Hello everyone! I'm finally returning to this story and hopefully the third chapter won't take me as long as this one has 😅 Please be mindful of the content warnings, if you would rather skip this chapter, there is a summary of it at then end of the Ao3 link.
Story Summary: Remus hadn't expected to work as a housekeeper at a hotel managed by his best friend but he wasn't complaining. Especially if it gives him the opportunity to keep a (very attractive) guest from overworking himself.
Content Warnings: Past Roman/Virgil, Discussion of Past Self Neglect, bordering on self harm, but not from the person themselves
~~*~~
Soon Logan had showered and the salad had arrived. Remus used the time in between to roughly vacuum the room and use some air refreshener so he could finally close the windows. He also pushed the books and papers around to make space on the tabledesk for the salad. Thankfully nothing fell to the floor (though some of the stacks were very wobbly and Remus couldn’t help but imagine what it would look like if one crashed into the salad and food and plate shards would fly everywhere. His brain tried to get him to topple it, but he managed to resist. Barely.)
Logan emerged from the bathroom in shirt and sweatpants (since Remus had refused to let him take another suit), a towel around his shoulder and still trying to dry his hair. Remus grinned at him and stood behind the chair as if he were a gentleman offering a seat to his lady. He could be courteous if he wanted to be!
“Is this really necessary?” Logan asked, eyeing him skeptically.
“No,” Remus grinned but didn’t move. The other sighed and sat down without another word. Remus pushed his chair closer to the tabledesk with a giggle before sitting down himself and resting his elbows on the polished wood, watching Logan intently. The other raised an eyebrow at him.
“Do you intent to watch me eat?”
“Yeah!”
“Why?”
“To make sure you finish! Also thought this is a good opportunity to tell you why I’m doing this! You said you wanted to know and it’s gonna take a while, so…”
Logan sighed again but picked up the fork Remus had placed in its proper place next to the plate, motioning for him to continue.
“Very well. Do explain yourself.”
“Chance to ramble? I will take it!” Remus grinned at Logan, who looked a bit more reprehensive but didn’t protest. Instead, he started eating his salad, though his eyes remained on Remus for the most part. Before starting his explanation, Remus took a moment to appreciate how Logan’s lips closed around his fork. He really hoped he’d get an opportunity to taste those lips for himself. Only with consent, of course.
‘Focus on the issue now, fantasize about the hot nerd later!’ he reminded himself.
“You see, I have a brother, a twin, actually,” Remus began, leaning back in his seat. “He’s a bit of a dumbass but has a good heart, y’know? We’re both the creative types, though I mostly work with sculptures, art, and pottery – I teach a late-night class actually! Doesn’t pay well, but it’s fun for the most part – while he’s more of a writer. He’s also a perfectionist, which I am most definitely not, I let my hands wander and see where they get me!” Remus winked at Logan but either the other didn’t understand his innuendo or had a great poker face. ‘Uhhh, you should invite him to play strip poker with you! That’d be fun!’ He tabledesked that idea for later, he should probably ask him on a more normal date first and see where that’ll lead him.
“Aaaaaaanyway,” Remus continued, “my brother decided he wanted to write a play and then perform it in our local theater where he works. His boss basically green-lit the whole thing after Ro-bro gave him the pitch but had some guidelines. Nothing major, but enough that my brother felt the pressure.”
Remus could see Logan watching him intently – those deep green eyes were so hot – while he slowly chewed his food. He seemed the observant type, but even if he wasn’t, it was hard to miss the shift in tone. Remus couldn’t tell this story without being somber, it was a time he didn’t like revisiting.
“Roman threw himself into his work. It was fun at first, see him talk about it so passionately, what his plans for the characters were, the twists and turns and how he could see it performed on stage already. His boyfriend at the time was also super supportive, the both of us rubber ducking him constantly.” A wry smile played on Remus’ lips. He took a deep breath before continuing.
“But writing’s fucking hard if you didn’t know. The words can be perfectly aligned in your head but once you put them to paper they look mangled, like rotting corpses you clumsily stitched together and suddenly the eyes aren’t on the same height and one arm’s longer than the other and you forgot a nipple and maybe even a spleen, so how are you supposed to create a functioning monster?!”
“I understand your point, Remus,” Logan cut in before he could get even more lost in the rather gruesome picture he was figuratively painting. “I assume your brother struggled with the writing process once he got started.”
“Yeah, he did. Like a lot. And when he can’t get what’s in his head on the page the way he wants it to be, he gets frustrated and that leads to him struggling with the words even more and it’s a vicious circle. He started spending more and more time at his desk. When he wasn’t working, he was writing. Or attempting to write. He started losing sleep. I often had to drag him to meals. He cancelled plans or didn’t show up at all because he forgot all about them. It was really worrying.
