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Please Stay

Summary: Phil thinks his feelings for Dan are to blame when he learns that Dan wants to move out.

Word Count: 1169

Warnings: Minor language

Genre: Angst/Fluff

It was nothing more than a smile—but it set me a blaze. Chocolate brown eyes glistening under the afternoon sun's rays. A fringe was swept carelessly to the side with a shaky left hand. It was a beautiful day, but it paled in comparison to the beauty of Dan. I always wondered how we found ourselves here, but time after time we always did. This park used to be my favorite place to escape. It was close to home, and even closer to my favorite cafe. This used to be my little table under the oak tree. It used to be my place, now it was ours, and I couldn't be happier about it.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfluffyangst #phan fluff #phan angst #friends to lovers #happy ending #phan-panda

Whiteboard Confessions

Summary: Phil confesses his feelings for Dan and doesn’t get the reaction he’s expecting. He plays it off as a joke but the truth comes out when they’re at the radio show.

Word Count: 1147

Warnings: Some minor cursing

Genre: Fluffy angstyness

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan-panda #phan fanfiction #phanfluffyangst

The Old Woman and The Bench pt 3

Summary: Dan doesn’t know what to think when an eccentric old woman takes residence on the bench in front of the flat he shares with his best friend, Phil. Through bizarre occurrences their friendship is changed forever, but what would Phil do if he knew how Dan truly felt about him?

Warnings: General spookiness, strange old people, mild swearing

Chapter 3 Word Count: 2663

Total Series Word Count: 7500

Note: This is Part 3 of a three chapter series

Click here for Chapter 1

Click here for Chapter 2

Chapter 3

The next day was very uneventful. Phil and I texted the entire day, but neither of us dared to bring up our skype session from the night before. That afternoon I left to go pick up some groceries and was greeted by the old woman on my way by. I had almost forgot about our strange encounter the day before, but seeing her again sent a chill down my spine. I tried to avoid her, but I couldn't escape her cold, chilling gaze.

“Tell him how you feel, Daniel.” She snickered.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” I ignored her and kept walking.

“Oh, I think you do.” She smiled her usual menacing smile. I stopped and turned to face the woman.

“I swear I have no clue what you are talking about, so just leave me alone!” I stormed off. I was growing tired of being pestered each time I left my house. I didn't know what to think about the old woman. I didn't know if she was some kind of psychic or just another local crazy who was good at guessing games. Either way, I just wanted to push it out of my mind. I didn't want someone constantly reminding me of my feelings for my best friend every time I left my house.

When I got back home that evening I couldn't stop thinking about it all. It was all so strange. I didn't understand how she knew the things she did or why she sat on that bench everyday. I reasoned with myself that it was all a coincidence, and a bunch of lucky guesses. Just another crazy homeless person, you've seen them before, nothing to get excited about. I tried to forget but her words kept creeping into my mind. Tell him how you feel, Daniel. I wished that I could. I wished that Phil could love me, and that this wouldn't change a thing. I wanted us to be us, I just wanted to be able to hold him, and to kiss him again.

I stripped my clothes and curled up into my bed. I saw Phil's green hoodie laying on my floor. He had forgot it there the day before he left. I retrieved it from the other side of the room and brought it back to the bed with me. I buried my face in the soft cloth. I smelled just like him, sweet, yet masculine. Tears began filling my eyes. I was overcome with all of these feelings and I just couldn't take it anymore. I cried into Phil's hoodie, wishing he could be here to comfort me some how. I needed him, but I knew I couldn't call him. I couldn't risk it. It was all too much and I feared I would let the truth slip. At some point I drifted off to sleep, my face resting in Phil's soaked hoodie.

I was awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of a loud bang. I assumed it was the neighbors again. We had the noisiest people living next to us. It always sounded like they were rearranging their furniture at 3 AM. I tried to go back to sleep again, but I couldn't. I remembered everything instantly upon waking. I had no blissful moments of sleepy ignorance, instead I was thrust right back into the pain of my reality. Tears started streaming from my eyes again, this time in a sob. I couldn't control it or hold it back any more. I cried Phil's name into his hoodie, there was nothing else I could say. The were no words to describe my pain, just Phil. I was a pathetic mess. I was crying over my best friend, and sobbing his name over and over again into his favorite hoodie. Phil, Phil, Phil, it was all I could say. I thought for a moment that maybe it was all I would ever say. Maybe those were the only words that could ever leave my lips from now on. Phil.

I was so lost in my own sorrow that I didn't even hear my door open. I froze when I felt something moving on my bed. I was too scared to turn around when I felt an arm wrap around me.

