hilson food love metaphor. i scheme to keep you living with me so i can steal your sandwiches. i can’t let you eat anything without taking a piece. you pretend to eat healthy to get me to eat healthy to prank me to cheer me up. you stop eating red meat when i go to prison but abandon that the second you forgive me. i get you oreos to remind you how you love me in hopes of getting you to stay alive for me. i tell myself in a burning building that i know i believe in love and then remember us sharing a plate of fries. what if at the end of it all we shared a plate of fries. together
Petunia Dursley who's scared when the first letter comes, because all she can think when she sees that seal is that night ten years ago when a baby boy was left on her doorstep with not a word of warning, and bringing a terrible truth with him.
Petunia Dursley who cries herself to sleep that first night, because no matter how envious she was of Lily's magic they were still siblings and her death had touched her in a way no-one could have expected.
Petunia Dursley who hides and destroys the letters because she won't let that end come to her nephew, little Harry who she always kept busy, always out of sight, always safe...
Petunia Dursley who wakes up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night on September 2nd because her nephew isn't downstairs, and she can't sit outside his cupboard and hear him breathing in his sleep, and she won't see the sneaky light of a badly-hidden torch if she gets up to get a glass of water. Because he's off at that magic school, the place which got her sister killed.
Petunia Dursley who writes to Dumbledore so much later, begging for news of how her nephew is doing. Because Vernon may not have wanted the boy back for Christmas, but she did.
Petunia Dursley who never hears back from the supposedly incredible wizard, but receives a short letter from a woman named McGonagall - a name she vaguely remembers her sister mentioning once so long ago - who assures her of how Harry's doing. Who tells her the truth; that he's not perfect, but he's safe and well and protected.
Petunia Dursley who sees her nephew step off the train at the end of the year and can't help noticing the difference in his age; how much he's aged since she last saw him. But he also looks happier, happier than she has ever seen him before, and it breaks her heart that he genuinely wants to go back, that he doesn't want to come back to her safe, Muggle house and be her little boy anymore.
Petunia Dursley who works him harder than ever that summer, determined that he won't even think about that place, certain he will realise how much better it is to stay with her, where she can keep an eye on him.
Petunia Dursley who catches a glimpse of a flying car full of teenagers, and has nightmares for weeks about what could have happened to Harry. Because Harry may have recognised the Weasleys, but Petunia didn't, and Harry never wrote to let her know he was safe. It doesn't occur to her that he might think she doesn't care to know.
Petunia Dursley who keeps up correspondence with Minerva McGonagall, who turns to the woman every time Harry returns with a new scratch or a new scar, and who cries when she sees the face of Sirius Black on the news. Because once she was part of the Wizarding world. And she knows that that man was once a friend of Lily's, but something must have happened for him to be there on their TV screen with a furious scream and a name suddenly carved with danger.
Petunia Dursley, who has no choice but to send her nephew away year after year, who is never asked if she minds or if she cares, because nobody thinks to look past her husband and really take a good long look at the woman who chose to stand by his side. The woman who did her best in the worst of circumstances to keep her son and her nephew safe, because that was really all she could do without her husband's attacks being directed towards her.
Petunia Dursley who is ripped from her home. Who looks into the eyes of Harry Potter and realises that there is a man staring back at her, one shaped by things she couldn't save him from, because they wouldn't let her. Petunia who wishes more than ever that she could just have been as good as Lily had been, because if she was magic then maybe she could keep him safe.
Petunia Dursley who is discarded after the war is over, who must return to her life as though nothing ever happened and is expected to go back to the role of perfect housewife, though her nephew is gone and all they have is a letter from McGonagall assuring her that he is alright. Shaken but alright.
Petunia Dursley who finds a baby blanket years later and finally musters up the courage to face her nephew.
Petunia Dursley who does not expect to see the expression in Harry's eyes, who suddenly wonders if she did something wrong, though there was nothing more he could do. Who recognises the exhaustion in those far-away green eyes, as distracted as Lily's always used to be, but also holding so much pain that she cannot fix.
Petunia Dursley who swears to herself that she will do better. Who cries and grabs her nephew with too pointy fingers and clings on tight. Because he is her sister's son. He is her family. And that is a bond that she can never break...
