oubaitori (i)
tags/warnings: homophobia (from reader and his family), stereotypes against gay/queer men/people, abuse/threats of death(all in the flashback part), reader can be seen as not an entirely good person, hurt/comfort, angst, financial abuse, manipulation, queer themes.
notes: FINALLY. My god this took forever!! I really, really hope you guys like this first part! I think for sure the nsfw will start on part 2! Please understand that the reader may come off as unlikable, and that’s for a reason. Let me know if there any mistakes, I won’t let this be reblogged just yet in case I need to fix something major lol. Silly notes: Xiao’s bio is here and here’s Wei’s! I see zeno robinson’s voice being what Wei sounds like, and for Xiao’s voice, I see reagan murdock’s!
word count: 3,062
Your new roommate, Bingwei Gu, or Wei as he’s so readily and happily allowed you to call him, is interesting to say the least.
He’s energetic, unapologetically himself, and can at times be unreasonable and temperamental. He’d either wear an introvert down, or save them by carrying most, if not all, social interactions. For the most part he’s cool in your book, and apparently not exactly a playboy type like you first initially pinned him as.
“So who was that..?”
“Some dude I had an arrangement with. He knew I wasn’t looking for anything serious. He showed me is freaky side— a nonsexual freakiness, mind you— and, well, that happened. Sorry again.”
“Aren’t you worried about his threat?”
“Pfft! Me, worried? I get threats often enough. I’ll be fine!” Wei replies with a confident and playful grin.
You’re not sure whether to be worried about his careless response, or admire him for his conviction.
Eh, it’s not your job to worry, especially since he’s somewhat your senior. Clearly he’s got it all covered.
Settling into your new place wasn’t hard though. It’s lavish and comfortable, showcasing your roommates wealth, and Wei was adamant about helping out despite your assurance that you’d be fine, and he hardly left your side until it was time to turn in for the day. He was also generous enough to take care of the rent entirely, understanding that you’re already tight on funds, and stated that he hardly ever had to worry about rent anyways.
It worried you at first, not fond of the idea and slightly uneasy of the thought of him asking for something in return, especially if it’s something inappropriate.
But with Wei’s sticky sweet attitude, and the fact that he’s clearly well off, you prioritize your needed necessities to survive; college books aren’t exactly cheap after all!
The blessings don’t stop there though. On your first official day of the fall semester, Wei insisted on being your tour guide and took you all over the campus, and with his presence being beside you, you caught the curious stares and saw how- unsurprisingly- popular he is. Sparks of excitement light up in your chest. With Wei being popular and you being in his circle, surely you’ll gain some attention you can benefit from.
The school is grand, and proud, the buildings portraying a mix of sophistication and contemporaneous in its design. It’s been around for some time and only accepted the best of the best while offering vault of vast knowledge.
“And here’s the cafeteria! Food’s pretty damn good here, not gonna lie. Like it’s not like the shit you got in high school.”
Judging by the smell, you can definitely agree on that. The cafeteria is spacious and cozy, it almost makes you feel like you’re on some movie set!
Your tour with Wei comes a near conclusion as you arrive at the student government office, and one of the names on the pristine plaque catches your eye and sparks a memory.
“President Bai Xiao? Wasn’t—?”
“The president meant to show you around? Yeah,” Wei replies with a gleeful little grin.
You don’t know whether to laugh or stew with worry.
“Am I to assume that you’re Mr. (L/N)?” comes a sudden deep, and authoritative voice from behind, followed with well measured clicks from his heels.
“Speak of the devil and he shall appear~,” Wei grins, not bothering to hide his voice and dismissed your quick pointed look.
President Bai Xiao is a tall man standing at 6’3, and dressed sharply in crisp, grey slacks, a pristine white button up with a dark blue sweater vest and tie, and on his feet are dark, clean leather dress shoes. There’s not a single wrinkle, or stain on him; truly the image of perfection to some, and a try-hard to others.