“Shhh, Dan. I'm here now.” It was Phil. I was so relieved. He wrapped his arm tight around my waist and I relaxed into his arms. My relief was short lived and followed by embarrassment. Phil had just walked in on my crying his name into his favorite hoodie. If I didn't want to die before, I did now. Despite my shame, I couldn't stop crying. My tongue was paralyzed. I couldn't say anything. I knew that if I did it would be something I would regret.

“Shhh, it's okay. I'm here now, baby.” His whispered into my ear. My mind couldn't process what was going on. I couldn't even begin to analyze this situation, or try to understand how he felt about me. In this moment, I didn't want to. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was in Phil's arms. Phil lifted the arm from my waist and gently wiped the tears from my eyes. He ran his fingers through my hair and whispered to me again, “Try to go to sleep, I won't leave you.”

“Okay.” I whispered back. I couldn't find any other words to say. I didn't quite understand what was going on, I just knew it didn't matter anymore. He continued to play with my hair, and I relaxed under his touch.

I woke up in the morning to a blinding light in my eyes, I had forgotten to close the curtain that night and the daylight was insistent on waking me up. Phil's arm was wrapped tightly around me, he kept his promise. I shifted a little bit, careful to not wake Phil. I laid there in his arms until he woke up a few minutes later. This moment was so surreal to me. Sometimes I still wonder if it was all just an elaborate dream.

“Good morning” I said quietly, after hearing Phil yawn.

“Good morning. You're up early.” Phil said, I could feel his warm breath on my neck. He moved and shifted the blankets a little bit, and I realized that I wasn't wearing anything besides my boxers. I was amazed at how that managed to slip my mind last night.

“And you aren't off on holiday.” I added, still curious as to how he randomly showed up so late the night before.

“I decided to fly home early.” He said through a yawn. “I'm glad I did.”

“Me too.” I smiled. He withdrew his arm and I felt him crawling out of the bed. I rolled over to face him. I watched him leave the room and all I could think was I am in love with man.

We didn't really speak about the incident. It was like the kissing incident, only this time it was different. Something was different about Phil, I just couldn't put my finger on it. Things weren't awkward, we just didn't bring it up. We went on about our lives like nothing happened. We filmed and edited videos together, and nothing had really seemed to change between us. At first I was relieved by this. I didn't want our friendship to change, I didn't want to lose Phil forever. Within a few weeks the sadness crept up again, because I still wanted more, maybe more than Phil could give. I wondered how he could so easily disregard all that happened between us and act like it was normal. I didn't understand how he could just ignore our kiss, and forget telling me he loved me, and the night I spent in his arms.

I saw the old woman once more and she had the same message, “Tell him how you feel, Daniel”. I continued to ignore her. Losing Phil was too painful to think about. I had to push it out of my mind. Despite the moments we shared together, I knew that Phil could never want me, and that if he had he would have said something. I knew Phil, and I knew that all of those gestures were because he really did care about me, as a friend. It made me sick to my stomach to think about how much of a shitty friend I was to him. How could I let myself feel that way about my own best friend? How could I jeopardize our friendship and our careers like that? We went on about our lives like nothing had happened, because in reality nothing had actually happened. Phil was just being a good friend to me, or at least that's what I told myself to get through it all.

Several months had passed since that night. It was a nice day out and Phil had a day planned for us. We were going to check out an art exhibit, and to try a new Chinese restaurant that we were both very excited about. It was a beautiful day, and I was glad to be spending it with Phil. On our way out the door the old woman pulled me aside and whispered in my ear.

“Daniel, this is the day.” She said with her hot, foul breath on the side of my face. I looked at her confused. “This is the day you tell him, Daniel.”

“What?” I asked. Concerned that Phil would notice the awkwardness of the encounter. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“This is your last chance. Tell him today or you will lose him forever.” She finished her statement and returned to her old wooden bench. This was the first time in the entire year she had been here that I had ever seen her leave it.

I turned and walked away. I tried to ignore the woman and her harsh statements.

“What was that about?” Phil asked.

“She was harassing me for money again. I told her I didn't have any.” I lied. I couldn't risk Phil ever knowing the truth.

Despite the rough beginning, I had an amazing day with Phil. Everything else in the world just seemed to fade away, and it was just us. It was late afternoon and the sun was setting. The city seemed to be at peace. Everything seemed perfect for a moment. There was no traffic, no one outside, it was almost eerie. We practically had the city to ourselves. That moment was perfect, and so was Phil. On our walk home we passed by a fountain. Phil stopped to admire it.

