea this was on the table the entire time. Although the fact that Tommy went to KFC to get Buck mashed potatoes at 1am so many times without a single complaint should've tipped him off.
Tommy turns around and sees that Buck's awake and his expression crumbles a little before he turns his back and uses his shoulders to wipe his face. When he turns back around, his expression is so smooth that it looks like he used a bench scraper on it. He walks over and gently deposits Noelle into Buck's arms, then steps back. There's a polite distance between him and the bed.
"Sorry," Tommy says, voice thick. "Didn't mean to hog her."
"S-She's yours too," Buck says, and sobs a little, tucking Noelle against his shoulder with one hand and reaching out for Tommy with the other. Tommy meets him halfway, sliding their fingers together just a little bit, and Buck holds on tight, bringing their joined hands to his chest. "Tommy, she's—god, you're so fucking stupid. Don't you know? We're both yours."
Tommy's eyes go bright and wet with something that looks like gratitude, and Buck thinks of every time Tommy went home alone, or stood against the wall at family parties, or the Tommy-shaped hole next to him at the shower (Buck had torn the 118 several new ones when he discovered that Tommy didn't have a shift that day but simply hadn't been told about the shower), and sucks in a horrified breath. He uses their joined hands to tug him down until their foreheads are pressed together and Noelle breathes in their shared breath.
"You and her... you're both outside of me too. And we will make this work. We're gonna make it."
When Tommy starts crying, it sets Buck off, and then Noelle decides it's the perfect time to wake up and join in on the fun. One of Buck's nurses walks in, takes one look at them, and does an about-face.
Eighteen years, three dogs, two cats, one wedding, and another kid later, Buck surveys their backyard, which is crammed full of people for Noelle's graduation party, with great pride. This is the kingdom they built together.
He spies Nick over by the grill and sidles up to him. "You know, I don't think I've ever told you how grateful I am that you weren't dating your cousin the night he knocked me up."
But before Buck can say anything else, Nick starts choking on a slider. Thankfully, half of the people in attendance are first responders, and he sips a beer and watches Hen and Chim clear Nick's airway, feeling a bit like a visitor at the zoo.
Tommy comes over, surveys the scene, and sighs. "Why do I feel like the Ankle Kicker 4000 just staged a comeback?"
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," Buck says brightly.
Tommy paused in the doorway of the bedroom, the pounding of his heart no longer having anything to do with miles he'd just finished running.
Evan had commandeered his side of the bed in his absence, always seeking out the warmest place to snuggle into. The sheets had slipped down when he moved, now resting low on his hips. The sweatshirt he was sleeping in had ridden up, revealing the new, soft swell of his stomach.
His breath caught in his throat as the knowledge hit him again: holy shit, there's a baby in there.
Tommy moved forward until he was by Evan's side and lowered himself to the floor. He splayed his hand gently over the little bump, the change barely noticeable unless you knew to look. A little life blossoming inside.
Tommy had been terrified when Buck told him he was pregnant. His family history had proven that Kinard men weren't built for fatherhood, there was too much anger and cowardice in their blood for it. His father, his grandfather, and his father before him, all mean, bitter, drunken men. How long would it take before Tommy himself followed the path they had forged?
Evan had seen the panic bubbling up inside him and had taken Tommy's face in his hands.
“I'm scared, too,” He told him, rubbing his thumb over Tommy's cheek. “You think I haven't been sitting here looking at this test thinking about all the ways I'm going to mess this kid up?”
He had taken Tommy's hand and laid it on his still hard stomach, covered it with his own.
“We're going to fuck up. That's just a fact of life–death, taxes, and fucking up your kids. But this baby already has something you and I never did. Two parents that love them and love each other.”
Tommy had stared at their hands, his heart still pounding.
“We're having a baby?”
“Yeah.” When Tommy had finally looked back up into his eyes, his expression was full of joy and wonder. Evan's answering smile was relieved. “We're having a baby.”
He pulled Evan to him. They laughed and cried and then laughed through the tears. Tommy put his hand back over Evan's belly.
“Hi,” He'd whispered, already imagining big blue eyes and little brown curls.
That had been just a few weeks ago, and the fact still floored him every single time. Every day he was expecting to wake up back in the military barracks and find that all of this had been a terribly wonderful dream. There was no other explanation for why Evan Buckley was in his bed, carrying his child, loving him. There was no universe in which he deserved this.
“You're thinking too loud.” Tommy looked up and saw Evan blinking sleepily at him, a soft smile on his lips. “Stress is bad for the baby.”
“I don't think that applies to me,” Tommy answered. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Evan's bump. “Good morning, little peach.”
Evan ran his fingers through Tommy's hair, his eyes drifting closed again as Tommy talked to their baby. Suddenly, he jolted up, his knees nearly clocking Tommy in the jaw.
“Are you alright?” Tommy asked, as Evan pushed himself out of the bed.
“Your little peach is laying on top of my bladder again.”
Sequel to @rcmclachlan's incredible novempreg fic!!
I just couldn't get rc's incredible fic out of my mind, so here's a sequel —written with permission and incredibly kind encouragement!!
(in the 5 facts format and under the readmore bc it's about ~1500 words long lmao)
1. After Noelle starts crying, Buck and Tommy reluctantly part from each other and work on soothing her back to sleep. They don’t bother hiding their giddy, dazed smiles.
