Confused about quadrants? You've come to the right hive.

In-character answers yo. Fur the most part, anyways.

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

[impishglee]

i think if you write a society where relationships that you would consider queer are normal, there should still be ways to be queer in the fictional cultural context you invent. like karkat

[maskdoll]

people don’t talk about kissmessitude anymore. because of woke

[maskdoll]

big redrom is trying to hide the caliginous quadrant from you. you have to fight back and beat the shit out of your nemesis in a romantic way

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

is it possible to not feel flushed but to feel ashen, pale, and pitch feelings? or do you think its possible ive just not found someone i crush on flush yet?

Yes, I absolutely believe that's pawsible!

I haven't found a good term fur it that meshes with our current quadrant terms, but in the human romance system, this is what's known as being aromantic (or aromanticism)-- the "a" prefix stands for "no", and obviously the human system only uses flushed, so it's "never-flushed", essentially!

I fully believe it's pawsible fur a purrson of any kind to not f33l any variety of quadrant-- be that concupiscent or conciliatory or even just flushed!

You could purrobably call yourself some degr33 of aromantic (maybe aro-flushed?) if you f33l that sort of thing fits. Even if it winds up you do f33l flushed f33lings, but haven't found the right purrson yet-- so what! You have a term that suits your n33ds fur now and there's nefur any harm in changing your mind or what you call yourself. :33c

I wholeheartedly believe that fur efurry quadrant, there's an equal form of aromantic, asexual, bisexual, homosexual, heterosexual, and etc of all the human forms! Of course, that chart would purrobably get so convoluted even I couldn't k33p up!

TLDR;

It is absolutely pawsible to not f33l flushed f33lings at all; the human term aromantic is purrobably the best fit. And it has an equivalent in efurry quadrant! Some folks think that it's not pawsible, but the quadrant system isn't as all-encompassing as we like to think, it's just a model that suits the average, but who's afurage anyways?

I hope this answered your question to a satisfying degr33, anon, and please f33l fr33 to ask me any more questions if there's some part of your ask I misinterpurreted or missed!

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

:< - SO I HAVE A BIT OF A PROBLEM.

:< - THE PROBLEM IS, I HAVE A MOIRAIL WHO I D3V3LOPED BLACK F33LINGS FUR AND THEY'RE VERY EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE, SO I DON'T WANT TO PUSH/PULL THEM INTO A RELATIONSHIP WHERE THEY JUST BREAK!!

:< - I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION, BECAUSE I DON'T F33L PALE FUR THEM ANYMORE AND WANT A KISMESISSITUDE, BUT THEY'RE FLUSHED FOR ME AND PROBABLY WON'T CONVERT. I DON'T THINK I COULD HANDLE HAVING THEM IN A RED QUADRANT FOR ANY LONGER, SO PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.

Oh dear, that's quite the dilema furend!

I've had a good think about this one, and there's a few ways you could appurroach it!

I hate to tell you this furend, but due to the conflicting nature of both of your f33lings, and the disparity in the quadrants, no quadrant will be truly viable fur you two. As it currently stands, at least.

So, it's obvious from what you've described that being completely upfront from the start would likely only end in disaster. That doesn't mean, howefur, that you can't be upfront at all-- but you may n33d to "set the scene" a little befur you and they would be comfurtable with it! (As comfurtable as one can be with a quadrant-breakup, of course.)

As fur how to do that-- if they have a diffurent purrson they are furends with, I'd start hinting to Moirail that they should hang out with that purrson instead! St33r them towards a reliable source of furendliness, that isn't you. Basically, try to lighten your own pale load by dispersing it to others to start with.

This will ensure they won't be, as you've described, as ready to break.

If they don't have anybody you think you could st33r them to, though, you may have to brave it!

It s33ms to me that they haven't b33n very good at reciprocating their moirail duties, if your f33lings have had time to develop into pitch. If you have to tell them, start with that!

To be completely honest, furend, from what you've described at least, they aren't ready to be in any quadrant, and a kismesstitude would purrobably wind up being toxic fur you both!

I know it's always furry hard to end a quadratic relationship, especially if you still have some sort of quadrant-based f33lings fur them, but this may be a time where it's best fur you!