“And it really put his boyfriend on edge. Like the dude’s been a friend of mine before he got together with my brother and anxiety is like half of his personality. So having plans cancelled on him constantly and his boyfriend not taking care of himself properly led to some problems.”
Remus’ had to make a conscious effort to relax his hands after they curled into fists. To be honest, he still hadn’t entirely forgiven Roman for how he treated Virgil during the last legs of their relationship. It hadn’t been fair to the Emo and while his brother had admitted to his faults, Remus just couldn’t get Virgil’s red-rimmed eyes out of his mind. ‘You should revisit that idea about dunking his head in the toilet bowl’ his head suggested and Remus waved the idea off. Roman would wiggle too much.
“It came to a head eventually and the guy broke up with him. Which sucked because I liked him, but because of his anxiety he needed a clean break, so he asked me not to contact him either for a while. Which turned out to be never, but that was more my fault than his I guess.”
Logan raised an eyebrow. (Remus wondered how often he worked on those; they were immaculately symmetrical.)
“What do you mean by more your fault?” he asked.
“Well, like I said, I was friends with the guy so I knew that he would have trouble reaching out to me first. I should’ve contacted him after the situation settled somewhat, but I didn’t.”
“Why?”
Remus chuckled but it was a dry and sad sound.
“I… always had the feeling that he was kinda afraid of me. I know I come on strong, and I have intrusive thoughts and keeping them in my head is hard, so I usually blurt them out or use them for my art and he… well, it often triggered his anxiety. I didn’t really want to contact him and have him feel like he needed to talk to me again.”
Virgil had been a good sport about it most of the time but even before he started dating Roman, he had visited Remus in his art studio less and less. He took great care to censor his words in front of him, too, but it sucked that he couldn’t discuss things with Virgil freely anymore. It was like he had to be constantly on guard around the man and it only got worse during Roman’s breakdown.
Remus missed Virgil, but he figured he was better off without him in his life. At least Janus still contacted him once in a while, so he knew he was doing well enough. It was a small comfort.
Logan had put his fork aside and was watching Remus with his piercing green eyes. He felt like a bug underneath a microscope and that shouldn’t have had him as hot and bothered as it did. Well, not literally bothered – don’t get him wrong, the dude was hot and being examined by him so intently was a nice bonus, but Remus needed more than that to actually get physically excited.
It would lead to new fantasies however; he was sure of that.
“I get the impression that that conclusion is based on a cognitive distortion,” Logan commented eventually. Remus just blinked at him. “In other words, I think you are jumping to a conclusion. If that man was your friend for as long as you are implying, then I am sure he would appreciate you contacting him again.”
“You stopped eating,” Remus said instead of answering and after a few moments of simply staring at each other (‘Staring contest! Staring contest! How long would it take for their eyes to dry out?), Logan relented with a sigh and picked his fork back up.
“Very well, I will not meddle in your personal affairs. Unlike other people, I respect such boundaries.”
Remus cackled at the obvious jab at his intrusion and as he calmed down, he could see a small smile on Logan’s lips, though he tried to hide it behind the next bite of his meal.
“Well, back to the story: my brother got dumped. Which I had hoped would be a wake-up call for him to quit the bullshit and realize how bad he’s gotten. But instead he doubled down. Every waking minute he had that wasn’t spend at work, he was writing the script – or more accurately, he tried writing it. More and more often I would hear him shouting at his laptop about how nothing was going like he wanted it to, how it needed to be perfect, how he would show everyone that he could do it.
“I tried to get him to eat and sleep, but it would only end up in yelling matches. We both don’t have great tempers and more than once I stormed off and didn’t return until like a day later. I don’t think he left his desk in those days…”
Remus sighed, remembering the sorry state of his brother, hunched over his laptop with bags under his eyes that reminded him so much of Virgil that Remus was almost glad that Roman was hardly going to the bathroom so he wouldn’t catch his own reflection in the mirror.
It had been an absolute trainwreck.
“Eventually, my brother collapsed during one of our fights. Passed out on the spot. I barely managed to catch him before he would’ve hit his head on the ground. He woke up only moments after and tried to convince me that it was just a dizzy-spell and that it wasn’t anything to worry about, but I had enough. I carried him off to the hospital right then and there.”
Roman had fought him the entire way, cursing at him and demanding to be brought back home. He almost fainted again in the car since he worked himself up so much. Remus had thought about pulling into the oncoming traffic and putting them both out of their misery – the stress had made his intrusive thoughts so much worse.