“Isn't it pretty?” He smiled. Phil was fidgeting with his pockets and acting nervous. I wondered if something was wrong. I worried that this would be the moment that he told me he was moving out.

“Yes, quite.” I said, staring at my feet, trying to brace myself for what was about to come next. I was preparing myself for something that never came, however.

“We should probably get home, it'll be dark soon.” Phil said, taking his hand in mine and leading me home.

We walked in silence, enjoying the serenity of the evening. His hand was locked in mine until we made it home. When we reached our flat I was surprised to see that the old wooden bench was unoccupied. The sun wasn't fully set yet, and she was gone. I stopped in front of the bench. I couldn't take it anymore. I knew the moment was right. The city had seemingly disappear, and the sun was slowly setting over the clouds. I had to tell him how I felt about him. It was now or never. I turned to face him, and looked into his deep blue eyes.

“Phil, I have to tell you something.” I paused for a moment. My voice was trembling. I couldn't believe what I was about to admit. “Phil I am in love with you. It took me so long to figure it out, but I always have been. You are everything to me, and if you want to leave I understand.” I paused again and sat down on that old wooden bench. “If you hate me then that's okay, but I just can't go another day without telling you, I love you Phil”.

I sat on the bench staring up at Phil for what felt like an eternity, waiting for him to say something. I was waiting for him to tell me he was going to leave. I didn't know what to think when he knelt down on the ground in front of me. He took my hand and looked up at me. My heart was racing, my mind was blank.

“Dan, I have loved you since the day we met. We've laughed together, cried together, and spent an incredibly tedious amount of time filming Q&A videos together.” He paused for a moment and I chuckled a little bit at his statement. I still couldn't believe what I was hearing. “No one has ever made me feel the way that you do. You make my heart do back flips, and no one has ever done that before. The day we kissed was the best day of my life. I wanted to hold you and tell you I loved you right then and there, but I didn't want to scare you away. I can't imagine my life without you by my side...” He paused again and reached into his coat pocket. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Everything was moving too fast for my brain to process. He pulled out a small black box, he opened to reveal a beautiful gold ring. “Daniel James Howell, will you marry me?”

I was stunned for a moment. Tears were streaming from my eyes. I couldn't believe this was really happening. “Yes, Phil. Oh my God yes.” I finally replied. He slid the ring onto my finger and I stood up to hug him. We kissed, and this time was a thousand times better than before because I knew that this time Phil was truly mine.

We sat on the bench together, and he wrapped an arm around me. I laid my head on his shoulder and he turned and pressed a quick kiss on the top of my head.

“I can't believe you proposed to me” I said. I was still out of breath and in total shock.

“I can't believe you said yes. You know, I almost didn't do it. I was too scared I was going to lose you. I was going to do it at the fountain, but I chickened out. I decided that I was just going to move out, because it was too painful living with you, but then you told me you loved me, and you sat down on that bench and I knew it was right.”

“I love you so much Phil. It feels good to finally say it.” I smiled and I couldn't help but think of the old lady.

“I love you too Dan.” He said before placing a soft kiss on my cheek. “What do you think that old lady is gonna do when she comes back and finds us on her bench?”

“I don't think she's coming back, Phil.” I said. The old lady was a mystery to me, but I couldn't help but think I owed this all to her. I wanted to thank her, but I knew that she was gone for good this time.

“You don't?” Phil questioned, his face lit up with curiosity.

“No,” I smiled and pulled Phil in for a kiss. He was finally mine, and I was finally his. “I think she's finished her work here.”

#phan #phanfiction #phanfluffyangst

The Old Woman and The Bench pt 2

Chapter 2

Warnings: General spookiness, strange old people, mild swearing

Chapter 2 Word Count: 2268

Total Series Word Count: 7500

Note: This is Part 2 of a three chapter series

Click Here to Read Chapter 1

Click Here to Read Chapter 3

----

The next morning I woke up to the sounds of Phil stirring around in the kitchen. It was still quite early so I decided to try to go back to sleep, but I had no luck. My mind was already racing from the reality of kissing my friend the day before. I felt a harsh rumble in my stomach, I hadn't eaten anything yesterday except that peach, the taste of it's juices still on my lips. I licked my lips and remembered that the last thing that had touched them had been Phil's. I needed to forget. I needed to just ignore what had happened between us and move on with my life.

