#opinion question

[mercurygray]

Nonbinary, GNC, and genderfluid friends, I have a sensecheck question for you all - it's about something that happened at work this week.

For context, I work in a large cultural organization in the suburbs of a major city. The geographic area we're in is probably not considered very progressive or diverse.

Yesterday, I took a phone call from a visitor who wanted to make some comments about an interaction she had at one of our service desks. Caller identifies herself as a longtime supporter of our org, an older woman who grew up in the South. (This will become important later.)

She came up to the desk to ask a staff member about current programs and promotions. Staff member asked (as is standard procedure) if the visitor had a mailer or flyer. Visitor then turns to her spouse, standing next to her, and says "Can you give the lady what she asked for?"

Staff member then says, clearly confrontationally, "Don't call me a lady."

I'm going to pause the story here to share that the staff member in question identifies as nonbinary. If you were to walk past them in a room, you'd see an assigned female at birth person with long hair. The only reason I know that they are nonbinary is that because when I was first introduced to them they said "I go by [name] because it's more androgynous' and I had to make a jump from there. They use they/she pronouns.

The customer's main point, in calling, is that she's totally fine with whatever my staff member is or isn't - she doesn't want to be called out in the middle of a service interaction that would have taken two minutes for a correction on an extremely minor point of language. She grew up in the south, and she was taught that it's polite to call someone 'lady' or 'gentleman' in the context of 'this person I don't know but need to make indication of' She contends that it's none of her business what my staff member identifies as and none of this should have been a problem.

I respect the staff member's desire to be perceived as they want to be perceived. I can appreciate that the visitor is perhaps using out of date language but isn't going to change. I can also appreciate to this staff member this might be a micro-aggression. To be completely honest, I agree with the visitor and think confronting someone in the middle of what should have been a short transaction is not going to change the culture or anyone's minds.

Do any of you who work in retail environments have any opinions for me? How would you have reacted if this exchange had happened to you?

[brattynymphette]

SO I HAVE A PROB! im a full time college student rn & with all this quarantine time and the switch to online classes ive really excelled compared to physical classroom learning & I REALLY wanna apply for online university for a bach in psychology but im SUPER NERVOUS! and idk if i should apply as a full time or part time student!!?! OR IF I SHOULD APPLY AT ALL?! :(

[mirorliber-blog]

Opinion Question

What kind of notebooks do people like using for bullet journal spreads? I know the notebook doesn’t truly matter, and I fully believe in using whatever you have on hand for your spreads and make your spread work for you, but I’m curious what other people have tried, what they like, any that just didn’t work for them. 

I’ve tried both a grid and lined notebook from RedBubble, while the size was nice I did not find myself a fan of spiral binding or the fact everything bled through the pages and that all my favorite pens smudged (Lefty problems, lmao)

What has or hasn’t worked for you guys? 

[read-a-like]

Do you make a distinction between books that are objectively good and books you love?

Do you feel the need to include disclaimers about which category a book is in before you rec it?

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

what do you think of "eri was a better moirail than feferi, since he helped her and no one died (fed her lusus even tho he couldve easily killed all the lowbloods by slacking off), but she didnt succeed in helping him and he became eViL~"

I’m going to start with the fact that this is clearly a loaded question. You already have an answer you want, and I’m sorry, but you’re purrobably not going to like the answer I give. I’m not going to pull any punches here.

Speaking towards the canon relationship strictly betw33n Eridan and Feferi, yes, Feferi was a terrible moirail.

To start with, neither of them felt pale towards the other. Feferi clearly saw her relationship with Eridan as more of a “duty” than an actual relationship. That does not make her a good moirail. She really only tolerated him, actually; she expurresses these sentiments after they break up, whereas Eridan was doing a lot to actually involve himself despite this. (Yes, he didn’t handle his flushed f33lings furry well, but that’s another matter.)

(http://mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004228)

(http://mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004352)

Eridan is talking here like he thinks she s33s him as a burden, and, unfurtunately, she does. Relationships should not make you f33l like a burden, not in any of the quadrants.

She k33ps pressuring him into talking about things he doesn’t want to, as well:

(http://mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004348)

Eridan canonically spends more time talking with Karkat about things moirails are supposed to. While on the surface it s33ms like Feferi might care, she never purrsues anything beyond what she f33ls she “has” to. Similar, in fact, to how Feferi “takes care of” her cuttlefish by taking them out of their homes.