“I got him to cooperate by saying that if nothing was wrong, the doctor would just let him go home and I’d leave him alone afterwards if that was the case. He still complained though. Then he was diagnosed with severe malnutrition and anemia. He had to stay there for a few days.”
“And did he do so without complaint?”
Remus had almost forgotten Logan was there. Almost. He looked back at the other – after he had apparently just stared at the wall for the last few minutes – to see that he had finished his plate.
Good.
“Yeah. I’m not entirely sure what happened since I wasn’t allowed to be there when they took his vitals and shit but apparently one of the nurses laid into him about proper self-care and that he could’ve killed himself. I think only then he truly registered how bad it’s gotten.”
“I see…” Logan looked thoughtfully at his empty plate and Remus just watched him until he spoke up again. “And what happened after? Did your brother finish the play?”
“He did. Took a long break from it though. Went to therapy. He’s doing well now, has a sleep and eating schedule and goes to the gym on the regular. It’s kind of annoying how toned he’s getting. Jan sure appreciates it though.” Remus wiggled his eyebrows, but once again Logan doesn’t react to his implications.
“What about the performance?”
“What performance?”
“Of the play. You said that your brother was ensured that he could perform the play at his place of employment.”
“Oh! He didn’t go through with it.”
Logan blinked at him, surprised.
“What do you mean ‘he didn’t go through with it’? Doesn’t that make the entire ordeal worthless?”
“It wasn’t worthless,” Remus said softly, feeling like this might be the point where he can get through to Logan. “Roman learned a lot from it. So did I, to be honest. The entire thing helped my brother to grow as a person. Yeah, he finished the play, but he had to rewrite around half of it since what he wrote during his mania was either awful, extremely personal, and or sometimes even harmful. And even after all that editing, he still found it too close to his heart to publish. He says that maybe sometime down the line, when he’s healed more, then he'd put it on, but not right now.”
“I… think I understand. Still, I cannot shake the belief that it means his struggles were for naught.”
“I know where you’re coming from, but productivity isn’t all we live for. Learning from our struggles and teaching that to those who come after us is what I think we’re supposed to do.”
“That is quite the profound way to see the world.”
Remus shrugged and leaned back in his chair.
“Maybe. It’s at least what led to me coming in through that door and forcing you to take care of yourself. Which reminds me, you should be going to bed.” He got up and pulled at Logan’s arm.
“Sleep?! It’s the middle of the day!” the other protested, but Remus remained insistent and led him over to the freshly made, plush bed.
“Yeah, but that hardly matters when you’ve been up for who knows how many hours. Your eyebags make you look like a raccoon. Oh, maybe I should’ve gotten you your dinner out of the garbage bins outside!”
Finally, he managed to push Logan onto the bed who looked at him with trepidation.
“I cannot go to sleep, I need to finish my work,” he insisted.
“Pish-posh, I bet you can barely remember what you’ve been writing for the past few hours anyway. Get some rest and then look over what you wrote again, I’m sure you’ll want to make some changes. Sleep-deprived brains rarely put out the work in a quality you want.” Remus pushed at his shoulders until Logan was lying down and then covered him with a blanket.
“Fine,” the other sighed. “But I need to set an alarm. I have a deadline.”
“How about I’m gonna come by when my shift ends in—” Remus glanced at his wristwatch— “about four hours? I’ll help you sort through those books, too, since I kinda just put them together willy-nilly.”
“I guess that’s acceptable.”
It seemed that lying down had a quick effect on Logan as he let out a long yawn and snuggled deeper into the comforting warmth. Remus smiled, proud to see him follow his advice and relax.
“Then see you in a few, Lolo! Sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite!”
“If they do, I’ll sue you.”
Remus grinned as he listened to Logan’s half-asleep mumble before he gathered up his used dishes and silently tiptoed out of the room.
Ships: Past Romantic Prinxiety, Romantic Intruality,
Warnings: Messy breakup, swearing, unintentional bigotry, mentions of sex, brief (VERY brief) making out
Summary: Virgil, Roman, Patton, and Remus move into a house together as housing during college. It works out great until Virgil and Roman breakup and Remus discovers some things that could complicate his own romantic relationship with Patton (none of the characters are unsympathetic they’re just stupid.)
Word Count: 1.8K
-
“I’m just an over glorified fuck buddy to you, aren’t I?!” Virgil yelled through the thin walls and Remus flinched at the noise. Roman and Virgil decided to have an apparently much needed fight. He was glad that Patton wasn’t home to witness what he assumed was a breakup. Remus didn’t know whether or not he was going to have to comfort Virgil or Roman.