I slid out of bed. I was still dressed in my jeans and t-shirt from the day before. I opened my door and made my way to the kitchen where Phil was. I avoided eye contact as I poured myself a bowl of cereal, silently praying that he didn't want to discuss our kiss. He shifted his eyes away from me as well. I don't think either of us really knew what to say. When the coffee was done he offered me a cup. I thanked him and asked him how he was feeling. I was glad to see that he was doing better. By the end of the day we had both been able to push the incident aside. We didn't talk about it. We just pretended it never happened. I didn't know what to think or how I felt about Phil. The only thing I knew is that I didn't want to think about it, I wasn't ready and didn't know if I ever wanted to be.

Months passed since the kissing incident. The old woman didn't seem to acknowledge me much, but every now and then when I would walk by she would stare into my eyes and smile a toothy grin. I tried to put this all behind me. It wasn't until Phil was on holiday with his family that I had another encounter with the woman. It was early in the evening and I was leaving to go meet some friends for drinks. I was dressed rather nicely, in tight fitting black jeans and a proper button up shirt. The old woman stopped me on my way by.

“Hello young man.” She said with a menacing smile.

“Hello, Ma'am. How are you today?” I decided to be polite, since she was basically my neighbor at this point.

“You aren't off on a date are you?” She asked, showing her teeth once more.

“No, just meeting up with some old friends.” I replied.

“Good.” She said with a hiss.

“Why is that a good thing?” I asked, mostly out of curiosity and little bit out of aggravation.

“Because someone would be upset with you if you were.” She smiled another menacing smile.

“Well I don't see why it's any of your business...” I started, but the old woman cut me off mid sentence.

“Me? Why would I care? I'm not the one you've kissed.” She said with a cackle. I was shocked by her statement, and a little frightened.

“What?...How did you know that I? ...Who are you?” I said, trying to make sense of it all in my head.

“I told you to bring him a peach. You were a good little boy and you listened.” She smiled. I started backing away slowly, but didn't dare break her gaze. “I don't mean to frighten you, Dan.”

“How...how do you know my name?” I asked, fear rising up though my body.

“I know everything.” She replied with no expression.

I couldn't take it anymore. I turned and ran from the woman. I could hear her cackling in the distance. I ran and I ran, but it wasn't just the old woman I was running from. I was running from my kiss with Phil, from our empty apartment, and mostly I was running from my feelings for Phil, which were creeping up now more than ever before. I ran as far and as fast as I could until I needed to stop and catch my breath. I found myself in front of my favorite cafe. It was a place that Phil and I frequented for coffees and late night dinners. I decided to go inside and collect myself. I rushed to their bathroom, luckily a one person restroom and not one with stalls, and locked myself in. I leaned my back against the door and slowly slid down to the floor. I did the first and only thing I could think of doing: I called Phil.

“Hello?” Phil said groggily. I forgot there was a time difference. I had probably woken him up.

“Phil.” That was all I could say before bursting into tears. It wasn't just the strange encounter with the woman. Everything was hitting me all at once. All of these confused feelings were resurfacing and I couldn't take it. I couldn't take going back to the flat alone. I needed Phil. I needed to tell him what was going on, but I couldn't tell him how I felt. I couldn't risk him hating me and moving out. I just couldn't risk that.

“Dan? What's wrong? Is everything okay?” Phil said, his tone shifting from sleepy to concerned and wide awake. I sat there in silence, crying on the cafe bathroom floor. I just couldn't speak, but Phil talked me through it. “Whatever it is, Dan, you know you can talk to me about it. You can trust me with anything. Just take a deep breath, try to relax, okay?”

“Phil, when are you coming home?” I finally mustered out, through tears and sniffles.

“We're supposed to leave in three days, but I will be on the first flight in the morning if you need me, Dan.” Phil was so calm, so reassuring.

“No, Phil, you don't have to do that. I'm fine.” I sniffled.

“Dan, if you want me to come home just tell me. I'd do anything for you.” Those words spun through my ear like a record on repeat. I wished and wished that they meant something more than just platonic friendship. I wanted more. I was sitting on a dirty cafe bathroom floor, crying my eyes out on the phone with Phil, and this was the first time I actually admitted it to myself: I want to be more than friends. When the realization hit me, it was like a ton of bricks. I was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, yet all the weight of the world was just thrust on top of me. I was speechless. This was it. This was the answer to all my confusion. This was the reason that I felt the way I did. Our friendship was flirty at best, but it just left me wanting more. I sat there deep in thought, letting it all sink in. Suddenly it all made sense.

“Dan? Dan? Are you there? Dan?” I came back to reality. Phil was shouting my ear off.

“Yeah, I'm here.” I finally replied.

“Thank God, I was about to call 999!” Phil sighed with relief.

