oh i am so so happy this is on my list somewhere, and so high, too! lovely! i’ve been listening to a lot of motown lately but this one came to me in january, i think? on my second-to-latest motown kick, back when the four tops still weren’t fully on spotify. gloria jones is the original singer of tainted love btw and it was while i was seeking that song that i ended up checking out her other stuff, and found this gem. i really really love it.
i already did 71 in my accidental X*12-1 batch, so have 72!
72: Queen of the Rodeo - Orville Peck
it’s funny how much of this playlist is stuff i was super obsessed with in january. this was one of those slow-burner songs again, where i’d listened thru the album and picked my favs and then a few months later i was like “oh shit, actually, this one too.” perhaps this gives me emotions! just perhaps!
64: Little One - Basia Bulat
another slow burner that i was obsessed with in jan-feb! basia bulat has been a mainstay of my music collection since 2016 when good advice came out (one of my very first new finds when i got spotify), but this one is from her first album which, historically, i just hadn’t listened to as much as the others. so its songs are liable to sneak up on me, which is what this absolute treasure did. and it has a CORNER!!! i go on a lot about how my favourite songs have corners that make me love them but i can’t explain what corners are without pointing to examples, so, listen to this one and pay attention for the 2:23 mark. before that, it has a bit where the instrumentation pares back, which is another of my favourite features in a song. she really is a most perfect songwriter.
“If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. And it never faded, and it never got stale. And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again.”
― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca
I’ve got the seed of one I’d like to get written, but I don’t know if it’ll wind up going anywhere.
One of my goals for the next couple weeks is to sit down and list out some more of the ideas I’ve had bouncing around!
23. Fics you wanted to write but didn’t
I wanted to do a really goofy You’ve Got Mail-esque holiday fic about Crowley being the insitgator of all the awful pre-Christmas shopping bullshit that goes on at malls (the big climax would be him relenting and allowing Aziraphale to pull off a miracle of everyone getting their shopping done early and go home and retail workers could catch a damn break, and he’d be so happy and Aziraphale would be so touched that they’d hump like bunnies).
But I didn’t, so anyone’s welcome to take that and run.
12. I’ve answered this in a previous ask, so excuse me if I copy/paste:
Who is your favourite character to write for? Why? Brienne of Tarth. She has this incredible depth of feeling beneath her stubbornness/shyness and such a lovely juxtaposition of softness and steel that never fails to capture me. And don’t even get me started on her social anxiety
33. What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten? This is such a hard question to answer? Early days JB fandom was effusive with its praise and would go all-in on conversational analysis, which is my greatest weakness. Honestly, I’ve had nothing but absolutely lovely readers in all my fandoms. I’ve gotten many comments that left me blushing for days, but I’m always bowled over when someone takes the time to draw art, share fic headcanons, or reach out on tumblr to let me know that my story meant something to them <3
h. what is your favorite source text for fandom stuff?
tv shows and movies!
l. say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves.
okay i think that wanda is obviously powerful and could actually be very interesting and a really good character if it wasn’t for what marvel has done to her! i definitely think i’d like her in the comics
t. do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?
i still stand by the lists of reddie headcanons i made (here & here) and my favorites for marvel are a) modern/no powers au steve being a baker (whoever came up with this... i owe you my life) and b) nebula being SO nervous the first time she tells mantis about her feelings and, like, she’d talked to gamora and peter and drax and none of them were any help at all and she’s totally a mess and maybe cries. mantis has never loved her more, probably
Of course I do. That doesn’t mean we would be good together.
He slumps down a bit more against thebalcony railing, holding himself up on one arm while the other hangs loosely, thehalf-empty bottle of Hite in his hand clinking against metal. Kyungsoo wouldprobably tell him not to do that, he’ll drop it, it’ll fall and shatter into amillion pieces and who’s going to clean it up, Baekhyun? You, when you’realready drunk and clumsy? This is why you shouldn’t—
Baekhyun hunches down even further,trying to retreat into himself. That’s not fair, he thinks. Kyungsoo isn’t thatmean. Not intentionally. He’s lovely most of the time, kind and sweet and considerate.Sometimes a bit too blunt, but nobody’s perfect. Baekhyun is just projecting,just being irrational because his dumb feelings are a little hurt, maybe.
Besides, this isn’t unrequited loveor anything, not really. It’s just.
He had a drink each hand as he wentto look for Kyungsoo and Minseok—not booze, but tea, because they were bothborn elderly and never drank past a certain point or time on a weeknight. Thedoor to one of the bedroom’s was cracked, just a sliver, and he could hear voiceson the other side. He crept over and leaned in, listening closely, and thensomeone—Kyungsoo, with a not-insignificant amount of frustration in his tone—saidBaekhyun’s name, followed by an incoherent murmur.
“So you do have feelings for him,”Minseok had said just on the other side of the door, while Baekhyun froze, eyeswide and breath caught in his throat as he waited for the answer.
“Of course I do,” Kyungsoo hadreplied. “That doesn’t mean—”
Maybe he’s right, Baekhyun thinks.Maybe they wouldn’t be a good match. It’s probably better this way.
“Why doesn’t he wanna be with me?” heslurs into the phone a beer and a half later, sniffling. “Is it ‘cause I’m tooemotional? Is that it?”
There’s a pause before he hearsKyungsoo say, “Baekhyun?”
Oh. Fuck. “Sorry, this wasn’t—I didn’t—youknow what, I dialed your number on accident, but who cares,” he says. “You’re adick, and I’d be a great boyfriend.”