TLDR;

St33r your current-moirail toward a diffurent furend they could rely on fur moirail duties, and tell them they haven't reciprocated paleness, let alone flushedness. I would genuinely advise against acting on your pitch f33lings, unfurtunately, as I believe it would not lead anywhere good fur you with their current state!

Good luck, furend, and please, f33l fr33 to send me another ask, either to clarify if I've misunderstood something, or to tell me how it goes!

[gettiregretti]

No one asked but I think the secret to making the enemies-to-lovers trip work is respect. They can loath each other, but they have to loath each other as equals. Like “sorry but no one else is allowed to murder this man but me” + “it’s an honor and privilege to despise you.”

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

so erm, i have a bit of a complex situation here. i have this person that i'm friends with. i'm afraid that i keep coming off as pale every single time i hang out with them because they keep making pale advances. i already have 3 wonderful moirails &&& i don't want another one. do you have any advice? they're a really cool person &&& i'd hate to lose them!

Sorry fur taking so long to reply furend! I don't really have a lot of folks asking fur quadrant advice nowadays, so it was a little unexpected (though not unwelcome) to s33!

I think my best advice fur you would be don't overthink things! In situations like this, where it s33ms like you share the same f33lings as them and want to do nothing further, that may likely be the actual case!

You like hanging out with them just as much as they like hanging out with you; it doesn't necessarily have to be pale fur those f33lings to to exist!

In regards to them making pale advances, I'd n33d specifics if we wanted to make absolute sure I'm compurrehending this right, but my advice fur that would to be be gentle, and don't assume. Instead, clarify boundaries and your relationship rather than outright saying "I don't want to be your moirail"; purrhaps instead you could say something more akin to "I'm glad we're such good furends even though we're not moirails, beclaws I don't think I could handle having another moirail but I like hanging out with you" or something similar to that?

Make sure to pad the potentially negative thing with pawsitives at the front at back; start with a pawsitive and end with a pawsitive so it comes off as the good, clarifying thing it is!

I know this is a little late but I hope this helps you furend! Please f33l fr33 to ask again or tell me how it goes! ^w^

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

so erm, i have a bit of a complex situation here. i have this person that i'm friends with. i'm afraid that i keep coming off as pale every single time i hang out with them because they keep making pale advances. i already have 3 wonderful moirails &&& i don't want another one. do you have any advice? they're a really cool person &&& i'd hate to lose them!

Sorry fur taking so long to reply furend! I don't really have a lot of folks asking fur quadrant advice nowadays, so it was a little unexpected (though not unwelcome) to s33!

I think my best advice fur you would be don't overthink things! In situations like this, where it s33ms like you share the same f33lings as them and want to do nothing further, that may likely be the actual case!

You like hanging out with them just as much as they like hanging out with you; it doesn't necessarily have to be pale fur those f33lings to to exist!

In regards to them making pale advances, I'd n33d specifics if we wanted to make absolute sure I'm compurrehending this right, but my advice fur that would to be be gentle, and don't assume. Instead, clarify boundaries and your relationship rather than outright saying "I don't want to be your moirail"; purrhaps instead you could say something more akin to "I'm glad we're such good furends even though we're not moirails, beclaws I don't think I could handle having another moirail but I like hanging out with you" or something similar to that?

Make sure to pad the potentially negative thing with pawsitives at the front at back; start with a pawsitive and end with a pawsitive so it comes off as the good, clarifying thing it is!

I know this is a little late but I hope this helps you furend! Please f33l fr33 to ask again or tell me how it goes! ^w^

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

How do I cut off feelings for an unhealthy pale/pitch vacillation? I keep coming on to them pale because they're just so damn pitiable but they keep fighting me and the fights feel so good too. It's not good for my mental health but I just can't stop. Got any advice?

I've b33n thinking about this one dearest anon, apawlogies fur it being kind of a late reply!

You used the word "pity" here which is usually refurring to the flushed quadrant, but I'm taking you at your word when you say pale f33lings-- especially beclaws no matter what quadrant you're in with this purrson, it s33ms like it's not good fur you!

Without exact details it's always a little difficult fur advice-giving, but I'm certainly not going to ask you fur more purrsonal infurmation! Instead, it's best to appurroach the situation as it is: You f33l like you want to help this purrson, but fur whatefur reason, they don't want to receive your help, and are aggressive towards you as a result.

