#past experience

[theemotionmachine]

Needs that aren't adequately fulfilled in childhood can often become obsessions and addictions into adulthood. It’s important to pay attention to how our past experiences shape our behaviors in the present.

Steven Handel, Creator of Purpose, Meaning, and Change

[logarto]

i dont think people should be so insecure in their interests that 1 comment from a friend makes them feel self conscious and upset but otoh its also kind of irritating to see someone slag off your interests every day nonstop like its not a self conscious thing its just sort of rude. if youre that unhappy just unfollow the blog omfg its not that big of a deal, unfollowing someone doesnt mean the end of a friendship

[lovely-libra-moon]

Earlier this year, I had a date that didn’t turn out well. We had been messaging each other days before but when we met in person I found he wasn’t my type. Nonetheless I thought we could have a friendly date since we had made plans to go out. I drove over an hour to meet him, so where’s the harm?

Dinner was pleasant, he was interesting to talk to and openly shared his life experiences...but he had an abrasive quality that made me feel uneasy. I wanted to go home after dinner but he had other ideas and suggested going back to his place to have some adult fun (his words, not mine). I said no and saw his whole demeanor change. He became angry and started to berate me, telling me I led him on. He said I’m the type of woman who uses my looks to take advantage of men, and that I expect people to fall at my feet as they wait for me to throw them a bone. He kept putting me down, assuming he knew who I was though we only had one date. He said the others didn’t have the balls to tell it like it is, and that it’s a good thing I’m hearing the truth. I kept trying to explain to him that I didn’t want to sleep with him, but he argued that it’s what grown ups do, and that we’re both in our 50s so I should loosen up. He was a big man who talked loudly, not letting me speak.

Though I worried for my safety, I yelled as loud as I could to get my point across. “I’m not attracted to you, I don’t like you, and I don’t sleep with people I’m not interested in.” Finally, he stopped talking. When we got out of his car, he said that I’m welcome to stay the night and leave in the morning. I politely declined and drove away as quickly as I could.

One thing I recall from this experience is that he kept asking, “Who hurt you? Who hurt you so badly that you can’t let your guard down?” Truthfully I wasn’t attracted to him, but I’ve been contemplating on his questions as I work on healing my heart.

[crestfallenlullaby]

A relationship I can’t afford to have.

I wish people talked about toxic relationships more. About how difficult it is to leave it. About how to overcome it.

Maybe it’s just because I don’t often search for these topics, but whenever I do come across it - it’s usually from someone else’s point of view. I rarely ever see anything from the victims point of view. And - I guess I sort of want to talk about it.

No one ever told me how hard it was to escape it.

I know this specific persons bad for me. I know they cause me harm. I see it in the way my mental health depleted - how I avoided people because I didn’t want to be around them. How I felt disregarded, invalidated and forgotten around them - and at the same time wanted so badly to stay with them.

I watched so many of my friends almost leave me because of how much bad we were bringing out in each other. And I never realised until it was almost too late.

Hate breeds hate. I guess I should have recognised it faster.

I have to clarify that not everything was their fault either. I cannot put every drop of blame them, and neither can I say that I was the complete victim in this scenario.

We brought out the worse in each other. We are both at fault.

So I cut my contact. For the benefit of us both, I took the initiative to block and leave first.

But every single day after - I regretted my choice. I mulled, I wished, I thought about being friends with them again. I craved their companionship, their presence and I felt extremely lonely and had a deep sense of isolation even though I was now surrounded with friends who supported me.

Sometimes it takes everything I have to prevent myself from pressing ‘send’. From apologising and begging to be friends again.

We are toxic for each other.

If we became friends again, we would fall back.

I would hurt other people, and we would hurt each other.

I am happier here.

I am healthier here.

I am better here than I was back then.

But sometimes I wonder...

What would happen if I had pressed ‘send’?

[serpenssemper]

First kiss.

[aquaticcaliginous]

A few years ago, but not many...

[txt]: Eridan? Are you available to come over sometime today? There’s something I want to show you. 

[callmedaisy-blog1]

Past Experience//Lilo & Daisy

@lilo-el-lobo

When she had left home Daisy had felt exhilarated. She was finally free of her father’s tyrannical rule and she wouldn’t have to marry his choice of husband. For the first time in her life she was free to do whatever she’d like. Now though, several days after leaving, she was starting to feel the enormity of her choice. She was living in a shelter without more than forty dollars to her name and no idea how to get a job. 

It was still the right choice Daisy was certain, but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy. At the shelter she’d found a flyer for some community program that offered help in finding a job. It was worth a shot. Her mother had tried to teach her to have pride in her family and the fact the money her father made meant she would never have to work. After finding out the truth about what her father did though Daisy had found that difficult. Now she supposed it made it easier for her to ask for the help she needed. 

Walking into the high school gym on a Saturday afternoon Daisy did her best not to look nervous. She had never been very good at hiding her feelings though. She looked around the room in an attempt to figure out who was in charge. There weren’t too many people around, which she hoped meant that it wouldn’t be too hard for her to get a job. She approached one of the men who was standing near the coffee and asked, “Excuse me, do you know how this is all supposed to work? Its my first time at one of these kinds of things.”