“No! I just- Virgil you aren’t listening to me! Like you ever do!” Remus turned up the music in his headphones, despite it already at max volume. His eardrums were probably going to explode, with blood and whatever cartilage did when it couldn’t handle the stress of hearing.
“Are you breaking up with me?!”
“Yeah, VIRGIL, I think I am!” Remus was impressed that they had gotten to that part after two hours. But hey, they got there in the end, right? He heard the door of the room open and slam shut. He paused his music and looked up to see Roman looking deflated. Roman walked over and sat next to Remus silently. Remus didn’t say anything, not wanting to fuck up his brother’s day anymore, even though that sounded like fun. Roman screamed into a pillow and fell the back of his head onto Remus’s lap, slapping his phone to the ground. “Did you manage not to hear any of that?”
“Oh I’m pretty sure your voice could’ve broken the windows if you tried harder.” Remus supplied. “I don’t know exactly what the fight was about though, you guys were talking like normal people at the point.”
“What would you know about normal people?” Roman responded snarkily, before shaking his head softly and corrected himself. “Sorry. That fight was a lot, I’m not sure the adrenaline of it has burned out yet… Remus, is it weird that I thought we were doing really well? I didn’t even notice Virgil wasn’t happy with it. I really fucked up.”
Remus thought briefly to his own dating life. He realized he related more than he wanted to. “Yeah, you really boinged that one, dude. But, I’m sure it’ll be okay. If it doesn’t work out I can decapitate Virge for you. He’s my best friend but you’re my brother.”
Roman laughed lightly, and tears rolled down his face unto Remus’s legs. His laughter quickly turned to sobbing into Remus’s shirt until Patton came home from work 30 minutes later. He opened the door humming to himself until he saw the twins on the couch, Roman’s makeup running and generally looking like a mess.
“Is… everything okay?” Remus shook his head and Patton nodded to himself. “Where’s Virgil?” That simple question got Roman to crumble down horizontally on the couch again. Patton thought to himself with furrowed brows about that response. Remus pointed to Virgil’s room and Patton followed, knocking on the door. He went in after a few seconds to see Virgil curled up in a ball, shaking and clearly not alright.
He couldn’t even choke a word out. Patton closed the door and sat on the ground in front of him. Without questioning anything he opened up his arms in case Virgil wanted a hug. He did. “Okay kiddo, breathe in for four seconds for me. Now hold it for seven-”
This went on until his breathing was stable. Virgil’s fist was closed around a piece of Patton’s shirt. “I shouldn’t have yelled at him.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Patton asked, tightening his grip. He had begun to suspect what might’ve happened and almost wanted to cry about it himself, but it wasn’t about him right now. “Not that you have to but if you need to, I’m here.”
“No, my therapist has told me to communicate better. Which, ironically, what I was trying to do with Roman…” Virgil trailed off, loosening his grip of Patton’s shirt and looking up to his ceiling. He doesn’t really seem to want me other than to have sex and after mentioning that it eventually turned into a screaming match. And then he… then he broke up with me. I should’ve listened to him before but I didn’t. Patton I don’t know what to do.”
Patton bit his lip for a second. Only sex, huh? He thought back to himself and Remus. They sort of had the opposite issue… This wasn’t about that though. Virgil still wanted a response. “I wasn’t there, Virgil, and this isn’t my relationship we’re talking about. I- do you want suggestions or do you just want me to listen without giving any opinions?”
“Suggestions would be cool.”
“Alright,” with that permission Patton tried to think of his best friendly advice. ‘Communication’ was usually always the answer but it was some sort of subsection of that Patton wasn’t sure how to explain. Listen to Roman? Be clear about your wants in a romantic relationship? It was hard for Patton to follow those in his OWN dating life. He realized more and more issues to bring up to Remus after this resolved somehow. “Well, it would probably be helpful to listen to what Roman wants in the relationship and have him listen to what you would want. And then… based on that, work on how to do that together or if that’s not compatible… Break off the romantic relationship because it would probably be healthier that way.”
Virgil whistled lowly. “Dang, Pat. I was sort of expecting a follow your heart thing. But, thank you. I guess that would mean confronting the issues, which is quite honestly terrifying. I should probably do that now or something…” He stood up, holding his head from doing it too fast and made his way to the door. Patton remained on the floor a moment longer before following.
Remus was back to listening to music while Roman was scrolling on his phone as Remus played with his hair idly. Virgil grabbed the fabric of his jacket before walking to the loveseat. He heard Patton close his door and almost jumped out of his skin. He took a deep breath. “Roman? Maybe we should try again with that discussion… I don’t want this to be screaming. I like you, a lot. What do you say?”
