#or vent?

[melonshake]

VANILLA MEANT "np" not nooo!!!!!!! those are completely different phrases keyboardd !!!!

and he just noticed this now he's killing himself /j

[adagiorii]

20. Give us more of your ramble >:3

20. Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

This was surprisingly hard for me to answer because I typically share most of my art, especially art I'm proud of, on here, so yeah

Sort of vent-y yapping ahead, mostly just me spilling my guts about how I feel about my story and the struggles I've had writing it. Don't feel obliged to read it lmao it's a bit depressing

I'm going to take this chance to be transparent with you guys about the stuff I've been working on and figuring out in my story's worldbuilding - it's mostly just working out how the PCD works and the ranks. I decided to just loosely base it on irl police and military because to be very honest with you guys, I think if I forced myself to make it function completely realistically like an irl police force that would just take all the fun out of it. I had a vague idea of what I wanted the rankings to be and the overall hierarchy and while I'm not planning on leaving it vague, I don't want to have to worry about it being realistic.

My issue is that I feel like if this was a fantasy story that took place in a fantasy world, like if they were witches and fairies and stuff, no one would bat an eye at the organization not being exactly like irl law enforcement because that genre warrants more suspense of disbelief. I know that obviously my story takes place in a more realistic world so I can't expect that same level of suspense of disbelief but I wish that wasn't the case.

I hesitate a lot in sharing stuff about the PCD because I get worried people will call out how ridiculous and silly the concept is because it isn't exactly like a realistic law enforcement organization. Of course I know I'd probably not get hate or anything but I still want my story to be taken seriously. And I don't want to have to sacrifice the fun that I have writing it for that

Because the truth is that lately I haven't been having a lot of fun writing this story and lore - I feel like I've fallen into the trap of making all the supernatural and more whimsical elements too rationalized in-universe - with super concrete rules regarding how paranormal entities work and stuff. I don't like it. My main inspiration was always Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun, which is my absolute favourite manga series, and one of the things I liked the most about it was how the supernatural elements were incorporated in the story. They were always super fun and whimsical while still being somewhat creepy. Of course TBHK leans more into the supernatural elements than my story does but I feel like I screwed up the moment I decided to create a whole ass police force for the paranormal. I feel like that alone removed part of the fun mystery aspect that TBHK has and that I wish I could emulate.

I'm not saying there isn't a way I could make it work, but I feel like making paranormals such a well-known aspect of the world, to the point that their existence is known in the whole world, they've wiped out a few countries, they were at the centre of a massacre that then led to the creation of a police force to control them - they're not mysterious at all, is what I'm trying to say. They're not fun or fantastical or anything. They're pests. This is pest control. That is not fun. (To me.)

I feel like I'm getting nowhere with this story. Every other mutual of mine has a much cooler and more fun story with better concepts and it's becoming very obvious to me that mine just doesn't compare. Not because it's necessarily badly written or because the concept is objectively shit, just because what I've shared of it is way more boring in comparison.

Part of me wants to tear it down and start over again. I really thought I had something with this one but I don't know how to make this work. Either I make it a super realistic police story, which is unappealing to me personally, or I make it a super whimsical TBHK style story, which isn't even that unique because TBHK, DanDanDan, and probably a million other stories have done it better than I ever could.

Frankly all of this makes me lose motivation to post my OCs because they're all tied to this story I'm not proud of and that I feel like is inferior than everyone else's. I know there's a lot of people who like my art and I am very thankful to everyone who does, but I just feel like it's nothing special yk? I have mutuals who are capable of creating amazing characters and stories that are just beloved by others and I've started to realize I just lack that. People enjoy my art but it's not enchanting anyone. I'm not blaming anyone by the way, this is solely a skill issue of mine lmao

Sorry this got a bit depressing, I didn't mean to vent but I thought it would be nice to share some of my doubts with you guys. This isn't the first time I've mentioned having the urge to trash my current story and start over again, but I wanted to give some actual insight as to why I feel that way.

[rosecoloredknight]

[chaotic-punk-crow]

ohh qué estoy haciendo,,,,, desempleade,,, sin aspiración al mercado laboral,,,, pero mi cuerpo desea crear, me pide crear y compartir mis creaciones uuuu

[shadowywitchdestiny]

Rant time! It's so unfair how I can't do most of the things I want to do because I'm too you, they're too expensive, or they're too far away (or a combination of those). I know it can't be helped and I know with age it can be an insurance thing, I understand that, but it still feels so unfair that I can't volunteer at an animal shelter or go to cons or do most other things I want to do when I see so many other people doing them and having such a great time. "Oh you could just get a pet" costs and I live with a three year old. "You'll be able to do (insert thing here) one day" Okay but I want to do it now. I have nowhere to go because everywhere is either expensive, far away (fuck my small town in the southwest of England), or nit for my age range so no one my age goes there, so the only friends I have are online ones who my parents can't even know about because I'd get in trouble for having them (I know my parents are just concerned about my safety but being so fr with you internet strangers, I know for a fact my online friends aren't trying to groom/kidnap/whatever me). And I've trued talking to my mum about this stuff but she just doesn't get it, I don't want to be told that I'll be able to do it one day, I'm wanting to do it now, and doing it one day just won't be the same. Idk I'm just mad that I have nowhere to go, my musical theatre class thing starts next week though so hopefully I can at least have some fun there

[penguinfemme]

Tired as fuck. Tomorrow is my 7th day in a row working an opening shift. That's 4am-12pm.

This kind of crap wears on you. Please, if you see this, remember to be kind to fast food workers. You have no idea how tired they are.

I'm going to sleep. I hope that everyone who sees this has a fantastic day.

[viola-canadensis]

Got pressured into playing guitar and singing for my grandparents yesterday and i wish i hadnt done it. I didnt really feel bad at the time but i just feel dirty and exposed and vulnerable right now. Singing is really important to me and the songs i played are important to me and i wish i hadnt shared my love if it with them because i dont care about them like that and i dont want to show that side of me to them.

Cant do anything about it now so i wont dwell on it but i wanted to tell someone and everyone i know is asleep so hi besties