She drops off like a rock after a few minutes of wailing that breaks both their hearts (they’re going to be such pushovers, the two of them.) Buck teases Tommy about their kid maybe inheriting his ability to sleep through anything.
“As long as she doesn’t inherit your snoring,” Tommy replies, something about the moue of his mouth still tentative. But as Buck squawks indignantly, he laughs, looking openly and heartbreakingly happy.
When the rest of the 118 finally rushes in, vibrating impatiently and complaining about the “ludicrous amount of time you guys have been hoarding her in here, Buck!” Tommy is the one holding Noelle. Maddie is the first one to reach the bed, and she looks directly at Buck’s arms, startling minutely at the lack of baby contained therein.
Buck frowns at her, but before he can open his mouth, Tommy is already passing Noelle over, and then suddenly the entire cohort of their family is crowding into the room.
(Tommy is happier than he can remember feeling for, god, at least a year, gratified by the time he’d already been granted—the hours he’d cradled Noelle and stared at Buck sleeping. He feels that abused sense of burgeoning hope and optimism, the one he let himself feel so rarely, that he had pushed away and smothered over and over and over again in the time he’d known Buck.)
What Buck notices is Tommy trying to melt back into the wall, as everyone turns to Buck, congratulating him and cooing over Noelle. And they’re right, because he and Tommy made the most precious, wonderful baby in the entire world, but he can’t help but notice that no one extends the same courtesies to Tommy, who is now staring out the window.
But Buck won’t let him walk away. Now now. He keeps a firm grasp on Tommy’s hand, pulls him forward, nearly toppling him into the bed. Now that Buck knows there can be BuckAndTommy—well,everyone’s going to damn well know that it’s BuckAndTommy and their baby. And everyone’s going to damn well listen to the man who just gave birth tell them he couldn’t have done any of it without Tommy, that Noelle is as precious as she is because Tommy also had a hand in creating her, that Tommy had rushed to the hospital and cried at his daughter’s birth, and oh, also they’re back together now, does anyone have anything to say about that?
Everyone goes quiet just in time for Noelle to start squirming in Eddie’s arms. Tommy is red-faced but smiling faintly. Noelle immediately calms down when placed back in Buck’s arms. The Ankle Kicker 4000 smiles smugly.
2. They spend the next seven months making it work. Raising a newborn together and learning to talk to each other. Because, god, they keep assuming stuff about each other without saying anything at all. And now, with a daughter and so much time lost in the rearview, they need to make it work. They need to be brave, to believe the good is here to stay.
Noelle makes that part easy at least, because she’s not just good, she’s the best. The best cries until they soothe her, the best gifts them gummy smiles and impassioned babblings, the best is a delightfully chubby package in her helicopter onesie and strawberry socks.
But Buck notices the way Tommy mentally and physically retreats when someone from the 118 shows up to help out or drop off food or watch the baby for them. It’s less that he’s closed off when they show up, and more the way he reanimates after they leave, his scrunchy smiles and gentle voice gradually coming back into view. Buck doubts that happened after Tommy’s previous quiet exits.
Tommy immediately hands Noelle over to whoever asks, as long as they’re friendly with Buck. Buck’s favorite barista greets them at the counter and playfully demands baby cuddles, and Buck watches as Tommy instantly cuts off whatever he was saying to their daughter.
Jenny rocks Noelle for a few seconds before handing her back, saying “Congratulations daddies!” and hooking them up with the complicated, sweet monstrosity Buck got addicted to during his pregnancy (she’s his favorite for a reason), as well as Tommy’s latte and crumb cake (Buck is going to make one so much better it’ll knock Tommy’s socks off. But he’s definitely not pouting about it right now.)
After they’ve enjoyed their treats and given Noelle her bottle and she’s snoozing away in her little seat, Buck directs all his attention to Tommy, who is smiling absentmindedly and fiddling with his empty cup. It looks tiny in his giant hands, just like their baby does.
“You know you don’t always have to hand her over if you don’t want to, right?” Buck ducks his head to keep making eye contact with Tommy. “She’s yours first.”
He grabs Tommy’s hand—“so am I.”
They’re having dinner with the Hans a few weeks later, and Maddie asks for cuddle time with her niece. Tommy playfully lifts Noelle over Maddie’s head, insisting she’s not done with papa time.
Buck is immeasurably proud of him.
3. Along with juggling a newborn, they quickly realize they need to find a new place to live together. Tommy constantly exhausts himself driving to Buck’s house. His stuff has taken over the guest room, flooding the house just as much as all the baby equipment. At least the moving in together milestone has been reduced to a non-discussion.
The first time Buck insists they pack up and spend time at Tommy’s house instead, he walks into the nursery and gasps at the most beautiful crib he’s ever seen.
“Why didn’t you bring this over for the nursery at my place?”
Tommy shrugs in a way Buck now knows is deceptively practiced. “You had the crib Chim and Maddie gave you.”
Buck had been so grateful at the time, with his unplanned pregnancy and all. But it was a hand-me-down Ikea crib. He hadn’t known this was an option.
Buck finds the Winnie the Pooh wallpaper charming as well, asks where they can get some more for an accent wall in the new nursery, wherever it ends up being.
“I was actually thinking about painting a mural,” Tommy admits. “A forest, or the zoo—all animals and flowers. And bugs, obviously.”
Evan blushes at the consideration, but curiosity wins out—“why didn’t you do it here?”
Tommy looks away before answering. “Didn’t think she’d spend much time here anyway.”