He made brief eye contact with Roman, seeing the dried tears and puffy eyes, but he nodded and sat up. Remus gave Virgil a raised eyebrow but said nothing. “Okay.” Roman croaked. Patton walked to the kitchen almost immediately to give both of them glasses of water to fight back against what the yelling and tears did to their throats. “You can start.”
“Should we leave?” Remus asked, as Patton handed the glass to Virgil and then Roman. Patton sat down at the one chair in the room, but didn’t get comfortable just in case. “I mean it’s your conversation.”
“You can stay. I don’t want to yell again. A mediator would be good.” Like it helped before, Remus thought to himself, but stayed put. Virgil cleared his throat with a small cough and took a sip of water. “I’m starting? Okay. I feel like I'm not getting a lot of romantic affection lately in our relationship that I would really appreciate. We don’t really kiss or anything and I would like to know if that’s because of me or not. You can go now.”
Roman blinked and used a tissue from the side table to clean up his face as he spoke. “Thank you for telling me that, Virgil… I didn’t realize that you wanted affectionate stuff that badly. I feel like I don’t need that in my relationships and I’ve been questioning my sexuality and romantic orientations for a while. And I probably should’ve brought this up earlier but… I think I’m…” He looked down at the ground. “I think I’m aromantic.” He sounded like he was about to cry again. Remus looked at Patton with wide eyes.
Patton returned the look as Virgil talked next. “Oh. Roman, I’m so sorry about the fuckbuddy comment, shit. I didn’t realize… but I’m proud of you for finding that out about yourself. Maybe it would be healthier if we broke up, huh?”
Roman laughed, new tears falling down his face. The two embraced each other, laughing while crying. “Yeah, I guess we are breaking up then!”
It would hurt for a while, and the change was definitely huge but it was better. But after witnessing that Patton and Remus knew that they had to talk. The only question was who would be the first to bring it up?
-
Remus and Patton were on Patton’s bed, making out. Which was fine, neither of their roommates were home and it was fun. The issues came up when Patton’s hand went under Remus’s shirt. “Is this okay?” He asked. It all came crashing down when Remus shook his head no. They stopped immediately and fell onto the bed looking up at the ceiling next to each other. “We should talk about this. Not that you didn’t want to, just that we need to define better boundaries for our relationship.”
“You’re right. We should talk about this.” Remus gulped. Apparently it was already happening. After two weeks but it still didn’t feel like enough time. “Patt, I love you… But I don’t know about fucking.”
“Crass, but I get it. Are you… asexual?” He looked over at his boyfriend, who shrugged. “Well, that’s fine too. So no sexual stuff. Got it. Anything else that would cross the line that we should talk about?”
Remus was tempted just to shrug again but didn’t. “I don’t know yet. After Roman finding out he’s aromantic I’ve been thinking. I still want to be with you, but can I give you everything you want in a relationship? I don’t think I… I don’t think I NEED or WANT sex at all, but I haven’t decided yet. I’m so fucking confused.”
“I may want it, Remus but I don’t think it’s a need in our relationship.” Patton reassured. And he wasn’t lying either. He believed what he was saying, glad that his conversations with Janus had also gotten him to check his own wants and needs in general. “I think I’m alright like this, but it’s important for me to know for sure.”
He reached out for Remus’s hand, and he took it. They looked up at the ceiling, with a feeling of clarity that helped them relax. It wasn’t really a change at all, but it gave reason to actions and made sure they wouldn’t make the other uncomfortable. And that was worth it.
A/N:That's the first thing that I post on here, and my first language isn't English, so don't be to hard on me please. Also can someone tell me how to do read more on mobile? Part two
Shipping:Past prinxiety
AU:Human, famous
TW:Past breakup, two dudes not dealing well with said break up, two times not explicit talk about weed, one mention of alcohol, Angst, hurt/no comfort hope that was all
Virgil sighed, he and Roman aren't together for months still he can't get over him and loses himself again in Memories.
Virgil and Roman were together at the sea, laying together in the sand. Roman's arm around the others waist and Virgil's head on his chest. ,,My dear?" ,,Yes, Ro?" ,,I love you, my dark angel. I will never leave you.", the brown haired man said and smiled a little when he saw his lovers blush while he answers:,,I love you too, my Prince. I won't leave you either, I need you to much for this."
After the pair shared a kiss Roman suggested they should go in the water. Virgil agreed and both of them run in the water. After swimming, joking around and sharing kisses for a few hours it started to get dark and they got out of the water. They both uses one towel and Roman said:"I saw a beuatiful place near here- it looked super romantic, a way from other people and with a good look to the stars, I would love to be their with you, darling" ,,Of course!", the black haired boy said smiling a bit. They took the few things they had with them and Roman lead them to a lonley beach with a perfect look on the stars, like he said.