Even his hair is meticulously well taken care of. Long, blue-black with a single strip of white, clean, and without frizz as it’s held up tightly with a hair tie.
Subconsciously, you straighten up your posture as his brown and blue eyes fall onto you after briefly stopping on Wei. Remembering that he inquired about your identity, you quickly nod your head. “Yes, that’s me! (Y/N) (L/N)!”
“Is there any specific reason why you weren’t with the rest of the new students?” he asks, his eyes never leaving yours; everywhere yours moved, he made sure to follow them.
“I was showing my new friend around,” Wei chimes in before you can answer, giving you a friendly bump.
Xiao’s eyes then cut to Wei, his eyes narrowing just a little more and his lips curling with quiet displeasure. “Gu Bingwei,” he mutters.
“President,” Wei mocks quickly in return.
“You’re meant to be in your business lecture right now,” Xiao continues, ignoring Wei’s blatant disrespect, arms crossing. The material strains just slightly you notice.
“I know, I know!” Wei carelessly replies, waving his hand as if shooing away a pesky fly. “But I can afford to skip at least once or twice!”
“Although unadvised, you’re not failing at least. But it was my job to do, so please don’t worry about it next time.”
“I’m not exactly sure why you’re getting onto me,” he starts, his lips, coated with with a little bit of shine, form into a pout full of faux innocence before he’s back to smirking. “You should be thanking me for helping you with your load~.”
What the hell!?
Your eyes practically bug out as you stiffly tick your head towards Wei, appalled and disgusted at his crude behavior, but can you say you’re surprised? You aren’t, but you are just a little, thinking Wei had a little more class than that. But from your experience and knowledge, most queers don’t have a filter or shame.
Discomfort and heat overcome you, and you give Xiao an apologetic stare. Xiao clearly is a straight man, because no queer or gay man dresses so… Sophisticated like that! Usually gay men loved to show skin and be different and or feminine. The only feminine thing about Xiao is his hair length. And besides, Xiao doesn’t look like the type to be promiscuous, unlike Wei.
Xiao’s face was like a stone, eyes clouded with tiniest hint of confusion before his handsome face twists, aghast, face flushing faintly. Finally, he schools his expression, letting out a simple sigh of disappointment before giving you his undivided attention, his face still tainted with a hint of blush.
“I welcome you to our school, (Y/N) (L/N). Don’t hesitate to come to me or my other council members for any questions or concerns that you have. And please,” he says, almost staring into your soul with those piercing eyes of his. “Abide the rules.”
“Y-Yeah, sure…”
And with that, and without a word to Wei, he heads into his office, closing the door sharply that it made you flinch, secondhand embarrassment squeezing your gut. “What was that??”
Wei shrugs, his grin wolfish and shameless. “What? I love getting under his skin!”
“Dude!” you stress, gritting your teeth slightly. “That’s the student council president!”
Wei is still amused and he rolls his eyes in an exaggerated manner. “Doesn’t matter to me, and it shouldn’t matter what he thinks about you,” he tells you, beginning to take languid steps away from the office, hands in his pocket.
“…Do you guys have history or something?” you asks after debating whether or not to keep hanging around him or not, planting yourself at his side.
“We do. Been fucking around with him since we were young.”
Wei didn’t elaborate, quickly jumping into the next topic, curious about your thoughts on the school and everything else. Fortunately for you though, you find out the history between your roommate and President Bai.
In short, they’re academic rivals from affluential families, but at first it the rivalry seemed one sided, Xiao not caring about anyone but his own progress and achievements, and Wei who was here to live life to the fullest in his own way. The moment when Wei, a mostly carefree individual, suddenly knocked Xiao from his pedestal as the top student, it was like a switch went off.
It was almost like a war zone, especially when it came time for selecting who would be the president of the student council. They were neck and neck, and the moment when Wei received more votes than Xiao, he dropped out of the race, claiming he really didn’t want all that troublesome work, and he just wanted to get under Xiao’s skin, to get him to see that he’s not perfect as the man thinks he is.