4. So they get a new house together. Fight about the best ways to pack, what to keep. Envision Noelle running around in the yard (with a bunch of dogs. Maybe another kid.) Buck finds the musical pull-down monkey still in its box. Is grateful to have a back up because she loves the thing, and he can already see it breaking sooner rather than later.
Rides Tommy into another bare mattress when almost everything is in boxes, ready to go to their new home. Slows the pace, gently cradles his face, and forces him to hear Buck’s gratitude.
Thanks for the gorgeous crib, the way he’d interrogated the realtor before they’d closed on the house. For the half-painted nursery wall, the fucking monkey. For the appointments and nighttime drives and all the mind-blowing pregnancy sex Buck now knows had been slowly bleeding Tommy dry.
5. The first Father’s Day after Noelle is born, Tommy leaves a single daisy in a vase, breakfast in the warmer, and a kiss on Buck’s birthmark, before heading to an early shift.
He comes home to Buck bustling around the kitchen, talking to Noelle in one of her many bassinets. The smell of fresh bread and roast chicken and chocolate chip cookies greets him like a warm hug.
“We want Papa to have the best Father’s Day don’t we Ellie baby? Because papa is such a good dad isn’t he, yeah he’s the best, we’re so lucky to have papa…”
Tommy’s sneaking his fourth cookie when he finally notices the ring box next to the tray.
+6. Buck’s second pregnancy is very different from his first. For one, it’s a carefully discussed and planned endeavor (and god they had fun in the action phase.) Second, now Tommy is around him every second of every day, hovering and enthralled by the growing bump. Buck alternates between being driven crazy and crying over the way Tommy whispers sweet nothings to his stomach, the way he gently talks to Noelle about how she’s going to be a big sister any day now.
Sometimes Buck still wants to slap himself (and Tommy) for those seven months when he, when they could have had all this, this security and love and confidence. But then his family always pulls him away from those thoughts.
trick or treat! may i prompt nora’s first halloween??
So this got legs and got away from me. 🙈 Like @quintessenceofdust88 said it's because Nora is a very independent girl.
Their family had been invited so celebrate Halloween with the Han's and the Wilson's, but Buck and Tommy decided to decline the invitation. Nora was only a month and a half old and had no reason to go out trick or treating. And Buck and Tommy were tired, so they didn't want to be up too late, or deal with battling traffic to get back to their house once the kids returned from trick or treating, or even to deal with the traffic when the kids left to go and collect their candy.
No, it was a much better idea for them to stay home and hand out candy, no matter how much Buck wanted to show off their family costume, and see all the kids in their costumes. Jee-Yun had happily told Buck that she was dressing up as Zoey from K-Pop Demon Hunters, but Maddie had been tight lipped about what they were dressing Kevin up as. Buck couldn't blame her, because he hadn't given any hints as to what they were dressing up as, either.
They were just about to take a family photo in their costumes when two things happened at once: Nora needed her diaper changed and the doorbell sounded, signaling that trick or treating had started.
Their first trick or treater isn't actually a trick or treater, however, but one of their neighbors. Buck blinks in surprise when he opens the door, bowl of candy in hand, only to find Mrs. Gutierrez on their doorstep. He pauses, the bowl of candy he was in the process of lifting up frozen midway.
"Oh, Mrs. Gutierrez, hi! Is everything alright?"
"Well I was going to ask you that."
Buck tilts his head in confusion. "Why would you ask me that?"
"Well it's just that I noticed that you and Tommy haven't been leaving the house much lately, your cars are always in the drive. And there was all that hubbub last month where there were all these people who weren't either of you coming in and out, before you stopped leaving. I know you boys both work dangerous jobs and I wanted to be sure that you were alright." Mrs. Gutierrez says and Buck knows that some people might be worried about the fact that she's paid that close attention to their driveway. But she lives right across the street, and she always checks in on him and Tommy when something big happens in the city, and she's been sending Tommy meals during wildfire season since he first moved in and learned that he was a first responder.
"Sorry to have worried you, Mrs. Gutierrez. We're okay, no injuries here."
"Please, Buck, I've told you to call me Helena." She has, and Buck always reverts back to calling her Mrs. Gutierrez by their next interaction.
"Helena," Buck corrects. "Neither Tommy or I are injured. Everyone is happy and healthy here."
"Then why haven't you been going to work?"
"Well…" Buck starts, but he doesn't get very far before Tommy is coming into view, cradling Nora in his arms, content now that she has a fresh diaper and looking oh so cute in her costume. Buck can't help the smile that takes over his face at the sight of his two favorite people.
"Evan, what's taking so lo- oh, hello Helena." Tommy says, pausing for a moment at the sight of Mrs. Gutierrez before he adjusts, smiling at her. "Did you need help with something?"
Mrs. Gutierrez is silent for a moment, her gaze caught on the baby in Tommy's arms. "Are you babysitting?" She asks, even though Buck thinks it's fairly obvious that they're not. Based on the gleam in her eye Buck thinks that she knows that they're not babysitting, either, but she doesn't want to assume. Tommy steps forward so that he's next to Buck, and Buck puts the bowl of candy back down so he can wrap his arm around Tommy's waist.
"No, we're not babysitting." Tommy says. "Helena, I'd like to introduce you to Eleonora Kinard, our daughter." He carefully shifts the baby in his arms so that she can see her face.
