Change
Metamorphosis
You never Realize the ways you change
Not Immediately at least.
For most people, they change sort of like the seasons
Slowly but consistently
Always able to tell from tiny little signs
like the temperature and the leaves changing
Maybe their smile has finally thawed
Maybe they laugh a little bit freer.
Maybe they don't look at their phone so much
Or Maybe They show just that bit more of their real selves.
I always wanted change to hit me like a freight train.
I wanted it to be instantaneous, Noticeable, and immediate.
I wanted to be able to be someone other than myself in the blink of an eye
No matter who tells me I am good, I am Beautiful, I am smart
I have always felt it a bit like a lie
Something people say because they don't want to pity me or hurt my feelings with the truth.
I would always prefer to be pissed off and hurt by the truth than placated with a lie
It's who I am.
I used to be Brash, Brave, and always ready for a fight at the drop of a hat.
I used to Be Fearless and courageous and Never willing to back down.
I used to be able to do whatever with no remorse.
Then I made friends.
I made friends who made me shrink. Made me Mute. Made me weak. I made friends who found every insecurity I had and Made it true more than my own thoughts.
I made friends who changed the core of who I am.
I hate that person. I hate who i am with every fiber of my being.
I am trying to change.
I am trying to be a broken caterpillar who turns into a butterfly.
I can never be the girl I was before I met them.
Though I have tried and failed and hurt myself and others by trying.
I don't know who i am going to be next.
I just hope it's someone better.
I hope it's someone who will knock off your socks With how blinding her beautiful smile is.
How she's fearless and won't shut up
And how she's oh so smart and capable of anything
And always lend a helping hand.