You can’t say you’re too surprised to hear how petty Wei is… Although, it was funny, you can’t lie about it.
And, you’re not sure why this thought even appeared in your mind in the first place, but you wondered if they happened to have fallen in bed with each other…
But there’s no way that’s possible. President Bai would never entertain such an idea, and you’re a 100% sure he’s straight as a bean pole.
One things for certain though, there’s layers to Wei and you’re sure he’s gonna keep your college life busy and entertaining.
—
The home you were born and raised in wasn’t really a home.
The definition of home is a place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household. But there’s more to it than just a vessel living in a furnished shell, or having clothes on your back.
Everyone’s definition of a home is different, to some it’s a person, but the principles are all the same. You’re meant to be safe, and happy; where you’re meant to thrive.
The place you grew up in was nothing but a turbulent prison. To everyone looking at you and your parents, they didn’t see the cracks, or maybe they did. But many seemingly believed the honeyed smiles and lies that you tried so hard to keep up.
Your father, the main patriarch of the household, was a star quarterback in his glory days, until he got injured and was forced to quit. Football was all he had, all he was, so he became nothing but a miserable drunk to nurse the pain and wallow in his failures.
Then there’s your mother… The main homemaker until she had to work when your father wouldn’t. In old photos you’ve seen of her, there was a noticeable spark in her eyes, her smile vibrant and wide, but now the spark is absent, sorrow and hollowness taking it’s place.
As her son, you’re one of her only sources of joy in her rotten, unlucky life, and she clings onto you like a starved creature in the wild.
Unfortunately, your mother poked the drunk bear and it changed everything…
At the age of 12, your mother was exposed for having an affair with the next door neighbor, Ms. Jackson. She was a very kind woman who baked delicious things she’d share with your family.
Your father raised hell when he found out. He dragged you out of your room by the back of your shirt and made you watch as he battered your mother black and blue, and she took it despite her pleadings for forgiveness. If you moved an inch, protested in any way, you caught a beating as well.
“Boy, if I ever catch you being gay, I’ll make sure they never find your body; do you understand me?!”
That threat never left you, it being permanently branded into the wrinkly folds of your brain. Not that it should matter.. You’re not into men.
From then on, your life grew into something more violent, suffocating, and lonely.
Ms. Jackson soon fled the small town you lived at, her reputation crumbling, and your mother not defending her. Your mother became even more of a shell of herself and did everything she could to fix what she couldn’t fix. She pleaded for forgiveness and sought out affection from you when your father didn’t want to be bothered by her, content with his poison of choice.
You didn’t want to deal with her either. Because of her, you barely had privacy, because of her, your father had forced her to stay at home so he can keep an “eye on her”, that meant you had to work more and he pocketed most, if not all your money for himself, and your mother trying to pacify your rightful anger by telling you “he’s your father and he needs it. I promise you’ll get it back”.
Of course you’re hardly did get it back.
Because of the situation you got into bad habits. You didn’t allow much touch, unless it was strictly from your girlfriends, but even then you wouldn’t let them coddle you too much, and you kept it brief when it was your sports-mates. You started having sex early to prove your masculinity and to assure your sexuality. You repressed emotions you deemed weak, and did anything else to prove that you’re a man, waiting for the chance to escape your dreadful parents.
Now, you can’t say that you hate your mother, but you know you can’t rely or save her when she’s so adamant about sticking by your father despite how pathetic he is.
As for him, you wish nothing but the worst for him. He wanted you to be a man, but he himself isn’t one since he chose to wallow in his own self pity rather than adjust to the bad hand left dealt him.
He could drop dead and you wouldn’t care.
And to this day you still believe it.
—
[Mother]: Hi, baby! Mom misses you so much! I hope school has been good… We miss you here at the house!