Another pause. “Um. Hold on.” Hisvoice is muffled for a second, like he’s covering the speaker, and all Baekhyuncan make out is take care of somethingbefore Kyungsoo returns at full volume. “I think we need to talk. Where areyou?”
“In a bottomless pool of misery,”Baekhyun mumbles, picking at a spot on his wall where the paint has started topeel a bit.
Kyungsoo sighs. “I’m heading to yourapartment,” he says. Something jingles in the background. Keys, maybe.
“I’m not there,” Baekhyun lies.
“Then I’ll wait there for you to getback.”
“Fine. Well.” He considers sayingsomething else, but just snaps his mouth shut and hangs up. “I won’t answer thedoor,” he says to the wall. “He can just wait out there forever, I’m notletting him in.”
Except half an hour later, there arekeys twisting in the lock, and the click of the door opening, because right,yeah, he gave his spare set of keys to Kyungsoo, because he loves and trustshim more than anything, because he’s an idiot.
Kyungsoo appears in front ofBaekhyun, who just glares up at him stubbornly, and sighs. “Why are you on thefloor?”
“I’m sulking,” says Baekhyun.
“Can I ask why?”
“You don’t wanna date me. I’mun-dateable.” Baekhyun tries to blow his hair away from his eyes, fails, andlets out a huff. “Whatever. It’s fine.”
Kyungsoo looks surprised for amoment, then frowns. “Who said I didn’t want to date you?”
“You did.”
The frown deepens. “I really don’tthink I did,” Kyungsoo says slowly. “Was I there for this conversation? Are yousure you didn’t imagine it?”
“Don’t play dumb,” Baekhyun grumbles.“I heard you talking to Minseok-hyung at the housewarming thing. About how wewouldn’t—be good together. And shit.”
Kyungsoo sinks down to join Baekhyunon the floor, sitting cross-legged in front of him. His expression is somber.He leans forward a little, balancing with his elbows on his thighs. Baekhyun givesup on glaring and just stares fixedly down at the floor instead.
“You heard that,” Kyungsoo says, notquite a question.
“Yep.”
“Did you also hear the part where Isaid that I’m a shitty boyfriend who’s bad at prioritizing my relationshipsover my career, and that I don’t want you to end up hating me because I don’tknow what I’d do without you, Baekhyun?”
In his state of shock, Baekhyun hadn’tpicked up much of anything they said after that; he’d been too overwhelmed bythe nauseating feeling brought on by terrible rejection. He shakes his head.
“There’s a reason I didn’t say any ofthis to you,” says Kyungsoo. “It wasn’t a conversation I thought we shouldhave. I already knew how you felt—or I could guess—and I thought if you knew howI felt—if you knew that I—” He makesa frustrated noise. “I don’t know how to say this. I don’t want to upset you.”
“Say it anyway, it doesn’t matter,”says Baekhyun, heart clenching in what could be either anticipation or dread,or a terrible combination of the two.
Kyungsoo lets out a heavy breath. “Ifyou knew I felt the same way, you’d—have expectations,” he says. “I didn’t wantto have to say we shouldn’t be together. It’s a shitty thing for anyone tohear. So I thought it would be better if you didn’t know.”
“Well.” Baekhyun sniffs. “Maybe youshouldn’t’ve been talking about it where people could overhear.”
“I know. You’re right. But I wasfrustrated and had to vent to someone.”
Baekhyun purses his lips, then finallylooks up and asks, “Frustrated about what?”
Kyungsoo shrugs. “Everything.Nothing. It’s just harder some days, not for any real reason.” Now he’s the onewho ducks his head, gazing down at his hands and fidgeting. “Sometimes it’ssomething silly, like you wearing a nice shirt or changing your hair color. Ordoing something cute to be annoying, except it isn’t annoying at all. And I getso—” He takes another deep breath, then sighs. “I don’t want to take the riskthat I might not be good for you, Baekhyun.”
Not sure what to say at first, andstill not sober enough to articulate himself perfectly, Baekhyun just reachesforward, puts a hand over Kyungsoo’s still-fidgeting ones. He rubs his thumbover the back of one of Kyungsoo’s hands and his heart aches more than a littlebit.
“Thank you,” he says quietly, “forwanting to protect me.” He turns Kyungsoo’s hand over to take hold of it andfinds himself meeting no resistance. His other hand finds its way to Kyungsoo’sneck, pulling him a bit closer as Baekhyun presses his lips to his forehead ina brief kiss that makes Kyungsoo seem to deflate a little. “But you don’t haveto.”
Kyungsoo squeezes his hand. “I’m gladyou’re drunk,” he says. “If you were sober I might do something stupid, likekiss you.”
“I’m glad I’m drunk, too, ‘causeotherwise I’d be too nervous to say I really like you and I think we shouldgive the boyfriend thing a chance anyway. If you want,” he adds. “I mean I won’t—makeyou.”
Kyungsoo hums. “We can talk about itmore later,” he says. “Call me tomorrow. We’ll—figure something out.” Anothersqueeze. “I have to go, though.”
That jogs something in Baekhyun’smemory. “Yeah, actually, weren’t you with someone when I called?”
“Yeah. My parents are in town andthey dropped by for dinner. I had to leave them with Chanyeol so I could comeover here. But they love him, so they’ve probably adopted him and forgottenabout me by now anyway.” He starts to get to his feet, hesitates, and holdsBaekhyun’s hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles. “There. That’s all you’regetting for now.”
“That’s so lame,” Baekhyun croaks,blushing so fiercely he thinks he’ll catch fire. Hewatches Kyungsoo leave, then slumps face-first onto the floor and laughs, just a little bit delirious.