So this answer can be applied to anyone in that situation regardless of quadrant: If somebody doesn't want to receive help, they are not ready to receive help. If you wanted to continue your purrsuit to help this purrson, I'd offer diffurent advice, but I'm furry glad to s33 that you know your limits and know that this is taking a big toll on you!

It stinks and it hurts, but unfurtunately, the best advice I can give is to stop offuring help. I know how hard that can be, I purromise I know furst-paw even, but if they were ready fur help, they wouldn't be fighting you on it. Fights like that can become addictive, especially if your brain has decided it's fur a good claws-- like helping a furend or a potential quadrant-mate-- and stopping is difficult especially beclaws you have to s33 somebody suffuring!

But if you're suffuring too, you should purrioritize yourself. If they want help, they will ask fur it, and please understand this is not your respawnsibility to help them, nor are your respawnsible fur their suffuring!

Also, if somebody has expurressed that they aren't interested in a quadrant with you, it can be good to remind yourself that coming on stronger won't help with anything. If they don't want to be in a quadrant, furend, they don't want to be in a quadrant! In the nicest way pawsible, you purrobably aren't helping your case by continuing to push.

TL;DR:

If they're pitiable beclaws they n33d help, it's impurrtant to understand that you are not respawnsible fur helping them-- they will ask fur help of their own accord if they ever truly want it, regardless of how obvious it is if they n33d it.

And, barring that, regardless of how pitiable somebody is, if they don't want to be in a purrticular type of relationship (quadrant or not!) you purrobably shouldn't push!

(It's b33n a long time since I answered an ask like this furend so I hope I was able to help! Good luck with efurrything! :33c)

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

Sorry by the way furend-- I s33 your message and I’m trying to figure out the best pawsible answer fur you. It may take a little bit fur me to respawnd!

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

Matesprite for a submissive and socially awkward Prince of Time?

Hello, sincerest apawlogies furend but I don’t understand your ask!

Is it a writing request? I’m afraid I don’t do those, as I simply don’t know how.

Howefur, if you have a more specific question about quadrants that doesn’t regard classpects, I’d be happy to answer it!

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

Okay oh my god, this is the person who had the kismesis issue, and I am excited to report, i fuckign did it, he's my kismesis now, I had to explain things a little but nonetheless i did it! I feel extremely powerful

CONGRATULATIONS!!! :DD

I’m so happy it worked out fur you! Remempurr to communicate with both your concupiscent quadrant-mates, and you should be purrrfectly fine. HAVE FUN!

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

As a reminder, if you want me to elaborate on anything I’ve said (or try and sum it up better) or simply have a follow-up to a question you’ve already asked you’re more than welcome to send something in!

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

This is kind of a stupid scenario to be in but, here we are haha, I've been in a very happy matespritship for more than a year now and I for one know how easily I get hate crushes so I've asked him before if he approved would kismesis be okay by him (hes has people cheat on him before and I don't want him to think id do that of course) and it's been mostly quiet in blackrom zone, but I have a huge hatecrush on someone who doesn't even know what kismesis is, and I have no idea what to do 1/2

2/2 the way he talks to me when we interact is like, the exact level of hostile banter that just makes me do the big angry dokis, and my boyfriend even said he approved of the dude, but I don’t know how to explain I or if I pursue it, so i guess how do I just like. Deal? Cause im at a loss             

That’s quite a purrdicament furend!

First of all I’m supurr proud of you fur talking about this to your matesprit befurhand! That sounds like a healthy relationship and I’m so happy fur you fur having it!

With folks who don’t know about it, I’d say introducing them to Homestuck is purrobably out of the question unfurtunately considering its large and daunting nature. But the concept of a relationship based on mild animosity isn’t entirely inhuman, especially if you see some of the old songs like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOnSO7vJCTg

And the concept of polyamory isn’t too foreign either, nor is, well, furends with benefits to a degr33.

