#demand avoidance

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic Traits I Struggle to Describe to Non-Autistic People

Neurodivergent_lou

[rthwrms]

oh oh i read this confusing substack on anti-goals that i've been chewing on

for nd and demand avoidance havers, setting goals like we're supposed to (according to NT ppl at least!!!) can lead to an immediate and intense avoidance of that very thing we are wanting to do

this happens for me ALLL the time. i set a goal like " i want to read every day for 10 minutes before bed" and thats great until about 10 minutes before bed happens and i go "fuck That? past me isnt here & im the boss now. & i dont feel like fucking reading"

the substack was not the most intuitive read bc i think they framed the idea of anti-goals as a "negative" goal

like instead of "i will brush my teeth" it becomes "i cant leave the bathroom in the morning until my teeth are brushed"

and at first i was like Ok maybe??? maybe that could work?

but its just a different kind of demand? and i know in the moment i would just go who says i can't leave this room rn? no one can stop me? and leave anyway

and i was also having difficultly framing anti goals in ways that i couldnt interpret harmfully ??? like

"i won't stress myself out" becomes feeling guilty for being stressed anyway

but i've been chewing on this concept and. i think a key aspect of anti-goal making is your personal values???? like through the wording of the anti goal itself your future & present self is active in the scenario

so instead of "i can't leave the house until i'm dressed" it becomes "i refuse to feel uncomfortable with how i look"

it makes more sense to me this way where instead of a rule it becomes a value statement. it includes the me in the moment in the process of declaring my wants & desires

[pr3tty-daisy]

i’m a brat but not bc it’s hot. i have demand avoidance.

[thesecretingredientislove]

Me when I'm asked to do something but uhhh.

The demand avoidance.

[fish-that-steals-palm-trees]

um how do you call the thing where you procrastinate watching popular things out of some weird demand avoidance thing until it stops being popular even though none pressured you you just were being a weird fish cuz that's lowkey me O⁠_⁠o

[digitalfishwish]

Demand avoidance is a pain.

Also new meme template imo! Go read The Property of Hate by @modmad

Blank one under the cut:

[summoningspark]

pathological demand avoidance has got to be the most ridiculous symptom of all time

[sunanthrope]

Ik you guys mean well but you have to understand that bombarding people with "go drink water!! 😘" (especially people who are demand avoidant) makes us want to NOT DRINK WATER. Especially if you're demanding about it (/not about anybody specific)

I drink zero water and I'm still alive and well. I'm not going to die because I didn't drink water today. Calm the fuck down. You guys make your whole personalities about reminding people to drink water and every time I see it I'm like "ok well now I'm REALLY not going to drink it." Because that's how my brain works.