Virgil smiled while looking up to the stars, his thoughts without worry and anxiety, he was happy. The only thoughts he had were how much he loves the boy next to him. It was beautiful, it was perfect.
NO! Virgil stops himself for thinking any longer about it. He tries to think of somthing else and gets his block and paper to write a song, music, his escape.
He and his band already made music while Roman was with him, but his big breakthrough was shortly after he and Roman broke up and his band's new album came out. Roman himself was and still is an actor already pretty famous
Now Virgil looks down on the paper asking himself what he should write. But he can't think clearly all he knows is that he still misses Roman.
As he hears how the Tourbus stops infront of his house he stands up. Today his tour starts, right, he nearly forgot that. Virgil gets his suitcase and gets to the door looking one last time at his home, it looks so big and lonley without Roman and his things.
After one last deep breath he locks the door and gets in the Tourbus.
,,Sup, V!", one of his bandmates greets him. ,,Do you want some?", another one asks him, holding a Joint. Virgil greets them back and denies the Joint and fast gets in his 'bed' taking an shirt out of his suitcase, Romans shirt, the only one he still has. It still has Romans smell and keeps Virgil somehow calm. Will it hold his smell til the tour ends? Virgil doubts it.
As he lays down on his mattress he mumbels quietly:
How can you miss someone that much
Like I do in this damn moment.
I'm so ripped apart
Should I just write you again or not?
Roman scrolls through his phone, all celebrety news sites found a few days ago out that he and Virgil were a thing and now the hottest and most talked about thing is what they did, finding old photos and all that. Ofcourse it never really was a secret, but now Virgil getting more and more famous its gotten so much more intresting. But if Roman is honest, he doesn't want to rember how it was, how it ended and all that. He saw an interview from Virgils band, the headline question "What do they do when they are high", that line hurt Roman. Virgil wrote him the cutest messages when he was high, his normal worries about scaring Roman away with to much affection weren't there then.
After rembering that Roman shuts his phone and looks down on his glass full of alcohol. He is in a bar, again. Sometimes he and Virgil would go to bars together now Roman is so lonley at the bars. As the actor thinks back he really hates himself for not fighting more about Virgil and just let him go. Roman sighs and takes another sip. When he sets the glass down and sees in the reflection of the glass his eyebags a way to good.
'I guess it's time to go home', Roman thinks and stands up. As he walks home he hopes that he sees some sign from Virgil, but of course their is nothing exept for one cat on the otherside of the street. 'Virgil would have liked that, we both, at night and a cat.'- No. Nothing with Virgil anymore. Roman reminds himself. As he opens his door he thinks:
How can you miss someone that much
Like I do in this damn moment.
I'm so ripped apart
Should I just write you again or not?
In this night both of them lay awake, the only thought in their head:
After a while of dating, Virgil decides to break up with Roman as things aren't just working out, and Roman is absolutely heart broken. So, of course, Remus brings him ice cream and a bunch of Disney movies to watch so that they can cuddle and eat ice cream while Roman gets his mind off of Virgil
Was It Really That Worth Writing About. (I’m Afraid So)
Pairing: Past Prinxiety, Mentions of Moxiety
Genre: angst..? or just.. sad? idk
series: Old lovers in dressing rooms part one
Roman practically fell into his chair. He was absolutely exhausted and he missed the time when performing was a rush of adrenalin. He missed the way the audience could lift him up. He missed his first tour.
Now it was just raw. The words hurt in his chest and in his throat. But his fans loved it. So that's something at least.
Roman ran a shaky hand through his hair and glances at his reflection in the mirror. He looked Awful which wasn't really a surprise. His eyes were dull, almost flat but it was familiar. The circles under his eyes were so dark from lack of sleep that they reminded him of-
“Hey,” A voice interrupted his thoughts. But not just any voice *the* voice and Romans breath caught in his throat. He glanced behind him in the mirror his eyes met *his* and for a single moment, time stopped. And in that moment Roman was seventeen again. And in that moment nothing had changed. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut it and turned in his seat to look at him properly.
What was there left to say? Everything he’d thought, everything he’d felt had already been said. Had already been sung. He’d poured his heart out in song after song. His entire album was meant for this. When he could finally look at *him* and say everything he never could before.
“Hi,” Roman breathed because the simple fact was that everything was already said. He watched as Virgil took a few steps closer “Did you, uh, Did you like the show?” Roman asked and immidetly he felt foolish. Idiotic. Like a love-struck teenager grasping at straws.