"Oh, Tommy, Buck, she's beautiful. I didn't know you had an adoption in the works." Mrs. Gutierrez says, and Buck knows that adoption is the obvious conclusion for her to come to because Buck had not been visibly pregnant, that was sort of the whole point of it being called a cryptic pregnancy, but he can't help the pang of hurt he feels at that. Even though it wasn't intentional on her part and she meant nothing by it.
"Oh, uh, she's not adopted." Buck says, ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck when Mrs. Gutierrez turns to look at him. "Turns out I'm a carrier. Went to the hospital for appendicitis, came home with a baby."
Mrs. Gutierrez's eyes widen as she listens to Buck, but she recovers quickly, concern overriding her face. "Oh, you poor thing. And you're okay? You and the baby?"
Buck is touched that she's so concerned. "We are, yes. Little Miss Nora here has a clean bill of health." He reaches over to run a finger over the curve of her cheek. "And I'm doing well, too. It was sort of terrifying in the moment, but now I wouldn't trade her for anything."
"And your recovery is okay? You're not pushing yourself too hard?"
"Tommy is being a good fiancé and making sure I don't push myself too hard." Buck leans over to press a kiss to Tommy's cheek. "And our family is taking care of us. My sister and one of my coworkers coordinated getting the house ready for us to bring a baby home and then they gave us a baby shower once we were settled in. My captain filled up our freezer, and both our teams have been checking in." Buck says, voice filled with pride and his chest full of warmth and how everyone has come together for them, for their daughter.
"That's lovely. And fiancé? Did that happen before or after the baby?"
"After, although apparently Evan had been planning it for a while." Tommy says, carefully moving to hold the baby with one arm so that he can show off his ring.
"Well congratulations you two. On your beautiful baby and your engagement. You've always been a wonderful couple, and now you're a beautiful family." Mrs. Gutierrez smiles after she 'oohs' and 'aahs' over Tommy's ring.
"Thank you, Helena." Buck says, tightening his grip on Tommy. He still gets a little thrill whenever they get called a family. He can't help but think back to the words Thomas had spoken to him all those years ago. 'You don't find it, son, you make it.' He's made it. Quite literally, in fact, when it came to Nora.
"Now, I have to ask, what exactly is your costume, Tommy?" Mrs. Gutierrez asks, and Tommy laughs. He hands the baby over to Buck, who holds her up to press a kiss to the top of her head before he settles her against his chest. With his hands now free he reaches for the prop he's left just inside the door, brandishing it with a flourish.
"I'm a gardener." He says, gesturing towards the green apron he was wearing over one of his many plaid shirts. He'd put a pair of gardening gloves in one pocket, and there was a packet of seeds sticking out of the other. The prop he'd stashed by the door was a comically large watering can, painted with sunflowers and ladybugs.
"Oh! I see it now! And Buck is a flower, how clever. And- Nora, was it? Why she's the most adorable little ladybug." Buck preens at the praise, since the whole theme had been his idea. It had started because he'd wanted to dress Nora up as a ladybug,complete with a hat with a pair of antenna, since that was her nickname. Buck knew he was biased but he thought that she was the cutest ladybug in all of Los Angeles. And with how she liked to curl up against their chests it only made sense for him to dress up as a flower, so she could safely nestle in his greenery. He'd found a soft green shirt, and he'd crafted a headpiece that looked like a sunflower, taking care to keep the petals soft and out of anywhere Nora might end up laying. The thing that really tied the whole outfit together, in his opinion, was the flowerpot he was wearing around his waist, the classic terracotta brown, held up by a pair of green suspenders. He'd also decorated the baby carrier to look like a ladybug, knowing that at some point during the evening it would be needed.
"Thank you. It was all Evan's idea."
"Well you're very creative, Buck."
"Oh, once I decided Nora was going to be a ladybug it was easy." And Buck had decided on that once he realized he was going to have a newborn to dress in Halloween, seeing the way she was scrunched up on Tommy's chest.
"Still, you're all just darling. Oh! Have you gotten a photo of all three of you all dressed up yet?"
"Not yet, Helena. We were about to but then someone needed a new diaper." Tommy says, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of Nora's head.
"Well I'd be more than happy to take one for you."
Tommy thanks her and pulls out his phone, pulling up the camera and telling Mrs. Gutierrez how to operate it. They spend the next few minutes taking photos in a variety of poses.
"Thank you." Tommy says as she hands the phone back to him.
"No thanks necessary." She says, waving off the thanks. "Well I should get back before the trick or treaters get to mine and I cause a traffic jam on your doorstep."
"Thank you for stopping by. I'm sorry that we worried you."
"Oh, now that I know what's been keeping you boys busy I'm not at all upset." Mrs. Gutierrez tells them before she turns to start walking back to her house.
The watch to make sure that she safely makes it back to the sidewalk before they head back inside.
"Well that was interesting."
"Certainly not who I expected to be at the door." Buck agrees once they've settled themselves onto the couch. "So what movie did you decide on for us?" He had tasked Tommy with picking out what they were going to watch, knowing that they would have to pause it every time the doorbell went off and telling him that it had to be kid friendly.
"The Addams Family."
"Oh, I know who they are!"
"I know. That's part of why I picked it." Tommy says, leaning over to press a kiss to his birthmark. "I'm going to go and make us some popcorn, what do you want to drink?"
Buck decides to wait for Tommy to come back to start the movie. "Wait, why is there Christmas music if it's a Halloween movie?"