Whether or not it’s something you want to purrsue is up to you, but I will advise to k33p in mind that sometimes vacillation is prone to happen regardless of how smoothly a kismesstitude seems to be going– and you may want to consider how efurryone might handle that situation should it efur arise, which is a relationship and expectations of an entirely diffurent caliber. (And vacillation can happen one-sidedly fur either of you two; that’s a huge part of why it n33ds to be considered. If it’s pawsible to have efurryone in the same room/chat when you discuss this if you take this route, do it! Efurryone being on the same page and witnessing the way you interact with one another is supurr impurrtant.)

If you’re unsure how your hatecrush might react to any advances beyond what you’ve already both made, you could pawsibly simply bring in the fact that your boyfurend is okay with you having a “partner” to a degr33 (how far you both will go I’m assuming is betw33n you and your boyfurend, of course.) And add in a wink or something if you want. His respawnse to a mention of that, even an indrect mention/not outright aimed at him, should give you a purretty good idea of how he might f33l about such a thing. And then you can decide from there!

But you’re also allowed to not purrsue this. If you f33l hesitance, or sense your boyfurend might not be as okay as he’s trying to be about it, or if you just don’t think you’re ready fur a kismesstitutde even if your hatecrush s33ms purrfect– that’s okay. You don’t always have to act on f33lings you have. It’s best to trust your gut, but if your gut says go fur it then go fur it! And if your gut says to wait, you should wait.

Kismesstitudes are unconventional and can be hard to navigate, but treating it like polyamory or an “open relationship with prior-discussed limits” is purrobably the easiest way to explain it if nothing else, and definitely the type of communication you should be using! I’m supurr happy that you have a boyfurend who’s understanding of your pitch n33ds. K33p up the good work communication-wise! And remempurr– no matter what course of action you take, communication is what’s impurrtant. You’re already off to to a great start, though. I’m pawsitive whatefur choice you make will be the best choice fur you. Good luck!!!

TLDR;

Approach explaining it through the concept of open relationships or polyamory (something more human, at least, than Homestuck)– and check my kismesis question tag if you’ve got the time claws I think I wrote something else about it a long while back that might be useful to you! But most impurrtantly, trust your gut and remempurr that you don’t have to act upawn f33lings. But if you want to and trust it to go well, you’ve already discussed this with your matesprit so in that regard you’re A-OK!

Good luck to you!!! I get the f33ling you’re gonna be just fine, furend, even if you don’t wind up with a kismesis.

[karkas--vankat]

MEGAMIND: IN WHICH A MAN IS DECEIVED INTO THINKING HE ACTUALLY KILLED HIS KISMESIS, AND FALLS INTO A DEPRESSION WHEREUPON HE DEVELOPS FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR THE AFOREMENTIONED KISMESIS’S MOIRAIL, BUT MUST KEEP UP A DISGUISE BECAUSE OF SAID MOIRAIL’S DISGUST AT HIS PREVIOUS ACTIONS. LATER ON, IN AN ATTEMPT TO GAIN PURPOSE AGAIN AFTER THE LOST KISMESIS, HE ATTEMPTS TO CREATE ANOTHER KISMESIS WHO UNFORTUNATELY TURNS A TOXIC FLUSH FOR THE MATESPRIT HE’S BEEN WOOING AND ACCIDENTALLY REVEALS HIMSELF IN DISGUISE. THE ATTEMPT AT KISMESIS CREATION THEN CALLS THE CITY INTO ENOUGH DANGER THAT THEY INVESTIGATE AND ARE REVEALED TO THE FACT THAT THE ORIGINAL KISMESIS WAS STILL ALIVE, AND REFUSES TO FIGHT THE NEW ONE. OUR ANTIHERO MUST THEN COME TO SAVE THE DAY AND FINDS FORGIVENESS AS HIMSELF TO HIS MATESPRIT AND AGREEABLE PALE FEELINGS TO HIS OLD KISMESIS, LIVING HAPPILY IN A NEW LIFE. CONTAINS: FAKE CHARACTER DEATH, SEVERAL BYSTANDER DEATH AND INJURY, BADLY SUNG COUNTRY MUSIC

[karkas--vankat]

FUCK SHIT I KNEW I’D DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND FORGET SHIT.