“Yeah, I uh. I heard you on the Radio.” Virgil said “I only work like a few blocks over and so i-” he trailed off and roman tried not to smile at how little he’d changed. “So I decided to- you look good Ro” and Oh did that nickname bring back the worst kind of feelings.
“Right, don't feel obligated to say so.” Roman chucked but there was no humor in it. Not really. “You’d think with all of this I’d be looking a lot better,” he said bitterly, glancing away from Virgil. But He could still see him frown in the mirror out of the corner of his eyes. And this wasn’t how he wanted this to go. He could play pretend a little longer. So he smiled and laughed again. “Anyways. How the hell have you been?” He asked making sure he was wearing his best stage smile.
“I, I’ve been really good,” Virgil said slowly. “Patton and I have been really good.” And Roman forced his smile to stay in place even as he felt his heart stutter in his chest.
“And he makes you happy?” Roman asked. And he shouldn't have. He had no right to. He lost the right to ask Virgil something like that ten years ago. And his smile was fading and Virgil was looking at him like he knew exactly what he was thinking.
“He does” Virgil said softly and he could have been angry. Maybe it would have been easier for Roman to deal with if he’d been angry. “He really does Ro,” and there he is with that nickname again and roman looks away again. “We uh, we actually just bought a house.” and there it was, everything Roman thought he’d never be able to give him.
“Yeah me too.” and that was a lie. He lived on a tour bus. In hotel rooms. Backstage. “Yeah back at home, but it's just me” as if hed ever go back to the place he thought of as home.
“Cani ask you a question,” Virgil said and Roman could only nod watching him sit in one of the chairs not covered in equipment and costumes. “All of your songs,” Virgil started and Romans breath hitched again “The was you wrote us,” and Virgil was picking at the sleeve of his jacket like he always used to when he was nervous. Roman wanted to cross the space and take those hands. He wanted to hold them like they were the most precious things in the world. He wanted to stop their shaking and give Virgil something to hold onto the way he used to. But that wasn't his job anymore. That wasn't his right. “Was it really like that?” Virgil said looking up to meet Romans eyes finally. And the room around them stilled.
And they looked at each other for a long time.
“Yeah V, for me it was” and the nickname stung his throat and caused it to tighten and the room felt stiff and it was all out there in the open. And Virgil nodded.
“We were just kids Ro,” Virgil said shakily.
“Maybe,” Roman responded trying to keep his tone light even if his heart felt like a rock in his chest. Virgil chuckled, a light sound that made Romans heart stutter and he grinned and he couldn't help it. Virgil was infectious.
“We were terrible for each other Ro,” Virgil said around a laugh. And it wasn't funny but Roman found himself laughing too. “We fought all the time and you had your music.” and roman was so fucking devastated because that's what it all came down to. His *music*.
“We did not fight all the time,” Roman said flicking away a tear that he pretends was from the laughter. “We definitely only had one fight.” that last fight. About his *music*
“Yeah. that one fight.” Virgil repeated and roman could tell that the one fight was more than enough.
And they sat in a silent understanding for a while. Because perhaps they both knew this would likely be the last time they would see each other.
“I should probably head home,” Virgil whispered after while. And a lump rose in Romans' throat.
“What your not even going to ask for an autograph?” Roman teased smiling bright painting a picture putting on an act for this. For him. For Virgil.
“Oh, how could I forget!” Virgil exclaimed grinning back and standing. Roman stood too, staring at Virgil awhile longer before pulling a CD out of his drawer.
“Here, limited copy,” Roman said handing it to him. And Virgil took it gently looking over the cover.
“Is this your new album?” Virgil asked looking up at roman confused.
“Nope. it's my first album ” he said.
“Mr. Prince!” some said sticking their head into the door. “Oh sorry, didn’t know you had company, but there's a line of people waiting to meet you.” and then they left and roman and Virgil were left standing alone again.
“Ro, I don't understand this isn’t your first album?” Virgil asked confused and Roman only smiled, the saddest smile in the world.
“I wrote it ten years ago,” Roman said throat thick and eyes glassy, “That's the only copy”
And the Roman swept out of the room to go meet his fans.
A/N:It's the third part, it plays after the first, since the second one is back Story. Any comment is appreciated!
Part 1 Part 2 Part 4
Pairing: Past (Future👀) Prinxiety
AU:Human and Famous
Tw:Denial over feelings (Virgil doesn't wanna admit he still feels for Roman), worry, ex BFs meet again (??), Sympathic deceit(he is in Virgils band he is in one scence)
Virgil's Tour is over, for a month already. And he is fine. Totally good. Not sad over the break up and also not in denial over being sad, thank you very much. And he isn't sitting in his flat alone in the shirt he still has from Roman, no. It just happen to look like Roman's and have the faints smell of Roman's cologne on it. Just coincidences.