"Just watch the movie, Evan. And give me Nora before you get butter all over her."
"Your Papa is silly, Nora." Buck tells the baby in his arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead before handing her over to Tommy.
It's not long before the doorbell rings, and it takes them at least twice as long as it should to get through the movie. What feels like their whole neighborhood graces their doorstep that night amidst all the trick or treaters. Apparently they should have watched where Mrs. Gutierrez went once she reached the sidewalk, because she did not end up going back to her house and instead spread the word about the new addition to their neighborhood.
(A few days later their doorbell gets another workout, with their neighbors dropping off meals and baby gifts).
Seems like shifts being really hard to clinging Tommy that has the urge to check on his pack every hour.😊
November is coming to an end and with it the last preg doodle for the @bt-novempreg event. I really enjoyed preg pookies so so much❤️ i want to doodle them forever😭😭
Trying Not To Love You (Only Makes Me Love You More)
Buck and Tommy get divorced after a devastating loss, only for Buck to find out afterwards that he's pregnant again with Tommy's baby forcing them to navigate their grief, anxieties, how to co-parent as a divorced couple, and the fact that they're both still very much in love with each other
Written for novempreg (@bt-novempreg) prompt 'unplanned pregnancy'
Mature, Chap 1/?, 3k words. Read here or on ao3
TW: Death of a child, loss, grief, anxiety, vomiting
“I needed you to stay!” Tommy finally snapped at Evan. Somehow their usual night time routine had brought them to an argument, and now they were standing on opposite sides of their bed in their dimly lit room, both in pajamas, yelling at each other.
“I needed to go!” Buck shouted back.
“And you went!” Tommy shot back. “You did what you needed to do. You got what you needed. But what about what I needed?! You weren’t the only one who lost her, Evan! I lost her too! And I-” Tommy looked up at the ceiling as he tried to blink back the tears that threatened to spill. He took a breath and continued in a much calmer tone, but he was certainly still angry. “I knew your grief was different from mine, and because I love you, I pushed mine aside to help you through yours before worrying about my own.” Tommy looked back at his husband. “I held you while you cried, I fed you when you could barely eat, and I held everything together for us so you could fall apart,”
“We held each other,” Buck countered.
“Yes, there were nights that we held each other and we both cried, I don’t deny that.” Tommy admitted. “But there were way more times that I took care of you than times we took care of each other. And when you finally started doing better, I thought great, maybe Evan can hold things together for a little while so I can have a chance to fall apart. But instead you left. You left me here to hold everything together for us both by myself when I needed you.” Tears were now streaming down Tommy’s cheeks. “You went away for months and I was stuck here, with all the pitying looks from our friends and family, all the grief, all the reminders of what we lost, while you got to go pretend nothing was wrong-”
“I did not pretend anything!” Evan argued. “You really think I wasn’t acutely aware of the loss every waking moment? You think I really managed to escape the reality of what happened?!”
“Maybe you didn’t manage to escape the reality of it, Evan, but you sure as hell missed some of the worst parts of it-”
“I missed the worst parts of it?” Buck scoffed. “What? Like the part where I held our daughter in my arms as she died?”
“I didn’t say the worst part. I said some of the worst parts.” Tommy corrected. “Yes you held her while she died and that absolutely was the worst part. But you didn’t have to take apart the nursery. You didn’t have to make the baby box, or visit her grave alone. You didn’t have to return or donate all the baby things. And you never had to watch me break down the way I watched you break down, Evan.”
Buck’s face fell. “Tommy-” He started, his tone softer and sad now, guilt seemingly seeping in.
Tommy shook his head. “You got to do what you needed to do to cope with losing her and I am glad you got that opportunity, but you never once spared a second thought about what that would do to me. And I tried, I’ve tried so hard to be okay with it, to let it go, but I can’t. I really tried but I just can’t let this go, as much as I wanted to be able to. Evan, I can’t keep pretending it’s okay when it’s not.” Tommy grabbed his pillow off the bed and headed for the door.
“Tommy wait-” Buck started.
Tommy turned back to Evan. “No, I’m tired. I’m not arguing about this anymore tonight.” He said and left the room to go to the spare bedroom.
That had been their first real fight since losing their baby girl. What had started as a seemingly healthy pregnancy took a turn for the worse when their little girl was born with vital-organ abnormalities that had been undetected during the pregnancy which could not be fixed or corrected. After her death they’d been grieving, and then Buck went away on a volunteer mission to South America to help train firefighters in wildfire fighting techniques and search & rescue. When Buck returned the couple had been in a sort of bubble- they both knew things were not okay between them, but managed to put on a damn good show of pretending it was. Except now the bubble had burst.
The next several weeks Buck and Tommy walked on eggshells around each other. Tommy did return to their bed, they did hug and touch and kiss but it was more out of habit than it was anything else, and it lacked any real passion or feeling. They talked, but they didn’t really talk. To an outsider, things probably looked normal, but Buck and Tommy both knew they were far from.
Finally one morning Tommy got home from a shift and found Evan at the kitchen table eating breakfast. Tommy stared at an unaware Evan for a moment, before the words passed his lips, crushing him and relieving him all at once. “I think we should get a divorce.”
Buck quickly turned to look at Tommy. “What?” He asked.
“A divorce.” Tommy repeated, the idea somehow simultaneously felt like a relief- a huge weight off his chest- and a death sentence all at once.