[Mother]: The holidays are coming up and we’d love it if you could come home for them! It’d be hard on us to not see you, you know..? We’ve always spent holidays together after all.. Anyways! I love you, honey, please don’t go silent on me, okay..?🥺🤗❤️
Your phone trembles in your hold, your knuckles cracking quietly as your grip gradually becomes unforgiving. By now, the screen has long since gone black when you were lost in your haze of depressing and infuriating memories.
It’s as if a stitched up wound was split open again, your vulnerability that you try so hard to bury and forget flooding back and staining you all over again.
Why couldn’t she just get the hint?
There’s a light, warm nudge against your knee that brings you back into the present. Wei’s gaze is full of concern and confusion, the corners of his smooth lips inched downward by a thread, and his well maintained brows are pinched. The TV screen is still stuck on the pause menu when you finally moved your gaze from his face.
Christ, how long where you just sat there staring and brooding??
“You good? You just sorta went quiet. What’s wrong?”
It’s easy to tell that he’s trying not to work himself, or you up. You can see the cogs behind his eyes working into overdrive as he tries to figure out what’s possibly causing you stress.
Words are caught in your throat as you weigh your choices. It’s been 1 1/2 months since you moved in with Wei, and your relationship has grown.
Wei, despite being an arrogant hypocrite, is an overall nice guy to have in life. He’s different than your usual type of friend since you’ve never really had a queer friend before.. He’s affectionate and touch was one of his main ways of expressing it, but thankfully he knows the limits.
Talking about your turmoil could help, but why would you need to talk about it..? You’ve been doing fine before, why this time are you feeling as though you’re about to burst at the seems?
Wei continued to watch you and soon lets out a sigh, smiling with reluctance. “Hey, you don’t gotta tell me everything or anything at all. I just wanna make sure you’re alright. I’m here for you in anyway you need me.”
The cracks expand in your resolve, and your mouth movies before you can stop it. “It’s family stuff… My mother is asking about me coming down for the holidays…”
“Oohh. So family drama, I see. Why don’t you block them? Actually, never mind, silly question.”
You reply with a weak laugh.
Wei raised up from the couch, adjusting his clothes while speaking. “Like I said, I’m here for you if you need advice, to bitch, a shoulder to cry on, anything, dude.”
Your heart aches as it’s squeezed tight, a knot forming in your throat, but you steel yourself as best as you could, swallowing it all like bitter medicine.
Wei then turns the game off and puts the controllers on their port since clearly you’re in no shape to continue your pvp match. ‘How embarrassing… Do something..’
“Do you want a hug?”
A hug?? You don’t need a hug. Does he like you or something…? No, that’s not nice, but-.
“Look,” Wei cuts through your tangled mess of thoughts. He slowly turns to look at you, a knowing expression on his face. “It’s nothing complicated, alright? I’m asking because I think you need one, but it’s up to you. I’m just being a good friend.”
A twinge of guilt eats away at you, but you can’t bring yourself to face it right now. “Right. Of course.. Sure!”
To late to back track.
Wei’s smile grows softer, his shoulders easing just faintly. He returns over to your side and plops down, closer than he was originally when you both were gaming. Your heart beats like a race horse, but you maintain an easy breath.
You wonder who will make the first move, but Wei answers that for you by wrapping his arms around you.
And oh… Oh you feel yourself shatter like fine china. His hold is comforting, warm, and safe. His curls are soft against your cheek and fragrant, making you melt into him further.
“I don’t know the full story, but it’s gonna be okay, alright? Even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. I’m here for you.”
You’re ashamed to admit that you cried your eyes out like an unhealed child.
᭄᭡ decor credits to: @/ribbonrabbitdaycare, velaazuretail, caecusmedicus, adornedwithlight
for those who may have skipped the flashback: to summarize, it’s shows how the reader grew up in a heavily traditional environment that was surrounded by violence. Reader’s mother cheated on her husband with a woman, and it kick started the bigger problems. Reader’s father also threatens to kill him if he ever finds out he’s gay, further traumatizing him.