Virgil scrolled to Twitter, liking Fanart and all that stuff, when he got a notification. He's got an email. A TV show, acting in the Charts, asks if he would like to be part of the new Season. Acting in the Charts is a show where a famous actor and a famous musician have to write a song together. It doesn't sound to bad, especially since his band would get more exposure.
He will ask them tomorrow when they meet anyway.
"Wait, you tell me one of the biggest TV channels wrote you an Invitation and you waited to tell us first!? Virgil! Dude! Yes", his band mate, Remy, asks.
"Yeah, He's right! What are you waiting for!", his other band mate, Janus, asks.
"Well Yeah true, but what if Roman is there? We would have to see each other at the meetings where all groups come together and-", Virgil starts to worry, not that he cares about what Roman does.
"Girl, Girl, Girl. You have to chill. You can't stop your whole life cause some boy isn't with you anymore. You are gonna get out there and kill it.", Remy answers.
"Yeah and you would have so much bad luck for Roman to be casted in the same season as you.", Janus agrees.
"And what is with the whole thing that it is a TV show. International wide. Like fuck. I'm half on in a panic attacks when I don't see an interview before magazines put it up. How should I live with cameras around me twenty for seven. Like No. I can't. What if they paint a bad picture of me and the band loses everything.",Virgil says.
"Alright, I guess, that's you. But honestly, was anyone ever made look back on there? Like the show is being high praised by anyone in there. Why should they start now? By you, Virgil it would give them the bigger scandal. Since they wouldn't be trusted anymore. ", Janus answers.
"I.. I guess. But I expect you to remind me of that when I doubt cause that's the only way I can go through this.", Virgil says.
"Yeah, Girl. Sure. Also I've heard that you are a lot to see the Episodes before hand. And our manager will look over the contract anyway.", Remy adds while drinking his iced coffee.
"Alright I'll go.", Virgil finally agrees.
Today is the day. The day the show begins. And as it turns out Virgil has a lot of bad luck. Because Roman is there. And fate, or the TV people, seem to hate him, since Roman isn't just there but Virgil's partner in the show.
So here Virgil sits, his head screaming at him. Roman is here. He and Roman will spend a lot of time together. His Ex boyfriend that still looks as beautiful as the day they first met. His ex Boyfriend who still has the voice of an angel. His ex boyfriend that could make anyone fall in love with him with his smile. His ex boyfriend that Virgil is totally over. He has to be professional. It's a show for writing songs, not a dating show. He is fine. Totally fine.
Roman isn't much calmer. In the morning he thought it's gonna be good to get the focus of Virgil and him, in the media and his own head, but no. Here Virgil sits biting his lip and looking as cute as always. How is Virgil daring to be so adorable and expect Roman to function probably? There is no use in denying it, he isn't over Virgil and now has to work with him.
Part of him is excited, what a percent Lovestory could make this. But another part of him isn't so happy. He wanted to force Virgil to do something he didn't want to do, simply cause Roman was excited and thought that red carpet is needed for a relationship, what he did was bad. And then there is a small part of him that's angry. How is Virgil okay with being on camera but not red carpet?
But at most he is surprised and utterly and fully in love with Virgil.
"Alright, All pairs get in your rooms and first just get to know each other!", the host of the show says and gets both boys out of there heads.
And all pairs went to different rooms, names standing at the door.
Virgil and Roman come in a room with a camera man and Microphone man. The room has a couch with a table, a desk with two chairs, on the desk pencils and paper and multiple music instruments.
Both sit down ont he couch, at the different endings. "So do you know how to read music notes?", Virgil asks as if he doesn't know Roman can't. He is asking it so the viewers can follow, not cause he doesn't want to talk about their shared past, no that's totally not the reason.
"I can't. But can't you write it down for me?", Roman answers as if he doesn't know that Virgil just has to hum something and knows then what it is. He wouldn't have a problem with talking about it, but Virgil seems uncomfortable discussing their past so he will let's it be for now.
"Yeah, I can do that. So.. Uhm..Do you know any instruments?", Virgil asks not repressing memories that answer that question, cause he is over Roman.
"I've played piano, cause of one the movies iw a sin as a kid and kept it going before I didn't have time anymore", Roman answers with a slight smile.
"Ah. Cool.", Virgil says while looking in Roman's eyes, for just a second, but it's enough for Virgil to notice he can't lie to himself forever.
