Song: Why do you only call me when you’re high? - Arctic Monkeys
Warnings: alcohol abuse, fluff, little bit of angst. Mentions of sex.
Summery: after a terrible day, Javier finds himself drinking, and later calling his ex girlfriend.
Authors note: I made these gifs
The mirrors image, tells me it’s home time
He looked at himself in the stained mirror of the bar bathroom, blurry, discolored. The world around him was shifting, he really over did it tonight. He couldn’t help it tho, today makes 3 months he’s been with her. With her out of his reach, out of his bed and into his head.
He was wrecked already so when he walked out to talk to Steve, Steve already knew. Grabbing Javier’s shoulder and looking at him.
“Want me to take you home? You look pretty spent...” Steve’s concern was pushed aside as Javier shook his head and grabbed his jacket.
“I’ll walk... need to.... clear my head.” He said walking away from Steve, lighting a cigarette on his way to the door.
“Is he going to be okay?” Connie asked looking at Steve, Steve’s eyes never left Javier.
“I think he’ll be fine...” Steve said before sitting down again.
But I’m not finished, because you’re not by my side.
Once he got out onto the streets he reached for his phone, dialing the 10 digit number he memorized from the moment he met her. The dial tone run threw his ears as he walked the humid streets of bogota, she’d answer. She always did.
He stumbled threw the streets with the bulky phone to his ear trying to listen for her voice from the other side, but instead all he heard was a beep.
“Hey, it’s me... it’s- it’s Javier I ... I really need to talk to you” he started before looking up down the street towards where her apartment would be, as if she was looking back at him. “I miss you...”
And as I arrived I thought I saw you leaving, carrying your shoes.
He saw her face everywhere he went, in the faces of people passing. In the brothels, in girls at the bar. She was everywhere, plaguing his mind and heart with the memory of her. It was never supposed to be like this, he was never meant to fall in love with her.
Steve started to notice his distress when someone brought up her name or called her “the informant.” It wasn’t like that, she was never one of those girls he slept with for information. She was technically an Informant but categorizing her with the others disgusted him.
Decided once again I was just dreaming, of bumping into you.
It started with her being one of the cops Escobar bought out, when she turned herself in, the DEA started using her to get information from him. They’d always meet in private so none of Escobars men would see her go to the embassy. And it was always Javier, no one else. He missed when it was simpler, when it was them talking about what she knew and having a few drinks. He missed the first time, when she thought she’d been discovered and had a break down and he comforted her, and one thing led to another. They swore it was a one time thing but he always came back for more.
They broke up because they weren’t meant for a relationship, Javier slept around for information and she was a C.I . When Escobar got locked up in “La Catedral” a lot of the people he paid were cut off, and that included her. She was no longer an informant, therefor not important to the embassy, but that didn’t change his visits to her. She called it off because she couldn’t take what he did, how he acted and who he was with. He understood, but it broke him more then he’d care to admit, because she wasn’t sex and information for him. She was someone to come home to, someone who cleaned him up after a bad day and took care of him.
Now it’s 3 in the morning, and I’m trying to change your mind.
He called her again, leaving another message. Then another, and another. It was killing him to not hear her voice, to not hear his name roll off her tongue, or a simple hello.
He’d give anything to just be with her right now, to have her in his arms, in his bed. To kiss her skin and lips, to lay her down and make love to her like he has no other. Love, that’s what this feeling was, he was in love with her.
Left you multiple missed calls and to my message you reply.
It wasn’t the first time he’d done this either, it became a normal thing on days like this. It’s why Steve didn’t force him into the car and back to his apartment, he knew where Javier was going, knew the phone he was calling and the name he was asking for. Sometimes it hurt Steve to see Javier like this, but sometimes it reminded him the he too has a heart.
So when Javier stumbled out of the bar Steve let him, knowing the outcome as always. (Y/n) would take him home and put him to bed and leave, leaving an upset Javier for Steve to deal with the next day. But Javier needed it, needed her to push him away so he’d understand. She never answered the phone, never left him a message, because it hurt her as much as it did him.
“Why do you only call me when you’re high?”
The voice startled the DEA agent, not used to hearing someone at the end of the line. He was at a lost for words. He tried processing the silence thinking maybe he didn’t hear it. But she spoke again.
“Javier?” He voice was annoyed but still gentle. So he said the first thing that came into his head.
“Hi, why do you only call me when you’re High?”
She rolled her eyes on the other end, she hated him when he did this but she didn’t want him to be alone. “How much did you drink Javi?”
Javi... she said Javi, she gave him home. So much hope.
Somewhere darker, talkin the same shite
“Only a little...” such a liar, and she knew it. She let out a small chuckle, enjoying hearing his voice again, even if it was like this. After her pause he spoke again, just to keep her on the line. “Okay maybe a lot...”
“What are you doing right now Javier?” She asked concerned for his safety, checking the time. On a normal day he would be there by now to annoy her and have her take him home. She looked out the window not seeing him, it worried her.
