We are all adults, right? The people I game with to the people I work with to my friends -- they are all adults. I mean, truly the only exception to that rule in my life are my children, my nieces, and my nephews. As adults, we should be able to handle conflict, right? It’s not like I’ve never got in a fight before. I had 16 years of fighting with my brother before becoming an adult. Needless to say, I’ve had practice fighting.
Why is it so difficult to confront each other when we have issues with another person? You rationally present an issue to the other adult, he presents his rational response, then you and he come to an agreeable compromise. Isn’t that the way it works? No? Well, it should!
It’s true. We cannot handle conflict rationally. We have feelings -- ugh, feelings. Sometimes, it would be easier to travel through life without the feels. But unfortunately, without feels, we wouldn’t have some of the greatest works of art, music, or written works. So your feelings are important, and it’s likely that, even though your actions might be irrational, your feelings are justified.
But what do we do when dealing with conflict, especially in online games where we are generally anonymous? The first place to start is obvious. The person on the other side of that avatar is a real human being full of real emotions and rational thoughts and feelings, just like you. Yes, you might be pissed off at that person behind that Warrior, but she might be just as appropriately upset at you.
When I run into a situation that upsets me, I try to take a step back and look at the situation rationally. Sometimes that’s impossible. Sometimes certain things set us off more than others. I had a mentor who used to tell me not to make life-changing decisions if I was hurt, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT). I believe the same thing applies here. You are not ready to handle conflict if you are hurt, angry, lonely, or tired. You will likely say or do something you’ll regret later. Sometimes, we just need to take a day, then approach the other person. Or sometimes, if you take that day, you will notice that the issue just wasn’t that important, and you can both move on.
Lastly, we cannot let go of everything. Sometimes a situation hits us too personally; sometimes an issue will continue to itch at you long after the situation has passed. That is when you need to approach the person rationally and sincerely to discuss (not argue) the issue. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, especially if you’re emotionally attached to the issue. In that case, get an advocate -- a mutually trusted friend or respected person -- to help you clear up the situation. If the issue gets this far, don’t be afraid to admit that the problem could be you and accept that there might be something you can do to compromise.
This should all be simple, but when you’re buried deep in a dungeon or a discussion in VoIP, it’s not always clear where rationality lies. That’s where understanding and compromise can help make the situation better.
And if any of you think that I’m writing this for you, you’d be wrong. I’m writing it for me. When someone sees me fly off the handle, they can point me to this article and remind me of what I said -- about the advice that I gave. This article isn’t for you; it’s to keep me accountable. But thanks for taking the time to read.