Buck set down his coffee mug and stood in front of Tommy. He took Tommy’s hands in his own. “Look, Tommy, I- I know we’re going through a- a rough patch right now, but it’s just that, a rough patch. It- things can get better, things will get better, we just have to- to put in the work. We have to fight for it,”
Tommy gave Evan a small, sad smile and squeezed Evan’s hands gently, his own wedding ring pressing against his fingers, his thumb over Evan’s ring. “I just don’t know that there’s anything left worth fighting for.”
Tears started welling in Buck’s eyes. “Tommy, please,”
“We both know nothing’s been the same since losing Cassandra.” Tommy pointed out in a soft tone. “I still love you, I never stopped, but I think it’s time we let each other go.”
Buck looked at Tommy as tears started falling. As much as he wanted to argue and fight and convince Tommy he was wrong, Buck knew deep down that Tommy was right. He pulled Tommy in for a kiss anyway, and Tommy willingly complied, making for what was possibly their most passionate kiss since losing their daughter.
Over the next several months as they proceeded with the divorce, Buck and Tommy had more highs and lows- falling into both arguments and bed with one another, usually at different times but not always. Their friends and family were all sad to hear the news of them divorcing, but knowing what they’d been through, no one could blame them. They also faced the one-year anniversary of their daughter’s death, during which they visited her grave together and held each other as they cried.
Tommy offered to let Evan keep the house in the divorce as a result of his guilt for being the one to ask for it, but Buck refused, insisting it’d been Tommy’s long before it was his, and he didn’t feel right taking it.
Almost two months before the divorce was finalized, Buck moved out of their house into an apartment. Him and Tommy fought while packing, only to generously make up with one another while moving the boxes into Buck’s new apartment, and then fight again in the morning- an almost perfect recreation of their hook up following their first break up.
The morning the divorce would be finalized, Buck woke up feeling nauseous. He pushed through it, and got ready for the day anyway. Despite the strong urge to stay in bed and cry all day he had to do this, he had to go, sign the papers, and let Tommy go.
Buck showered and got dressed, then went into his still half-unpacked kitchen with the intention of making coffee but as soon as he opened the bag of coffee he decided against it as the smell made his stomach turn. He instead opted for a quick glass of orange juice and two pieces of buttered toast before leaving for the lawyer’s office.
“Last one, just sign here.” The lawyer instructed Buck.
Buck took a shaky breath and signed the final signature, then Tommy did the same.
“That’s it gentlemen. It’s official.” The lawyer announced. “I have to say, of all the divorce cases I’ve worked, this was one of the most amicable.”
Buck could feel himself getting too warm and his mouth filling with saliva telling him he was about to puke. “Thank you.” He told the lawyers and quickly got up, as Tommy did the same but without Buck’s urgency. Buck quickly left the room in search of a bathroom, but not before catching a glimpse of the hurt look on Tommy’s face.
Buck just narrowly made it to the bathroom in time to throw up in the toilet while his mind provided him with unwelcome memories of the fact that the last time he threw up was when he was pregnant. Normally he had guts of steel until he’d gotten pregnant and that went out the window. Apparently getting a divorce was the other thing his stomach couldn’t handle.
---
“And then he just fucking left,” Tommy was slurring his speech already. He was several drinks in at the bar with Sal and Lucy- he’d been trying to process the day as best he could, and when that didn’t work out, he decided to get drunk instead. “Just got up and ran from the room like it’d kill him to stay a moment longer.”
“I’m sorry Tommy.” Lucy said sympathetically.
“And the worst part,” Tommy chuckled. “You wanna know the worst part?” He looked between his friends. “The worst part- at least I think the worst part- is what the lawyers said at the end,”
“What’d the lawyers say?” Sal asked, even if he knew he’d probably hear this all again later, because the chances of Tommy remembering this were getting slimmer by the minute.
Tommy took a long swig of his beer before answering. “They said- they really said this- they said it was one of the most amicable divorces they’d ever seen.” Tommy shook his head. “They shoulda been there for the fight we had packing up Evan’s stuff- that was- that was a bad one. Almost as bad as the fight we had the next morning.”
“They should’ve kept that to themselves.” Sal told Tommy, even if he figured the lawyers meant it as a platitude and nothing malicious.
Tommy took another long swig of his beer, finishing it off, then signalled to their waiter for another. “They weren’t fucking there. They weren’t there for the fights, or the silence, they weren’t there when Evan left for South America and I put my fist through the drywall taking down the nursery, they weren’t there when I patched up the drywall before Evan got home either, they weren’t fucking there when we watched our baby die in our arms, and they won’t be there when I go home tonight to an empty house that doesn’t feel like home anymore but I can’t leave because it’s one of the only places I can still feel close to Cassie. Amicable.” Tommy scoffed and shook his head.
Lucy just gave a small hum and nod, unsure what to say in response to that.
“I think the worst thing is that even though the divorce is finalized and Evan moved out two months ago, I’m still gonna miss him when I get home. Still wonder what he’s doing right now, if he’s okay, who he’s drinking with? Probably May, I bet it’s May. She always has good wine, I feel like Evan’s probably in a wine mood tonight. Or maybe tequila with Hen. But I think it’s May.”
“You were together for a long time, you went through a lot together. Just because you got divorced doesn’t mean you don’t care anymore.” Sal pointed out.
“I feel like I need something new to focus on. Something to- to fill the empty space he left behind. Keep my mind off him.” Tommy decided.