“Phil, I'm okay. I just need to get back home.” I said, regaining my breath. I didn't want to go home and face the old woman again, but it's where I needed to be. I knew she wouldn't be there after dark, I just had to wait it out till then, it wouldn't be too much longer.

“We can skype when you get back. It'll be just like the good old days!” Phil laughed. I could tell that he was worried about me. He wanted to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.

“No, no. I-I don't want you to see me like this.” I couldn't help but smile at the thought of skypeing him again, but I just couldn't bear the thought of him seeing me in this state.

“I watched you play guitar hero in your underwear for five hours on skype once, I think I can handle this.” Phil laughed.

“Dammit Phil.” I chuckled. “You actually made me laugh.”

“If you skype me when you get home I will make so many funny faces that you won't be able to help yourself from laughing.” Phil said, making me laugh again. This brought up so many memories. It had been years since our last skype session, yet I remembered them like yesterday. All those late night conversations, and accidental flirting moments that seemed to happen when you talk to someone at 3 AM.

“Okay, deal. But you have to stay on the phone with me until I make it home.” I smiled, slowly forgetting the pain from moments ago, and the strange encounter that I had just had.

“Deal.” Phil replied.

Phil kept his promise and stayed on the phone with me for my entire walk home. It was darker outside than I expected, and luckily the old woman had finally left the bench. I unlocked the door and found my laptop. I sent a quick text to my friends letting them know I wasn't up for meeting them anymore. We hung up the phone and took our conversation to skype. I was greeted with an image of Phil in a dimly lit room, with his shirt off. The hotel looked nice, but pretty basic, from what I could see, however that is not what I was paying attention to.

“Sorry about the partial nudity but it is extremely hot in here!” Phil laughed, fanning himself with a near by pizza menu.

“So I see you got your own room this time?” I smiled, trying to keep my eyes on his and not on his body.

“Yes, I'm officially a grown up now!” Phil laughed.

“So are you having fun on holiday?”

“Not really. It's actually quite boring here.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah, I know. I wish I was back home. It's so hot in the hotel, I feel like I am cooking to death.”

“It's actually pretty hot here today too.”

“Is it?”

“It is. I shit you not, my shirt is actually sticking to me.”

“Well take it off then” Phil laughed at his statement, but it just made me blush.

“Don't you think that would be a little weird?”

“How is it weird? It will be just like we're at the pool together.”

“Yes, except that we are skypeing from our beds.”

“Whatever. I just think you'd be hotter with your shirt off.” Phil immediately burst into laughter after realizing what he had said, his cheeks quickly reddening. “That's not what I meant! I got that backwards! I meant you would be less hot with your shirt off!”

I couldn't contain my laughter, even though my own cheeks were blushing. “Really Phil? Freudian slip?”

“No, no, no.” He said before bursting into another fit of laughter. He calmed down and finally caught his breath. “I can't believe I just said that.”

“This one's for you, Phil.” I laughed as I unbuttoned and removed my sweaty shirt and slung it across the room. I thought it was my imagination when I saw his eyes scanning over my body. I decided to test the waters. “I am way too close. The screen is way too bright, it's killing my eyes.”

I moved my laptop back, giving Phil a full view of my unclothed torso.

“Mine is too.” He smiled and pushed his laptop away. Phil was laying sideways on his bed, wearing only a pair of green mario boxers. I hadn't been expecting that. Phil knew what I was doing and he raised the bar higher. I smiled at the sight, and couldn't keep my eyes off of him. “Can you see me alright?”

I nodded, speechless at how bold he was being. I tried to carry on the conversation like normal, but Phil was making that very difficult. He kept playing with the waistband of his underwear, and I couldn't help but stare. We talked for several hours. Eventually sleepiness began to take hold and it was getting harder and harder for me to stay away. Phil was getting tired too. He laid his head on the pillow and took his glasses off. His sleepy eyes kept wanting to close, and I thought he looked a little bit like an angel. We decided that it was time to call it a night.

“Goodnight” Phil muttered sleepily, barely keeping his eyes open.

“Goodnight, Phil.” I replied with a yawn.

“I love you, Dan.” Phil smiled, before closing his eyes again. Now I was wide awake.

“I love you too, Phil.” I said before closing my laptop. I found it hard to breathe. Phil just told me he loved me. I wanted to get excited. I wanted feel the butterflies that were creeping up in my stomach, but I knew it was too good to be true. He was tired and probably didn't know what he was saying. Besides, friends say they love each other all the time. I told myself that no matter what I wanted to believe, that this was just one of those times. I fell asleep that night with my laptop next to me, wishing that I had Phil by my side.

Click here to read Chapter 3

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