#outness

[theopenphotoproject]

Erin on how out she is about her polyamory

11/2016

Interviewer: How out are you? You mentioned you tell your family you’re not exclusive. What about other parts of your life like the dance community or with your jobs, your friends? Erin: With everyone else I’m pretty straightforward about it. If they ask, I’ll tell them I’m poly I don’t go and introduce myself, “Hi, I’m Erin, I’m poly.” It’s not part of my identity so I don’t say it. If they say that, “Oh you said you were dating this other person and you’re also dating this person,” then I’ll go, “Yeah, we’re poly.” That’s when it comes up. Interviewer: In context they get to know you well enough or they see you in certain situations. Erin: I’ve gotten way better at saying at the beginning of a date, “By the way, I’m in a poly relationship,” because I used to be really bad at that. Interviewer:  That’s an interesting question: When does that come up? Erin: I used to wait 3 or 4 dates and that was always a really bad call for everybody because it put different expectations on something that was already forming. Also, those people I was dating were usually from online or something random and had no experience with poly, had different expectations of it, just thought it was dating around kind of thing. I’ve been more up front about it as far as dating people. If I date online I put it on my profile. “In a poly relationship,” and there’s a picture of me and my local partner or something.  It changes the type of people I match with. I was doing Tinder for a while and when I didn’t put it on there, I felt like I got a lot more matches but when I put it on there I got less matches with people I find attractive and more matches with white guys. Interviewer:  Oh, interesting. Erin: There’s a lot of white guys in Seattle anyways. In this neighbourhood there’s more Asians. I didn’t get matched with anybody like that.

[maddyblai]

#easter #2022goals #blessings #outness #withlove (at Desert Safari) https://www.instagram.com/p/CclV0D4tywy58HEw7pimkNC057OnCwGsrDqSyc0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[queerofcups]

unpopular opinion: Dan and Phil are already “out” as a couple. They’ll just never explicitly say it in a way that most people would like them to. Imo there won’t be any grandeur statements in a book or ig post.. especially if they’re in a place rn where Phil can’t even like dan’s semi nude lol

I mean, perhaps unpopular, perhaps just unsaid opinion - - "outness" isn't a static state or being.

It's possible that both their families know every detail by now. It's equally possible that they're letting pieces fall into place for anyone interested in putting them together. And it's possible that what's the reality of the people in their lives is and will always be totally different than what they choose to give us.

And there are million little points between full throated disclosure and a totally closed door.

That said, if Phil can't like a picture because people may talk or whatever, clearly we're not in completely, transparently out territory--which is also fine. Pre-BIG I wouldn't have agreed with you that we wouldn't every get a definitive statement. Now? I'm not so sure.

So I don't really agree or disagree with you, I just don't think we can take a definitive statement out of their decided lack of one.

(and they don't owe us anything, queer people get to decide who knows what about them etc etc)

[gwydionmisha]

Outing Personal Clarification:

While it is never okay to out trans people, I am as out as I can manage.  In all my social media I am clearly labelled non-binary trans.  Therefore, it is okay to point someone to me on social media as a non-binary trans person.  Similarly, I am completely out RL and walk around wearing buttons to that effect all winter long.  (I would wear them in summer, but they do not stick well to my messenger bag).  My pronouns are ze, zir, zim.  I don't mind you correcting pronouns when I'm not around.  (If I owned buttons with my pronouns on them, I'd wear those too.)  I generally don't bother with the pronoun thing with service workers as it's frankly exhausting to everyone involved, but otherwise, have at.  Again, this is just me.  I have next to nothing to lose.  I'm federally disabled and so can't get fired for transness.  I live in one of the safest places a trans person can live, and what danger there is I willingly accept.  Most people are not in my position so best to be checking individually with your trans friends as to their preferences.  

There is one exception to my open door policy: I prefer people not cross the streams on my RL and online persona.  I prefer that random internet people not be given my last name or information about my specific address, etc..  I like to decide which identifying details I give out.  This is because I have been tracked that way before, and while it turned out all right, there is a chance it might not next time.  Some of you know me rl and on the Internet.  A handful of you who I've known a long time on the Internet have my personal details.  I like to be the gatekeeper of who has my legal name and physical address.  Beyond that?  Again, have at it.  I live a very transparent sort of life.  

Just keep in mind that the the outness/safety balance is one every single LGBTQIA person has to decide for themselves and robbing people of safety (Except in the case of rabidly anti-gay gay public figures, where it becomes a community safety issue) is never okay.  Never out private people.  Never out public figures who are not posing a clear and present danger to the rights and safety of the rest of us.

[nonbinary-support]

ah... i feel so fucked up... i''ll be 30 this year, just coming to terms with the fact that i'm nb (demiboy i feel most comfy with), yet for convenience, i allow others to misgender me... even misgender myself sometimes... there's only two people in my life that know.. on my more fem days (afab btw) i heavily question myself, if i'm faking, even though i don't feel girl and still feel like boy. and ah.... there's so much more and there a character count and i'm just venting no need to answer....

However out you are or not, your identity is valid and you’re not a faker, and you deserve a space to express yourself. <3

-Misha

[epochryphal]

no forreal tho i super appreciate folks briefing people on how to gender me, espeeeecially when i'm not around "tell your friends!!!"

[paesaggisonori]

Digging how the guitar goes in a song we need to know...

Giovedì 5 settembre a Paesaggi Sonori 2013 il country dolce e scanzonato dei Pocket Chestnut, che hanno appena pubblicato il loro nuovo album, Outness.

... 4 tracks that leave behind lo-fi rock’n’roll and look deep to a huge & dreamed American wasteland.