“That’s not the worst idea.” Lucy said encouragingly.
“New hobby for a new chapter of my life. Something I never did with Evan.” Tommy decided. “Maybe I should get a boat- who am I kidding I hate boats. Maybe I could get my own helicopter. That’d be fun.”
“Helicopters are insanely expensive, you know,” Sal sipped his beer.
“And I’m pretty sure that’s something you did with Evan. A lot.” Lucy reminded Tommy.
“Right, okay no helicopter.” Tommy frowned.
“You don’t have to figure it all out tonight, Tommy.” Sal reminded him. “It’s the first night, your divorce hasn’t even been finalized for twenty four hours. You got time.”
“You’re right. You’re right. Tonight, I’m just gonna drink, and be drunk, and then tomorrow I can hate myself for how hungover I am.” Tommy decided.
“Good plan.” Lucy chuckled.
---
Buck spent the next several hours after leaving the lawyers office in a daze until he eventually found himself at May’s. They’d gotten a lot closer after Bobby’s death, and at May’s apartment, Buck didn’t have to worry about scaring his niece and nephew with his behavior like he would if he went Maddie’s, while still being in the company of someone he considered a sibling.
Buck was sitting on the floor leaning against May’s couch when she came back into the living room with two glasses of wine. “Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked as she set a glass of wine down in front of Buck on the coffee table and sat on the couch next to where Buck was on the floor.
Buck stared at the glass of red in silence, until he finally allowed himself to consider a thought that had been on his mind all day that he’d been trying to ignore. “I think I might be pregnant.”
May’s mouth fell open in shock. “What?”
Buck shrugged, still staring straight ahead at the glass of wine he probably wouldn’t be drinking. “Just a funny feeling. Threw up earlier for the first time since I was pregnant with Cassie.”
May took a generous sip of her wine before asking, “Is that even possible? I mean could you really be…?”
“Never went back on birth control. It’s- it’s definitely possible.” Buck admitted.
“Can I ask who?” May wondered.
“Tommy. Who else would it be?” Buck finally looked at May.
“Literally anyone?” May said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You and Tommy have been in the process of getting divorced, I didn’t realize you were still…”
Buck chuckled a little. “Honestly, we hadn’t been until after Tommy asked for the divorce. Not since before everything.”
“Wow,” May muttered and took another long swig of her wine. “You moved out like two months ago, does that timing match up with anything?” She asked, doing her best to keep calm and be the voice of reason.
Buck thought back to moving day and nodded. “I mean me moving out wasn’t necessarily exactly when, it could’ve been some other time, but it is possible.”
“Okay, wait here.” May said and disappeared into the bathroom for a moment before she came back and dropped a pregnancy test into Buck’s lap.
Buck scoffed and looked up at May. “Why do you get to judge me for a possible unplanned pregnancy when you’re the one just keeping pregnancy tests laying around? Why do you have this?”
“Because I’m a woman of child-bearing age?” May pointed out. “Because I have friends who might need one- or a brother apparently.”
Buck looked at the pregnancy test in his lap.
“I made sure to check that it isn’t expired.” May added.
“I can’t believe this is happening.” Buck muttered.
“I mean you don’t really know until you take the test. You could be spiraling over nothing.” May offered, trying to reassure Buck as best she could.
Buck took a deep breath. “You’re right.” He stood. “Wish me luck.”
May refrained from making a joke about Buck needing good luck to piss on a stick. “Good luck.” She said instead.
Buck went into the bathroom and took the test, washed his hands, set a timer, then sat on the edge of the tub as he waited for the results. While he waited he couldn’t help but think back to the last time he’d done this.
Last time Tommy had been there with him and when they got that positive result they’d been so excited- it’d taken a couple months of trying. Once they got the positive, Buck scheduled blood tests to confirm, and the blood test results came in while Tommy was stuck working a double shift. That had given Buck enough time to order a diaper shirt online which he wrapped and presented to Tommy when he’d returned from his shift. A soft blue diaper shirt with the words ’I’m as lucky as can be because the world’s best dads belong to me’. That shirt was now neatly folded and tucked away in the baby box which was still at Tommy’s house because Buck didn’t have a great place to put it at the apartment.
The timer on Buck’s phone went off and he looked at the test. Two dark pink lines. “Shit.” He muttered. After a minute or several he managed to pick up the test and return to the living room where May was waiting.
“Well?” She asked.
Buck held up the test, showing May the result.
“What do you wanna do?” She wondered.
Buck shook his head as tears began to sting his eyes. “I have no idea.”
May quickly stood and pulled Buck into a hug, knowing there was little- if anything- she could say right now that would be of any help to Buck.
Tommy rolls over in bed and slides his arm over, hmphing softly when his arm drops instead of slotting over Evan’s swollen waist. He lifts an eyelid as he exhales audibly, awakened by his body’s panic response. In front of him, Evan is seated upright, one hand on the expansive bump that has taken over his midsection while the other is holding his phone, illuminating his face.
“Yerstillup,” Tommy slurs, pulling his arm back to rub his eyes.
“I’m fine,” Evan replies quietly. “Go back to sleep.”
Tommy looks up at him when he pulls his fingers from his eyes, giving him a heartened expression. “Baby. You’re wide awake at 3 AM. The induction is in two days. What’s going on?”
Evan sighs, setting his phone aside, leaving their faces to only be illuminated by the moonlight from the window.