This should not be how a good moirail talks to their pale counterpart. Compare it to the healthiest moirallegience we s33, Nepeta and Equius; sure, they bicker, but you can tell that it’s friendly, and though they may be disappointed with the outcome of the decision sometimes, neither considers the other a burden. They actually talk about their purroblems.

And as far as your statement about Gl'bgolybgoes…It should have never b33n Eridan’s job to f33d her in the first place.

In fact, one of the primary factors of having a lusus is making sure you can f33d them. It’s why Vriska underwent such difficult FLARP sessions, trying to f33d her lusus; it’s why Sollux kept b33s, to calm and f33d his own lusus.

(http://mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=005367, http://mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=003970)

Feferi neglected her duties as a guardian of a furry dangerous lusus, and instead elected to push an admittedly unstable highblood (who already have violent tendencies) to kill more than twice the amount he’d normally n33d to.

That is not Eridan’s fault. It was Feferi’s job from the start, and if Eridan stopped at any point it should have b33n her job to continue it.

I don’t think Feferi will be a terrible moirail to anyone and efurryone. And Eridan wasn’t exactly the best moirail fur Feferi anyways! Howefur, Feferi was definitely a worse moirail than Eridan in their own relationsip. You don’t have to like Eridan, and you can like Feferi all you want, but purrt of liking a character means to admitting their flaws, I think!

TL;DR

Feferi was actually a bad moirail fur Eridan, but not beclaws she “failed to stop him from doing bad things.” And it was never Eridan’s job to f33d Gl'bgolybin the first place; his f33ding of her was helpful, of course, but ultimately it was Feferi’s respawnsibility that she pushed onto somebody else.

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

2☆ do you consider that....quadrants are a stifling, restricting societal system for trolls, akin to heteronormativity etc for humans? IMO, feelings are rarely that clear-cut, just like sexuality, and trying to put relationships (especially between teens) in neat boxes is kind of difficult, and scary, when they realise they dont Fit Perfectly (eg kk&tz etc)

That is an excellent point, furend. It certainly can be!

Purrticularly in how it was implemented and strictly enforced on threat of death in Alternian society. In Karkat’s case, and The Suffurer and The Disciple’s case as well, they are shown to have a love beyond the quadrants. If we’re viewing the quadrant system as akin to heteronormativity, then the way in which Karkat and his ancestor experience love would be comparable to pansexuality (due to its pan-quadrant nature, so to speak); rarely, if at all, understood, even known about, and certainly, highly discriminated against.

I’ll be purrfectly honestly with you in that I haven’t thought too much about Terezi herself’s relation to the quadrant system, but I will say that even the Beforan system wasn’t any better-- while it did actually include aromanticism, it wasn’t considered in refurence to any other quadrants than matespritship if I’m remempurring correctly. (And overall was still an inherently flawed society.)

There are, of course, far more terms fur fluidity and inter-quadrant dynamics than heteronormativity holds; vacillation, auspisticism, and the distinction betw33n red and black romance are things that heteronormativity can’t even hold a finger to. But of course it doesn’t excuse the fact that, in canon, it was punishable by death to not adhere-- scary and difficult purrobably doesn’t even begin to cut it!

That being said, we are, currently, neither on Alternia nor on Beforus. We live on Earth, where there is no societal pressure to explore quadrants, and no threat of death if we do. And, much like people may find comfurt in labels such as bisexuality, nonbinary, asexuality, and the like, many people now may find that nothing quite expurresses their f33lings more than a label that the quadrants provide.

TLDR;

The quadrant system is ind33d flawed, but mostly beclaws of the way trollian society revolved around it. I do believe it can be impurroved upon.

(In fact, I was wanting to make some suggestions regarding Karkat and The Suffurer’s type of love, as well as romantic and sexual orientation within the quadrants-- I’d be more than happy to make a post about it if it is ind33d something other people would be interested in!)

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

hey!! was wondering, do you think a qpp is the same thing as a moirail?

Hmmm, I’d say not quite, no!

This is beclaws a qu33rplatonic relationship can be considered more closely to being a platonic matespritship, though it will vary depending on the individual relationship. (Not efurry qu33rplatonic relationship is the same, beclaws of the range it encapsulates.)

Moirallegience is a similar concept, but I’d say it’s more about a shared sense of calm than a platonic version of a traditional human romance/matespritship. Remempurr, the moirail’s “job” in the relationship is to k33p their partner calm, and soothe them when they’re upset-- it’s closer to “best friends” than “qu33rplatonic”, I think!