🧡 Orange flags to watch out for when getting to know a person / building a relationship 🧡
- Unearned vulnerability or out-of-pocket self-effacing:
Slipped-in humility, self-deprecation or a painful experience very early on, specifically something relatable or unexpectedly making you feel bad for them. This can be a deliberate disarming strategy. Turns red if you observe they don’t usually act humble overall or hints of entitlement. It can also be their subconscious attempt to signal they haven’t worked through some self-image issues or trauma (can easily turn into abuse through projection).
- Typecasting remarks disguised as interest / positive attention:
Anything that doesn’t really define you as a person: height, nationality, … (it doesn’t have to be full-on objectification but there’s reduction there). I’m not talking compliments (sometimes people can be awkward with those) but spotlighting or emphasizing something stereotypical out of the blue in your first interactions / hangouts. It’s more like slip-ups from the subconscious. Something they had to blurt out because deep down they have strong biases about. Instead of neutral openness the focus is on imposition of their perception / narrative of you. And even if the bias is positive it can end up being a form of concealed fetishization.
- Low respect for your time:
People who recognize that having some of your time is a privilege will show gratitude. Gratitude is generosity. Watch out for any forms of stinginess (emotional, financial, …) and bubbling resentment (transactional people hate to give without getting exactly what they needed from you in return or more).
- Ignorance about common-knowledge responsibility:
If someone is strangely clueless, that’s an invitation to look closer and understand if this person is struggling / not privileged to have learned or just playing you because weaponized ignorance is very common. Often inability to justify their motives ethically and trace the origin of blind spots is also present. Experts of course can gaslight their way out but not for long because it will be a pattern.
- Half-truths to create an illusion of alignment or very mild bait and switch:
If an appeasing half-truth is told to give you a false sense of security or connection. Revealing some truth rather than lying outright is more convincing. That’s how manipulators operate. This can be on such a small issue that you’re tempted to overlook it. Don’t because it can be a slippery slope to big lies.
If they act heavy / complaining and then light up next moment and act completely carefree with someone else you might wanna question why they’re dumping negativity on you if they have such a great degree of self-control. It’s normal to be fully vulnerable when you’re close, reveal struggles, need support, but if it’s early on and exclusively you it might be a sign they’re preparing you to become their emotional punching bag.
Acting differently depending on who they interact with: If they’re unusually nice to authority figures or strangers who boost their image in some way. Performance is something to note.
- Small judgements / projection:
No deeper or clarifying questions when getting to know you / no interest in getting to know HOW you think often signal that they already formed a biased opinion or projected onto you. Jumping to conclusions starts small and can painfully snowball because it’s rooted in entitlement to judge.
Communication is collaborative, it’s important for people to be attuned to each other’s body language and discomfort. If you see complete dismissal of vibe shifts that’s something to remember because in most cases it is a sign a person chooses not to care.