“I need a partner, Well are you out tonight?”
She groaned and looked out again finally seeing him come around the corner. “I’m where I always am Javi...” she watched him stumble, biting back a giggle. “Now hurry up I need to take you home...”
he groaned threw the phone. “I don’t want you to take me home.” He looked up seeing her threw her window and he stopped and smiling. His heart fluttered seeing her in the oversized shirt as she looked at him from her second story apartment.
An’ I can’t see you here, wonderin where am I
She looked at the time again seeing how late it already was. She really didn’t want to drive this late, so she’s let him in. She walked over buzzing him in when he got to the main door.
He was even more shocked when it clicked and let him in, he still knew how to get to her apartment like the back of his hand. Knocking on her door, she opened up looking at him, he was quick to notice the tan button up that covered her body was his. The top two buttons undone teasing him.
It sort of feels like I’m runnin’ out of time.
She moved letting him in, helping him take off his jacket. He looked at her, neither of them said a word as his heard beat out of his chest. He really didn’t know what to do, he never got this far. Javier Peña, at a loss for words.
“Aren’t you going to take me home?” He finally let out looking at her, her apartment hasn’t changed at all, plants still flooding over the shelves and making it feel like home. Yet something felt off.
I haven’t found all I was hopin’ to find
“I don’t feel like driving all the way across Bogota this late.” She said going into her room and grabbing a blanket for him. Laying it down on the couch before grabbing a bottle of water for him. “Here...”
He took it from her before walking around the small apartment looking for what felt off, she just crossed her arms and watched him as she leaned against the arch way to the living room. When he couldn’t tell what was wrong she finally answered it for him. “I got rid of your pictures...” he turned looking at her kinda hurt but he knew why. She continued.
You said you gotta be up in the morning, gotta have an early night.
She sat him down on the couch, helping him out of his boots. “Why do you take such good care of me...” he mumbled out looking at her.
“Why do you show up at my house still?” She asked looking up at him from her spot on the floor. He reached down taking her hand, she didn’t stop him as he pulled her into the couch with her. She knew she’d regret all of this in the morning but right now she was to tired to care.
An’ you’re startin’ to bore me, baby
She sat next to him, partly on his lap as he pushed loose hair away from her face. His eyes flicked to her lips then her eyes, his tongue darting over his bottom lip. “Because I love you...”
She couldn’t believe the words that left his mouth, he’d never said that to her sober so she wasn’t excepting it while he was drunk. “No you don’t...” she said shaking her head trying to push the thought of him meaning it away. His hand came up to caress her cheek lazily.
“How do you know that?” He asked looking at her, and she quickly countered with another question.
“Why do you only call me when you’re high?”
He shook his head, and looked at her. “Because I’m scared...” his voice didn’t have its normal cocky tone, it was quiet and tired and sad. “Because I don’t think sober me can take the rejection...”
“The rejection?” She took in a deep breathe and ran her fingers threw his hair. “Javi... I broke up with you because I thought the only thing you cared about was my job... what I could give to you...” he looked genuinely hurt, hurt that she thought she was just work to him.
Now it’s three in the mornin’
“You weren’t just a job to me, mi amour...” he looked over her figure, cloaked in his favorite shirt, a shirt he thought he lost. Her legs exposed to him as his large warm hand came down to run across the soft skin of her thighs.
“I can tell you didn’t think of me as work either...” he said, his hand now playing with the end of the shirt.
And I’m tryin’ to change your mind
“I never thought of you as work...” she said looking at him, her head playing with his hair. “The moment you kissed me you weren’t just work, you weren’t just a hook up Javier, not for me...” He nodded his eyes finding her lips again.
“Then why did you end it...” he asked finding her eyes again.
“Because I thought this was work for you... if I’d have known I wouldn’t have...” even drunk he could tell she meant it, plus he was starting to sober up at this point.
Left you multiple missed calls
“Can we try again...” he asked quietly, barley Audible, she wouldn’t have heard him if she wasn’t so close. She chuckled and nodded.
“How about we talk more in the morning...” he nodded, but before she could move away from him she captured her lips in a kiss that spoke volumes to both of them. Her hands moved finding his cheeks, his hands falling to her waist pulling her onto his lap completely. The kiss lasted for a minute before she pulled away and he tried to chase her lips, needing the contact. Her finger rest on his lips stopping him.
“You’re drunk...get some sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” She said looking at him.
And to my message you reply
“Lay with me?” He asked and she nodded, he quickly shifted them so he was laying on the couch and she laid on him. She giggled in surprise as she looked down at him now.
“Goodnight Javier...” she said giving him one last kiss before laying her head on his chest. He smiled and closed his eyes, slowly drifting to sleep. Right before he fell into the abyss of sleep his head repeated her question, wondering the same thing.
THE FACE HE MADE WHEN THE BABY SQUEALED
*I LOST IT*
“Because of the paternal feeling it is inspiring in me at the moment...”
*NO NOW I ACTUALLY REALLY LOST IT*