“Just sore. And itchy. And honestly, someone has a foot in my ribs and the other is grinding their head on my bladder, so-..”
“You can’t sleep,” Tommy surmises. He pushes himself up in the bed and Evan makes a displeased sound that Tommy has become familiar with in the last few months. We shouldn’t both lose sleep, Tommy. Soon enough they’ll both keep us awake. Those words from Evan live on a loop in his brain. Still, he’s not about to let the other man sit up alone this close to giving birth. “How are your legs?”
Evan shrugs, pulling his bad one up, curling it beneath the bump. Tommy shifts on the bed, moving over Evan’s other leg before standing on the firefighter’s side of the bed. He extends both hands to his husband and Evan lifts his. Tommy leans back down, pulling him into a hug and helping Evan up to his feet. Evan doesn’t immediately pull away, large bump be damned, and Tommy smiles, tucking his face into his husband’s neck.
After a minute, Evan pulls back and Tommy releases him.
“Turn,” he murmurs, gesturing a circle. Evan does so, and Tommy closes the space behind him, wrapping his arms around Evan and beneath the bump. “Ready?”
Evan hums softly, and Tommy ensures his hands are placed properly before gently lifting until he feels Evan sigh against him, melting. He feels movement beneath his hands and a firm kick against where his forearm is against Evan’s side beneath his ribs. Evan rubs a hand down one of Tommy’s, sliding is fingers over his husband’s.
“Wish you could do this full time,” he mutters gruffly. Tommy turns his head and kisses Evan’s temple. Someone kicks hard against palm and he chuckles.
“Would if I could, although someone else seems less pleased,” he replies.
Evan grumbles softly, but he doesn’t move otherwise. Tommy tilts against his temple, breathing in the scent of Evan’s shampoo as they stand there. Soon enough, the little people inside of his husband will be on the outside, and this part of their marriage will be over; they will exit the phases of being alone together, and of pregnancy, and enter a version of their life where two tiny humans will demand their attention constantly and fill their home with noise, and a hell of a lot more noise.
He waits until Evan leans back up off of him before he finally lets go. Evan steps away then, toward the en suite bathroom. Tommy follows, but he leans against the door frame as Evan crosses to the toilet, no doubt having to pee again. He keeps his eyes on his husband in the low light from the plug-in nightlight, ensuring Evan can get himself up and down. He’d all but lost on Tommy when the pilot had insisted on putting a seat with handles on the toilets in their home after Evan stopped being able to see his feet in month five, but at that point, he’d already seen Evan struggle with getting up while trying not to hurt himself or the twins. Soon enough, they’ll go away as well, giving another sign of things to come.
Evan gets himself back up successfully, and after washing his hands, lets Tommy help him back into bed. Already seated in the middle, Tommy reaches for Evan’s hands and helps him into the space between the pilot’s legs before letting Evan lean back against him. There’s some shifting of pillows, and Evan’s legs get tucked around until he’s as settled as he’s going to get, leaning into Tommy as the pilot nudges Evan’s oversized t-shirt up and gently starts rubbing cocoa butter into the bump.
The girls are still kicking firmly beneath his hands, though they’re more settled than they were before he’d gotten Evan up.
“What do you think about Eliza,” Tommy whispers, rubbing his hand against baby A’s spine.
“After your nonna,” Evan murmurs. It’s not a question, so much as an observation.
“Mmm. You said you wanted something we could shorten, in case they end up hating us,” he whispers, smiling only slightly at the end of his own statement. Being named after his own father had made him hate his full first name, along with the shortened version of Tom; those were the names his father had gone by. And while Senior always liked to bully him that going by Tommy made him seem to cavalier about things, Tommy didn’t care.He didn’t want to be thought of in the same measures as his father.
“S-so Emilia and Eliza,” Evan whispers, tilting his head on Tommy’s shoulder to look up at him, though his eyes are clearly getting heavier.
Tommy nods. “Emmy and Ellie. Emilia Robin, Eliza Madeline.”
Evan sighs softly, his gaze drifting as he lets the names hold space between the four of them. Naming their children for Bobby and Maddie, while also not holding them to unrealistic expectations with those names. Evan had insisted on Amelia, though they had switched the spelling to coincide with using the same letters for both girls. That way their first names were able to acknowledge Tommy while their middle names were for Evan.
“I like it,” Evan whispers. He glances down at where Tommy’s hands still are his stomach before resting his own over them.
“This one is Emmy,” he adds, gently pushing his left hand down over Tommy’s, where it’s resting on the side of his stomach. “Staunch. Determined. Stubborn.”
“So this is Ellie then,” Tommy replies, stroking his thumb against the bottom of the bump, near where Evan’s briefs are tucked against his torso.
“Quiet but fierce,” Evan answers. “She’s gonna be a dark horse, I know it.”
Tommy smiles again, kissing Evan on his birthmark. “She’ll be just like you, then.”
Evan tilts his chin up, nuzzling up under Tommy’s chin. He lets out a long breath, leaning deeper into the pilot, and Tommy can tell he’s starting to fade. He shifts his hands, one resting atop the bump as the other shifts up to Evan’s chest, rubbing gently over his heart.
In a matter of days, they won’t be able to sleep as a family of four all in one space anymore; at least not for a while, until the girls are big enough to climb into bed with them and demand cuddles. And though they’re excited for the next phase, Tommy won’t complain right now. He has his entire world in his arms and wouldn’t change it for a second.
