Sanjaya Mahabharata - Part 4
I apologise in advance for descending into clownery midway through this, but that's the only way I am getting through this.
Dhritarashta Pandu Vidur
Here, Vichitraveerya had 3 wives, Ambika, Ambalika and a Suta woman. When Vyasa slept with each of them. Ambika closed her eyes, Ambalika put mud on her body to respect Vyasa [he did not interpret it as such] and the Suta woman didn’t react much.
Kunti
Her father is named Prithu here. Most of her story goes as per the Vaishampayana version. Some atrocities of Durvasa are added here, like Durvasa using Kunti as a plate for hot food.
Karna is born from Kunti’s ear after Surya assaults her. Apparently. Surya's armour is his second-skin (just as it is for Karna) and he cuts it out with a knife and fuses it with Karna's skin. Kunti is heartbroken to see that baby-Karna does not every cry and only giggles at her when she floats him in the river.
Radha gets a dream about Karna floating in the river and catches him in the morning and finds him holding on to four lotuses in his hands and feet. Here Adhiratha is a king. In the Parashuram story, a Sal tree grows through Karna's knee, and seeing that he curses the lad.
Kaurava Pandava
Here, Yudhishthira, Bheem, Arjun are born within months of each other. Duryodhana and his brothers are about 12 years younger than the Pandavas.
Here, even before Pandavas get to Hastinapura, Duryodhana has already married Balaram's daughter Sudakshina.
We also skip the conflict of Drupada and Drona, and here Bheeshma simply sends the princes to Drona’s school alongside several others. We then jump to the rangabhoomi incident and find Arjuna disrobing random people with his arrows.
Then Karna and Arjun decided to duel. Karna had a patch of sunlight directly falling on him, and a tiny cloud followed Arjun around. Then Bheem insulted Karna on account of his caste and Duryodhana hit back with the flawed logic that a man wearing an armour as divine as Karna’s could not be a full human at least. Then Dhritarashtra declared Duryodhana to be the King and made Dushhasana the crown-prince, completely bypassing the Pandavas.
Karna’s heart belonged to Duryodhan, and he travelled back and forth between Hastinapur and Anga daily, and Duryodhan too always awaited his arrival with bated breath.
Here, Dhritarashtra is the one who builds the lac house in Varanavat, and that storyline is near-unchanged.
Draupadi
Here, her previous-life version gets angry at Shiva after he blesses her with five husbands. Enraged, that woman cusses out Shiva and then curses him to stay in cremation grounds. Shiva only laughs, because he already likes doing that. Then this woman laughed at Kapila's cattle and Kapila's mother then also cursed her to have five husbands. Then, she did tapasya and became like-Indrani and her tears became golden lotuses that attracted Indra. She took one look at Indra and decided that Shiva’s deal is better than whatever he would offer. So, then Indra got angry and divided himself into the five Pandavas because the woman won’t remember once she is reborn.
Drupad has a lot of children. Shikhandi was born inside the swayamvara fish machine. After him, Dhristhtaketu and six unnamed sons were born to Drupad and Prishati. Then Dhrishtadyumna and Draupadi, and finally one last unnamed kid after them.
Then, Drupada had a bow constructed that took 80,000 wrestlers to lift, anf for that sin Dhrishtadyumna got stuck reciting the names of all 100 Kauravas. Thought, some of the names were funny, like: Shastra, Dharma, Yaduvansha, Bheembhom, Veer-aahu, Senapati, Kuntibhoj#1, Kuntibhoj#2, Kuntibhoj#3, Biralaksha, Shringabhanga, and etc. (thank god). Everyone came except for Bheeshma.
All the Yadavs, at Krishna's instructions, stared at the sky above (except Krishna, who was too busy staring at Arjun). Karna and Shakuni tried to lift the bow and failed. Krishna then said if Arjun can't do it, then Krishna would fight everyone and give him Draupadi anyway.
Now I know, that's not what happened but one couplet is worded as if, in the middle of Arjun and Karna's duel, Yudhishthira just went around them, snatched Karna's bow, threw it away and said, "Now fight!" The mental image is too funny and it would’ve been the only time that Yudhishthira would’ve gotten one over Karna.
Bheem just started catching kings one by one, uprooting their hair and beards and letting them go. Draupadi then took her two sakhis and followed them to the Pandavas house. Dhrishtadymna is followed them in the disguise of a rakshas. Or a bat.
Drupad wanted to cry because he missed Drau, so he called up a bunch of girls and made them dance for him all night.
At Draupadi’s marriage, Krishna threw flowers at everybody with a posse of rishis. Draupadi got married so hard that her necklace tore by the end of it (this is a six-way ritual, not the original 5-day event). Krishna also kept playing his panchajanya in her ear. When they were all doing saptapadi, I think Krishna started walking with them like a seventh wheel doing noise pollution. Other people also paired up in the background, and Drupad gave them half of Panchal, as dowry.
This Krishna is also very animated. He heard about the kingdom division and turned up at Panchal dancing. Dhritarashtra then pretended that Yudhishthira and Krishna were the newlyweds and gave them Khandava to enjoy. Yudhishthira mixed Khandava with the half of Panchal to make Indraprastha. Bheem was the crown prince, Nakul became the prime-minister, Sahadev the guard of the sabha, and Arjun the commander.
