#phm crack

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I see your “Rocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans can’t hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words mean” and raise you “Rocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that ‘bad bad bad’ isn’t actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.”

Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rocky’s been saying is “shit shit shit”.

[haley-harrison]

ryland grace, ladies and gents

[jayneduende]

More PHM, Alien Isolation and Iron Lung crossover for my melting brain

Amanda would be TERRIFIED of Eridians at first but she'll come around just give her a bit

You will unfortunately probably be seeing me post about this again my apologies

EDIT: This is a Fic on AO3 now!

[prismaprimrose]

Stratt chasing Ryland to send him to space like: You know what!? You're in time out! Get on top of the fridge in the spaceship!

Amnesiac Grace immediately getting in a fight with the nanny bot: This house is a fudging nightmare!!!

[fandom-skellyweirdo-jumper]

BloodyMary Prompt - Simon the Hail Mary Cryptic/Cryptid

Maybe it's my tiredness making me feel like a genius, but this idea is funny as hell. And it works with Rescued pre-arm-loss Simon, Rescued post-arm-loss/had been submerged in blood Simon, and even Mutated Simon.

The point is: from the POV of Eva Stratt & Co (her entire government team) watching Ryland Grace's documented/journaled video recordings - in addition to getting a full alien introduction of Rocky and hearing his Eridian engineer expertises -> in later recordings, they just see Simon chilling in the background with hardly any explanation of who, how or why.

Forget the timeline, the timeline is whatever fanfic writer wants, but Grace and Rocky do meet and rescue Simon together because Simon deserves to meet wholesome people who want him to live even if he was scared of one of them (Rocky) at first.

So, while Grace was providing Simon medical attention and keeping watch by the man's bedside, he didn't have time to make journal recordings the same way he had done with Rocky. Did Grace keep making recordings of their Astrophage progress? Sure. Because that's important information compared to the strange man he saved. Thus, one or two of those recordings have an unconscious Simon in the background as Grace is talking about his research, still being on standby as a nurse in case the mysterious man wakes up.

Once Simon does wake up and soon begins to recover and bond with both Grace and Rocky, it's like-

Grace: Oh, hey, can I introduce you in my report back to earth? Is that something you're comfortable with, or no?

Simon: Absolutely not. Those are also the recordings you send to your boss, One-Letter-Away-From-Ava Eva, right? Fuck no.

So, Grace just shrugs and respects Simon's privacy. He elaborates on nothing and mentions nothing. Not the alternative post-space-apocalypse universe with no more planets or stars. Not the iron lung that had been in a blood ocean. And most certainly, not Simon's past.

But also, after he gets the memory back that he was forced on the mission against his will, Grace feels just petty enough against Eva & Co to continue never giving any context for Simon, thus, never sharing the new discovery of the existence of Multiple/Alternate Universes and the power of black holes. Just the information of the Dimming-Sun solution and Rocky's Eridian culture and engineering.

Therefore, Simon becomes the Hail Mary Cryptic.

In the beginning, he hid from Grace's camera eye like a skittish animal while the scientist still addressed him or chatted with him while he was off screen, effectively making Grace look crazy until Simon could be heard answering back.

Over time tho, Simon is just seen chilling in the background, doing stuff, whether or not he was being addressed by Grace or Rocky. He's sleeping, eating some lunch, exercising, just walking/floating around, watching Rocky work (and learning from him), staring out the ships windows (at the stars) lost in thought, focusing very carefully on one of the plant saplings that had been sent on the ship, teaming up with Rocky to hassle Grace into eating or sleeping, and so forth.

Grace mentions how great it is having Simon help on the Hail Mary.

But help out with what?

The Mission? Piloting? Ship maintenance? Inventory-keeper? Sex? Moral Support?

WHO KNOWS! Certainly not Eva & Co. Truly, I wish for their ultimate bafflement.

In fact, this is everything Eva & Co knows about the Cryptic Man from the Grace's (and sometimes Rocky's as well) journal recordings:

His name is Simon.

Grace and Rocky like/love/care about him without explanation besides an educated guess of both Sun-Saver Missioners just being happy of having a new person around.

He had not snuck onto the Hail Mary before launch and live in secret on the ship for 4-5 years.

Grace and Rocky had 'picked up' him from somewhere.

He is a medical mystery. And him being a human or not is never clear.

He had possible made himself into the Hail Mary's amateur gardener/botanist.

He taught Rocky English swear words, much to Grace's disapproval and recognised inevitability.

and finally

8. He had stated within one recording, and I quote, *to Grace* "I don't want to be in any books, science or history or whatever. *look straight at camera and points* Do not put me in any fucking book. *almost not heard, off screen again* In books are where Ry and Rocky belong, not me."

[starrose17]

Shenanigans on the way to Erid.

Project Hail Mary meets Futurama.

[patchouii]

Have seen a few silly posts about how a Simon version of Ryland’s me-burger might taste fishy. But I think that the blood eel mutations would have less influence than the tree ones, considering the fact he literally turned into a tree at the end. So instead of a slab of Simon salmon or smth like that, a Simon me-burger would probably taste like this. Ryland, he is tofu, statement

[videnrambles]

PHM Crack AU where criminals keep sending Grace threatening messages, mistaking him for one of his brothers. Fortunately for them Grace is a very tired teacher who is used to accidentally receiving assignments from students ment for other classes.

The first time this happens the criminals quickly realize that this is not Sierra Six when they witness Grace lock himself out of his apartment, spend 10 minutes arguing with his landlord on the phone and then cry for another 10 minutes before a lock smith finally showed up.

They begin a mad rush to get the note back before Grace finds it. When they do find it, it's in a pile of other graded work marked as a C-.