THERE’S ALSO THE MAIN CHARACTER’S CYBERNETIC MOIRAIL WHO HELPS OUR HERO PULL THROUGH HIS DEPRESSION IN REGARDS TO BOTH KISMESIS AND MATESPRIT DRAMA IN HIS LIFE, OBVIOUSLY ELEVATING OUR HERO’S TRIAD TO A FULLY QUADRANTED CHARACTER. THE NUANCE IS SPECTACULAR

[davepetas-quadrantadvice]

This is kind of a stupid scenario to be in but, here we are haha, I've been in a very happy matespritship for more than a year now and I for one know how easily I get hate crushes so I've asked him before if he approved would kismesis be okay by him (hes has people cheat on him before and I don't want him to think id do that of course) and it's been mostly quiet in blackrom zone, but I have a huge hatecrush on someone who doesn't even know what kismesis is, and I have no idea what to do 1/2

2/2 the way he talks to me when we interact is like, the exact level of hostile banter that just makes me do the big angry dokis, and my boyfriend even said he approved of the dude, but I don't know how to explain I or if I pursue it, so i guess how do I just like. Deal? Cause im at a loss             

That’s quite a purrdicament furend!

First of all I’m supurr proud of you fur talking about this to your matesprit befurhand! That sounds like a healthy relationship and I’m so happy fur you fur having it!

With folks who don’t know about it, I’d say introducing them to Homestuck is purrobably out of the question unfurtunately considering its large and daunting nature. But the concept of a relationship based on mild animosity isn’t entirely inhuman, especially if you see some of the old songs like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOnSO7vJCTg

And the concept of polyamory isn’t too foreign either, nor is, well, furends with benefits to a degr33.

Whether or not it’s something you want to purrsue is up to you, but I will advise to k33p in mind that sometimes vacillation is prone to happen regardless of how smoothly a kismesstitude seems to be going-- and you may want to consider how efurryone might handle that situation should it efur arise, which is a relationship and expectations of an entirely diffurent caliber. (And vacillation can happen one-sidedly fur either of you two; that’s a huge part of why it n33ds to be considered. If it’s pawsible to have efurryone in the same room/chat when you discuss this if you take this route, do it! Efurryone being on the same page and witnessing the way you interact with one another is supurr impurrtant.)

If you’re unsure how your hatecrush might react to any advances beyond what you’ve already both made, you could pawsibly simply bring in the fact that your boyfurend is okay with you having a “partner” to a degr33 (how far you both will go I’m assuming is betw33n you and your boyfurend, of course.) And add in a wink or something if you want. His respawnse to a mention of that, even an indrect mention/not outright aimed at him, should give you a purretty good idea of how he might f33l about such a thing. And then you can decide from there!

But you’re also allowed to not purrsue this. If you f33l hesitance, or sense your boyfurend might not be as okay as he’s trying to be about it, or if you just don’t think you’re ready fur a kismesstitutde even if your hatecrush s33ms purrfect-- that’s okay. You don’t always have to act on f33lings you have. It’s best to trust your gut, but if your gut says go fur it then go fur it! And if your gut says to wait, you should wait.

Kismesstitudes are unconventional and can be hard to navigate, but treating it like polyamory or an “open relationship with prior-discussed limits” is purrobably the easiest way to explain it if nothing else, and definitely the type of communication you should be using! I’m supurr happy that you have a boyfurend who’s understanding of your pitch n33ds. K33p up the good work communication-wise! And remempurr-- no matter what course of action you take, communication is what’s impurrtant. You’re already off to to a great start, though. I’m pawsitive whatefur choice you make will be the best choice fur you. Good luck!!!

TLDR;

Approach explaining it through the concept of open relationships or polyamory (something more human, at least, than Homestuck)-- and check my kismesis question tag if you’ve got the time claws I think I wrote something else about it a long while back that might be useful to you! But most impurrtantly, trust your gut and remempurr that you don’t have to act upawn f33lings. But if you want to and trust it to go well, you’ve already discussed this with your matesprit so in that regard you’re A-OK!

Good luck to you!!! I get the f33ling you’re gonna be just fine, furend, even if you don’t wind up with a kismesis.

[valtsv]

Bro, We Are Rivals . Its Ok To Pin Me Up Against A Wall . Im Ur Nemesis . I Hate You . ... Bro, We Are Kiss ing Now . . No Dont Stop Bro .. Bro ...